Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > You`re the one that I need, I`m the one that you loathe
And.It.Hurt.Like.Hell. Gerard believes it`s for the best, when it is really breaking both of them apart. (Frerard)
God. I hated him so fucking much. Him with his stupid smile, his stupid perfect hair, the annoying way he looked straight through me as though I no longer existed to him. I used to mean the world to him, sadly not anymore. I didn’t care though; I refused to let it bother me. So what? We had once been best friends, almost as close as brothers. Not anymore. Fine, whatever. I didn’t care.
I did. More than I wanted to, much, much more than I was ever going to admit.
I sigh and sit up, running a hand through my sweat drenched, tangled hair. My silent room seemed to be taunting me, if walls could talk they would probably screaming “liar!” at me right now, or “Faker!”
I sigh again, this time a more drawn out, tired one. I was fed up, I was sick of it, sick of it all, sick of school, sick of life…sick of him.
I drag my sorry butt out of my warm, comfortable bed, longing to lie back down and snuggle up under the covers and stay there, encased in the warmth and security of it. I could of course, what I wanted didn’t matter. It never did.
I walk over to my closet, the painted, half open black door was covered in stickers that were years old and peeling off along with the paint. Band tees, skinny jeans and a few old shirts littered the floor, only a handful of them hung on the designated hangers, a few horrible items of last year’s school uniform lay crumpled alongside them, staring back out of the closet at me. At least I was in my final year of school now and only had a few short months left, I didn’t even have to wear a uniform anymore, which was an added bonus. I quickly pick out an outfit-a pair of grey, faded, ripped at the knee jeans and a relatively new band tee that I had bought at a recent concert.
I dress in a hurry, hastily smudging red eyeliner under my eyes, grimacing at my tired reflection in the dusty mirror as I do so.
It was already ten past eight and school started at half past. I groan quietly to myself and tug on my tatty, worn out looking converse, grab my Misfits school bag and head out the door, ignoring the bright yellow post it note my loving mother had left me, informing me that she was working late at the office. Again.
The schoolyard was mobbed when I arrived about ten minutes later, overly cheerful, caked in make up girls were stood on large groups, giggling as I trudged past them, head bowed. People were yelling, laughing and joking about with their friends, most ignored me but some stopped what they were doing and spat out cruel remarks about my appearance or lack of friends. It had always been this way ever since my first year here, but at least back then I had had Gerard. He always made it easier, he mad me laugh and forget about them, or he would flip the bastards off, he would do something to make me feel better. Not anymore. These days he would walk right past me in the brightly decorated school hallways, without a backward glance or even a brief “hi”. I no longer existed to him in his perfect little world. I had no idea why, I only wished I did, maybe then I could do something about it. If I had done something to hurt him or offend him I could understand it, but I hadn’t, at least not to my knowledge.
It all started when he didn’t show up for school one day and when I called him to see how he was; he hung up on me and then refused to pick up the phone. He continued to ignore me at school the day after, he even sat at a different table, alone in the cafeteria and got up and moved when I when to sit beside him, he no longer sat with me in class and he never spoke to me and he rarely even looked in my direction. I had never been so confused, hurt and angry all at the same time in my life.
But that was all in the past now, if Gerard no longer wanted to be around me, he no longer wanted to be friends, that was fine, it was just fine. I only wished he could have had the decency to have told me first.
God, I feel so stupid writing this, if I wasn’t so desperate to get this off my chest I would have thrown you out of the window or shredded you long ago. I feel like such an idiotic, teenage girl writing all of this down, but I am afraid I have no other option. Mikey won’t listen, and I daren`t tell Mom and Dad about this, so I suppose if I want to get this off my chest, I have to tell you, an inanimate object, with no brain or understanding.
I…I saw him today diary, the person I was telling you about. Frank. Frank Iero. We used to be best friends, Diary; we were almost as close as brothers, hard as it is to believe now. We almost completely ignore each other these days, and there is only one person the blame for this can rest on. Me. I was the one who ignored his calls, I was the one who walked past him, I`m the one who never speaks to him anymore, diary, me. And I hate myself for it, I honestly do. I can still see the horrible look of pain and shock in his beautiful, chocolate eyes whenever I close my own, as I walked ignored him that first day, and knowing that I was responsible for causing that look, it hurts me more with each passing day. But I had to do it; I have to continue doing it. If Frank ever found out, he would surly hate me, even more than he must do now.
Even though this is all completely my fault diary and I have no right to be saying this, but I miss him, I can’t help but miss him. I miss my best friend, but he would no longer want me as his friend, I don’t deserve to be his friend. I want him back, I want my friend back, I miss him so bad it hurts. But I am the only one to blame. Frank is better off without someone like me anyway, much, much better off.
I met his eyes today, for the first time in months, it was amazing, I had almost forgotten what pretty eyes he had, they really were something. For the briefest moment they lit up just like they always used to whenever we locked eyes, but the pain and the anger quickly replaced it. And. It. Hurt. Like Hell.
I sigh and put the badly chewed pen down and close the notebook. It was quite cool actually, it was covered in pictures of my favourite bands, quotes and lyrics and the occasional shitty drawing by yours truly.
“Hey, Gerard, me and the guys are going out to the park, you wanna come with?” my younger, irritating but lovable younger brother knocks once on the door and enters my room.
I shake my head, smiling my thanks at him.
He frowns. “Gee, you should get out more, it ain`t good for you just sitting down here in your room all day. No matter how cool having a room down in the basement,” he pulls a jealous face for a moment and I remember the huge fight there had been over who got the basement room when we were younger, “is. Mom is really word about you, I am too.”
I shake my head again. Mikey just didn’t understand.
Maybe he doesn’t understand because you haven’t told him anything. He can’t understand if you won’t let him in, he isn`t a mind reader you know...
The irritating, voice in the back of my head tells me, and to be honest it did have a point.
“Hey, erm, Mikes?”
His face lights up at the use of his old nickname.
“I…I have to tell you something…” he smiles and perches on the end of my unmade bed, looking over at me from where I sat at my desk that was strewn with old pieces of forgotten homework.
“Go one, Gee, what?” I hear the front door open downstairs and it slams shut with a loud bang. I mentally sigh. Dad was home.
“Never mind.” I tell him.
“Oh,” he stands up, frowning, confusion clouding his eyes. “Well, have you changed your mind about going the park?”
“No,” his eyes narrow.
“Gee!” he whines. Why was he so desperate for me to go with him anyway?
“Please, we never hang out anymore and Ray and Bob don`t bite.”
“I`m the one who bites.” He rolls his eyes but I can see the ghost of a smile forming on his lips.
“Please?” he pleads with his eyes, giving me the best puppy dog face he could manage.
“Fine.” I sigh, giving up.
“And guess what?” he said excitedly as he waits for me to tie the laces on my muddy shoes.
“Ray said that Frank was heading to the park with some girl from English, we might bump into them while we`re there.” I suddenly feel sick to the very core of my stomach.
“Mikes, me and Frank are not friends anymore, remember?”
He shrugs. “can`t you guys just kiss and make up already, how long is this going to go on for?”
Forever, sadly. It wasn`t like I enjoyed being without my best friend, but it was better this way, easier. Well, that was what I had thought in the beginning anyway. Now, not so much.
how was it?