FicWad

“...and I'm sorry for leaving you alone.” Frank smiled, his voice filled with relief as he and Gerard headed through the preoccupied streets towards the car. Women and their nagging children, flustered red-faces businessmen, lonely looking school children wandering aimlessly with their bags scraping along the floor as they went. Frank wanted to remind them each that they should probably stop doing that because you know, the bag will break eventually and then they'll have to spend all that money on a new bag when they could be buying crisps or CD's or porn...
He didn't say that, though, he just grabbed Gerard's hand confidently – thinking it was about time he showed some public display of affection – and apologised again for his lack of support during Gerard's 'time of need.'
“It's fine,” Gerard rolled his eyes playfully, “like, I could've been a bit nicer to you anyway.” he was stretching himself there – he thought he'd been perfectly reasonable, but now really wasn't the time to confront Frank about that.
“Mm,” he nodded, squeezing Gerard's hand and then letting go to slip into the car.
They drove in silence, but it wasn't awkward; this was the most relaxed they'd ever felt around eachother. Well, relaxed wasn't exactly the word for it; Gerard was trying to ignore anything that popped into his mind about his fiancée – or ex-fiancée, maybe – and just enjoy himself with Frank. This consequently meant he was over analysing every movement Frank made, every breath he took – did that little stumble mean he was thinking about something else other than our conversation, and got distracted? Are his feet pointed towards me because he's attracted to me? He had to mentally hit himself a couple of times to pull himself together/avoid crashing the car.
“So um,” Frank started, evidently bored by the silence, “get up to much yesterday?”
Gerard didn't know how to answer that; he didn't exactly want to tell him that he'd just moped around alone all day, but he couldn't lie. He settled with a withdrawn “not much,” that left Frank slightly disappointed.
“You?” Gerard asked, just to be polite as they pulled into the driveway.
“I ordered pizza, and sat thinking about how much I wanted to go back and make sure you were okay, but how much you'd probably hate me if I did.”
Gerard blushed, feeling kind of guilty and knowing Frank was right. “Yeah. I'm sorry.”
“It's okay, you're forgiven, I'm forgiven, all is well in the world.”
Gerard giggled as the car stopped, clambering out feeling like he had way too many limbs and trying desperately to keep his hair in the right place in the sudden wind. He felt like he was buzzing on the inside, desperately trying to keep up with his own heartbeat.
He went and stood on the doorstep, waiting for Frank who had his belt somehow attached to the seatbelt and giggling. “Hurry up, Frank!” he called. “It's fucking freezi-” he stopped mid-sentence as Frank disentangled himself, hurrying towards him with open arms. “I'll warm you up!” he called, obviously oblivious to the silhouette at the end of the drive.
Frank's arms wrapped themselves around him and his instinctively hugged back, fingers pressing comfortably into his warm lower back, but his face focused on the other person present despite the lips pressing onto his neck.
“Gerard?” his fiancée called. His fiancée. She'd come back, and here he was hugging Frank on the doorstep...he was still with Frank, even though he'd promised he would make him leave. “Frank?” she asked, her voice noticeably more high pitched.
She walked up to both of them as Frank pulled away, a horrified look on her face at both him and the little red wet patch on Gerard's neck where Frank had been playing.
“I'd come to reconsider,” she spoke clearly, the distaste evident in her powerful glare, “I thought maybe I'd taken it a bit too far, Gerard.”
Gerard frowned, noticing how formally she spoke his name...as though he was a stranger to her. He felt like that was pretty much the truth. He had no fucking clue when her birthday was, even after three years...some time in May, maybe? He already knew when Frank's was, he'd seen it on the documents at work. And there was evidence on his knuckles. H a ll o w e e n, they said.
“But evidently, I was wrong. You don't need me at all, you filthy liar.”
She glared at Frank as her words cut into Gerard unexpectedly; such harsh words from such a pretty mouth. Although really, it's not that pretty, Gerard thought. And her lips are all chapped.
But it still hurt him, it still hurt him a lot...especially since he knew it was true.
“I-I do,” he whispered, and Frank shook his head disappointedly. He wanted to yell at this woman, scrape his sharp pointing nails all over her dainty fucking skin and kill her for doing this to Gerard. He could see the suppressed personality, and how manipulating she was being...and he was blind to it. Oblivious to his own suffering.
“No, you don't. There you go, lying again.” she continued, voice laced with venom. “and he's still here. He hasn't left.” she pointed a white, manicured nail at Frank accusationally, who rolled his not-so-recently madeover eyes and folded his arms challengingly. She huffed and wrenched her ring from her finger, getting it sort of stuck on her knuckle; there was a crucial moment when she thought it might not come off before it slid off, falling to the floor amongst the gravel and Gerard's tears.
“We're through.” she said quietly, turning on her heel and storming away, accompanied only by the whistling wind and the crunch of the gravel.
“No, please-” Gerard pleaded, sobbing each word.
“THE ENGAGEMENT IS OFF!” she yelled, spinning around again as tears fell from her eyes too and her face slowly flushed a deep red and hurrying away, almost running.
Gerard didn't bother to call after her that time, he simply turned disdainfully and stared at Frank, who edged forwards to comfort him. But Gerard turned and banged on the door angrily, willing it to open – he'd completely lost himself. He'd dropped the only key on the doormat, and he started shouting and banging on it angrily. “Let me the fuck in!” he yelled, tears flowing steadily.
“Gee, there's nobody in, let me open it.” Frank sighed, hating to see him in such a sorry state. Gerard glared at him and waited for the door to open, hearing the satisfying click and then pushing past Frank and storming in, kicking his shoes off and then turning to face him with a horribly accusational look on his face.
Frank thought he knew what was coming.
“You.” Gerard said loudly, pointing a finger at him. “This is your fault.”
“No, Gerard, I'm sorry,” he started, moving towards him and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder to show him that he was just trying to help. But Gerard pushed the hand off and shoved Frank away; as he stumbled backwards, clinging onto the walls to stop himself from falling, he knew he was seeing a side of Gerard that was the result of living with that repulsive witch for three years. Supressed, always angry, never physically satisfied. And now Frank was here to receive the aftermath of those years.
“Yeah, be fucking sorry,” Gerard said, breaking out into uncontrollable sobs. “It's your fault for being there, for being here now, for hugging me l-like that and giving me a fucking lovebite!” Gerard dragged a hand up to his neck and ran his fingers over the little mark, glaring constantly. “If she hadn't seen you...” he was muttering like a madman, listing all the little things that were wrong, hurting Frank's feelings a little bit more each time. It's not even worth this much...you're not even worth this much...I should just let myself die, alone...if she hadn't fucking seen you!
He was fuming by the time he remembered Frank was actually there, standing silently staring at the floor trying not to listen to the horrible words that were being spat at him. He should have been fighting back, standing up for himself, pushing his way past the currently insane man in the doorway and vowing never to return. But he was just standing there, letting the words sink deep into his skin like the ink of his tattoos. You're not even worth this much.
He just took it.
Every single word that was thrown at him, he accepted to be true.
Gerard turned to face him again, stepping forwards so he was close enough to feel his breath. “And Frank,” he started, “you've ruined everything. I'm not even fucking gay! It's just you! YOU!” he was shouting, right in his face and shouting close and loud. Frank cringed and screwed up his eyes, listening to the heavy breathing of the man and trying to convince himself that it was just fear and hurt that was causing Gerard to be this way. Because Frank wasn't really that much of a fuck-up, was he?
“Why is this even h-happening to me?” Gerard sobbed, slowly quietening down. “Why is it so confusing? I'm useless. You're useless. You've been no fucking good to me so far, Frank, no good at all. Fuck you. Fuck yourself. Fuck myself. Fuck everyone and everything.” he rubbed his eyes miserably and then widened them, blinking repetitively at the silent Frank, who just nodded, tears prickling in his big eyes.
“Like, fucking hell, this is so messed up!” Gerard started again, running his hands through his hair and leaning back against the wall. “I've got nothing now. My family are going to be so fucking mental, Frank! And I'm going to die alone! And there's nobody I can trust, nobody I even want to trust, why put in the fucking effort? And you're so much help. I'm so alone and you're just there laughing and sniggering and putting me down and pretending to be fucking guys called Bert so that I get jealous. Like I'd even want to fuck you...well, actually, I guess that's all you're good for, you useless piece of shit...”
“I KNOW I'M FUCKING USELESS!” Frank shouted suddenly, screwing up his eyes and putting everything in to those words. Every ounce of tension and emotion and fear. He meant those words so much that simply the way he said them was wrenchingly painful, horrible true to him. “S-stop reminding me.” he muttered, before bursting in to floods of tears.
“Don't tell me what to fucking do!” Gerard yelled back, fists balling up and his voice cracking and starting to cry as fully and heavily as Frank. It was a sorry sight; two grown men crying themselves into oblivion in a suburban hallway, eyeliner running and hair sticking irritatingly to their distraught faces.
“I'm s-sorry,” Frank cried, gazing up at Gerard helplessly. It was the first time Gerard had seen him cry, and he was the one who'd caused it. It was the first time he'd seen him this weak.
A sudden pang of guilt and realisation vibrated throughout him as he realised what he'd just said, and what he was witnessing now; the pitiful wreck he'd reduced Frank too, when he was only trying to cheer him up. He had to make it better. He had to, or Frank would be another name on the list of 'people who have left me behind...' and Gerard really didn't want that.
So through his frequent sobs and semi-blindness, he reached a hand out clumsily and placed it on Frank's cheek, stroking it and hoping he understood.
He seemed too because he slid his own hand carefully on to Gerard's and took it, stroking it slowly and looking up at him. They both moved at the same time, feeling awful and hurt and full of these horrible feeling spilling out of them in the form of tears but then their lips locked and it was okay; Frank smiled into the kiss that was slow at first, gentle, with only their lips briefly touching before Frank pulled away, thinking that was it. But Gerard stretched forwards further, warm lips searching for more and they touched again; this time interacting more hungrily, Gerard took the lead and ran his tongue riskily inside Frank's lip, heavy tears falling constantly and intensifying the moment massively. They couldn't stop crying, but they suddenly couldn't stop kissing either.
Frank was breathing heavily, due to both crying and not wanting to pause for breath; he slipped his wet tongue inside Gerard's mouth suddenly, loving how close it made him feel, especially when Gerard did the same and they collided. At the same time Gerard's hands slid around Frank's waist and Frank's around Gerard's, neck pulling him closer as their tears started to dry.
“Mmmmh.” Frank moaned involuntarily as Gerard pulled him closer by his waist, bodies pressing against eachother.
“M'sorry,” Gerard muttered back, just in case this apology wasn't good enough.
Frank's hands skated up Gerard's neck and into his hair; he took this as his apology being accepted, and his breathing became shuddery at the electrifying touch. Frank's fingers danced and tugged, tracing their way down to his cheeks and neck and chin, enjoying exploring the beautifully pale features.
Gerard was confident, more so than Frank had ever seen him, and he moaned enthusiastically when Frank pulled his hair again before snaking his hand down to his crotch and rubbing his cock through his tight, black jeans. If he wasn't already hard he definitely was now, and he stopped kissing for a second to emit a low groan before continuing with the tonsil tennis.
Frank's hand quickly found its way to Gerard's crotch too, grabbing the ready-made package and rubbing for all he was worth. Their kissing had become a sort of desperate mix of moaning and actually touching lips: they breathed heavily and moaned whilst their wet tongues touched still, dancing between their open mouths, tingling.
“Fuuuuck.” Frank gasped, when Gerard managed to riddle his hand under Frank's boxers determinedly. He'd really never been this direct before, but Frank liked it. Hell, no, he loved it. Their heavy sobs were long gone, as were the thoughts of hatred and despair; all they could think about was one another. Frank. Gerard. Frank. Gerard. Frank. Gerard.
“This way,” Frank breathed suddenly, pulling away and yanking Gerard's hand out, grinning up at him to confirm that everything was okay. He kept a hold of his hand and dragged him upstairs; Gerard realised about half way that they were going to the bedroom, but by the time they were in the hallway he just couldn't control himself.
“I can't hel-” he tugged Frank back and pinned him up against the wall, kissing him again and pushing him hard against the flat surface with his hand travelling quickly to his boxers again, and beyond.
“God, Gerard,” Frank exhaled, leaning his head back against the wall and staring up at the ceiling, “when you get going, you're reall- fuck!” he stamped his foot desperately, finding it hard to control himself as Gerard's lips attached themselves to his tender neck and started nibbling and kissing and licking and sucking. And all things wonderful. Frank's hands grabbed his ass, grinning dreamily, and pulled him forward so that he was pressing against him; their hard cocks found another spark in this meeting, and they both moaned suddenly at the contact, Gerard pushing himself closer.
“I'm losing my fucking mind here.” Gerard muttered, pulling away for a second and licking his lips before reattaching them and moaning louder, the vibrations causing Frank to do the same. He shuddered and bucked his hips up, Gerard's hand dancing around his base and tugging on his balls as they rubbed up against eachother, both of them craving more.
Frank voiced this craving first.
“Fuck me.” he whispered, hardly even aware of what he was saying.
“No.” Gerard grinned, pulling away and smiling at Frank's shocked face. “I don't want the first time we do that to be wasted. And right now, do you know how mentally messed up I am?” he slowly turned red as he remembered his previous display of anger down in the corridor and sighed. “Actually, you probably do. Sorry.”
Frank kind of smiled back, understanding and kissing him lightly. “It's okay.” he said, thinking the opposite. It really wasn't okay.
“No, it's not, I was horrible.” Gerard trembled suddenly, as if he was about to cry again, so Frank wrapped his arms around him again and hugged him close; it wasn't sexual, (well, except for the fact that they were both sporting ridiculous boners that just happened to conveniently touch when they hugged) it was just comforting. Maybe even loving.
It turned out to be a really long hug and they both ended up crying again, shaking in each other's arms. And it turned out that kissing is extremely tiring work, so they eventually headed into the bedroom and just lay on the bed under the duvet, fully clothed, in eachother's arms. Occasionally Gerard or Frank would leak another painful sob and they'd wipe eachother's tears, they'd kiss, they'd hug tighter. They'd protect each other from their own thoughts and issues. They'd make sure they didn't feel alone.
As Frank was breathing deeply, eyes closed with a perfect little smile on his face, Gerard realised how much he wanted to be with him. Properly, permanently, on a long-term basis. He wanted to stay with the idiot all the time, to share everything with him, to do everything with him and to be who he really was around him.
But he could never know if Frank took it as seriously, and he was much too scared to find out.
Much too scared.

So I haven't written for ages and I know I say I don't always proof read but I genuinely haven't read this one through at all because it's like half past midnight here and I have to work tomorrow, so I'll check it after that. I hope it's alright. And I may be writing a Fraycest soon, so for those of you who said you'd read it, please check it out when I do :D
I love you all still for rating and reviewing and everything. And yeah. You're just great. xoxoxo