Categories > Books > Cirque du Freak > Mulan: Vampire Style
Matchmaker:
Tadanaki Mickey?
Mickey:
Present!
Matchmaker:
Speaking without permission ...
Mickey:
Oops ...
[They go inside]
Samara:
[to Tomie]
Who spit in her Miso Soup?
Matchmaker:
Too skinny ... not good for bearing sons.
(Cri-kee hops out of his cage, Mickey frantically tries to put him back in. She can't so she sticks him in her mouth)
Matchmaker:
Recite the Final Admonition.
Mickey:
Mmm-hmm-hmm ...
[pulls out a paper fan and spits Cri-kee out]
Matchmaker:
Well?
Mickey:
Fulfill your duties, calmly and ...
[glances down at the crib notes written on her arm, which are smeared slightly]
respectively. Um, reflect before you ... snack. Act! This shall bring you honor and glory.
[She fans herself, the matchmaker grabs the fan and searches it for cheat notes. Finding none, she grabs Mickey by the arm (where the notes are!) and pulls her toward a table. The writing comes off in her hand.]
Matchmaker:
This way. Now, pour the tea. To please your future
in-laws, you must demonstrate a sense of dignity
[she rubs her hand over her mouth, and the ink rubs off with a squeak]
and refinement. You must also be poised.
[Mickey, staring at the now black-faced Matchmaker, pours the tea but is distracted by the markings and misses the cup, then regains her composure and quickly fills the teacup. Mickey notices Cri-kee relaxing happily in the tea. The Matchmaker takes the teacup, and is about
to sip it.)
Mickey:
Um, pardon me ...
Matchmaker:
And silent!
[sniffs the tea]
Ah ...
Mickey:
Could I just take that back? One moment ...
[She grabs for the cup. The Matchmaker fights for the teacup, and they both fall back, the tea spilling all over the Matchmaker. Cri-kee hops down her dress.)
Matchmaker:
Why, you clumsy! ... Oh! Ah! Woo!
[She trips over the fire-pot, spilling the coals and then sitting on them, the bottom of her dress smoking. Mickey desperately fans the burned spot, and it bursts into flames. The matchmaker runs around screaming.]
(Outside)
Samara:
[To Tomie, after hearing the screams and seeing smoke]
I think it's going well, don't you?
(The matchmaker runs outside, screaming.)
Matchmaker:
Put it out! Put it out! PUT IT OUT!
[Mickey throws tea over her, putting out the fire. Embarrassed, she hands the teapot to the Matchmaker and quickly walks toward Tomie and Samara.]
Matchmaker:
[furious]
You are a DISGRACE! You may look like a bride, but you will NEVER bring your family honor!
(People start to walk away, whispering.)
Tadanaki Mickey?
Mickey:
Present!
Matchmaker:
Speaking without permission ...
Mickey:
Oops ...
[They go inside]
Samara:
[to Tomie]
Who spit in her Miso Soup?
Matchmaker:
Too skinny ... not good for bearing sons.
(Cri-kee hops out of his cage, Mickey frantically tries to put him back in. She can't so she sticks him in her mouth)
Matchmaker:
Recite the Final Admonition.
Mickey:
Mmm-hmm-hmm ...
[pulls out a paper fan and spits Cri-kee out]
Matchmaker:
Well?
Mickey:
Fulfill your duties, calmly and ...
[glances down at the crib notes written on her arm, which are smeared slightly]
respectively. Um, reflect before you ... snack. Act! This shall bring you honor and glory.
[She fans herself, the matchmaker grabs the fan and searches it for cheat notes. Finding none, she grabs Mickey by the arm (where the notes are!) and pulls her toward a table. The writing comes off in her hand.]
Matchmaker:
This way. Now, pour the tea. To please your future
in-laws, you must demonstrate a sense of dignity
[she rubs her hand over her mouth, and the ink rubs off with a squeak]
and refinement. You must also be poised.
[Mickey, staring at the now black-faced Matchmaker, pours the tea but is distracted by the markings and misses the cup, then regains her composure and quickly fills the teacup. Mickey notices Cri-kee relaxing happily in the tea. The Matchmaker takes the teacup, and is about
to sip it.)
Mickey:
Um, pardon me ...
Matchmaker:
And silent!
[sniffs the tea]
Ah ...
Mickey:
Could I just take that back? One moment ...
[She grabs for the cup. The Matchmaker fights for the teacup, and they both fall back, the tea spilling all over the Matchmaker. Cri-kee hops down her dress.)
Matchmaker:
Why, you clumsy! ... Oh! Ah! Woo!
[She trips over the fire-pot, spilling the coals and then sitting on them, the bottom of her dress smoking. Mickey desperately fans the burned spot, and it bursts into flames. The matchmaker runs around screaming.]
(Outside)
Samara:
[To Tomie, after hearing the screams and seeing smoke]
I think it's going well, don't you?
(The matchmaker runs outside, screaming.)
Matchmaker:
Put it out! Put it out! PUT IT OUT!
[Mickey throws tea over her, putting out the fire. Embarrassed, she hands the teapot to the Matchmaker and quickly walks toward Tomie and Samara.]
Matchmaker:
[furious]
You are a DISGRACE! You may look like a bride, but you will NEVER bring your family honor!
(People start to walk away, whispering.)
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