FicWad

:D !
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Hayley's POV

I felt suddenly cold, waking up from the calm and soothing dream I was having. This didn't usually happen, whenever I drunk alcohol I would wake up midday with a killer hangover... but something is different with today. I feel like if I open my eyes I'll have to get up and face the day but if I just stay in my bunk and sleep all day I should be okay. I hope no one decides to come and wake me up.

Then I felt someone move beside me... shit Josh must have slept in my bunk last night. I should probably get up now. I feel like if I don't the guys may kill me...

I opened my eyes and everything was still a little fuzzy, I looked down and noticed I was in my bra and underwear, shit no wonder I woke up cold. I rubbed my eyes to try and make everything much more clear and it hit me. This is isn't my bunk. This isn't even my bus!

Horror struck and I looked beside me and seen the one person who I just didn't need to see! Oh. SHIT. Why am I in his bunk? I don't even remember talking to him last night. Was he even there? How did this happen? Oh crap did we do anything? did I cheat on my boyfriend? I don't have a clue what to do.

He was sound asleep still so I seen this as a good opportunity to leave. I had to get out of here. Shit what if Josh was looking for me? What if he has been trying to get a hold of me? Oh shit. Oh shit!

I slid out of the bunk trying not to wake him up. I couldn't face what might happen if he was to wake up. I don't think I could face the truth. I just don't want to know right now. If I cheated on Josh with Gerard that will make me everything my step father was. I just don't need this kinda crap right now.

I grabbed my clothes and quickly got ready. I just had to get away, I just hope that none of the guys will see me leaving.

I walked onto the Paramore bus hoping everyone would be out or something. No such luck. Josh, Jeremy, Zac and Taylor were all sitting playing guitar hero like little kids on Christmas. I wanted to try and avoid them but they all stopped, almost in a shocked manor.

"Hayley, where were you, we thought you were still in your bunk sleeping?" Zac questioned putting down his guitar.
"Ugh, no I couldn't sleep so I went for a walk early this morning and I just lost track of time. Sorry guys" I said trying to be sincere but I knew they weren't really buying it.
"Sorry guys, she ran into me and we just got talking about some stuff. Girl stuff" I heard coming from behind me and I turned around to see Alicia had came onto the bus. "So don't worry about her" Alicia smiled to the guys.
"Yeah, I just came back because I just left this morning not wanting to wake anyone up. So I didn't have time to change clothes so I thought I'd come back and change my clothes then sit in the sun and continue our little chat, also let you know that I wasn't dead in my bunk" I smiled to them all and now they had bought it. Alicia you are a life saver!
"Kay, well we're going to watch My Chem at 4pm if your coming, obviously Alicia will be going so see ya there" Jeremy said to me.
"Okay I'll be there" I said before walking off to my bunk.

Alicia followed me and just acted casual and sat in my bunk while I changed into new clothes. I just chose some shorts and a vest top. I threw on some eyeliner and grabbed my sunglasses. I couldn't face anyone today. Something happened and I haven't got a clue what but I will find out.

We sat on the grass next to where the buses where parked and everything was silent for the first five minutes.
"Okay, tell me what the heck is going on Hayley?" Alicia finally broke the silence.
"I don't know, I don't even remember talking to him" I said bowing my head.
"I know this is hard but try and think, did you guys have sex?" She said the word 'sex' quietly.
"I really, cannot remember" I said quietly. "I don't remember a thing. I just wanted to get out of there when I woke up and I didn't even wake him up to ask"
"You need to find out because if you did sleep with him then Josh needs to know the truth. It's not fair for him to think everything is fine but in reality you fucked your ex-boyfriend, you see what I mean?" She said in an annoyed tone.
"Alicia I hate myself for what I possibly done. It was wrong to even get that close last night. I just hate myself for possibility because it makes me no better than my deadbeat dad and step dad. I don't know if I could live with myself if I were to have cheated on him" I said trying to hold back my tears.
"Hayley, do you still love Gerard?" I had been dreading this question because I truly did not know what I felt for him.
"I don't know" I said finally letting the tears spill.
"Oh, honey don't worry about it we will figure this all out don't worry about it okay" Alicia said pulling me into a hug.
"Thank you but how did you know?" I asked, curious.
"Well, Mikey woke me up in a rush to get out of the way, Ray said it would be better if we were gone and you didn't feel horrible. You could talk to any of us if you wanted to but we didn't wanna pressure you about it" She said to me pulling away from our hug.
"Thank you" I said wiping away my tears.

Alicia's POV

I don't know what the hell is going on between Hayley and Gerard but I don't like it. She's too good for him and he's just gonna keep screwing her over. Unless he stops drinking and grows a fricken pair he better stay away from her! She left us before because of him, he is not making her leave again. I will rip the guys balls off.


I will find out what happened last night though. If there is one thing I'm good at, it is snooping around. No one will see it coming. I'm good at it enough to hide my traces. I will ask around and I'll get him to admit it.

Everyone excepts so little of me. They think just because I'm with Mikey that my life is settled, that I have everything I need. I don't really like getting treated like a child. I wish I could just get trusted to do whatever I want. I wish I could have been able to tell my friends about being pregnant. I wish I could have been able to confide in them when things got difficult. I hate that now people just think I was depressed for no reason. They don't know what I was going through, Mikey was so scared that he didn't even want to tell his own mom. Yeah he's only just turned 19 but the thing is that he never really cared about age, he always told me that love doesn't know age and family comes first but its put a big strain on our relationship.

I miss the old us. I miss how everything used to be, I miss Hayley being around. I miss just sitting at someone's house, just chilling watching a movie. I kinda hate the fact the guys got signed. I secretly hated it so much because I knew I'd loose them on some level and I just wasn't ready for it. For the first year I hardly seen them because they had to travel in a small little tour bus and they hardly even got big gigs but for some reason they were always going places. This last few months have been really big for them.

Don't get me wrong, I love the band. They are my heroes. The music is amazing and everything about the band just makes me happy and realize that they have started a new chapter in their lives which will be a dream come true. I'm over the moon for the guys but somehow it has changed everyone.

Hayley's POV

So today had turned into some avoidance day. I had made it my ultimate goal to not have to talk to him. I needed time to sort my head out. I walked passed everyone and sat down next to Alicia. My Chemical Romance were just doing their good luck ritual before they went on stage. I just avoided the look I got from Gerard, he must want to know why I left. Well I haven't really got a clue anymore. I regret leaving without talking to him. Although I have no idea what I would have said to him.

He looked at me as he walked to the side of the stage. He just kept staring, it made me feel like he was staring into my soul and that isn't something that feels normal. I tried to look away but I just couldn't. Then he just turned and walked on stage.

I couldn't keep my eyes off him. He was on fire today. He looked like he was sober also. Which hasn't happened in a long time. Mikey told me that he doesn't think Gee has ever done a show sober in his whole life. So something was changing. I don't know what was happening but he danced around the stage like he was having the most fun he had ever had in his whole life. He looked happy. I wonder why.

The show was amazing. They had been amazing when I knew them years ago but they had improved so much. I don't know how but they just seemed so much more into it. Like it was now their goal in life. To make the band work. It really did work. The riffs were outstanding and Ray just looked so happy playing guitar in front of hundreds of adoring fans. Frank jumped around the stage with such energy, the guy was hyper 24/7 and I really don't know how. Mikey was the little quiet one in the background. Like he didn't want to be seen but you could see a little grin every now and again. Bob isn't a big crowd person so he's happy to hide behind his drum kit. Gerard was the star though all attention was on him throughout every song.

I made my way to the backstage area and away to cool off before getting ready to go on stage. We were on straight after My Chemical Romance tonight. We were happy to get it out of the way but we just wanted to get a move on with the tour. Spending two days in this area was nice and all but we just wanted to see the next venue. I just wanted to get some good sleep as we were to travel all night and some of tomorrow during the day, the next show would be the day after tomorrow. So we would get some time to relax and kick back. I couldn't wait to get to just laze about. The good thing about being in a small band is you don't have too much publicity stuff to deal with. Which meant not too many people know you and you don't have to go to photo shoots and interviews. The thing I do like about being a small band is when someone knows who you are and like wants to talk to you, ya feel pretty good to make their day. I love to see the look on a kids face when I sign something or talk to them about some random thing.

I looked around hoping I was alone because I just wanted to think. You know. I walked down the hallway and into a dressing room with our name on it. I was relived that no one had followed me down here. The guys didn't even see me leave actually.

I decided to re-apply so make-up then fix my hair a little. I looked over my words. Tonight we were going to be playing a new song from our new album. Riot!. I was proud of this album because it just has so much emotions in every song. There is no words to describe how I felt when writing them. I felt; broken, hurt, happy, sad, loved and mostly I felt dead inside. I never really told anyone how I felt about most of the songs. I'll admit some of them have feelings about Gerard in them. I was too afraid to write about him in the first record because it would have been too obvious and when I was writing songs in the first one, I still hadn't really told anyone about the nature of my relationship with Gerard. I didn't like to think about it back then come to think of it. I just felt so empty. Sometimes I even wonder if I ever really wanted to be with Josh or if I only done it to stop loving Gerard. I'll never know.

I lost my train of thoughts when I heard a knock on the door.

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