FicWad

Fuck. No. Keep your arm still, Gerard.
Frank and Gerard were ambling silently towards the cheapy rubbish café on the corner, accidentally brushing hands and cursing themselves internally each time. Fucking hand, why do I even have them anywa- oh shit what am I saying. No hands, no hand jobs. Silly Frank.
After long minutes of persuading Gerard to leave the house, Frank had jumped up enthusiastically and – upon feeling the cool sticky mess still present in his boxers – changed into some of Gerard's before pulling him downstairs and out of the house, where they wandered through the nearby suburban streets looking for something to do. There was that awkward teenage date feeling in the air; neither of them were certain if what they were doing could count as a date. Neither knew if they really liked eachother, and neither of them were going to ask anything to find out. They were both playing along, watching as everything unfurled before their eyes, getting repeatedly frustrated when it didn't.
“Here?” Gerard suggested quietly, his voice coming out as an awkward squeak. He couldn't get the images of what him and Frank had been doing earlier out of his head and he hoped with everything he had that the look on his face wouldn't give him away as they stepped into the shabby attempt at a café.
He sat down with a sigh and looked up at Frank, who slithered into his chair with expertise and a little smirk on his face.
“Why are you still smirking?” Gerard asked, a smile playing on his lips involuntarily. He pushed it down.
“Cause you look cute when you're trying to be grumpy.” he replied, leaning forward on his elbows and looking at Gerard innocently. But the smirk was still there; no way was a facial expression that dirty was passing off as innocent.
Gerard grinned for a second and blushed, playing with the dented salt and pepper pots absent-mindedly. “What else?” he said, not being able to hide his smile.
“Mm,” Frank said, impressed, “you can tell it's more than that?”
“Of course,” Gerard snorted, “I've never seen somebody look so...suggestive. And I'm not prepared to believe that dirty smirk is just there because I 'look cute.'”
“Well,” Frank started, bringing himself forward on his chair and waiting for Gerard to do the same. He got the idea and leant his head on his arms on the table, face inches from Frank's, listening attentively to the sound of his breathing. It wasn't the comfiest position in the world and it was kind of digging into his ribs, but he ignored it, distracted by the suddenly close-up and high definition view of Frank's face. His perfect eyebrows, his curved nose, his surprisingly honest eyes. Oh, and that unmistakably dirty smirk on those wonderfully soft lips. “I was just thinking about earlier.” he said quietly.
Gerard's eyes flickered up to Frank's. “Oh really?” he replied, voice soft.
“Mhmm. And you know, a place like this isn't really the sort of place I should be using this kind of language, but...” he trailed off and licked his lips slightly before biting down on one, eyes wild. “You turned me on so fucking much that I wanted to just shove my cock inside of you there and then and push you down into the bed and fuck you so hard until I hit your prostate and you screamed nothing but my name until I came inside of you.” he whispered, leaning forwards and putting his lips by Gerard's ear. “Does that explain the smirk?”
Gerard nodded, feeling kind of lost for words. There was so much that he wanted to say back, but so much that he wouldn't let himself say.
“You can do that anytime.” he said, shocking himself. He hadn't expected to say that. Where did it even come from? What part of his black little heart had thrown those words out of him?
“Excuse me, are you ready to order?” Gerard sat up hastily, neatening his clothes and letting the smile fall from his face as he looked up at the waitress. Short, too skinny, blonde, a judgemental look in her heavily made-up eyes.
“Um, I'll just have a coffee please.” he said, looking over at Frank who was still slumped on the table, smirking. He just raised his eyebrows and muttered, “I'll have the same.”
As the waitress walked away, Gerard leant back in his seat and sighed again. Frank was so rude. Why did he have to be like that?
“I hope she didn't hear that.” he said, folding his arms.
“Why not? If she did, well, free ear-porn for her.” Frank giggled to himself.
“Well I just...she'll think we're weird.” he shrugged stiffly.
“So what? We are weird. Well, no, we're perfectly normal, everyone has sex. I guess she probably doesn't do it the way guys do though. She's probably all protective over that flat little asshole.”
“Shhh,” Gerard hissed. “She'll hear you.”
“Don't care.” Frank replied, smiling still. The waitress returned with two chipped mugs of lukewarm coffee, pulling a sardonic smile at them and slinking away.
“Which brings me on to another topic.” Frank sipped at his coffee, wondering whether or not what he was about to say would cross the line. “Are you like...an ass virgin?”
Gerard spluttered suddenly, hand over his mouth as he tried to stop his coffee from going everywhere. He coughed uncontrollably and Frank giggled, passing him a serviette and waiting for him to stop.
By the time he did a look of pure annoyance had settled in Gerard's eyes, and he didn't answer.
“Well?”
“Um.” he said, glaring at the table. “Yeah.”
Frank raised his eyebrows, clicking his tongue judgementally, whilst Gerard panicked under his scrutinizing eyes. Had he said the wrong thing?
“So if I do take up that wonderful offer of yours, I'll take your ass virginity?”
Gerard nodded and Frank grinned, looking pleased. “Wonderful.” he said, the smirk reappearing.
“I don't see why it matters to you though.” Gerard heated up slightly, feeling embarrassed. Inexperienced. “Like, don't you just fuck them and leave?”
Frank frowned, unsure of what Gerard meant. “Fuck, I'm not that insensitive.” he paused, with a little giggle. “I usually find out their name first.”
“Oh, great. So now you know my name. I'm Gerard Arthur Way. You can fuck me and then you can fuck off. Is that your plan?”
“What's wrong with you?” Frank said, irritated. “That's not my plan, actually. I don't even have a fucking plan. God, there's little conspiracies in everything for you, isn't there? Everyone's working against you.”
“What's wrong with me? I just got dumped by my fiancée, that's what!” Gerard retaliated. “Well yeah, they are. You just want to u-use me, like everyone does. You'll leave me too.”
“No I won't!” Frank stood up loudly, causing a few heads to turn. “And just, just get over her already, you never even liked her!”
Gerard snorted and stood up too, face to face with Frank. “You've obviously never been in a real relationship before, so I wouldn't expect you to understand. What are people to you? Is the world like one big drive-through sex stop? You turn up, you screw them, you go home.” he found himself arguing back, and he was really fucking proud – he felt much more confident in the words he was saying. They were harsh words, they were horrible words, but he was comfortable saying them because he knew he needed too. It was never like any of the arguments or the dribbly little disagreements he'd had with his girlfriend.
“You don't know me, you don't know anything about me!” he laughed mockingly, scrabbling in his jean pocket distractedly. “Oh and because you and that...that stupid cow faced bitch had a 'real relationship?' I don't fucking think so! Where were your affectionate little kisses, your sex life, your anything?” he pulled some change out and slammed it down on the table by way of payment before being dragged out of the café by Gerard, past the stupid nosey faces and the wide eyed kids.
“We did have a sex life.” he muttered humilitatingly, his face burning red. “She um, she sucked me off on Tuesday.”
Frank laughed. “Yeah, tell me how much you came. Tell me, Gerard. Was it a massive fucking load, or was it like, some pathetic dribble?” Gerard looked around and saw people crossing to the other side of the road, watching them warily and pulling disapproving faces at the conversation. He bit his lip nervously, knowing the answer to that question, but not wanting to tell Frank. Not wanting to tell anyone, let alone the entire street.
“I knew it.” Frank said bitterly. “So what if she sucked you off. You didn't enjoy it. And I do it better.”
Gerard stuttered, unable to form a response, and turned quickly on his heel to storm away, expecting to hear the light footfall of Frank behind him. It didn't come but he didn't look around, just kept walking back to his house, breathing heavily and running over everything he'd just said and heard in his mind, glad that no tears were falling yet.
Yet.
He glanced around eventually and saw Frank heading in the other direction, crossing the road, and frowned. Where's he going?
“F-frank?” he called, voice quiet and cracking. Frank didn't hear. He stopped in the bus stop, sitting down on the cold plastic bench and pulling his knees up to his chin, closing his eyes. Gerard felt so terrible for what he'd said. 'You turn up, you screw them, you go home.' He'd thought that was true, but maybe there was more to Frank...maybe they were just rumours? Lies, made up by stupid ignorant idiots like...like his fiancée and her friends.
And now Frank was leaving him alone. He was taking the bus back to his house. A shockwave of loneliness hit Gerard hard as he turned the corner, taking a quick glance at the still and silent Frank as he reached his house.
The afternoon passed quickly, Gerard doodling miserably onto the address book by the phone and then tearing the pages out and throwing them away. None of them were good enough. Nothing he did was good enough, or ever would be.
Eventually darkness fell, both outside the house and within – Gerard preferred the dark, the mystery of the unknown. He almost tripped over when dragging himself up the dark stairs and was slightly disappointed when he didn't fall to his death – seconds of imagining his fiancée and his brother and Frank finding him at the bottom of the stairs, pale, cold, and not moving...
He brushed his teeth gently and was about to slip into his pyjamas when he decided to sleep naked – fuck it, it's not like anyone would be there in the morning to hide from. It's not like he had anyone to share himself with anymore. It's not like he wanted to anyway.
Sighing, he folded his pyjamas up neatly and put them in his cupboard, resisting the urge to let his anger and resent flow freely and to throw them about the room haphazardly. He was too fucking tired, anyway. He wanted to get into bed and to tuck himself in and then cry himself to sleep, not giving a flying fuck about what time he woke up the next day. And so he did, collapsing with a yawn onto the double bed and gently tucking himself in, a little gasp escaped his lips at the memory of him and Frank grinding up on the same duvet only hours before. Frank's face when he'd released, the sounds when he'd been getting close...ohh fuck. His cock twitched threateningly and his hand travelled down of it's own accord before he frowned and pulled it back up, pulling a pillow towards him and hugging it for comfort; he didn't want to get off, not now, not in such a sorry state. His curled up, naked form shook silently as he calmed himself to sleep, but it was the shudder of a crying man.

-

A while later he awoke, still in the pitch darkness; no light was filtering in through the windows, and he realised it was still late. Or rather, the early hours of the morning. He shivered and drew the duvet closer to himself, succumbing to a state of half-sleep, half-consciousness as a worrying feeling of fear drew up on him.
Anything could be in the darkness around him, anything at all. The monsters that he'd drawn and read about and watched on TV, a psycho murderer with a knife, that creepy masked hallucination from Donnie Darko...the rabbit, what was his name..Frank?
Frank could be there, Frank Iero, warm and small and tired. Maybe he was scared too. Gerard imagined his soft touch on Gerard's hair as he crawled into bed with him, wrapping his arms around him. “Gee, I'm scared.” he'd whisper.
“I'm scared too, Frankie.” he'd reply, cuddling closer and not caring about how much their crotches touched because right now it was a fucking romantic cuddle and there would be no sex involved, thankyou very much.
“So dark...” he'd mutter.
But then in Gerard's mind he'd twist and change and deform until he was Frank the rabbit, his horrifying twisted grin right in Gerard's face, lying there waiting. Gerard couldn't tell the difference between his dreams and his reality, he just wanted Frank...Frank Iero...

Gerard snapped his eyes open, being blinded by the sudden light and so immediately closing them again. The sun was shining through the windows and he groaned, stretching out across the bed, feeling just how empty it was.
He remembered his dreams from the night before; the dreams that had turned themselves into nightmares, left his heart racing. And of course, Frank Iero wasn't really there. No gorgeously innocent looking man was snuggled up to him that night. Not even one in a ridiculously scary rabbit mask. Nobody. That's how alone he was. Fucking double bed.
Maybe Frank will come today, he thought. Maybe he'll come back and I can shove my tongue in his mouth and we can be happy again. He snorted at himself for such an obscene thought, and went downstairs for some strawberry flavoured cereal called Frankenberry. Frankenberry. He put them back in the cupboard in annoyance, and had toast instead, hoping constantly for that knock on the door, feeling that lazy Sunday feeling of just wishing for something interesting to happen, but not bothering to make it so.
But Frank didn't come. Not for the rest of the morning, not at lunch, not in the afternoon, not in the evening. Gerard dreaded going to bed for the dreams he'd had before – well, he dreaded it and he craved it. He wanted that weird state of semi-consciousness so that the imaginary arms around him would seem real.
He left the side light on that night, fearing the dark awakening again, and slept in his boxers. He still wasn't in the mood for jacking off, which surprised him; he was just too low. His constant thought stream, no matter how hard he tried, was always the same: he'll never talk to me again. I'm not worth it. I knew this would happen. Sometimes I think I'll die alone...
His dreams that night were different; he was out in some heavily air-conditioned, windowless department store, shopping for mouldy bathroom curtains with a strange sense of optimism. He kept seeing Frank jump out of the displays from behind bath robes or showers, leaping at him with a fierce look on his face; but the second he tried to speak to him, he would be gone. It was almost a chasing dream, a hunting dream, but neither knew who was the predator, and who was the prey.

-

Light. Sun. Fuck. Monday. Work. Frank.
These were the first six words that went through Gerard's mind that morning; he awoke suddenly, frowning, and looked at the clock only to find out that he had about half an hour until he was due to be at the tattoo parlour. Swearing under his breath he heaved himself up, his only motivation being the fact that he was going to see Frank that day, and hurried into the bathroom, vowing to put on a valiant show of happiness to prove that he didn't care.
But it was a lie.
Oh, he cared so fucking much.
He was technically supposed to shower that morning, but he really didn't have time – running his hands through his hair and splashing a bit of water on his face would have to suffice. Oh, and maybe a teeny bit of eyeliner. And maybe a bit of the pale foundation his wife had left behind, just to hide the...you know...blemishes.
Dressed and decent, he grabbed his phone and wallet and shoved them in his jacket pocket before trudging out of the house and into his car with a sigh. He was terrified of what the day would hold, yet happy to watch Frank ignore him for a while, sit back and enjoy the view from a distance. He didn't understand himself, and he wanted to apologise; but at the same time he wanted to never utter a single word to Frank again.
He drove quickly, one eye on the time, trying not to think too hard about anything. Of course, having not touched himself for two days whilst constantly craving contact, he was inevitably horny and he had to stop thoughts of sex from entering his mind constantly. Sometimes he'd just give up and let them in, succumb to the one-track mind. He figured if it was imaginative sex, it still counted as being creative, so it didn't really matter.
Eventually he pulled up at the car park and headed towards the shop, that horrible butterfly feeling making itself present in his stomach as he worried constantly. The door creaked ominously as he entered and saw Frank sitting behind the counter, working away at something, not bothering to look up. He sighed – anticlimax much? - and headed through to the back room to dump his jacket.
Hearing someone come in, Gerard went back into the shop to greet the customers only to see Frank happily doing it already. So he wasn't just ignoring everyone, it was only Gerard. Fantastic. Just what I wanted.
And then Gerard knew that he'd have to make the first move if he wanted things to go back to how they were.
The only question was, did he?
As he watched Frank happily chirping away to some middle-aged man asking which would be the most impressive body part to have tattooed, he knew that Frank's smile was a lie and the lack of spring in his step was for a reason. If he really didn't care, he wouldn't be upset about what had happened on Saturday, but Gerard could just...just sense that he wasn't being truthful in the way he acted. It was as if he hadn't put as much effort into his character today, he wasn't trying as hard because he couldn't muster the motivation to do so. His hair was tousled and his jeans baggy as his smile only spread across half of his tired face.
A while later Frank walked absent-mindedly into the back room to get a drink and walked in only to find Gerard already sitting there on the table, swinging his legs and waiting for the kettle to boil. He looked up and they locked eyes, just for a moment, until the silence hit them and they both looked away; at the floor, at the walls, whatever. Just not at eachother.
Frank valiantly ignored Gerard as the kettle finished and he filled his mug up quickly, stirring in the coffee granules in expert speed. He turned to walk out the door quickly, glad to escape the heavy awkward silence and the rooms, atmosphere, until-
“I'm sorry.” Gerard said, quite clearly, like he'd practiced it.
“W-what?” Frank half choked, not turning around but stopping and looking nervously into his coffee.
“I said I'm sorry. P-please forgive me.” he stuttered. “I need your help.”
Frank breathed out a huge sigh of relief, and turned around slowly, a weak smile on his face. His eyes travelled upwards to Gerard's and he nodded, looking down at the floor again.
“Okay. Of course.” he replied, both of them equally as shocked by his reaction. “I'm sorry too.”
There was another silence, yet this one was filled by emotion; relief, deep gratitude, and a tingling sense of risk. “Ciggie?” Frank offered breathlessly, as if it was a word he'd been trying to get out all day, but couldn't bring himself to doing.
“Mhmm.” Gerard nodded. He hardly even thought about the consequences of smoking or the continuous rants of his girlfriend or the fact that it could be the cause of death for both of them if they kept on doing it. All he thought about was Frank. Frank, Frank, Frank. He'd hadn't been this emotionally interested in somebody since he was about sixteen years old...
They headed outside into the back alley, where Frank immediately tapped Gerard on the shoulder as soon as they were outside. Gerard turned and suddenly felt Frank's lips lightly pressed on to his; he kissed back instinctively, smiling a little. This day has turned out well.
“Do you....do you want to come over again?” Gerard said, pulling away.
“Definitely.” Frank placed a cigarette into Gerard's hand and kissed him quickly again.

- So I haven't proof read it completely but it's been a long time and I just really want to put it out here, sorry about the wait. Also, if I wrote a Fraycest would anyone be interested? Thankyou for the reviews. Much love =D =D xoxo