Categories > Original > Drama

The Hardest Part

by MCRlover27 1 review

"I wished I could stay and be with him forever. Cancer got in the way of that dream."

Category: Drama - Rating: PG - Genres: Drama - Published: 2011-08-28 - Updated: 2011-08-28 - 1335 words - Complete

The song lyrics are in italics.
Song - Cancer by My Chemical Romance.
Here's the link to the song:

Turn away
If you could get me a drink of water
'Cos my lips are chapped and faded

It had only been a couple of minutes since he had grabbed my pale, weak left hand, stroking it and occasionally pressing his lips to it, but it felt like an hour had passed. Still, even if I had the strength to yank my hand away from is grasp and tell him to leave so he wouldn't witness what's coming, I knew in my heart that what I wanted was for him to stay with me, despite the sadness etched on his beautiful face, and make me happy for these last moments. My last moments. A weird thing to think about, even though I had known this was coming since the day they told me.
We sit like this for several minutes before I manage to croak out, "Kieran?"
"Yeah, honey?" His voice is thick with grief; it sounds like he's trying desperately not to cry.
I pause for a bit, trying to get the words out. Finally, they come out in a stutter, "Could you... bring water?" I used t obe great at speaking and knowing what to say. Now choking out a sentence is difficult and it keeps getting harder.
His lips brush against my forehead for a second before whispering, "Of course, honey. I'll be back in a few seconds." I watch him walk out of the room and turn a corner before closing my eyes and resting for a bit.

Not sleeping. Once I lose consciousness, it's all over.

Call my Aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things and bury me
In all my favourite colours
My sisters and my brothers

After about thirty seconds I hear footsteps. Slowly, I drag my eyelids apart so Kieran knows I'm still with him - for now, at least. A sad smile plays around his lips as he presents the glass of water. I return that smile and weakly take the glass, although I drop the glass and spill the water all down myself after two small gulps. He grabs a cloth and rubs the water away as I sigh and let myself be cleared up, feeling utterly useless.
"There you go." Kieran's voice is very gentle and quiet; I think he's trying to hide his emotions as he knows how much I hate to hear him cry - or anyone else cry. I'm just no good at comforting. "Now, is there anything else you need, babe?"
"No... I mean, yes... please. Call... my aunt... you know, Marie. She's with... m-my brother and... sister. Tell her... I w-w-want to be... buried... in p-purple and, "I pause, gasping for breath, "black."
"As you wish. Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there, with open arms..." He stops when I turn my face to look at him, a big smile on my face. Quoting my favourite songs get me to smile, and he knows it. He knows everything about me.

I wished I could stay and be with him forever. Cancer got in the way of that dream.

Still, I will not kiss you
'Cos the hardest part of this is leaving you

Closing my eyes, I listen to Kieran's soft voice on the phone to my aunt: the person I get along with better than anyone else in my family. It's a soothing voice, but I don't allow myself to go to sleep. I don't want it to be the end, but cancer left me with no choice.
Suddenly I feel the warm, soft lips that belong to my fiancé press against my own. Even though my body wants this last kiss ever with Kieran, my heart and mind wouldn't let me. I keep thinking about how hard this must be for him without having to kiss him, as it will only leave him wanting more. However, he can't have more, and I knew it would kill him.
I push him away - well, I flinch and put my hand to his chest and he takes the hint. He looks at me, dark eyes staring into my own eyes, and we remain like that for a few seconds before he says, in a hurt voice, "Why don't you want to kiss me?"
"Sorry," I whisper. "I just think... it'd be too... hard for you."

However, even though I don't say so, it's too hard for me too.

Now turn away
'Cos I'm awful just to see
'Cos all my hair's abandoned all my body

Tears start to run down his face, unable to keep them in any longer. At the same time, I feel my eyes well up. Crying has always been a sign of weakness to me and I don't want to waste my last moments with on Earth crying. Unfortunately, I simply can't help it this time.
I turn away after realising how bad I must look. Hair doesn't grow on my head anymore - or anywhere else for that matter - and I'm weak, skinny, pale: not usually how I am at all. On top of that, my azure eyes must be all read and puffy now I've let the tears out.
"What's up, honey?" Kieran's worried voice drowns out my thoughts.
"I'm hideous," Is all that comes out, but it's enough for Kieran to cup my face and make me face him. Normally I'd fight it but I know I'm not strong enough.
He sits on the bed and cuddles me close, saying, "You're gorgeous, Stephanie. Never forget that." He makes it sound like I'm coming home soon.

I know I'm never coming home.

Oh my agony
Know that I will never marry
Baby I'm just soggy from the chemo
And counting down the days to go
It just ain't living
And I just hope you know

We sit like that, his arm around me while I rest my head on his shoulder, as I think about my cruel fate. It had only been a year or so since we were planning a wedding. Fairy lights strewn about the room; streamers hanging from the ceiling; a beautiful white dress for me to wear, studded with crystals that shone in the light: it would have been perfect. It would have been expensive, but it would have been worth it. Maybe later me and Kieran would have children to raise. Living in peace and harmony.

That's the way it's supposed to be.

That if you say
Goodbye today
I' ask you to be true
'Cos the hardest part of this is leaving you
'Cos the hardest part of this is leaving you

A small gasp escapes my throat as I feel my eyelids start to droop. I realise that I'm weaker than ever and that my heartbeat has slowed right down in the space of about half an hour. After failing to break away from his warmth, I whisper into his chest, "I'm exhausted."
"Oh God... please no!" He murmurs, voice shaking with tears. "Don't leave me, please! I don't know what I'd do without you... you're my everything, Steph. Please... please..." His words dissolve into sobs.
More tears leak out of my eyes at his words and I know I have to speak my final words. "Promise... me o-one... thing?" My voice is so quiet that he has to lean in to hear me.
"Anything, baby. Anything."
"Live life... for m-m-m-me. I love you... need y-you... be h-h-happy," It's unbelievably difficult to speak, and I know I'm slipping away.
He swallows and says, "I will. I love you too, more than anything..."
My mind goes numb as I finally choke out, "T-the h-h-hardest... p-part... of t-this is... l-l-l-leaving... you." Then arms shaking me, Kierans tearstained face slowly fading from view; his mouth opening and closing but I can't hear. Goodbye, Kieran. I love you.

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