Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Living In a World Without You
Frank’s POV
“And… well… I love you too.”
He stared at me in shock. My hands trembled, my heart pounded in my chest, and my throat clenched as I awaited his response.
“You love me?” His voice cracked.
I got closer, “Yes, so much. And not the way band members love each other…”
“Then how?” His eyes glazed over with tears.
“I’m in love with you, Gee…”
He said nothing. He sat there, quickly glancing back and fourth from each of my eyes. And just as I started to put my head down to look away from him shamelessly, he leaned forward and kissed me. Our lips staying still for well over a minute before I proceeded by sliding my tongue into his mouth. And with that kiss, this passed tour was forgotten. All the hurt from the past few months was diminished. With this kiss, I felt him. I felt all the pain he had been through and I took it all away. All the jealousy I had felt seeing him with Bert had disappeared. My heart was now replenished.
Gerard placed his hand on the back of my head pulling me closer towards him. I crawled up on the hospital bed with him, still not breaking our kiss. I dodged all the hospital equipment he was connected to as I laid down next to him ensuring that there was absolutely no space left between us.
Lips pressed against lips.
Chest pressed against chest.
Arms wrapped around one another.
Legs tangled together.
Gerard pulled his lips away from mine and leaned his forehead against my own.
“I’ve been waiting so long for this.” He choked out.
I ran my fingers through his hair, “Its okay. I’m here now. I’m all yours.” I whispered.
Tears trickled down his cheeks. “No… You’re not mine…”
I pulled away slightly, studying him. “What do you mean?” I asked, confused.
“We don’t belong together… You have a wife… You’re married…” He clenched his eyes shut as more tears began to fall.
I sighed and looked away from him. The guilt had already begun to build up. My wife. The woman I married, the woman whose phone calls I’ve been ignoring since my realization of loving Gerard, and the woman who I didn’t seem to have sensual feelings for anymore. I knew what I had to do the second I got out of here, but I didn’t want Gerard to have to worry about any of that so I just began to soothe him.
I cradled his head against my chest and kissed his forehead. “Don’t worry about it, baby.”
His body shook against mine. “How do you expect me not to worry about it?” He sobbed as he looked up at me “Do you still love her?” Tears were streaming down his face.
I tilted his chin up so that he was looking at me. “Not the way I love you.” I whispered.
As I leaned forward to kiss him, Mikey walked into the room and gave me a dirty look. I quickly backed away from Gerard and slipped out of the bed.
“What’s going on in here?” He asked.
I glanced over at Gerard who remained silent.
“Listen Mikey, me and your brother-”
“Shut up. I don’t want to fucking hear it Frank.” He snapped at me.
“Mikey!” Gerard gasped.
“He’s married Gerard! And you’re in the same band! Do you really think that something could transpire and not fall apart?” Mikey yelled.
The tension in the room built up as none of us spoke. I didn’t understand why Mikey was acting this way, he was there in the alley with me when we had found Gerard and he had heard Gerard say that he loved me the night before and if anything, I would think that he just wanted his brother to be happy. I would never in a million years hurt Gerard the way Bert did.
Mikey finally spoke. “You have a flight to Los Angeles in about three hours where you’ll be checked into a rehab.”
Gerard’s eyes shot open and he glanced back and fourth between the two of us. “What? No! I don’t need to go to a rehab Mikey! I can just stop with the drugs!” I heard the rate of his heart monitor pick up pace.
“That’s what you tried last time; you just ‘stopped with the drugs’. But that obviously didn’t work and you started again, so this time, we’re checking you into a rehab and you’ll be there for 30 days.”
Gerard’s voice rose. “No! You’re not the fucking boss of me and I’m not going to some bullshit celebrity rehab!”
“Gerard, you are going. And that’s final. It’s already set up.” Mikey said sternly.
“Frank?” He looked over at me with questioning eyes.
I looked from Mikey then back to Gerard. “Maybe it’s best if you go.”
He stared at me with pleading eyes, mouth agape. “You can’t be serious... Are you trying to push me away?” He cried.
“No! God, no, Gerard! I just want you to get the help you need! I never want this to happen to you again!”
“If I have you with me then I won’t need to do drugs!”
I paused, appalled. “Wait… you drank because of me?”
“N-no! I didn’t mean it like that I just-” He stuttered.
“Forget it.” I cut him off and turned away.
Although I knew it was true all along, it really hurt to hear it for myself. To know that for the past few years, I have been the cause of Gerard’s pain. If only I had realized it sooner so he wouldn’t have had to go through so much hurt.
“Frank… Frankie, please look at me.” He cried out.
“I should probably go.”
“Frankie, no, please don’t leave me.” His voice alone gave it away that he was on the verge of tears.
I turned toward him once again and walked over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving, “I have some things I need to think through…” I whispered as I turned to leave.
“I love you” Gerard stuttered.
I didn’t answer him. The guilt began to build up again. I wasn’t being what everyone wanted me to be for them. I had to be a husband to my wife, I wanted to be a lover to Gerard, and Mikey didn’t want to see my face. I had to think through my life, figure out what I really wanted. I loved Gerard; I knew I did. But this was just too much to handle.
As I made my way down the hallways of the hospital, I was stopped by a hand that gripped my shoulder and spun me around. It was Mikey. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Frank?”
I continued walking. “I have to go get a lawyer.”
“What the hell for?” He asked, annoyed.
“So I can make sure Jamia doesn’t take all of my dogs during the divorce.” I clicked the elevator button.
“You’re divorcing her?! Why?” As if he didn’t know.
I walked onto the elevator. “Because I’m in love with Gerard.”
Mikey and I stood there silently as the elevator doors closed us off from one another.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: WOO! Its my 16th birthday today, Im going to my first My Chemical Romance show on Wednesday in Atlanta, I got my belly button pierced a few days ago, and this weekend Im going to Islands of Adventures with my BFF. Life is good, and I decided to treat you all with a new chapter earlier than planned!
“And… well… I love you too.”
He stared at me in shock. My hands trembled, my heart pounded in my chest, and my throat clenched as I awaited his response.
“You love me?” His voice cracked.
I got closer, “Yes, so much. And not the way band members love each other…”
“Then how?” His eyes glazed over with tears.
“I’m in love with you, Gee…”
He said nothing. He sat there, quickly glancing back and fourth from each of my eyes. And just as I started to put my head down to look away from him shamelessly, he leaned forward and kissed me. Our lips staying still for well over a minute before I proceeded by sliding my tongue into his mouth. And with that kiss, this passed tour was forgotten. All the hurt from the past few months was diminished. With this kiss, I felt him. I felt all the pain he had been through and I took it all away. All the jealousy I had felt seeing him with Bert had disappeared. My heart was now replenished.
Gerard placed his hand on the back of my head pulling me closer towards him. I crawled up on the hospital bed with him, still not breaking our kiss. I dodged all the hospital equipment he was connected to as I laid down next to him ensuring that there was absolutely no space left between us.
Lips pressed against lips.
Chest pressed against chest.
Arms wrapped around one another.
Legs tangled together.
Gerard pulled his lips away from mine and leaned his forehead against my own.
“I’ve been waiting so long for this.” He choked out.
I ran my fingers through his hair, “Its okay. I’m here now. I’m all yours.” I whispered.
Tears trickled down his cheeks. “No… You’re not mine…”
I pulled away slightly, studying him. “What do you mean?” I asked, confused.
“We don’t belong together… You have a wife… You’re married…” He clenched his eyes shut as more tears began to fall.
I sighed and looked away from him. The guilt had already begun to build up. My wife. The woman I married, the woman whose phone calls I’ve been ignoring since my realization of loving Gerard, and the woman who I didn’t seem to have sensual feelings for anymore. I knew what I had to do the second I got out of here, but I didn’t want Gerard to have to worry about any of that so I just began to soothe him.
I cradled his head against my chest and kissed his forehead. “Don’t worry about it, baby.”
His body shook against mine. “How do you expect me not to worry about it?” He sobbed as he looked up at me “Do you still love her?” Tears were streaming down his face.
I tilted his chin up so that he was looking at me. “Not the way I love you.” I whispered.
As I leaned forward to kiss him, Mikey walked into the room and gave me a dirty look. I quickly backed away from Gerard and slipped out of the bed.
“What’s going on in here?” He asked.
I glanced over at Gerard who remained silent.
“Listen Mikey, me and your brother-”
“Shut up. I don’t want to fucking hear it Frank.” He snapped at me.
“Mikey!” Gerard gasped.
“He’s married Gerard! And you’re in the same band! Do you really think that something could transpire and not fall apart?” Mikey yelled.
The tension in the room built up as none of us spoke. I didn’t understand why Mikey was acting this way, he was there in the alley with me when we had found Gerard and he had heard Gerard say that he loved me the night before and if anything, I would think that he just wanted his brother to be happy. I would never in a million years hurt Gerard the way Bert did.
Mikey finally spoke. “You have a flight to Los Angeles in about three hours where you’ll be checked into a rehab.”
Gerard’s eyes shot open and he glanced back and fourth between the two of us. “What? No! I don’t need to go to a rehab Mikey! I can just stop with the drugs!” I heard the rate of his heart monitor pick up pace.
“That’s what you tried last time; you just ‘stopped with the drugs’. But that obviously didn’t work and you started again, so this time, we’re checking you into a rehab and you’ll be there for 30 days.”
Gerard’s voice rose. “No! You’re not the fucking boss of me and I’m not going to some bullshit celebrity rehab!”
“Gerard, you are going. And that’s final. It’s already set up.” Mikey said sternly.
“Frank?” He looked over at me with questioning eyes.
I looked from Mikey then back to Gerard. “Maybe it’s best if you go.”
He stared at me with pleading eyes, mouth agape. “You can’t be serious... Are you trying to push me away?” He cried.
“No! God, no, Gerard! I just want you to get the help you need! I never want this to happen to you again!”
“If I have you with me then I won’t need to do drugs!”
I paused, appalled. “Wait… you drank because of me?”
“N-no! I didn’t mean it like that I just-” He stuttered.
“Forget it.” I cut him off and turned away.
Although I knew it was true all along, it really hurt to hear it for myself. To know that for the past few years, I have been the cause of Gerard’s pain. If only I had realized it sooner so he wouldn’t have had to go through so much hurt.
“Frank… Frankie, please look at me.” He cried out.
“I should probably go.”
“Frankie, no, please don’t leave me.” His voice alone gave it away that he was on the verge of tears.
I turned toward him once again and walked over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving, “I have some things I need to think through…” I whispered as I turned to leave.
“I love you” Gerard stuttered.
I didn’t answer him. The guilt began to build up again. I wasn’t being what everyone wanted me to be for them. I had to be a husband to my wife, I wanted to be a lover to Gerard, and Mikey didn’t want to see my face. I had to think through my life, figure out what I really wanted. I loved Gerard; I knew I did. But this was just too much to handle.
As I made my way down the hallways of the hospital, I was stopped by a hand that gripped my shoulder and spun me around. It was Mikey. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Frank?”
I continued walking. “I have to go get a lawyer.”
“What the hell for?” He asked, annoyed.
“So I can make sure Jamia doesn’t take all of my dogs during the divorce.” I clicked the elevator button.
“You’re divorcing her?! Why?” As if he didn’t know.
I walked onto the elevator. “Because I’m in love with Gerard.”
Mikey and I stood there silently as the elevator doors closed us off from one another.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: WOO! Its my 16th birthday today, Im going to my first My Chemical Romance show on Wednesday in Atlanta, I got my belly button pierced a few days ago, and this weekend Im going to Islands of Adventures with my BFF. Life is good, and I decided to treat you all with a new chapter earlier than planned!
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