FicWad

School once again starts to feel lonely. I still have Grace to hang around with of course, but now she feels detached from me, she's not only mine now, she belongs to Ray. I'm in the middle, I could tell yesterday they didn't really need me there, they'd have been fine if I'd left. Come on Frank, you should be happy for them. They're both happy now, you made them happy, isn't that enough for you? The answer is no. I want what I can't have. I haven't realised it until Gerard pointed it out. And now I'm in denial.
I wander into form on Monday tired, irritable and a little bit depressed. Aiden is on top form today, and doesn't even wait until I've sat down to start antagonizing me. "I see you're not in such a happy little mood today midget. What's wrong?"
I keep my head down and try to push past him. All I want to do is sit down. "Aiden seriously just leave it. Can't you wait two seconds for me to sit down before you start being a total twat?"
Aiden doesn't wait, he simply shoves me as hard as he possibly can, making me go flying onto the carpeted floor, smacking my forehead on the edge of the table. I lie sprawled on the floor for a few seconds, every tiny bit of air knocked out of me. When I finally manage to pick myself up, my head is throbbing and I can feel a tiny trickle of blood running down the side of my face. I also taste something sharp and metallic, and I realise my nose is bleeding too, dripping onto my red and black striped t-shirt. Aiden has obviously realised how badly he's hurt me and has scurried off to the far side of the room to prevent being discovered. Coward. I feel physically sick as I stumble to the toilets to clean my face. I look at myself in the mirror and realise how pathetic I look. I grab a wad of toilet paper and dab gently at the cut on my forehead, wincing at the pain, and then once I get the majority of it cleaned up, I wipe my nose. If anyone asks, I tripped over a bag in the hallway.
By activity time I've been shoved, kicked and tripped up about fifty times and I just want to hide away from everyone. I don't want to see Gerard, I don't want to text Ray, I don't even want to meet Grace in our little music room. I just want to be alone.
I go to my secret hiding place around the back of school and sit against the wall, my knees drawn up. As hard as I try, I can't get the image of Grace and Ray together out of my head, the way he squeezed her fingers, the way she leant against him when he had his arm around her, the thought of them kissing that day at the cinema...it all was flooding my brain, swirling around every little wiggling part of it and with every image came that same stabbing pain in my heart that I was depserately trying to ignore. I don't know what to do anymore, she'll be looking for me right now, then at the end of school I'll have to walk with her to the bus, wave goodbye to her as she waves back, then as she pulls away she'll be texting him, and I'll be left alone. Alone to walk home by myself or to be grabbed by Aiden's gang for the millionth time today and get the shit beaten out of me again and again. My hands are shaking with the sheer immensity of how I feel and the knowing that in a few minutes I'll need to go back inside and hear all the whispers that I can't stand. Grace is the only one who doesn't whisper.

I scribble notes down in the margin of our English book we're studying. It's an interesting book and I've been enjoying reading it, but today I simply write the notes that the teacher is dictating. I can't concentrate. There's five minutes to go until I can run away, run away from this building, from everyone in it. "For homework I want you to write a paragraph like the one we just read, describing how a love for something or someone can change you completely. It could be absolutely anything, so make sure you use your imaginations. We'll expand on it in tomorrow's lesson, so make sure you do it." Our teacher says, I scrawl the assignment into my homework planner distractedly and start to pack my stuff away. As the bell rings I walk calmly to the door, then to my locker. I shove my gloves on and zip up my coat. I cross the road, not looking at anyone, staring intently at the floor in front of me.
"Frank! Hey!" I hear Grace call, but I keep walking. Every muscle in my body wants to make me turn around and run up to her, but I know I can't speak to her. I can't say anything. "Frank!" I hear her behind me and I start running, running away from her. I run as fast as I can, I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. I hear Grace running behind me shouting at me to stop but I can't. I just can't.
I eventually run out of breath and skid to a halt in an empty parking lot outside an old cinema. I breathe heavily, gasping for air. I hide around the side of the building, my heart threatening to burst straight through my chest. I hear Grace's pounding feet halt nearby. She's also breathing heavily, and the footsteps grow louder as she nears my hiding spot. She rounds the corner and spots me. "Frank! What the hell are you doing? Why did you run away from me?" She asks, her eyes wide and frantic behind her glasses. The words dry up in my mouth and I stare at her. Her hair is whisping everywhere from running, her cheeks pink. She looks so pretty, my tired legs weaken and I slump down to the ground, tears begin to trickle down my cheeks. "Frank, what's wrong? You can tell me anything, you know that..." She bends down beside me, her voice softer now. I let out a choking sob as she sits beside me, lets me rest my head on her shoulder. I've not cried like this in years. There have been so many times I nearly have done, but all those times I've told myself not to. "Come on, you can tell me. I won't tell anyone, I promise." She takes a proper look at me and gasps, " Frank what have you done to your head? There's blood on it!" She gently runs a finger over the cut, causing it to sting a little, but I don't care. Her touch sends a warm rush across my skin. I let it all come out. All about Aiden and his gang, how they have practically tortured me all these years, how I couldn't tell my mum, all about my fake act I put on all the time, how grateful I was to her for being my friend and how happy I was she was with Ray. She listened, and nodded, her face set. I cry and tell her all these things yet I just can't bring myself to tell her the most important one. I know I have to tell her or I'll just carry on feeling shit for the rest of my life. I take a deep breath,
"And... and theres something else. Something really bad. I...I know you and Ray are together and I know I set you up together but....I...I think I like you..." The last part is a whisper. I hope she didn't hear me, but she did.
I'm shaking, guilt and relief whirling around inside me. I don't know what to say or what to do. My legs are so tired but my mind and heart are in over-drive. "I'm really sorry...I'm not going to do anything to come between you and Ray I pro..." I begin to stutter, but I'm cut off by a warm kiss on the lips. Grace has her arms around me and is holding me tightly. Tears are still dripping down my face, but now I don't know whether they are ones of joy or sadness, or both. She breaks away and smiles, "your lip ring tickles" she says, rubbing her thumb on her lip. I'm still too stunned to speak. Suddenly the smile fades on Grace's lips, and I see fear and guilt in her pale blue eyes. "I shouldn't have done that. Ray's going to kill me..." She whispers, running a hand across her lips, then looking at me terrified. She scrambles to get up, balancing herself on the wall as she does, scraping her palm on the rough brick. She ignores it and starts to walk away from me quickly , the soles of her boots scuffing along the tarmac. I stand up and follow her, reaching out to grab her arm. All I want to do is calm her down, just like she asked me to when she was going to see Ray. I catch hold of her and realise there are tiny droplets of blood on her palm. She pulls her hand away from me, and begins to walk faster, almost running. I stop, realising it's no use as she disappears from view around a corner. It's only when I've been stood there for about ten minutes that everything sets in. I was just kissed by my friend's girlfriend. It looks like I've just lost my only two friends in the whole world.
whoa oh oh oh whoa oh whoa oh stumble in somnambulance so pre-dawn corpses come to life armies of the dead... My phone rings loudly in my pocket and I fumble for it with shaking hands. The last thing I need is mum ringing me to ask where I am...
"Hello?" I sniff as I answer, trying to compose myself and think straight.
"Hi Frank, it's me Ray. You don't have any idea what's wrong with Grace do you? She's just appeared on my door step crying her eyes out. I've had to call you from the bathroom, I've just had to calm her down. She seems pretty upset..." I'm speechless, my mouth is dry and my legs threaten to collapse again. What am I supposed to say?