FicWad

Lindsey glared at me when I came downstairs the next morning without my hood or my glasses.

"Gee. Remember our conversation," She said, raising one eyebrow.

"No, it's okay," I grinned. "Bandit came down last night and said she had a bad dream - she saw me without my hood up or my glasses on and she didn't mind at all."

"Well what the fuck did you tell her about it?" She hissed.

"She asked if somebody hurt me, so I said yes and she asked who and I just told her it was a bad man," I shrugged. "She just gave me a kiss and a hug - she didn't care, honestly."

"Well, I still want you to wear the hoodie and the glasses," Lindsey said.

"Why? It was for Bandit's sake, and she doesn't care so..." I said. Then I trailed off as I realised something - maybe it wasn't for Bandit's sake.

Maybe it was for Lindsey's.

*

I thought about it as we lay in bed that night. Lindsey understood that the rape had left me not wanting to make love, and didn't try to engage anything sexual. But she stopped any affectionate contact whatsoever - she wouldn't even cuddle me. I sighed. "Babe, are you still awake?"

"Yeah," She replied, coldly.

"If B's okay with seeing me... why did you want me to wear my hood up and my sunglasses?" I said. She didn't reply. "Was it really because you didn't want Bandit to see me? Or because you don't want to see me?"

"Don't talk bullshit, Gee," She sighed.

"Well, I can't think of any other reason...look, just answer me this honestly... do you think I'm ugly?" I said. She didn't answer. "Lindsey? Linds, babe, speak to me." She didn't.

All I could do was assume she'd fallen asleep.

*

I should've guessed what was coming next.

A week after my little epiphany, I came downstairs from a shower to find Lindsey sitting on top of a suitcase in the middle of the living room. I blinked at her. "Are you going somewhere, sweetie?"

"Gerard," She sighed. "We need to talk."

"Talk? About what?" I asked. "Why do you have a suitcase?" My heart started pounding like a wild drummer.

"I... I don't think I can be with you any more," She said.

"Wh...why?" I said, collapsing with weak legs onto the chair behind me.

"What you said last week..." She shrugged. "You were right. Just... look, you're a great guy with a lovely personality, but there's a limit to what I can wake up to in the morning..."

"Y-You're leaving me because of the way I look?" I whispered. She nodded. "Linds, I thought you loved me."

"I do. I did," She sighed.

"No you didn't - if you loved me, if you ever loved me my looks wouldn't be important," I shook my head. "Why did you marry me if you don't love me?"

"I couldn't say no, you were such a sweet guy. And you gave up drinking and drugs for me... you can't say no to someone who'd do that for you," She said.

"So... we've been living a lie?" I swallowed.

"Yeah. I was going to end it sooner, but then Bandit came along and..." She shrugged.

"Wait. Bandit. What's going to happen to her if you leave?" I asked.

"I'll take her with me," She explained.

"Well... where are you going?" I wanted to know - I still wanted to see my baby girl, no matter where she was.

"I don't know - and I don't want you to come looking for us," She said.

"Why not?" I blinked. Surely, she didn't want to stop me from seeing my only child.

"Because, I don't really want Bandit to know that you're her dad," She shrugged. "She may not mind now, but it'll be embarassing for her when she's older. With a bit of luck if I take her now, she'll forget about you in a couple of years time."

"Well, can I at least have five minutes to say goodbye to her?" I swallowed.

"I think it's probably best if you don't speak to her again," Lindsey said. "I'm gonna go get her now." And she went upstairs.

She returned a few seconds later with Bandit on one hip. With the other hand she began wheeling the suitcase out of the house. "Daddy come?" Bandit sounded confused as she asked Lindsey.

"No, Daddy's not coming, sweetie," She said. "It's just Mommy and Bandit now."

"Why?"

"Daddy doesn't want to come," She lied. How could she tell that big of a lie to her own baby?

"Oh. Bye, Daddy!" She shouted. I remembered what Lindsey had said to me and kept quiet looking at my feet. "Daddy?" Bandit called me, and I wanted to run to her, take her away from Lindsey and tell her she was staying with me, and I didn't care what she had to say about it.

"C'mon, sweetie, we have to go," Lindsey said. I heard Bandit start to cry for me as they left the house.

When I heard the crunch of tyres on the gravel driveway, I broke down in tears myself.