Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Fly Away, Dance on the Milky Way
Chapter 52: The Midnight Blues
When Gia had gotten safe to her room, she just stood still for a moment. She wanted to crawl up into her bed, the new one that her dad just got her. But she couldn’t, not when he was so angry at her. So she slid down to the floor, leaned her back against the wall, pulled her legs against her chest and cried. She cried so hard that her whole body was shaking. She cried about the anger towards herself, the disappointment, the fear of having done permanent damage between herself and Gerard, and most of all, she cried about how unfair life was.
Didn’t she have the right to be happy too? Apparently not, because her life kept getting screwed up. Every time she feels even a tiny bit of happiness, and when things are turning for the better, something happens to ruin everything. She couldn’t understand why that happened. Why her?
Gia had no idea how long she had sat there on the floor, but soon the tears stopped coming. For a while she just sat there silently, staring at the opposite wall. After the tears had dried, the feelings disappeared with them. She no longer wanted to feel anything, and emptiness reigned. It was better that way.
She could hear someone talking downstairs, but it was just probably her dad, still angry at her and taking it out by ranting to Lindsey.
But soon she realized that perhaps it wasn’t Lindsey he was taking it out on, when the door opened slowly and Mikey knocked on it.
“Gia?” he asked, looking around the room.
She had never been happier to see her uncle. “I’m here,” she answered chokingly, and was surprised by how hoarse her voice had become from the crying.
Mikey didn’t seem to give another thought to the fact that his niece was sitting in a corner in a dark room, but instead closed the door so that the light that was coming through the open creek disappeared.
“Do you mind if I sit with you?”
“No.”
He sat next to her on the floor, not so close that they were touching but close enough. For a while he didn’t say anything, and Gia didn’t dare to speak either. She figured he was thinking of what to say. And she didn’t know whose side Mikey was on, and that’s what she was dreading to find out.
“So, Gerard is pretty pissed. He told us that you and Lucas…” Mikey paused for a moment, trying to find a way to say what he was trying to say without saying something he really didn’t want to say around his niece. “That you and Lucas had… did something. Up here. On that bed right there, maybe. He was talking about a condom, but then it turned out that Frank had given it to Lucas so… Do you care to tell me what really happened?”
“Were you sent by my dad?”
“No.”
“Are you going to yell at me too?”
“No I’m not going to yell.”
“Will you tell him everything I said?”
“Not unless you want me to. This stays between us.”
Gia hesitated for a moment before starting. Now she understood why Gerard’s reaction had been so strong. He had misunderstood. “We never had sex”, she started quietly. “I didn’t even know about the condom deal until now. But…”
“But?”
“We did kiss. Twice.” When Mikey didn’t answer to that, she continued: “The first time was last night. And he didn’t sleep on the couch like dad wanted him to, not really. And then the second time… That was this morning. Dad saw it, and that’s when he threw Lucas out and started shouting.”
“I can’t say that I like you doing those things with boys but… It was only a kiss. Your dad didn’t know that. Maybe his reaction would have been a bit milder if he knew you hadn’t really… You know.”
“Well it’s kind of difficult to have a rational conversation with someone who is screaming at you.”
“I know,” Mikey sighed. “So, would you consider coming down?”
Gia snorted. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Okay, well… Do you want anything from downstairs? I could get it to you.”
“No, I’m fine”, she answered. “Mikey?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m afraid… That because he moved away and… You know, because of dad, I’ll never get to see Lucas again”, she confessed nervously. “And I don’t really like that thought. He’s my only friend, I don’t want to be alone.”
That last sentence broke his heart, and all he could do was wrap an arm around her and be with her. He had no words, he didn’t want to lie. Sure, he could tell her that she will get new friends in high school, but that could’ve been a lie. He couldn’t know what will happen. Gia wasn’t stupid enough to believe an assumption as reality. So instead, they just sat there silently for a good while, until Gia said that her butt was starting to hurt from sitting on the hard floor, and Mikey left.
Gia was thankful to have an uncle like Mikey. He could’ve easily started to yell at her too, but instead he acted very understanding. She just wished that Gerard could do that too.
But what was even worse than her dad being angry at her, was that she’ll never get to see her best friend again.
When that thought entered her head, making her incredibly depressed again, her new computer made a beeping noise. She got up from the beanbag chair she had moved on to, and went to her desk.
The computer screen had the message that she had a new IM. Gia hadn’t quite learned what that meant, but she opened the window and instantly there was a request for webcam connection. Gia accepted it, knowing that it was Lucas who requested it, and his face popped up in a small window. Soon after, Gia saw herself under his window and was thankful of how dark the room around her was. Her face must’ve been puffy from the crying.
Lucas: That was so scary, I swear he broke my back. It hurts like hell.
Gia: Sorry…
Lucas: Are you okay?
Gia: Yeah, but he yelled at me. He’s never done that before.
Lucas: Do you think you could sneak out for a while tonight?
Gia: Why?
Lucas: My flight got delayed, it’s not leaving until tomorrow. I want to talk.
Gia leaned back on her chair and thought for a moment. According to Mikey, Gerard was drinking, so he’d be out of it by evening, and Lindsey won’t stop her. She started typing again.
Gia: What time and where?
________________________
That night, right before the clock struck midnight, Gia left her room. Before going downstairs, she listened to the silence for a moment, just in case. She didn’t run into her dad or Lindsey on her way through the house, and she sighed in relief when she silently closed the door in the kitchen that led to the back yard.
The night was dark and chilly. Gia was glad that she had realized to take a coat, even if it was just a thin one, and what made her even happier was that there was no snow on the ground, because she was only wearing her fuzzy bunny slippers.
Gia looked around the backyard and soon spotted a figure in the dark. She hurried over to the fence were Lucas was waiting.
“Aren’t you cold?” she asked him when she noticed he was only wearing a t-shirt and jeans, barefoot.
“I’ll manage. You’re late. I said midnight.”
Gia shrugged. “Sorry. I wanted to make sure I won’t get caught.”
“How’s your dad?”
“I don’t know,” she sighed. “Apparently he drank quite a bit.”
“I’m sorry,” Lucas said. “I shouldn’t have… done anything.”
“Well, what’s done is done. But can I ask you something?”
“Yeah.”
“Why did you kiss me? And if you say it was just because of your raging man-hormones, I’m going to slap you and scream. I don’t think dad will let you off that easy this time.”
It took Lucas a while to answer, but Gia was in no hurry. She didn’t want him to just blurt out what ever came to mind if he didn’t want to, but also, she wanted an answer. Not that she hadn’t enjoyed the kiss, but an explanation would’ve been nice.
“Well… I don’t know how much you’ve figured out by yourself, and I suppose the kiss thing must’ve kind of gave it all away but… I think I kind of like you.”
Lucas started to panic when Gia gave him no answer. She just leaned her back against the fence next to him and stared at the grass.
“I mean, just because I like you, it doesn’t mean… ‘Cause I moved, I live so far away now, so it’s not like I’m expecting anything but… Will you say something?”
“Give me a moment”, she said and then returned to her thoughts. Yes, she had kind of figured it out when he had kissed her, but actually hearing it out loud made it true. But before last night, she had had no idea.
She always considered them as friends, strictly just friends. It was weird finding out that Lucas might have different kinds of thoughts. Suddenly she became very aware that they had slept in the same bed more than once, and all the other stuff they had done. Gia had never had a friend before, so that stuff was normal to her. What if it wasn’t? Gia felt panic rising to her mind and Lucas must’ve noticed that.
“I’m sorry. I never should’ve said anything or done anything. Now I’ve just… ruined everything.”
“If anything ruined this, it was when you decided to move”, Gia finally sighed. “I really am going to miss you, and I like to you too. But I’m not sure if I like you more than as a friend. I don’t know what to think. I’m not used to being this close to people, so all of this… It scares me a little bit.”
“I guess I just wasn’t thinking too much”, Lucas said. “I really am sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“And… It was really just bad luck that your dad saw, but I’m sorry about that too. Shouldn’t have done it somewhere where he could see it. It just kind of… It didn’t come to mind then.”
“It’s okay, I didn’t realize it either. And he’ll get over it. I hope. I mean he has to. Right?”
“Yeah, of course,” he answered, nodding like it was a sure thing, but they both knew that Gerard didn’t forget that easily.
“Lucas?” Gia said after a while of silence.
“Yeah?”
“Will you ever come back?”
He shrugged and answered: “I don’t know. It depends. I will come visit, I mean I’m staying with my dad for Christmas, so we’ll see each other then.”
“Yeah. That’s good.” But it wasn’t good enough. Gia didn’t want to be lonely again. Sure, she always had people around her, she was never alone, but before she met Lucas, she was lonely. Not alone, but lonely.
“I should go back inside. I really need to think about all this”, Gia said suddenly. She was getting chilly, and quite frankly, this situation was a bit weird. He had given her a lot to think about.
“Yeah, okay. But hey, when you’re done thinking, we should talk. Now about this, necessarily, but I don’t want us to stop talking just because of this.”
“We won’t. I promise.”
Gia and Lucas had already said goodbye too many times. They didn’t want to do it again. So, instead they left it at that, knowing very well that it will be months before they see each other again.
When Gia retuned back inside the house, she was surprised to see Lindsey in the kitchen. But the look on Lindsey’s face was even more surprised.
“What were you doing outside?” Lindsey asked.
Gia shrugged as an answer, not in the mood to talk.
“Well, go to bed, okay?”
Again, she shrugged, and then went upstairs to her room. When there, she closed the door and just laid on her bed the whole night, awake, thinking about everything.
When Gia had gotten safe to her room, she just stood still for a moment. She wanted to crawl up into her bed, the new one that her dad just got her. But she couldn’t, not when he was so angry at her. So she slid down to the floor, leaned her back against the wall, pulled her legs against her chest and cried. She cried so hard that her whole body was shaking. She cried about the anger towards herself, the disappointment, the fear of having done permanent damage between herself and Gerard, and most of all, she cried about how unfair life was.
Didn’t she have the right to be happy too? Apparently not, because her life kept getting screwed up. Every time she feels even a tiny bit of happiness, and when things are turning for the better, something happens to ruin everything. She couldn’t understand why that happened. Why her?
Gia had no idea how long she had sat there on the floor, but soon the tears stopped coming. For a while she just sat there silently, staring at the opposite wall. After the tears had dried, the feelings disappeared with them. She no longer wanted to feel anything, and emptiness reigned. It was better that way.
She could hear someone talking downstairs, but it was just probably her dad, still angry at her and taking it out by ranting to Lindsey.
But soon she realized that perhaps it wasn’t Lindsey he was taking it out on, when the door opened slowly and Mikey knocked on it.
“Gia?” he asked, looking around the room.
She had never been happier to see her uncle. “I’m here,” she answered chokingly, and was surprised by how hoarse her voice had become from the crying.
Mikey didn’t seem to give another thought to the fact that his niece was sitting in a corner in a dark room, but instead closed the door so that the light that was coming through the open creek disappeared.
“Do you mind if I sit with you?”
“No.”
He sat next to her on the floor, not so close that they were touching but close enough. For a while he didn’t say anything, and Gia didn’t dare to speak either. She figured he was thinking of what to say. And she didn’t know whose side Mikey was on, and that’s what she was dreading to find out.
“So, Gerard is pretty pissed. He told us that you and Lucas…” Mikey paused for a moment, trying to find a way to say what he was trying to say without saying something he really didn’t want to say around his niece. “That you and Lucas had… did something. Up here. On that bed right there, maybe. He was talking about a condom, but then it turned out that Frank had given it to Lucas so… Do you care to tell me what really happened?”
“Were you sent by my dad?”
“No.”
“Are you going to yell at me too?”
“No I’m not going to yell.”
“Will you tell him everything I said?”
“Not unless you want me to. This stays between us.”
Gia hesitated for a moment before starting. Now she understood why Gerard’s reaction had been so strong. He had misunderstood. “We never had sex”, she started quietly. “I didn’t even know about the condom deal until now. But…”
“But?”
“We did kiss. Twice.” When Mikey didn’t answer to that, she continued: “The first time was last night. And he didn’t sleep on the couch like dad wanted him to, not really. And then the second time… That was this morning. Dad saw it, and that’s when he threw Lucas out and started shouting.”
“I can’t say that I like you doing those things with boys but… It was only a kiss. Your dad didn’t know that. Maybe his reaction would have been a bit milder if he knew you hadn’t really… You know.”
“Well it’s kind of difficult to have a rational conversation with someone who is screaming at you.”
“I know,” Mikey sighed. “So, would you consider coming down?”
Gia snorted. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Okay, well… Do you want anything from downstairs? I could get it to you.”
“No, I’m fine”, she answered. “Mikey?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m afraid… That because he moved away and… You know, because of dad, I’ll never get to see Lucas again”, she confessed nervously. “And I don’t really like that thought. He’s my only friend, I don’t want to be alone.”
That last sentence broke his heart, and all he could do was wrap an arm around her and be with her. He had no words, he didn’t want to lie. Sure, he could tell her that she will get new friends in high school, but that could’ve been a lie. He couldn’t know what will happen. Gia wasn’t stupid enough to believe an assumption as reality. So instead, they just sat there silently for a good while, until Gia said that her butt was starting to hurt from sitting on the hard floor, and Mikey left.
Gia was thankful to have an uncle like Mikey. He could’ve easily started to yell at her too, but instead he acted very understanding. She just wished that Gerard could do that too.
But what was even worse than her dad being angry at her, was that she’ll never get to see her best friend again.
When that thought entered her head, making her incredibly depressed again, her new computer made a beeping noise. She got up from the beanbag chair she had moved on to, and went to her desk.
The computer screen had the message that she had a new IM. Gia hadn’t quite learned what that meant, but she opened the window and instantly there was a request for webcam connection. Gia accepted it, knowing that it was Lucas who requested it, and his face popped up in a small window. Soon after, Gia saw herself under his window and was thankful of how dark the room around her was. Her face must’ve been puffy from the crying.
Lucas: That was so scary, I swear he broke my back. It hurts like hell.
Gia: Sorry…
Lucas: Are you okay?
Gia: Yeah, but he yelled at me. He’s never done that before.
Lucas: Do you think you could sneak out for a while tonight?
Gia: Why?
Lucas: My flight got delayed, it’s not leaving until tomorrow. I want to talk.
Gia leaned back on her chair and thought for a moment. According to Mikey, Gerard was drinking, so he’d be out of it by evening, and Lindsey won’t stop her. She started typing again.
Gia: What time and where?
________________________
That night, right before the clock struck midnight, Gia left her room. Before going downstairs, she listened to the silence for a moment, just in case. She didn’t run into her dad or Lindsey on her way through the house, and she sighed in relief when she silently closed the door in the kitchen that led to the back yard.
The night was dark and chilly. Gia was glad that she had realized to take a coat, even if it was just a thin one, and what made her even happier was that there was no snow on the ground, because she was only wearing her fuzzy bunny slippers.
Gia looked around the backyard and soon spotted a figure in the dark. She hurried over to the fence were Lucas was waiting.
“Aren’t you cold?” she asked him when she noticed he was only wearing a t-shirt and jeans, barefoot.
“I’ll manage. You’re late. I said midnight.”
Gia shrugged. “Sorry. I wanted to make sure I won’t get caught.”
“How’s your dad?”
“I don’t know,” she sighed. “Apparently he drank quite a bit.”
“I’m sorry,” Lucas said. “I shouldn’t have… done anything.”
“Well, what’s done is done. But can I ask you something?”
“Yeah.”
“Why did you kiss me? And if you say it was just because of your raging man-hormones, I’m going to slap you and scream. I don’t think dad will let you off that easy this time.”
It took Lucas a while to answer, but Gia was in no hurry. She didn’t want him to just blurt out what ever came to mind if he didn’t want to, but also, she wanted an answer. Not that she hadn’t enjoyed the kiss, but an explanation would’ve been nice.
“Well… I don’t know how much you’ve figured out by yourself, and I suppose the kiss thing must’ve kind of gave it all away but… I think I kind of like you.”
Lucas started to panic when Gia gave him no answer. She just leaned her back against the fence next to him and stared at the grass.
“I mean, just because I like you, it doesn’t mean… ‘Cause I moved, I live so far away now, so it’s not like I’m expecting anything but… Will you say something?”
“Give me a moment”, she said and then returned to her thoughts. Yes, she had kind of figured it out when he had kissed her, but actually hearing it out loud made it true. But before last night, she had had no idea.
She always considered them as friends, strictly just friends. It was weird finding out that Lucas might have different kinds of thoughts. Suddenly she became very aware that they had slept in the same bed more than once, and all the other stuff they had done. Gia had never had a friend before, so that stuff was normal to her. What if it wasn’t? Gia felt panic rising to her mind and Lucas must’ve noticed that.
“I’m sorry. I never should’ve said anything or done anything. Now I’ve just… ruined everything.”
“If anything ruined this, it was when you decided to move”, Gia finally sighed. “I really am going to miss you, and I like to you too. But I’m not sure if I like you more than as a friend. I don’t know what to think. I’m not used to being this close to people, so all of this… It scares me a little bit.”
“I guess I just wasn’t thinking too much”, Lucas said. “I really am sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“And… It was really just bad luck that your dad saw, but I’m sorry about that too. Shouldn’t have done it somewhere where he could see it. It just kind of… It didn’t come to mind then.”
“It’s okay, I didn’t realize it either. And he’ll get over it. I hope. I mean he has to. Right?”
“Yeah, of course,” he answered, nodding like it was a sure thing, but they both knew that Gerard didn’t forget that easily.
“Lucas?” Gia said after a while of silence.
“Yeah?”
“Will you ever come back?”
He shrugged and answered: “I don’t know. It depends. I will come visit, I mean I’m staying with my dad for Christmas, so we’ll see each other then.”
“Yeah. That’s good.” But it wasn’t good enough. Gia didn’t want to be lonely again. Sure, she always had people around her, she was never alone, but before she met Lucas, she was lonely. Not alone, but lonely.
“I should go back inside. I really need to think about all this”, Gia said suddenly. She was getting chilly, and quite frankly, this situation was a bit weird. He had given her a lot to think about.
“Yeah, okay. But hey, when you’re done thinking, we should talk. Now about this, necessarily, but I don’t want us to stop talking just because of this.”
“We won’t. I promise.”
Gia and Lucas had already said goodbye too many times. They didn’t want to do it again. So, instead they left it at that, knowing very well that it will be months before they see each other again.
When Gia retuned back inside the house, she was surprised to see Lindsey in the kitchen. But the look on Lindsey’s face was even more surprised.
“What were you doing outside?” Lindsey asked.
Gia shrugged as an answer, not in the mood to talk.
“Well, go to bed, okay?”
Again, she shrugged, and then went upstairs to her room. When there, she closed the door and just laid on her bed the whole night, awake, thinking about everything.
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