FicWad

I flip back a page nervously, reading the next entry.

September 28th
I don’t even know how to put this into words. I’m screwed. I came out of school today to see Frank practically running down the road. I called out to him but he ignored me. I ended up chasing after him and I finally found him near the cinema. We ended up talking for ages about stupid Aiden and everything, and then he told me that he liked me. He was in a really bad state, he was crying so much. Something weird clicked inside me and I….kissed him. I know it was bad and I’m a horrible, horrible person to do it, but it just felt right. I can’t get rid of this horrible feeling of guilt that’s hanging around me all the time. Ray’s going to kill me, and I don’t know where me and Frank stand now. I guess I’ll have to find out tomorrow at school. I feel like I’m going to burst into tears any minute. I just want everything to work out between Ray and me, and for Frank.

It ends there. I stare at her spiky handwriting, reading and re-reading the diary entry. I look at the date. It’s written the day before I went to matron feeling ill. Oh god, I was so rude to her, no wonder she was so upset just now. I feel a lump rising in my throat, guilt washing over me. I quickly close the little red book and shove it in my pocket. I need to give it back to Grace immediately. I can’t bear the thought of carrying around all her secret thoughts. I had no business to read them. I yank open the door and chase after her, not caring that I’ll be late for biology.
After wandering around the hallways for about ten minutes I’m spotted by a passing teacher. “ Frank Iero what do you think you’re doing, wandering around the school? Get to your next lesson immediately or you’ll lose your activity break, boy!”
I speed off down the corridor, but not to my own classroom. Glancing through the windows of the classroom doors, I try to spot Grace. I eventually see her, sat quietly at her desk, her head bend low over her sheet. Her hair is spilling out of its ponytail , strands tumbling forward and shining in the harsh fluorescent light of the classroom. Oh, how much I want to run my hands through it, feel the softness and silkiness. But I can’t. The little red book is heavy in my pocket, and I snap out of my daze and put my hand on the door handle and turn it.

Every kid in the class stops what they were doing and turns to me. Grace looks up slowly from her work, sees me and her eyes widen and she casts them back down again immediately. The teacher’s eyes swivel in my direction and glare coldly at me “Yes Mr Iero, can I help you?” she says, icily.
It’s only now that I realise that I’ve just marched into a lesson, halfway through and I have no idea what to say. A shiver runs up my spine and embarrassment waves over me. “erm…..sorry…I…uh…” I’ve no idea what I’m supposed to say now. The teacher looks as if she wants to strangle me with her bare hands. “Mr Iero, what do you want, stop wasting my time or I will waste yours on Tuesday after school.”
I shove my hand in my pocket and produce the book, thrusting it in Grace’s direction. “ I came to give this back to Grace. Sorry miss, she left it in the music room.” I try and look totally innocent, not wanting to add a Tuesday detention to my list of shit.
“Right well please give it to her right now so I can continue with my lesson.”
I have to awkwardly scuttle to her desk, winding my way past bags and feet trying to trip me. I put Grace’s diary on the edge of her table, then turn away, avoiding looking at her. “Thank you Frank, you’ve done what you needed to do, now get to your next lesson.” Miss says, not trying to hide her anger in the slightest.
“Yes miss…” I put my hand on the door handle and the lesson starts up again behind me.
“Now class where were we? Ah, yes, the beheading of King Louis…” I quickly glance round to Grace again, and see her bony hand reaching across to her book, and then gripping it. She finally slips it into her pocket. She looks at me, and I know she’s wondering if I’ve read it. I pretend I don’t notice and walk back down the corridor to find my class. I don’t want her to look at me with those eyes, her hair so perfectly, slightly messy, her skinny fingers flicking her lip in the way she does when she’s thinking. I don’t want her to see my guilt and then know what I did. I knew what I had to do, I had to get her and Ray back together, I can’t bear the thought of her having to write another diary entry so full of sadness. The hairs stand up on the back of my neck as I approach the door of the biology lab.
“Sorry I’m la…”
"Frank Iero, you have just walked into my lesson half an hour late! You’ve just landed yourself a Tuesday detention, lad!”