FicWad

My life is unique, to say the least. I almost lead two lives. There is my public life, and then there is my private life. My public life is full of mayhem, protestors, religious fanatics and a media circus. My private life is full of just as much mayhem and chaos, but for slightly different reasons. Raising two daughters is ... difficult? Maybe a better word would be interesting. Especially when their ages are eight and four. Living with the man I live with isn't always easy, but he takes good care of us. He tries his hardest to keep home and work separate, and I understand it's hard for him. He must defend himself and what he believes in with every breath he takes. Then he comes home and has to defend against two very smart little girls. Welcome to my world.


I've just returned from my weekly trip to the grocery store and expect to find Brian waiting in the kitchen, ready to help me put everything away, but there's no one. That's ... different.


"Hello?" I call out as I place the last of the bags on the counter of the island and start to put away the things that could go bad. I decide to leave the things that won't spoil or thaw on the counter and find my family.


"Daliah?" Still no answer, so I head upstairs.


"Lolita? ... Brian?" I call again, starting to get worried. They wouldn't go anywhere without leaving a note or calling me, would they?


"Guys, this isn't funny!" I yell again, half-way up the stairs and starting to panic.


"We're in here, Doll!" I finally hear Brian yell from the girls' playroom.


I run up the stairs and open the door to the playroom to a sight that most people would either a.) never believe, or b.) pay way too much money to see.


Brian Warner, known to most as Marilyn Manson, had somehow folded his tall body into one of the child sized chairs at the girls' playtable. That, in and of itself, was funny but the pink feather boa, flower covered straw sun hat, and pink elbow length gloves was the icing on the cake.


"What're you guys doing?" I ask while trying no to laugh my ass off.


"We's habin a tea pardy Mommy!" Lolita yells excitedly, as she carefully places her plastic tea cup back on its saucer.


"You are?" I ask as I walk over and squat down next to the table. "And why wasn't I invited?"


"Aww, Mommy, we's sorry. You wasn't here. And tea time is now!" Lolita exclaims then wraps her arms around my neck and buries her face in my hair. Ah, the logic of a four year old.


"Yeah, Mama. LoLo wanted to have tea and you weren't back yet, so Dad had tea with us instead. We're sorry." Daliah says, looking down at the table top sadly.


"It's ok, I don't mind, but you'll have to make it up to me sometime, k?" Both girls nod happily, and I finally turn my eyes to the bi-colored ones of my lover.


"Enjoying your tea, sir?" I ask with a grin. "I should take pictures. Send them to MTV? Some Antichrist you are!" I can't hold my laughter under control anymore. Brian simply glares at me and crosses his arms across his chest. Normally, this would shut me, or anyone really, up, but he's not quite as threatening with the hat, gloves, and boa. This only causes me to laugh harder.


"Mommy! Be nice ta Daddy! He's been tryin ta play tea party right!" Lolita says to me in a very stern voice and a swat to my butt.


"I'm sorry baby. I'll be nice from now on I promise." The only reply I get is a curt nod.


"Girls, can I go and help your mom put away the rest of the groceries?" Brian asks as he reaches to take off his hat and boa.


"Sure Dad. Thanks for playing with us. Lolita will help me pick up, won't she?" Daliah says before Lolita can protest.


I turn and make my way back toward the kitchen, with Brian not far behind, giggling the entire way.


"You don't have to laugh that much. I didn't look that funny." Brian grumbles as he puts away a box of Chicken in a Biscuit and a can of Easy Cheeze.


"I'm not laughing because you looked funny. I'm laughing because I'm happy." I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him close. "I have two amazing and beautiful daughters, fathered by the most amazing man in the world. What more could I ask for?"


Brian gets a thoughtful look on his face, then looks down at me with a grin. "Less of my parents loitering around here?"


"Don't be a dumbass! I love your parents! They help us more than you give them credit for. The band wouldn't be where it is now without them!"


"Yeah ... I guess you're right." He says with a sigh. Always so dramatic.


I open my mouth to remind him that I'm always right but there's a knock on the front door followed by the voice of Barb, Brian's mom.


"Brian? You home? I brought someone to see you!"


"Yeah Mom, in the kitchen. Be right out." Brian answers with a roll of his eyes.


"I'm going to check on the girls." I murmur as I rub the back of his neck. He makes an affirmative noise as he rubs my hips and leans in for a kiss.


We both leave the kitchen, but while he slips into the living room, I return to the girl's playroom upstairs. "How's the cleaning goin', ladies?" I ask and take a seat on the sofa.


"Almost done, Mama." Daliah answers putting away books. Lolita, obviously getting tired, comes over to me for a bit of a cuddle.


It still amazes me how similar Daliah is to Brian. She's a very 'in control' and confident girl. She'll talk with almost everyone, and is extremely intelligent. She was even bumped up an entire grade level. She's also extremely protective of her family, especially her sister. However, she does have her moments where she needs reassuring, like her father. Luckily, she didn't get his temper.


Lolita, on the other hand, is very much my daughter. She's shy and quiet until she gets to know you then she's a mischievious little devil. She's also very girly and very much a mama's girl. Brian says we couldn't have picked a better name for her since she loves everything frilly, lacey, or sparkly. And if there are bows ... well let's not go there.


I sit thinking quietly with Lolita snuggled to my side, sucking her thumb and falling asleep, and Daliah tidying up until we hear Brian clomping up the stairs.


"Hey Doll, come downstairs. Mom brought my aunt and grandmother over to meet the girls while they're in town." He says as he pops his head in the door.


Daliah hurries over and grabs her dad's hand while I sigh and shift Lolita on my lap so I can stand up easier.


"Need help?" he asks concerned.


"Nah, I got her." I answer quietly.


"What's wrong then?"


"Nothing."


"Alright, if you're sure..." he doesn't believe me.


Truth is, I'm afraid to meet anyone from his family. I know Barb's side is extremely religious and conservative, and there was a bit of a falling out within the family over the band, but Brian doesn't talk about it much.


I get lost in my thoughts and we arrive at the living room doorway before I feel ready. I stay in the hallway and I can see Barb sitting on the couch with two women that I can only assume are Brian's aunt and grandmother.


"There's my little flower!" Barb exclaims as she pulls Daliah into her lap. "Daliah, this is your daddy's Grandma Georgina and Aunt Amy. They came all the way from Ohio just to see you two girls."


"Really?!" Daliah asks with wide eyes. Georgina and Amy both smile and nod their heads at her.


"Well where's the other one? You said there were two Barbara." Georgina says, looking around.


I step slowly into the living room, holding a sleeping Lolita. Brian looks my way, gives me a reassuring grin, and waves me over to his side. I hand Lolita to him and get ready to make my great escape when Amy speaks up and ruins it.


"Who's that?" she asks eyeing me critically.


"My partner." Brian answers, pulling me into his side.


"What's her name?" She's still looking at me funny, like Brian could have done better than me.


"Jeordie." Brian says, not bothering to correct his aunt.


"She's not very attractive," Georgina speaks up. "Surely she's not these girls' mother." I can feel the tears burning the back of my eyes.


"Daliah, take your sister upstairs for her nap please, we'll come up and check on you in a little bit." Brian says, handing Lolita to Daliah without letting go of me, because he knew I wanted to bolt.


Once the girls had headed up the stairs, Brian pulls me over to the loveseat and sits me in his lap. "Grandmother, Aunt Amy, Jeordie is the best mother I could ask for my daughters, and I am honored that he not only bore my children but also shares his life, personal and professional, with me."


Amy and Georgina look horrified and disgusted. I couldn't take it anymore, I bury my face in Brian's neck and let the tears fall. Brian wraps his arms around me tighter and starts petting my heavily knotted hair. "Shhh, Doll. Don't cry. I hate it when you cry." Brian mumbles softly against the top of my head.


"You should know how Jeordie became the way he is. It was all over the news when the government de-classified the files on Agent Orange side effects. If you can't accept that he's the mother of my children, and my partner, then I won't have you in our lives, or our children's lives. I know those are harsh words but it's how I feel."


"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound so harsh. I was just shocked. I honestly thought you were a woman, Jeordie. I mean, you are in a dress and wearing makeup." Georgina says quietly.


Brian relaxes back into the cushions and pulls me with him, still petting my hair with one hand and outter thigh with the other.


"Really Mother, did you expect anything in Brian's life to be normal? You two are actually pretty cute together." Amy says with a sly grin.


"They are, aren't they? Jeordie's better than any girl Brian has ever brought home. Much sweeter too." Barb says with a wink and grin in my direction.


I give her a smile and hide my face back against Brian's chest in embarassment as she goes on to tell them how "adorable" I was while pregnant. I guess I zoned out during Barb's story telling because the next thing I know is Brian smacking my butt.


"Mmm?"


"You were paying attention weren't you Twiggles?" he asks with the raise of a non-existant eyebrow.


"Ummmm..." I look at my lap. "Sure?" I look up at him with a hopeful grin.


"Ummm... no you weren't?" he says tauntingly. "I asked if you could go and get the girls." he finishes while rubbing his cheek against my hair.


"Ok, I gotta get out of these boots and tights, anyway." I sigh and push myself off of his lap and head upstairs to the master bedroom.


I sit on the bench at the foot of the bed and slowly start to untie my boots. My thoughts start to drift and I can't help wondering if Brian and I could have handled the situation any better. I come to the conclusion that we delt with it in the best way we could and toe off my boots. As I stand back up from pulling off my tights I see Daliah standing in the doorway.


"Mommy, do Daddy's grandma and aunt not like us now?" she asks quietly.


"Come here baby," I sigh and pull her close. "They were just shocked. I'm ... not a normal mom. Most moms are girls inside and outside, but I'm a girl on the inside and a boy on the outside. There's not many people like me in the world." I try and explain.


She looks down at the floor in thought and then looks up at me. "I don't care if you're not normal, you're still my mommy and I loved you." She declares and wraps her arms around my neck.


I wouldn't trade this life for anything.