FicWad

On Thursday Mikey couldn't look Gerard in the eye.

He sidestepped him in the hall on his way to the bathroom while looking at the floor, took the outstretched coffee with another cursory nod at the floor by way of a silent 'thank you', then barely mumbled an 'I'm off' before grabbing his keys and shutting the front door behind him without waiting for a reply.

After another dull as fuck day that seemed to pass by and happen outside of his personal universe, Mikey headed straight home.

He almost fell asleep on the subway, his mind being so completely exhausted and heavy feeling. He wasn't going to think about the Gerard situation again, there was no point, he'd been over it a thousand and one times in the day and still hadn't come up with a good and likely ending, or an appropriate way to apologise for nearly ripping his drunk brother's asshole last night, so he promised himself not to dwell anymore that day. He couldn't force himself to not give a fuck, but he could put it to the back of his skull in a dark place where it would be safe to fester away until he could face it again.

Not that his brain would have been able to think it through - the dull ache of numb exhaustion made his skull feel completely empty, yet like the emptiness was a tangible object, something semi-solid like dense dry ice that filled up his head and left no room for thought. He yawned again and leant against the window.

Mikey kicked closed his front door feeling completely numb, half a person. He heard signs of life from the living room and spared it a look as he passed, seeing Gerard painting at his easel in the corner, not singing, CD player ignored. He walked past towards the stairs without a thought in his head.

"Mikey!"

He paused in the hallway, his fist tightening around his keys.

"Mikey."

He turned around and saw Gerard coming out of the living room wiping paint on his shirt, his bottom lip between his teeth and his eyes wide and hopeful.

The numbness cracked, and Mikey looked at Gerard expectantly, pushing down the overwhelming affection rising in him with a forced resoluteness.

"Mikey, I - er-" Gerard stuttered out. He fidgeted with his fingers then laughed once nervously, looking at his feet. "Mikes I just wanted... ... Aw shit." Gerard frowned, sighing, and ran a hand through his hair. He cleared his throat. Mikey stared at him. "I can't take this anymore Mikes. I can't take fighting with you. I can't take us not speaking, it's, it's not right." He looked around himself awkwardly and muttered, "I don't feel whole."

Mikey swallowed.

"Please Mikes, I'm so sorry for being such a monumental dick in the car the other day, you didn't deserve that, you don't deserve this and I can't keep it up, not with you. I'm really sorry."

Mikey stared at him. His heart was pleasantly on fire and beating soundly against his chest. His mind was troubled though. Snatched images from the night before flashed through his head: teeth on lips, growls and groans and death-grips on rocking hipbones. He blinked and saw fully-clothed, heartfelt, brotherly Gerard in front of him.

"Is that really what you're apologising for?" he asked quietly, looking up to meet Gerard's eye.

Gerard's face fell immediately and his eyes burned with something more than worry - fear.

"Have I done something else? Shit Mikey, tell me how I upset you." he rushed out, stepping forward and touching Mikey's arm sincerely and searching his eyes.

A push up and a shove down, a sweat-drenched fringe tangling with another, a strangled grunt and a swallowed name.

But Mikey forced a smile and shook his head. "Nothing, nothing, bad choice of words."

He met Gerard's eye again and smiled reassuringly, rubbing the hand on his arm.

Gerard weighed him up worriedly then practically lunged forwards and wrapped his arm around Mikey, squeezing any air out of him.

Mikey laughed softly, the first time he'd properly smiled in days, and wound his arms around his brother, beaming contentedly into the neck he'd bitten to shreds less than twenty four hours ago.

When Gerard finally pulled away, he sniffed, laughed, and looked up to Mikey's eyes, smiling tenderly a moment before slinging his arm over Mikey's shoulders and dragging him into the living room, pulling them both down onto the couch.

Mikey curled his legs up, kicking his shoes off, and rested his head on Gerard's shoulder, sighing a contented little sigh as Gerard tightened his arm around his neck, letting his hand hang down over Mikey's chest.

A few necessary moments' silence.

Gerard broke it at just the right moment.

"I love you Mikes."

Mikey smiled to himself, eyes closed.

"I know. I love you too Gee."

Gerard kissed Mikey's temple and Mikey could feel the smile against his skin.

"Good."

Mikey snorted a laugh and poked Gerard in the ribs, making him squeal.

After a moment he smirked to himself and said, "Evil." and waited for Gerard to catch on.

He practically heard Gerard grin as he recognised the word association game they'd played since Mikey was six and Gerard was nine and Gerard had been helping Mikey with his vocabulary for English class. "Satan."

"Lucifer."

"Sandman."

"Gaiman,"

"Genius."

"Spock."

"Kirk."

"Lycra."

Gerard cracked up laughing. "Lycra?"

"Lycra." Mikey reaffirmed, grinning at him. "Your go."

Gerard shook his head, laughing, and Mikey rested his head back on his warm shoulder.

"Flashdance."

"The 80s."

"Mikey."

"Gerard."

Another moment of silence as they realised what they'd both said. But only a moment.

Gerard smirked. "Loser."

"Winner."

"Sheen."

Mikey snorted a laugh and they automatically chorused, "Winning!" and fell about laughing, doubled over into each other.

"Ahh," Gerard sighed, still grinning. "What the hell happened to him, he's almost as crazy as Mom these days."

Mikey smirked. "She's an 'eccentric'." he corrected, using airquotes with his fingers.

"Yeah well so's Alan Moore and look at him." Gerard pointed out, raising an eyebrow humourfully.

"Hey he's working the best beard in Britain, don't knock it."

Gerard chuckled, ruffling his hand through Mikey's hair, and Mikey grinned under his touch, completely relaxed and just happy.

The evening passed seamlessly, chatting and laughing again, all injokes, 'remember when's and nerdy nasal laughs, slouched over each other, like it should be.

At around half ten, Mikey yawned and stretched around, looking at the clock behind them.

"Damn, I really better get to bed or I'll never wake up for work tomorrow." he grimaced.

"Okay." Gerard sighed. He pulled Mikey in a headlock and kissed his temple again, releasing him with a grin when Mikey coughed dramatically for air. "Night Mikes."

Mikey slapped a hand on Gerard's knee and used it to heave himself up, saying "Night Gee." through a yawn. He stretched, blinked sleepily and dragged a hand through his hair, then wrinkled his nose, spreading his fingers and looking at the tacky, half-dry globs of acrylic. "Son of a bitch." he laughed, sighing.

Gerard squinted at Mikey's hand then looked down at his own collar and touched his neck, seeing it was covered in paint smears. "My bad?" he grinned innocently, laughing as Mikey shook his head in disappointment then headed for the door. "Sleep well." Gerard called, following him with his eyes.

Mikey lazily saluted over his shoulder and yawned again as he disappeared from view, and Gerard smiled to himself, going back to his painting with renewed inspiration, singing quietly.