FicWad

Part Three - I’m Not Okay

Chapter Seven - The Pages Are All Torn And Frayed

“Do you know what I think would really cast light on how different you’re all supposed to be?” The director for our first major music video was standing in front of us. It was our 4th time recording the performance parts of the video. We were all exhausted from filming all day, but the director still thought something was missing.

“During the last chorus, Frank, I want you to come and kiss Gerard on the cheek, alright?”

I nodded, and Gerard glanced at me over his shoulder before picking the microphone back up again.

“From ‘forget about the dirty looks’. 1, 2, 3...”

“Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book
But the pages are all torn and frayed
Now I’m okay.
I’m okay!
I’m okay now
I’m okay now
But you really need to listen to me
Because I’m telling you the truth
I mean this
I’m okay”

On ‘trust me’ I moved to kiss his cheek, but due to a slight turn of his head, I was closer to his mouth than I‘d anticipated. I backed away again, back to my spot where I’d been playing.

We finished the song, and the whole crew, including the director, clapped.

“Perfect! That was the most emotional performance I’d seen from you guys yet!”

When he let us leave, Mikey and I said we were going to the bus to get water for everyone. As soon as we were out of sight of the set, I grabbed Mikey’s hand, and smiled up at him. We got onto the bus, and as soon as Mikey shut the door behind us, I kissed him.

“Happy anniversary, baby.” I said.

“Two years.” Mikey nodded, unsmiling.

“Are you okay?” I asked as Mikey untwined himself from my arms.

“Not really.” He said, opening the mini fridge and extracting 5 water bottles, one at a time.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“You just kissed my brother!” He yelled. “My fucking brother!” He turned away.

“Mikey… baby…”

He stiffened when I tried to put my arms around him.

“Mikey, you’re the one who still doesn’t want them all to know. It’s been two years! They’re clueless! I didn’t want to, Mikey, but the director told me to, and what was I supposed to say? If he’d known we were together, I doubt he would’ve told me to kiss Gerard.”

“Don’t blame this on me.” Mikey snapped.

“What’s really wrong, Mikey? This isn’t you, there must be something else that’s wrong.”

Mikey turned to look at me. We stood there, looking at each other for a minute, before Mikey scoffed, and turned his back on me, walking back towards the bunks.

My eyes filled with tears. I grabbed the four remaining water bottles, and ran off the bus.

“Hey, what was taking so-- Frank?”

Ray was walking toward me. I threw the bottles in his general direction, and ran for the steps to the school we’d filmed in. I knew that Ray was running after me, and I’d have to explain what was happening to him, but I couldn’t think of a story.

I collapsed on the steps, and pulled my knee’s to my chest. I knew I must look like shit, so I put my head down on my knee’s to hide my face.

“Frankie!” Ray yelled. I glanced up and saw that he was still a ways off. But, fuck; Gerard was behind him. I put my head down again.

Gerard reached me first.

“Frankie!” He sat next to me. I glanced up again, and saw that Ray was hanging back with Bob.

“What’s wrong, Frankie?” Gerard asked, forcing me to look at him. Gerard was looking into my eyes, and I was reminded of when the roles were reversed. When he was hurt and didn’t know what to do, and I had to do something, but god knew what.

“I… I… I’m s-sorry.” I stammered. There were tears running down my face now, and Gerard moved to hug me.

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Mikey’s mad at me.” I sobbed into to crook of his shoulder.

“What? Why?” Gerard demanded.

“B-b-because I k-k-kissed you.” I was shaking uncontrollably, and I gripped the collar of his jacket to try to steady myself.

“Why is he mad about that?” Gerard asked.

“I don’t know! The d-director told m-me to, I-I didn’t have a ch-choice!”

“It’s okay. Shh.” Gerard stroked my hair and tried to quiet me. “Toro!” He called. “Go get Mikey!”

“N-n-no!” I sobbed. I couldn’t face Mikey. He’d just be furious that I’d said anything to Gerard.

“Shh.” Gerard whispered again. “We’re gonna figure this out, babe, don’t worry.”

After a minute, I looked up and saw Ray dragging Mikey toward us.

“Mikey! Get your scrawny ass over here, or I swear to God--”

“Shit, man, I’m coming.” Mikey said. As he walked up the steps to where we were, Gerard stood up, but kept a hold on my hand.

“What the fuck, man? Why are you mad at Frank?”

“Because he fucking kissed you!” Mikey yelled.

“So fucking what?!” Gerard yelled back, taking a step closer to Mikey, who seemed to shrink under his brother’s gaze.

“Uh, Gee?” Ray said, looking uncomfortable. “Frank and Mikey need to, um, tell you something.”

“Why bother?” Mikey threw his hands in the air. “It’s fucking over!”

Time seemed to stand still for a moment. I met Mikey’s eyes. They looked cold and dark, nothing like the warm comfort I’d come to know after two years.

I pulled my hand away from Gerard, buried my face in my hands, and sobbed. Loud and hard, the way I’d been trying not to for the past 15 minutes. The way that I hadn’t cried in 15 years, since my dad walked out on my mom and me.

“What?” Gerard said. “Mikey? What’s going on? What’s over?”

“They’ve been together for two years to the day, Gerard. Together, together.” Ray said, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot.

“No. No, that… That can’t be…” Gerard looked at Mikey, who was standing with his arms folded, facing away from me, and then Gerard crouched down next to me.

“Frankie?” He whispered. “Tell me if this is true. Please.” I looked up into his wide hazel eyes, and nodded.

Gerard stood back up again, and walked toward Mikey.

“Let’s take a walk, yeah? Just us brothers.” He grabbed Mikey’s arm like a vice, and dragged him away.

“N-no!” I sobbed, starting to stand up, but Ray pushed me back down. He sat on the step above mine, and put his hand on my shoulder. I leaned my head against his thigh, and breathed deeply, trying to calm myself. Bob was leaning awkwardly against the rail next to me.

“How about this weather we’ve been having…?” Bob said, in a vain attempt to break the tension.

*

“How the fuck could you do this to me, Mikey?” I asked, finally letting go of his arm, which he rubbed to regain circulation.

“I’ve been with him longer than I’d known that you’d liked him, Gerard.” Mikey spat.

“And you never could’ve fucking mentioned something? Huh? You just let me go on about how perfect I think he is, while you knew that there was no way I could ever have him?”

“It was none of your fucking business!” Mikey yelled.

“You should’ve said something, though!” I yelled. “You know everything about me, Mikey! Fucking everything, and you couldn’t even mention to me that you had been with the man I love for nearly two years?”

I ran my hand through my hair and paced back and forth.

“Well, it’s over now, so you can have him.” Mikey whispered.

“Do you think it’s that fucking simple?” I yelled, unable to contain my rage. “Why did you really break up with him, huh? Because I swear to God, if it’s for the reasons you said, I’m going to take your face, and I’m gonna--”

“No. It’s not for that.” Mikey whispered.

“Then why? Fucking why?!”

“There’s someone else, okay!” Mikey yelled back.

“What?” I yelled at the top of my lungs. “Michael James Way, you had perfection at your fingertips! How the fuck could there be someone else? Who? Who the fuck is it?”

“Um…”

The voice came from behind me. I turned, and Mikey looked around me. Ray was standing awkwardly with his hands in his pockets.

“Frank’s going to pieces. We heard every word.” Ray said.

Mikey and I looked at each other, then I ran back for the steps.

A/N: So, yeah, sorry for the long wait. Since I hadn't gotten reviews for the last couple chapters, I kinda figured no one was reading it, so then I figured I shouldn't bother updating, cause who would care? I was thinking about uploading the rest of it, cause I have the whole story written, just for giggles, then I got a review on the last chapter, so I was like, well okay, I guess I can finish uploading it, and I just now got around to it. So yeah, Rates and Reviews make me happy.

xxAnna