Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Intoxicated Circulation
I walked past them carefully, trying my best not to call any attention to myself. I didn’t need their bullshit today. Hell, I didn’t need their bullshit any day, but today especially. School had already sucked enough ass on it’s own. It was the usual shit, not having any of my homework done, my teachers going off on me about it, but then I had to deal with Christine flirting with me obnoxiously during Calc. She had been the last thing on my mind all weekend. I couldn’t deal with it. I didn’t want to be an asshole, but at the same time, I wasn’t returning her playful advances. By the end of the hour she seemed a little ticked. I’d have to deal with that tomorrow.
I hung out with the guys at lunch, which luckily wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be. Brendon didn’t hit on me, and Jon and Spencer were obviously keeping their new found relationship on the down low. We just talked about music, which was the only topic I really cared for talking about anymore.
I was walking home, hoping to dear god that my Dad wasn’t home, when I saw the group of them standing on the sidewalk. I quickly moved to the sidewalk, trying to avoid their stares.
“Hey there, Fairy.” One of them called at me as I passed. I kept my head down, and strode past them.
“Are you trying to ignore me? That’s cute.” He laughed. I didn’t turn my head, as much as my body wanted to spin around and deck him in the face. I shoved my hands into my pockets and kept moving down the street. I could hear footsteps behind me, getting louder as they came up on my left.
“Ah come on, faggot. Don’t you like having a guys attention?”
“Looks like you sure do. Fighting so hard to get me to talk to you, I’m flattered really.” I rolled my eyes, still not looking at him as he kept in pace with me. He grabbed my arm and swung me around to face him.
“You think you’re a tough guy?” He smiled at me. I pursed my lips, and tried to turn and walk away from him, but he grabbed me again.
“Look! I don’t want to fight with you! Just leave me alone.” I snapped. He shoved me backwards, sending me stumbling to the ground.
“I don’t wanna leave you alone.” He joked. His friends hadn’t joined him, instead they stood back, watching with him with wide eyes. I felt my skin rip a little where I hit the pavement. I looked down at my forearm, sure enough red was starting to stain my shirt.
“Okay, dickhead. You’ve got some serious issues.” I said, looking up at him, accepting the fact that avoiding a fight was not going to happen.
“Nick, come on. Just let him go home.” One of his friends chimed from the group.
“Yeah, Nick. I’d appreciate that.”
“Don’t talk to me like that, you little shit.” Nick called, before his foot collided with my stomach, causing my to scream out a little. Nick started to laugh. “You sound so pathetic.” He forced his foot into my stomach again, this time forcing me to gasp in and wrap my arms around myself. He leaned down over me, grabbed the straps of my backpack, and forced me to my feet. I shoved my palms into his chest, trying to free myself, but his grip was too tight, and suddenly his fist crashed into my left cheek and nose, causing blood to pour out of my nostrils. Not a second later his fist buried itself in my stomach, sending me to the ground again.
“Hey! Fucker back off!” I heard a voice call from across the street. I rolled over on the pavement, holding myself around my mid section.
“Oh look, another faggot comes to the rescue.”
“Nick, come on man.” A different friend chimed, walking out of the group a little.
“Yeah. I am a faggot. So, if you’re asking for sexual favors, Ryan’s not the one you should be talking to.” Brendon’s voice teased. Nick pushed Brendon back a little, not sure how to respond to Brendon’s taunt.
“Nick, just stop!” The friend called, causing Nick to back away from Brendon.
“You won’t get off so easy next time.” Nick called over his shoulder, as he walked away. Brendon laughed, shaking his head. He leaned down next to me, extending his hand.
“Come on, let’s get you home.” Brendon smiled. I looked up at him, ashamed at how disgusting I must look. It took a lot for me not to cry, as stupid as that sounds. I just wanted to hug him and kiss him. If he hadn’t showed up, Nick never would have stopped.
“Thanks.” I said, my voice rough. Brendon shrugged.
“It was nothing. Now, can you get up? Or do I need to carry you?” Brendon laughed. I grabbed his hand and let him help me to my feet. I wiped at my upper lip, feeling the crusted blood there. My head still swam around a bit, causing me to lean to one side.
“Okay,” Brendon wrapped an arm around my waist, “We don’t need you tumbling over now. Let’s go.” He kept his arm around me as we started walking the short two blocks back to my house. We didn’t say much on the walk back, and slowly my head regained it’s balance. But I didn’t tell Brendon that, enjoying him being so close to me. I couldn’t help it. His touch always put butterflies in my stomach, and caused me to day dream about friday night. If that made me gay well then...
I blinked a few times. If that made me gay, well then I was gay. The thought came without hesitation. I had known it this whole time, every time Brendon was around I got nervous, but giddy all at once. And then when he stuck up for me today, how could I keep pushing away my feelings for him. He was hot as fuck, and a walking bundle of talent. Not to mention he actually gave a shit about me. And I cared about him... I just hadn’t realized it yet.
I was gay. And I wanted Brendon.
I couldn’t help but smile at myself. There was no choice. There had never been a choice, I just hadn’t acknowledged it until Brendon gave me a reason to.
We walked up my driveway, where I happily noticed that my Dad’s car wasn’t parked there. I punched the numbers into my garage code, and the door began to rise.
“Well, I’m glad you’re okay.” Brendon smiled, starting to walk back down the driveway. I began to panic. He couldn’t leave yet.
“Wait! Bren?” I asked. He turned back around.
“Yeah?”
“Could you come inside, for just a little bit? I want to talk about something.” I tried to sound a little pitiful. He couldn’t turn me down then. His brow creased in concern.
“Yeah, sure.”
He followed me through the garage, into the house. I pulled off my shoes in the laundry room, and walked into my family room. Brendon walked inside, glancing around him curiously. He took note of the coffee table, and pursed his lips. He noticed me watching him, and swayed onto his heels awkwardly.
“So... what’s going on?”
“Thanks again, for what you did back there.” I started, not really sure how to dive into the “i’ve realized I’m gay and totally crazy for you” speech. Brendon smiled and shook his head.
“I wasn’t going to just walk by. Come on. No one would.”
“You’d be surprised.” I shrugged. I ran my tongue over my top lip, making sure there was no blood left there. Brendon shifted his weight, waiting for me to start talking.
“So uh...” I started, wrapping my thumbs through my belt loops, “I don’t really know how to say this.” I admitted. Always with the honesty. Brendon pursed his lips into a tight line.
“Just say it?’ He suggested raising his eyebrows playfully. I laughed slightly, but then took in a deep low breath.
“All right...” I took a few steps closer to him, causing him to tense up slightly, “I guess I just want to say that...” I bit my lip, knowing that I was making a complete idiot out of myself, “What I mean is... Okay, do you ever feel like things don’t make any sense and then BOOM all of a sudden they do?”
“I’m hoping this will happen to me in this situation...” Brendon stared at me, confused.
“Well, that happened to me. Today. Like minutes ago.” I explained. Brendon nodded for me to continue. I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the right words. Shit! What was wrong with me? Why was I so bad at this? I looked at Brendon’s bewildered expression, and finally gave up trying.
“Ah, fuck it.” I said under my breath, reached my hand out to his neck, and pulled his lips onto mine. He didn’t hesitate kissing me back, the force was so unexpected it nearly knocked me over. He placed his hands on my hips, pulling me as close to him as possible. I moved my arms up around his neck, kissing him with all I had in me. It felt amazing. It felt right. His lips pulled away from mine all too soon as he looked at me.
“As much as I’m loving this, can I ask where it’s coming from?” He smiled. I ran my fingers through his hair and laughed.
“Well, like I said, I kinda had an epiphany.”
“Thank god for those.” He joked, kissing me again, gently. “But what was the epiphany?”
“That you’re way too good to pass up.”
Brendon smiled wider than I’d ever seen, he lit up. I pulled his lips onto mine again, still feeling the smile on his face. He wrapped his arms around me tighter, practically lifting me from the ground. I couldn’t help but hold on tighter as well, the moment was too perfect.
I hung out with the guys at lunch, which luckily wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be. Brendon didn’t hit on me, and Jon and Spencer were obviously keeping their new found relationship on the down low. We just talked about music, which was the only topic I really cared for talking about anymore.
I was walking home, hoping to dear god that my Dad wasn’t home, when I saw the group of them standing on the sidewalk. I quickly moved to the sidewalk, trying to avoid their stares.
“Hey there, Fairy.” One of them called at me as I passed. I kept my head down, and strode past them.
“Are you trying to ignore me? That’s cute.” He laughed. I didn’t turn my head, as much as my body wanted to spin around and deck him in the face. I shoved my hands into my pockets and kept moving down the street. I could hear footsteps behind me, getting louder as they came up on my left.
“Ah come on, faggot. Don’t you like having a guys attention?”
“Looks like you sure do. Fighting so hard to get me to talk to you, I’m flattered really.” I rolled my eyes, still not looking at him as he kept in pace with me. He grabbed my arm and swung me around to face him.
“You think you’re a tough guy?” He smiled at me. I pursed my lips, and tried to turn and walk away from him, but he grabbed me again.
“Look! I don’t want to fight with you! Just leave me alone.” I snapped. He shoved me backwards, sending me stumbling to the ground.
“I don’t wanna leave you alone.” He joked. His friends hadn’t joined him, instead they stood back, watching with him with wide eyes. I felt my skin rip a little where I hit the pavement. I looked down at my forearm, sure enough red was starting to stain my shirt.
“Okay, dickhead. You’ve got some serious issues.” I said, looking up at him, accepting the fact that avoiding a fight was not going to happen.
“Nick, come on. Just let him go home.” One of his friends chimed from the group.
“Yeah, Nick. I’d appreciate that.”
“Don’t talk to me like that, you little shit.” Nick called, before his foot collided with my stomach, causing my to scream out a little. Nick started to laugh. “You sound so pathetic.” He forced his foot into my stomach again, this time forcing me to gasp in and wrap my arms around myself. He leaned down over me, grabbed the straps of my backpack, and forced me to my feet. I shoved my palms into his chest, trying to free myself, but his grip was too tight, and suddenly his fist crashed into my left cheek and nose, causing blood to pour out of my nostrils. Not a second later his fist buried itself in my stomach, sending me to the ground again.
“Hey! Fucker back off!” I heard a voice call from across the street. I rolled over on the pavement, holding myself around my mid section.
“Oh look, another faggot comes to the rescue.”
“Nick, come on man.” A different friend chimed, walking out of the group a little.
“Yeah. I am a faggot. So, if you’re asking for sexual favors, Ryan’s not the one you should be talking to.” Brendon’s voice teased. Nick pushed Brendon back a little, not sure how to respond to Brendon’s taunt.
“Nick, just stop!” The friend called, causing Nick to back away from Brendon.
“You won’t get off so easy next time.” Nick called over his shoulder, as he walked away. Brendon laughed, shaking his head. He leaned down next to me, extending his hand.
“Come on, let’s get you home.” Brendon smiled. I looked up at him, ashamed at how disgusting I must look. It took a lot for me not to cry, as stupid as that sounds. I just wanted to hug him and kiss him. If he hadn’t showed up, Nick never would have stopped.
“Thanks.” I said, my voice rough. Brendon shrugged.
“It was nothing. Now, can you get up? Or do I need to carry you?” Brendon laughed. I grabbed his hand and let him help me to my feet. I wiped at my upper lip, feeling the crusted blood there. My head still swam around a bit, causing me to lean to one side.
“Okay,” Brendon wrapped an arm around my waist, “We don’t need you tumbling over now. Let’s go.” He kept his arm around me as we started walking the short two blocks back to my house. We didn’t say much on the walk back, and slowly my head regained it’s balance. But I didn’t tell Brendon that, enjoying him being so close to me. I couldn’t help it. His touch always put butterflies in my stomach, and caused me to day dream about friday night. If that made me gay well then...
I blinked a few times. If that made me gay, well then I was gay. The thought came without hesitation. I had known it this whole time, every time Brendon was around I got nervous, but giddy all at once. And then when he stuck up for me today, how could I keep pushing away my feelings for him. He was hot as fuck, and a walking bundle of talent. Not to mention he actually gave a shit about me. And I cared about him... I just hadn’t realized it yet.
I was gay. And I wanted Brendon.
I couldn’t help but smile at myself. There was no choice. There had never been a choice, I just hadn’t acknowledged it until Brendon gave me a reason to.
We walked up my driveway, where I happily noticed that my Dad’s car wasn’t parked there. I punched the numbers into my garage code, and the door began to rise.
“Well, I’m glad you’re okay.” Brendon smiled, starting to walk back down the driveway. I began to panic. He couldn’t leave yet.
“Wait! Bren?” I asked. He turned back around.
“Yeah?”
“Could you come inside, for just a little bit? I want to talk about something.” I tried to sound a little pitiful. He couldn’t turn me down then. His brow creased in concern.
“Yeah, sure.”
He followed me through the garage, into the house. I pulled off my shoes in the laundry room, and walked into my family room. Brendon walked inside, glancing around him curiously. He took note of the coffee table, and pursed his lips. He noticed me watching him, and swayed onto his heels awkwardly.
“So... what’s going on?”
“Thanks again, for what you did back there.” I started, not really sure how to dive into the “i’ve realized I’m gay and totally crazy for you” speech. Brendon smiled and shook his head.
“I wasn’t going to just walk by. Come on. No one would.”
“You’d be surprised.” I shrugged. I ran my tongue over my top lip, making sure there was no blood left there. Brendon shifted his weight, waiting for me to start talking.
“So uh...” I started, wrapping my thumbs through my belt loops, “I don’t really know how to say this.” I admitted. Always with the honesty. Brendon pursed his lips into a tight line.
“Just say it?’ He suggested raising his eyebrows playfully. I laughed slightly, but then took in a deep low breath.
“All right...” I took a few steps closer to him, causing him to tense up slightly, “I guess I just want to say that...” I bit my lip, knowing that I was making a complete idiot out of myself, “What I mean is... Okay, do you ever feel like things don’t make any sense and then BOOM all of a sudden they do?”
“I’m hoping this will happen to me in this situation...” Brendon stared at me, confused.
“Well, that happened to me. Today. Like minutes ago.” I explained. Brendon nodded for me to continue. I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the right words. Shit! What was wrong with me? Why was I so bad at this? I looked at Brendon’s bewildered expression, and finally gave up trying.
“Ah, fuck it.” I said under my breath, reached my hand out to his neck, and pulled his lips onto mine. He didn’t hesitate kissing me back, the force was so unexpected it nearly knocked me over. He placed his hands on my hips, pulling me as close to him as possible. I moved my arms up around his neck, kissing him with all I had in me. It felt amazing. It felt right. His lips pulled away from mine all too soon as he looked at me.
“As much as I’m loving this, can I ask where it’s coming from?” He smiled. I ran my fingers through his hair and laughed.
“Well, like I said, I kinda had an epiphany.”
“Thank god for those.” He joked, kissing me again, gently. “But what was the epiphany?”
“That you’re way too good to pass up.”
Brendon smiled wider than I’d ever seen, he lit up. I pulled his lips onto mine again, still feeling the smile on his face. He wrapped his arms around me tighter, practically lifting me from the ground. I couldn’t help but hold on tighter as well, the moment was too perfect.
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