Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Almost
Brendon was sitting in the hospital room with his head buried in his hands, the smell of disinfectant stinging his nose though after spending so long in this hospital room he couldn't quite smell anything else anymore. He felt as if he had been sitting in the same position for months just waiting for change but in reality it had only been days.
He had watched Kacy's mother break down in tears above her daughters bed. She went through different stages. First she was sad, then she was in denial, then she got angry and now she was back at sad. She had finally gone home though and Brendon was relieved. He didn't think he could listen to her sob for any longer without breaking down as well.
Jon, Spencer, and Ryan had all stopped by and left flowers. They tried to get Brendon to leave for awhile but Brendon hadn't left the hospital since Kacy had been admitted. The staff was very kind to allow him to sleep in her hospital room and shower in the adjoining bathroom though he kept his showers short. He wanted to be there when she woke up but according to the doctors that might not happen. He tried to ignore their medical opinions. It did him no good at all to listen; it just made him miserable and most of it he didn't even understand.
Spencer had thankfully even brought him some clothes and personal items to make it by as he waited. Brendon tried hard not to look at Kacy. It was difficult. She looked so frail and that just wasn't the girl he was used to. Her pale skin was haunting as it helped make the bruises lining her face more prominent and harder to ignore. She looked like she hadn't seen the sun in years and Brendon wanted her to wake up so that he could take her outside. She just didn't look healthy at all but then again if she was healthy at the moment then they wouldn't both be stuck in the hospital.
The IV's hooked up to her were hardest to get used to and whenever the machine beeped Brendon panicked a little. He didn't understand any of this and yet it was all because of him. Lisa stopped by every single day. Brendon could see the guilt in her eyes but he couldn't bring himself to comfort her. He was feeling the same exact feeling; guilt could eat at you. Lisa felt guilty for leaving Kacy during lunch period. Brendon felt guilty for ruining Kacy's entire life. If she didn't wake up then it would be on him. Those fan girls were mad at Kacy because of him.
Lisa walked in, causing Brendon to look up. "Any change?" Lisa asked, tears filling her eyes as soon as she looked at Kacy.
Brendon shook his head. Lisa sat next to Brendon and got out her school work. It had become her thing to do homework in Kacy's hospital room. It seemed to give her some sense of close-ness since Kacy had always been her homework buddy beforehand. "I just..." Lisa stated, tears dripping down her face slowly.
Brendon was staring at Kacy as Lisa spoke and he understood her completely, he just hadn't been able to voice his feelings lately.
"It's so weird to be able to reach out and touch her... To see her... But she's not here, not really. We can't talk to her. She won't talk back. It's like she's gone; she just hasn't left yet." Lisa said, sobbing.
"She's not gone." Brendon said, it came out a lot harsher than he had meant but he couldn't think she was gone. That would wreck him and right now he had to hold on to what little calm he had as he waited for her to wake up. "She'll wake up." He said, but it was more to himself than it was to Lisa and they both knew that.
Lisa nodded, "I hope so." And that ended their conversation.
Brendon's phone went off shortly after though which made them both jump in surprise and look at Kacy as if she had just started reciting Brendon's ring tone but they both slumped in disappointment as Brendon answered, "Yeah?"
"Still at the hospital?" Ryan asked.
"Yeah, she hasn't had any change yet." Brendon said, sighing and running his fingers through his hair as he watched Kacy.
"You should come out with us tonight Brendon. It'll be good for you to get out of there." Ryan said softly, sounding worried about his friend.
"What if she wakes up?" Brendon asked, stressed with being asked to leave her side. He was the cause of this agony on her and her loved ones.
"She's not going to Brendon." Ryan said softly yet firmly.
"Don't say that." Brendon said through clenched teeth.
"You know it and you're going to have to face it eventually. When you decide to we will all be here for you. Just let us know." Ryan said, deciding that his friend needed a reality check. You could only go through grief for so long before you had to start juggling it with life and he needed to kick start Brendon because they didn't have forever to wait around.
Brendon hit end call and turned off his cell phone after that, thinking of the voice mail he had gotten shortly before Lisa called him to tell him Kacy was in the hospital. He was going to return her call as soon as he was done with practice but he never got that far unfortunately and right now all he had was one lousy voice mail to remember her voice by.
"The doctors say it helps to talk to her sometimes." Lisa said, softly from Brendon's side view.
"I've been doing nothing other than talking." he snapped, instantly feeling bad but he couldn't bring himself to apologize. It was getting hard to pretend everything was fine. The fact that Kacy wouldn't wake up was proving nothing was fine yet people came and visited as if she knew. Brendon didn't think she did and even though he criticized the others he still couldn't bring himself to leave her either.
Brendon stood and started pacing around Kacy's hospital bed. He reached out to touch her but every single time he stopped himself from doing so. Her head was still bandaged and the IV's were connected. He wanted to just pull them out and shake her hard until she woke but he knew that wouldn't help one bit.
Thankfully the doctors were able to see signs that led them to believe there wasn't any brain damage. She just needed to wake up but they didn't know when that would happen. That was about all Brendon and the others had to hold on to while they waited.
"Please wake up." Brendon pleaded, staring at Kacy's bruised and broken face; he could hear sobbing in the background as Lisa started crying once again.
He had watched Kacy's mother break down in tears above her daughters bed. She went through different stages. First she was sad, then she was in denial, then she got angry and now she was back at sad. She had finally gone home though and Brendon was relieved. He didn't think he could listen to her sob for any longer without breaking down as well.
Jon, Spencer, and Ryan had all stopped by and left flowers. They tried to get Brendon to leave for awhile but Brendon hadn't left the hospital since Kacy had been admitted. The staff was very kind to allow him to sleep in her hospital room and shower in the adjoining bathroom though he kept his showers short. He wanted to be there when she woke up but according to the doctors that might not happen. He tried to ignore their medical opinions. It did him no good at all to listen; it just made him miserable and most of it he didn't even understand.
Spencer had thankfully even brought him some clothes and personal items to make it by as he waited. Brendon tried hard not to look at Kacy. It was difficult. She looked so frail and that just wasn't the girl he was used to. Her pale skin was haunting as it helped make the bruises lining her face more prominent and harder to ignore. She looked like she hadn't seen the sun in years and Brendon wanted her to wake up so that he could take her outside. She just didn't look healthy at all but then again if she was healthy at the moment then they wouldn't both be stuck in the hospital.
The IV's hooked up to her were hardest to get used to and whenever the machine beeped Brendon panicked a little. He didn't understand any of this and yet it was all because of him. Lisa stopped by every single day. Brendon could see the guilt in her eyes but he couldn't bring himself to comfort her. He was feeling the same exact feeling; guilt could eat at you. Lisa felt guilty for leaving Kacy during lunch period. Brendon felt guilty for ruining Kacy's entire life. If she didn't wake up then it would be on him. Those fan girls were mad at Kacy because of him.
Lisa walked in, causing Brendon to look up. "Any change?" Lisa asked, tears filling her eyes as soon as she looked at Kacy.
Brendon shook his head. Lisa sat next to Brendon and got out her school work. It had become her thing to do homework in Kacy's hospital room. It seemed to give her some sense of close-ness since Kacy had always been her homework buddy beforehand. "I just..." Lisa stated, tears dripping down her face slowly.
Brendon was staring at Kacy as Lisa spoke and he understood her completely, he just hadn't been able to voice his feelings lately.
"It's so weird to be able to reach out and touch her... To see her... But she's not here, not really. We can't talk to her. She won't talk back. It's like she's gone; she just hasn't left yet." Lisa said, sobbing.
"She's not gone." Brendon said, it came out a lot harsher than he had meant but he couldn't think she was gone. That would wreck him and right now he had to hold on to what little calm he had as he waited for her to wake up. "She'll wake up." He said, but it was more to himself than it was to Lisa and they both knew that.
Lisa nodded, "I hope so." And that ended their conversation.
Brendon's phone went off shortly after though which made them both jump in surprise and look at Kacy as if she had just started reciting Brendon's ring tone but they both slumped in disappointment as Brendon answered, "Yeah?"
"Still at the hospital?" Ryan asked.
"Yeah, she hasn't had any change yet." Brendon said, sighing and running his fingers through his hair as he watched Kacy.
"You should come out with us tonight Brendon. It'll be good for you to get out of there." Ryan said softly, sounding worried about his friend.
"What if she wakes up?" Brendon asked, stressed with being asked to leave her side. He was the cause of this agony on her and her loved ones.
"She's not going to Brendon." Ryan said softly yet firmly.
"Don't say that." Brendon said through clenched teeth.
"You know it and you're going to have to face it eventually. When you decide to we will all be here for you. Just let us know." Ryan said, deciding that his friend needed a reality check. You could only go through grief for so long before you had to start juggling it with life and he needed to kick start Brendon because they didn't have forever to wait around.
Brendon hit end call and turned off his cell phone after that, thinking of the voice mail he had gotten shortly before Lisa called him to tell him Kacy was in the hospital. He was going to return her call as soon as he was done with practice but he never got that far unfortunately and right now all he had was one lousy voice mail to remember her voice by.
"The doctors say it helps to talk to her sometimes." Lisa said, softly from Brendon's side view.
"I've been doing nothing other than talking." he snapped, instantly feeling bad but he couldn't bring himself to apologize. It was getting hard to pretend everything was fine. The fact that Kacy wouldn't wake up was proving nothing was fine yet people came and visited as if she knew. Brendon didn't think she did and even though he criticized the others he still couldn't bring himself to leave her either.
Brendon stood and started pacing around Kacy's hospital bed. He reached out to touch her but every single time he stopped himself from doing so. Her head was still bandaged and the IV's were connected. He wanted to just pull them out and shake her hard until she woke but he knew that wouldn't help one bit.
Thankfully the doctors were able to see signs that led them to believe there wasn't any brain damage. She just needed to wake up but they didn't know when that would happen. That was about all Brendon and the others had to hold on to while they waited.
"Please wake up." Brendon pleaded, staring at Kacy's bruised and broken face; he could hear sobbing in the background as Lisa started crying once again.
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