FicWad

Chapter Eight - It’s Better Off This Way

“Um… like, don’t cry… and stuff…” Bob said, awkwardly patting me on the back.

I couldn’t even crack a smile at Bob’s inability to deal with real emotions.

“Um… they’re like, coming back… and stuff…” Bob said.

I looked up and saw Gerard running back, with Toro not far behind him. Gerard ran up the steps, and threw himself down on his knees in front of me. He took me into his arms, and I felt warmness spread through me. I was safe. I was secure. I was protected. Because of the man cradling me in his arms.

“Did you mean it?” I whispered into his chest.

“Mean what?” He asked, rocking me back and forth, stroking me hair.

“Do you really love me?” I asked, my voice breaking.

“Yes.” He whispered.

“I love you, too.” I murmured into his chest, so quietly, I wasn’t sure if he’d be able to hear me.

His arms tightened around me. I heard Bob get up and walk away. Gerard and I sat there, hugging, for what felt like forever.

“What happens now?” I whispered.

“I don’t know, Frank.” Gerard said. He let me go, and sat beside me. “Look,” He said, picking up my hand, “Everything I said is true, Frankie, but I don’t feel right about this.”

I looked at him, wide-eyed. He looked tortured. He looked into my eyes, then looked away quickly.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I mean, I saw how upset you were when Mikey… ended it.”

We both cringed.

“And I don’t see how you could say that you love me back, when an hour ago, all you wanted was my little brother.”

I looked down. He was right. I knew he was, but it hurt.

“I want to be there for you, Frankie.” Gerard’s hand tightened around mine. “And god, I hate my brother right now, for putting us both through this, but it’s too soon.”

I nodded, tears filling my eyes again.

“Hey,” Gerard cupped my cheek and made me look at him. “If it’s meant to be, then we’ll still love each other in a couple months. I just want to give you time to figure out what you want. I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything.”

He half smiled at me, and wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb.

“Yeah… you’re right, Gee. It’s wrong for this to happen so soon.”

He smiled, and leaned forward. He kissed me gently, then pulled away far too soon for my liking. He stood up, and pulled me to my feet.

“Come on.” He said. “We gotta face them eventually.”

We walked back to the bus, next to each other, but not touching. Gerard opened the door to the bus, and gestured for me to go first. I shook my head and shrunk back. Gerard smiled weakly at me, then climbed up the first couple steps, holding the door for me. I followed him, shutting the door tightly behind me, and locking it.

I followed Gerard to where Toro and Bob were sitting at our little table, having coffee and playing cards.

“Where’s Mikey?” Gerard asked, setting his hand lightly on Ray’s shoulder.

“In his bunk. Asleep, I think. Or listening to music.” Ray answered.

“You’re gonna lose.” I told Bob, looking over Ray’s shoulder at his cards.

“Fucking doubtful.” Bob said, smirking.

I moved around Gerard and looked at Bob’s cards.

“Shiiiiiiit.” I said. “You’re gonna lose, Toro!” I said, laughing.

“Shut up, you’re ruining it!’ Ray wailed, throwing a red poker chip at my head, missing by 4 feet.

“Nice shot.” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Fuck you.” Ray said. Gerard smiled softly, and moved toward the bunks.

“Hey,” I said, following him quickly and catching his arm, “Can I read that unfinished song now?” I asked slyly.

“What song?” Gerard asked, confused.

“You know, the one you were writing about me… that you didn’t want me to see…?” I said.

He still looked confused.

“You know, when we were staying with your parents?” I said.

Understanding dawned on his face, then he grimaced.

“No… not yet…” He mumbled, his face reddening.

“Please?” I whined.

“No. It’s, uh, not done.” He looked down.

“You suck.” I whined.

He smiled.

“I just want it to be perfect.” He said, then he turned and walked away, toward the back of the bus. I sighed and threw myself into my bunk, pulling the curtains shut around me. I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow. It smelled like Mikey. Instead of my chest aching at the memories, I found myself merely annoyed by this. I pulled my pillow out of it’s case, and threw the case to the end of my bed. The scent wasn’t as strong on the pillow, but it was still there. I groaned, and pulled my blanket over my head. That smelled like Mikey, too.

I kicked it to the end of the bed, making a mental note to go to a laundry mat tomorrow. I sighed, and rolled onto my back. This was gonna be a long night. Eventually the gentle motion of the bus lulled me into sleep.

*

The bus was at a stand-still when I woke up. I had my blanket wrapped tightly around me. I shoved it off and sat up. I yawned and rubbed my eyes.

“I’ll get him.” I heard Bob’s voice moving toward me.

“You’re brave!” I heard a familiar voice, but one that I hadn’t heard since we started recording for Revenge.

I shot out of bed, and launched myself at Bert, who was leaning against the wall across from our small and now crowded table, and holding coffee.

“BERT!” I shrieked, throwing my arms around him.

“Hey, short stuff.” He said, patting my back gently. “Miss me?”

“Not really.” I said, stepping back again. Bert rolled his eyes.

I heard the door open, and Bert’s arms were suddenly full of Gerard. I stepped back quickly to avoid the splash of hot coffee that had escaped from Bert’s cup at the impact of Gerard.

They hugged for a moment, then when Gerard started to pull away, he grabbed Bert’s face and kissed him full on the mouth.

I felt my mouth drop open, and quickly closed it. Bert and Gerard…? What had changed since last night?

Bert and Gerard broke away from each other, both laughing.

“Hey, sleepy head,” Bert said, looking at me, “since you were asleep so long, you missed the introductions. This is my band.” He gestured to the table, and I turned halfway around.

I looked into gorgeous chocolate-y brown eyes, and was so astonished by the beauty of their owner, that I barely heard when Bert said his name.

Quinn.