FicWad

My stomach is empty by the time I reach home but my head is full. My throat burns from being sick and my stomach is churning wildly. I go into the house quietly, and go straight to my room. Mum's on a night shift, so I have the house all to myself. I go into my room and close the door tightly. I turn off the light, so if mum comes home she'll hopefully think I'm asleep. I sit on my bed, bringing my knees up to my chin and wrapping ymy arms around them, rocking gently. I haven't done this since I was a little kid. I used to do it if mum and dad had a fight, or if some kid would come and push me over in the playground. It would calm me down, make me feel safe, like no one could get me. It made me forget everything bad.
But now it isn't working. I sit there and rock for ages. Back and forth. Back and forth. I could have been sat here for an hour or it could have been five minutes. It gets darker and darker outside, a tiny sliver of orange light snakes into my room through a tiny gap in my curtains, leaving an orange stripe across my body. I hear mum's key in the door eventually and hear her go into the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. I hurriedly scramble into bed, fully clothed, and squeeze my eyes shut.

The next thing I know it's morning and my bones and muscles are stiff and I have no recollection of actually falling asleep. Maybe it's because I was pretending so hard. Whatever.
My whole body feels weighed down as I grab random items of clothing and put them on. The last thing I want to do is go to school.

I'm sick again as I near the gates, my empty stomach feeling as if it'll explode any second. I squint hard at the board in first period, but it's like looking through a fog. My head is spinning and every part of my body aches. "Mr Iero? Frank? You don't look very well, I think you'd better go and see the school nurse." I try and focus my eyes on Mrs Morrison's face which is closer than I'd like to be honest. I nod and pick up my bag, tripping over my own feet on my way to the door. I trudge down the corridor, a tear breaking free and dribbling down my cheek, despite my attempts to stop it. I hear a door open and close and hear distand footsteps coming down the corridor. I hurridly scrub the wetness from my face and stare at the floor in front of me. The footsteps are coming towards me, getting louder and louder. I block out the noise, isolating myself in my own little bubble.

The scuffed toes of the boots that appear in my line of vision is enough to make me stop n my tracks. I can't bring myself to raise my eyes from the floor and face the girl that has my insides flyng around and my brain buzzing and my eyes stinging from the effort of keeping my emotions inside. The girl who I told everything to, the girl I cried all over yesterday. The girl who kissed me.
"Excuse me..." I mumble, knowing it's utterly hopeless. Grace stays where she is, not saying a word. "I need to go to the nurse. I'm going to be sick any minute." I say, anger rising in me. Why was she doing this? She didn't need me anymore. Eventually I force myself to look at her, and all the anger melts away as I set eyes on her face once more. She looks even more pretty today, I don't think my heart can take it. "excuse me!" I push past her, causing her to stumble slightly, dropping the book she was carrying. I walk quickly down the corridor, turning round to see her crouched down on the floor, picking up her book. She does it smoothly, silently. She continues down the corridor, entering a classroom further down the hallway. I do the same in the opposite direction, only finally coming to a stop when I reach the nurse's office. It takes up all my energy just to knock on the door. No reply.
"Fuck this" I say, kicking the door and leaning against the cool glass of a display cabinet. My sweaty forehead leaves a mark. I wipe the smear away wih my hand. The only mark I'll ever leave in this place. I slam my fist hard against the wall. It hurts, but no where near as much as it does inside of me.