Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > In The Middle Of A Gun Fight
Mama, We All Go To Hell
3 reviewsI kept watching them, listening to them, the way he said her name made me shudder.
0Unrated
The next day, Gerard and I kept passing looks at each other. We were careful not to let Frank or Mikey see us. But because Frank was constantly watching me, I was caught.
“Why do you keep staring at him?” he asked. His expression was cold, Frank wasn’t at all happy.
“Because me and Gerard have an understanding.” I said, bluntly. He snorted.
“What kind of understanding? You’ve never spoken to the guy!”
“I’ll have you know, we have very intellectual conversations.”
“You sound like a douche, stop talking like that,” he laughed.
“Sorry, we’ve been spending more time together, with Mikey, so I kinda picked up things from him. He’s a really nice guy, I don’t see why you just put your differences aside,” I proposed, with a mouthful of pasta.
“Do you know what he did to me!?”
“I know what you did to—“ I stopped what I was saying, but it was already too late.
“K, what do you mean?” He leaned in closer to me, I gulped.
“I know what you did to Gerard. The weed, the alcohol, telling him you loved him, then leaving him so you could get clean and telling everyone he was an addicted fag!” I was angry at him. When Gerard was telling me the story, I had only felt pain for myself. Selfish, I know. But now, I felt anger for Gerard.
“He told you, didn’t he?” he was ashamed.
“Yes. And now I don’t know if you were using me or…” He sat closer to me and put his arms around me. I tried breaking free.
“I’m not. I love you, more than anything. You’re the world to me,” he whispered. I recalled what had happened last night between me and Gerard. Should I tell Frank about it?
“Can I tell you something? Promise you won’t get mad…”
“Anything, I promise,” he smiled. I smiled back, quickly.
“I slept with Gerard last night. He told me he loved me and I think I love him too. But I still love you, Frank. I just don’t get it… I’m sorry…”
A tear escaped his eyes. I felt horrible.
“Come round later, I need to tell you something,” he said.
“Yeah, ok… You forgive me though?”
“I’ll explain later…”
“Ok…”
Lunch was awkward after that; neither of us spoke to each other and I felt like we’d lost a connection.
*
During art, Frank didn’t sit next to me. He went and sat with some foreign girl; I found myself getting jealous. I was left next to Gerard.
I kept watching them, listening to them, the way he said her name made me shudder.
He kept looking at me, whenever he could and she wasn’t looking.
“What’s his problem?” he chuckled.
“I told him that I knew and what we’d done,” I said, emotionlessly. His eyes widened and his mouth gaped open.
“You did what!?” By that point, the class was almost silent and Frank looked over at us.
“I’m sorry, ok. I couldn’t live with the guilt,” I looked down. Even Gerard was ignoring me now.
Everything was going so terribly for me today; like I’d been cursed. To make things worse, I felt sick. Again. Thankfully, I didn’t throw up this time.
*
Me and Frank walked home in silence. At least until I broke it.
“You’re going to have to talk to me to explain this to me,” I grinned. I was trying to be happy, or seem like I wasn’t down.
“I know, can we wait ‘til we’re home, please? I need to think about how I’m going to tell you.” He was watching his feet, the whole time he was talking to me. I felt so bad, but a weight had been lifted off my shoulders for telling the truth.
That was when I started getting paranoid. He was going to break up with me. It was obvious. The rest of the walk home was as awkward as lunch.
*
When we got home, Frank took a deep breath in and told me everything.
“I love you, K. You know that? But I love someone else too. And you can’t yell at me, because you love Gerard. So we’re even. But I want to be with them, as much as I want to be with you. It’s so hard to do it, day in, day out,” he was pacing up and down the living-room while I was sat on the sofa.
“Who is it?”
“G-Gerard.” I gasped, and felt tears coming. Hypocritical, I know, but that’s how I felt. “I’m sorry. I’ve always loved him, I just didn’t want to face it and when I left him to come clean and spread that rumour, I had no idea it would lead to this. When you said that maybe it was a sign, I realized. I realized that maybe me and Gerard were meant to be together.” He sat down next to me.
“I get it, there’s no need to apologise, I get it. Honestly, I love him too, so I can’t say anything horrible,”
“I never used him or you. I just didn’t want to be what I was and the drugs brought out that side that I hated. When I met you, it was a ray of hope! I felt happy and complete again, I didn’t need the drugs or the alcohol or Gerard. Just you,” he grabbed my hands. “I love you, K.”
“I just don’t get why you didn’t get back with him, try to make things better…”
“Because I didn’t want to be gay! It wasn’t in my plan, I want kids, Kiara. I want them with you,”
“I think I’m going to be sick…”
“Oh c’mon! My story isn’t that bad! And is the thought of having kids with me that horrible, is it? You really don’t think that— AW FOR CRYIN’ OUT LOUD!!” I’d thrown up, all over myself and the floor. “Seriously, K. Why are you being so sick all the time?”
“I’m sorry… I don’t know…” Me and Frank shared a look.
“You’re not… Are you?” he looked at me, half scared, half happy.
“I don’t know…” I panicked and checked the calendar on my phone. I was late, by 2 weeks. How could I not have noticed! “I could be…”
“I’ll go to the chemists. Hold on.” He said, grabbing his mum’s purse and taking out £10. “Just sit there and run to the sink if you’re going to throw up again. Ok? We’ll get through this,” as he walked out the door, he finished what he was saying, under his breath. “I hope…”
While Frank was out, I sat on a seat in the kitchen, with a glass – to drink water so I could pee – and my head over the sink when I wasn’t drinking. He came back 20 minutes later, out of breath and panicking, just as much as I was.
“You know where the bathroom is, go pee,” he said, giving me a pregnancy test.
“I don’t need to pee yet!”
“How much water have you been drinking?”
“No much, I didn’t want to throw it back up…”
“DRINK!”
I drank as much as I could for another 10 minutes. When I was finally ready to pee, I got up and felt all the water swirling around inside my stomach.
“I hate that sound…” Frank said. “It’s creepy…” I giggled at him and made my way upstairs, hoping for the best, but preparing myself for the worst.
The thought of me being a mother at 17 was quite scary; I was hoping to have kids in my twenties, not my teens.
As I walked up the stairs, I unwrapped the box and opened it up, reading the leaflet.
Pee on the capped end of the stick, as soon as taking the cap off, for 10 seconds. Replace the cap and wait 3 – 5 minutes. When the time is up, check for a second pink line. If the line is present, the test is positive. If not, it is negative.
Seemed quite easy. I did as the instructions told me and then sorted myself out. Frank was waiting on the stairs, anxiety was taking him over. I sat next to him.
I never thought that I could spend five whole minutes staring at a stick, waiting for a pink line to show up. It was the longest time of my life and when it was over, I didn’t know if it was good news or bad news.
“A second pink line…” Frank said, shocked. His face was hard to read, happy or sad. So was mine. “We’re going to have a baby…”
He smiled and hugged me; while I feared what was going to happen.
A.N: I know it's shorter than the rest, but I couldn't think of anything else. R&R :) - love, leaanne xx
“Why do you keep staring at him?” he asked. His expression was cold, Frank wasn’t at all happy.
“Because me and Gerard have an understanding.” I said, bluntly. He snorted.
“What kind of understanding? You’ve never spoken to the guy!”
“I’ll have you know, we have very intellectual conversations.”
“You sound like a douche, stop talking like that,” he laughed.
“Sorry, we’ve been spending more time together, with Mikey, so I kinda picked up things from him. He’s a really nice guy, I don’t see why you just put your differences aside,” I proposed, with a mouthful of pasta.
“Do you know what he did to me!?”
“I know what you did to—“ I stopped what I was saying, but it was already too late.
“K, what do you mean?” He leaned in closer to me, I gulped.
“I know what you did to Gerard. The weed, the alcohol, telling him you loved him, then leaving him so you could get clean and telling everyone he was an addicted fag!” I was angry at him. When Gerard was telling me the story, I had only felt pain for myself. Selfish, I know. But now, I felt anger for Gerard.
“He told you, didn’t he?” he was ashamed.
“Yes. And now I don’t know if you were using me or…” He sat closer to me and put his arms around me. I tried breaking free.
“I’m not. I love you, more than anything. You’re the world to me,” he whispered. I recalled what had happened last night between me and Gerard. Should I tell Frank about it?
“Can I tell you something? Promise you won’t get mad…”
“Anything, I promise,” he smiled. I smiled back, quickly.
“I slept with Gerard last night. He told me he loved me and I think I love him too. But I still love you, Frank. I just don’t get it… I’m sorry…”
A tear escaped his eyes. I felt horrible.
“Come round later, I need to tell you something,” he said.
“Yeah, ok… You forgive me though?”
“I’ll explain later…”
“Ok…”
Lunch was awkward after that; neither of us spoke to each other and I felt like we’d lost a connection.
*
During art, Frank didn’t sit next to me. He went and sat with some foreign girl; I found myself getting jealous. I was left next to Gerard.
I kept watching them, listening to them, the way he said her name made me shudder.
He kept looking at me, whenever he could and she wasn’t looking.
“What’s his problem?” he chuckled.
“I told him that I knew and what we’d done,” I said, emotionlessly. His eyes widened and his mouth gaped open.
“You did what!?” By that point, the class was almost silent and Frank looked over at us.
“I’m sorry, ok. I couldn’t live with the guilt,” I looked down. Even Gerard was ignoring me now.
Everything was going so terribly for me today; like I’d been cursed. To make things worse, I felt sick. Again. Thankfully, I didn’t throw up this time.
*
Me and Frank walked home in silence. At least until I broke it.
“You’re going to have to talk to me to explain this to me,” I grinned. I was trying to be happy, or seem like I wasn’t down.
“I know, can we wait ‘til we’re home, please? I need to think about how I’m going to tell you.” He was watching his feet, the whole time he was talking to me. I felt so bad, but a weight had been lifted off my shoulders for telling the truth.
That was when I started getting paranoid. He was going to break up with me. It was obvious. The rest of the walk home was as awkward as lunch.
*
When we got home, Frank took a deep breath in and told me everything.
“I love you, K. You know that? But I love someone else too. And you can’t yell at me, because you love Gerard. So we’re even. But I want to be with them, as much as I want to be with you. It’s so hard to do it, day in, day out,” he was pacing up and down the living-room while I was sat on the sofa.
“Who is it?”
“G-Gerard.” I gasped, and felt tears coming. Hypocritical, I know, but that’s how I felt. “I’m sorry. I’ve always loved him, I just didn’t want to face it and when I left him to come clean and spread that rumour, I had no idea it would lead to this. When you said that maybe it was a sign, I realized. I realized that maybe me and Gerard were meant to be together.” He sat down next to me.
“I get it, there’s no need to apologise, I get it. Honestly, I love him too, so I can’t say anything horrible,”
“I never used him or you. I just didn’t want to be what I was and the drugs brought out that side that I hated. When I met you, it was a ray of hope! I felt happy and complete again, I didn’t need the drugs or the alcohol or Gerard. Just you,” he grabbed my hands. “I love you, K.”
“I just don’t get why you didn’t get back with him, try to make things better…”
“Because I didn’t want to be gay! It wasn’t in my plan, I want kids, Kiara. I want them with you,”
“I think I’m going to be sick…”
“Oh c’mon! My story isn’t that bad! And is the thought of having kids with me that horrible, is it? You really don’t think that— AW FOR CRYIN’ OUT LOUD!!” I’d thrown up, all over myself and the floor. “Seriously, K. Why are you being so sick all the time?”
“I’m sorry… I don’t know…” Me and Frank shared a look.
“You’re not… Are you?” he looked at me, half scared, half happy.
“I don’t know…” I panicked and checked the calendar on my phone. I was late, by 2 weeks. How could I not have noticed! “I could be…”
“I’ll go to the chemists. Hold on.” He said, grabbing his mum’s purse and taking out £10. “Just sit there and run to the sink if you’re going to throw up again. Ok? We’ll get through this,” as he walked out the door, he finished what he was saying, under his breath. “I hope…”
While Frank was out, I sat on a seat in the kitchen, with a glass – to drink water so I could pee – and my head over the sink when I wasn’t drinking. He came back 20 minutes later, out of breath and panicking, just as much as I was.
“You know where the bathroom is, go pee,” he said, giving me a pregnancy test.
“I don’t need to pee yet!”
“How much water have you been drinking?”
“No much, I didn’t want to throw it back up…”
“DRINK!”
I drank as much as I could for another 10 minutes. When I was finally ready to pee, I got up and felt all the water swirling around inside my stomach.
“I hate that sound…” Frank said. “It’s creepy…” I giggled at him and made my way upstairs, hoping for the best, but preparing myself for the worst.
The thought of me being a mother at 17 was quite scary; I was hoping to have kids in my twenties, not my teens.
As I walked up the stairs, I unwrapped the box and opened it up, reading the leaflet.
Pee on the capped end of the stick, as soon as taking the cap off, for 10 seconds. Replace the cap and wait 3 – 5 minutes. When the time is up, check for a second pink line. If the line is present, the test is positive. If not, it is negative.
Seemed quite easy. I did as the instructions told me and then sorted myself out. Frank was waiting on the stairs, anxiety was taking him over. I sat next to him.
I never thought that I could spend five whole minutes staring at a stick, waiting for a pink line to show up. It was the longest time of my life and when it was over, I didn’t know if it was good news or bad news.
“A second pink line…” Frank said, shocked. His face was hard to read, happy or sad. So was mine. “We’re going to have a baby…”
He smiled and hugged me; while I feared what was going to happen.
A.N: I know it's shorter than the rest, but I couldn't think of anything else. R&R :) - love, leaanne xx
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