Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > What if....Let's see shall we..?
What if....Let's see shall we..?
3 reviewsHave u ever wondered what would happen if u just followed your body's will? well Ryan want's to find out... please let me know if u want more.. :) it's my debut ;))
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What if...? What if..This is all that has been racing through my head lately. I couldn't just drop the topic of wondering what would've happened if I had thrown myself fearlessly at him when I still had the chance? Did I really screw things up forever with my "different musical goals" bullshit? It was just a momentary desire, to get away from it all, to think my feelings through, but now I suddenly was terribly aware of being faraway from him, faraway from anything I'd ever wanted.
The first time I caught myself wondering what it would feel like to kiss him, to touch him, to get his love all for myself came unexpected. I had never been very manly in my life, but I had never questioned the atomatic stamp of being straight the narrow society planted on us the day we were born either. Now when I looked at the beautiful apperance standing in front of me I began to finally doubt me fitting into the straight-guy description I had never really thought about. I was quickly sucked into my own fantasies that grew amazingly gorgeus when I finally realised that they were now starring the angel-boy I had always known, but never thought about in that way. "Ryan....Ry..Earth to Ryan Ross! Please stop drooling and listen to me!" Oh shit! Was I really drooling!? Yes, I was I discovered as I wiped my face onto my dark shirt. Compose yourself! I told myself and finally turned my attention to the perfect man yelling at me.
"Yes, Brendon w-what is i-it", I said as my voice began to tremble as I realised I had never even looked at him properly. "s-sorry, I-i'm just t-tire-d." The sight of his perfect face overwhelmed me as i noticed things I had never seen before. He had beautiful dark brown hair that flowed flawlessly onto his extraordinary face, so beautiful any male model would kill for even a fraction of it. His eyes must be the most kind and loving i'd ever seen and I found myself suddenly wanting to throw myself into his eyes and drift away into the depths of their chocolaty beautifulness. And his lips... ahhh I could only imagine the taste of them...the softness...And now they were moving, moving calmly, and forming beautiful words, spoken in a full, loving voice....and those words...they were meant for me! I slapped myself inside my head and began paying attention to the man I realised I loved. "....so I thought he was joking, but he stared yelling at me and then I was like WTF!!!! Can you belive it! How did he have the nerve!? It's not like I'm gay or something! Gross!!!"
From that moment I decided to keep my forbidden feelings only to myself, and when the oppurtunity came to get away from the hell I called life, I jumped at it on not even a second's worth of thinking it through. Now I came to regret everything that had happened in the last few years, mainly because it made me realize I could never get over Brendon, for my life had no meaning, no light to seek, when Brendon wasn't a part of it. I had never been in love before and no matter how I tried to "cure" myself I could never get even a tiny piece of the wonderfull ectasy I got from seeing his face. Now I found myself slowly becoming insane as I couldn't fool myself to even get out of bed in the mornings when I had no hope what so ever to see his enlightning smile, to hear his heart shattering voice not to mention feeling his hot touch. I had to do something, I couldn't take it any longer. Every song I wrote was worse than the one before and I felt no passion for anything at all in life. I couldn't just let my life slide by one painful and depressing day at a time and still wonder at 87 what would've happened if I only had took that chance when it was fucking handed to me on a silver plate! NO! I would contact him, today, and try to build even our frindship back to how it used to be and maybe.. just maybe I would acheive the only thing in my life worth fighting for.
I quickly logged onto twitter before I could talk myself out of this truely reckless idea, and started writing furiously: @brendonuriesays so..what's up? could we find some time to get together and just catch up? Like maybe coffee?:). I hit send so fast my computer froze for a second. But there it was, for the whole world to see. The weak atempt to crawl back to the almighty god himself. I waited and waited for a reaply, but never got one. I gave up and shut my computer down and decided to get some food, since I obiously screwed up big time. I could already see what was going through his head. The pathetic gay-guitarist that left his amazing band to make shitty fucking 60's music trying to ride under his wing...and he had a girlfriend, right! Why in the world would he bother when he could just fucking hang out with his beautiful girl or a few of his millions of friends?
My self pity was inturupted by the the flashing light of my phone in the dark kitchen. My heartbeat raced up and I tried to calm myself, knowing I would be dissapointed by the text message waiting for me. I unlocked my screen and touched the new message. No way it was him...right? He really wouldn't answer me...or would he? I oppened my eyes and held my breath as I saw the message open onto the screen. It wasn't long: "I thought u'd never ask! missed u x bren".
gottta love ryden/rydon eh...? ;)) please let me know if u want more or if u would love for me to just shut up, do something else or....? your call:)) luv iida
The first time I caught myself wondering what it would feel like to kiss him, to touch him, to get his love all for myself came unexpected. I had never been very manly in my life, but I had never questioned the atomatic stamp of being straight the narrow society planted on us the day we were born either. Now when I looked at the beautiful apperance standing in front of me I began to finally doubt me fitting into the straight-guy description I had never really thought about. I was quickly sucked into my own fantasies that grew amazingly gorgeus when I finally realised that they were now starring the angel-boy I had always known, but never thought about in that way. "Ryan....Ry..Earth to Ryan Ross! Please stop drooling and listen to me!" Oh shit! Was I really drooling!? Yes, I was I discovered as I wiped my face onto my dark shirt. Compose yourself! I told myself and finally turned my attention to the perfect man yelling at me.
"Yes, Brendon w-what is i-it", I said as my voice began to tremble as I realised I had never even looked at him properly. "s-sorry, I-i'm just t-tire-d." The sight of his perfect face overwhelmed me as i noticed things I had never seen before. He had beautiful dark brown hair that flowed flawlessly onto his extraordinary face, so beautiful any male model would kill for even a fraction of it. His eyes must be the most kind and loving i'd ever seen and I found myself suddenly wanting to throw myself into his eyes and drift away into the depths of their chocolaty beautifulness. And his lips... ahhh I could only imagine the taste of them...the softness...And now they were moving, moving calmly, and forming beautiful words, spoken in a full, loving voice....and those words...they were meant for me! I slapped myself inside my head and began paying attention to the man I realised I loved. "....so I thought he was joking, but he stared yelling at me and then I was like WTF!!!! Can you belive it! How did he have the nerve!? It's not like I'm gay or something! Gross!!!"
From that moment I decided to keep my forbidden feelings only to myself, and when the oppurtunity came to get away from the hell I called life, I jumped at it on not even a second's worth of thinking it through. Now I came to regret everything that had happened in the last few years, mainly because it made me realize I could never get over Brendon, for my life had no meaning, no light to seek, when Brendon wasn't a part of it. I had never been in love before and no matter how I tried to "cure" myself I could never get even a tiny piece of the wonderfull ectasy I got from seeing his face. Now I found myself slowly becoming insane as I couldn't fool myself to even get out of bed in the mornings when I had no hope what so ever to see his enlightning smile, to hear his heart shattering voice not to mention feeling his hot touch. I had to do something, I couldn't take it any longer. Every song I wrote was worse than the one before and I felt no passion for anything at all in life. I couldn't just let my life slide by one painful and depressing day at a time and still wonder at 87 what would've happened if I only had took that chance when it was fucking handed to me on a silver plate! NO! I would contact him, today, and try to build even our frindship back to how it used to be and maybe.. just maybe I would acheive the only thing in my life worth fighting for.
I quickly logged onto twitter before I could talk myself out of this truely reckless idea, and started writing furiously: @brendonuriesays so..what's up? could we find some time to get together and just catch up? Like maybe coffee?:). I hit send so fast my computer froze for a second. But there it was, for the whole world to see. The weak atempt to crawl back to the almighty god himself. I waited and waited for a reaply, but never got one. I gave up and shut my computer down and decided to get some food, since I obiously screwed up big time. I could already see what was going through his head. The pathetic gay-guitarist that left his amazing band to make shitty fucking 60's music trying to ride under his wing...and he had a girlfriend, right! Why in the world would he bother when he could just fucking hang out with his beautiful girl or a few of his millions of friends?
My self pity was inturupted by the the flashing light of my phone in the dark kitchen. My heartbeat raced up and I tried to calm myself, knowing I would be dissapointed by the text message waiting for me. I unlocked my screen and touched the new message. No way it was him...right? He really wouldn't answer me...or would he? I oppened my eyes and held my breath as I saw the message open onto the screen. It wasn't long: "I thought u'd never ask! missed u x bren".
gottta love ryden/rydon eh...? ;)) please let me know if u want more or if u would love for me to just shut up, do something else or....? your call:)) luv iida
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