FicWad

‘’What happened? ’’ Lauren asked as Gerard cradled his head in his hands, sniffing every now and then.
‘’Nothing – it was a shit-hole, I wanted to get out of there.’’ He answered.
‘’You snorted some of that stuff, didn’t you?’’ Lauren looked over for a few moments, and then continued to stare ahead. It was beginning to rain, with grey clouds clustering together, making a blanket of bleak omnipresence.
‘’What do you care? ’’ Gerard growled, narrowing his dark hazel eyes.
‘’I just wanted to know, I wasn’t in there while you were talking to them. But when you left…they changed…’’ she explained.
‘’They wanted to kill you then and there, and I told them no.’’,
‘’Why?’’,
‘’Why do you always have to question everything I do? Would you rather I let them beat your brains in and buried you out in the back yard?’’ Gerard snapped. Lauren cringed slightly,
‘’Thanks for not letting them do it. I mean it…’’ she spoke softly, really meaning it – happy not to be having the cold, sodden earth being poured on her still body. She shuddered at that image, just as the rain began to pour.
‘’I need you to help me – I can’t have you dying…yet.’’,
‘’So where does this guy live?’’ Lauren changed the subject, turning the car off into the city.
‘’On the other side of this city; Mikey told me right before I went away how he had seen him going into hospital. He didn’t treat him, though – he just told me that he’s living on the other side of the city now. I thought he was still in Jersey…’’ Gerard rested his head back into the chair, rubbing his head back and forth against the worn material of the seat.
‘’Okay, I’ll just cross through the city. We’ll figure out what to do then.’’ Lauren breathed,
‘’Fine....’’ Gerard murmured, his head lolling against the seat.
‘’Why did you kill those girls? The first three, ’’ Lauren asked all of a sudden.
‘’What a question to ask… Do I ask you personal questions like that?’’ Gerard glared.
‘’You asked me about my family, and I told you.’’ She sighed,
‘’That’s different – I told you about my past. You really wanna know why I killed those women? Because they were fuckin’ whores - All of them. When I lived with my grandmother, the whores used to make fun of me – steal my shit. One day they tore up my art… and then I saw those girls and all I saw was their fuckin’ painted nails, their fingers as they ripped my art into shreds..’’ Gerard fell silent, ‘’I don’t feel guilty.’’.
‘’Do you think I’m like them?’’ Lauren asked, frowning a little.
‘’No…’’ Gerard sighed, ‘’but I can’t leave you alive. I can’t let you just walk away.’’,
‘’So you’ll kill me once we’ve killed your step father – you’ve made your choice?’’ she tried to keep her voice steady as she asked him the question.
‘’Maybe,’’ Gerard shrugged,
‘’I want an answer,’’ Lauren quickly snapped.
‘’My answer is that I don’t know.’’,
‘’What if I stopped this car? What would you do?’’ she suddenly asked,
‘’What do you mean? Why are you saying this?’’ Gerard stared back curiously as Lauren focused on the road.
‘’If I stopped, and got out, and ran,’’ She slowly explained, dragging out each word.
‘’You wouldn’t do that – you promised to help me kill that bastard.’’,
‘’I promised because you were going to kill your own brother!’’ Lauren screamed, hitting the steering wheel with her fist. ‘’I’m tired of this waiting around to die – I’m tired of not being able to do what I want without you breathing down my neck – and I’m tired of this psycho bullshit!’’ she steered the car off into a small, narrow street.
‘’What are you doing?!’’ Gerard yelled back,
‘’Fuck you, I have had enough! I’m sorry that you were abused, I’m sorry that you had a shitty childhood – but holding me hostage and pointing a gun at me isn’t going to earn you anything. You forced me to help you – that wasn’t me trying to get to you.’’ She folded her arms over her chest.
‘’You know what it’s like… you know what I’m going through! You were abandoned and abused, too!’’ Gerard grabbed her arm, ‘’tell me you know. Tell me!’’ he begged, his hazel eyes filling with tears. Lauren was shocked and confused, staring back at him with bewilderment. Gerard pulled his hand off of her arm, shielding his face as he sobbed, hunched over and leaning into the glove compartment door.
Lauren watched as Gerard sobbed, and bit her lip, thinking that she should move and do something. She should grab the gun. She should open the car door and make a run for it. But she sat there, pressing her body up against the driver’s side door. ‘’I know,’’ She closed her eyes for a second, and she could hear her screams and cries as she begged her siblings to stop hitting her, to stop taunting her. With a shaking hand, she reached over, and laid it on Gerard’s back.

‘ ’Do ya think that life is boring, Sugar?’’
‘’Not so much now, I guess.’’
What would she have left if she had a choice to go back? A shitty apartment in a town with no work, and a mundane life of working as a waitress; maybe she’d move on, find another job, but she wouldn’t be able to adjust back into her old life. She wouldn't be able to walk down the street without feeling like the cold barrel of a gun was waiting for her.
Her hand left Gerard’s back, and she turned on the radio, taking deep breaths, and trying to stop the tightening feeling in her chest.
When she had been younger, just before she had left to live in America with her ‘family’ – she’d held her breath for so long in the bathtub - she’d drifted off and almost drowned. She felt like she had in that water, loosing oxygen and consciousness, and just floating with no pain, just numbness.
She felt like that then, like her nerve endings had stopped working. Her brain, even, wasn’t functioning. All that pain in the world, all the pain that she had felt – was gone.
Gerard sat up, wiping his eyes with agitation, ‘’Are you happy?’’ he asked.
‘’No, Are you?’’ Lauren sighed.
‘’Will you still help me?’’,
‘’I guess,’’,
‘’We’re almost there. Keep heading forwards,’’ He finished. She noticed that he’d picked up the gun, and it was resting on his lap. She backed out of the narrow road, and continued driving her way out of the city.