Categories > Original > Humor > A Zacky Movie
Fade to Max and Zacky, leaving the city. Zacky is driving and running a video camera at the same time.
Zacky[with video camera]:
Day One: Well, here we are, out on the open road! Retracing the steps of my boyhood. And here's Maxie! Say, "Hi", Max!
Max is totally depressed. And pays no attention.
Zacky:
Well, how about a wave?
Max puts his hand in front of the lens.
Max:
Not now, dad.
Zacky:
What a kidder!
Zacky puts the camera down, then notices that Max look really depressed. He gets an idea and takes out a list from one of his pockets.
Zacky:
(to himself) Fun games I used to play with my dad. Road Bingo. Twenty... (to Max) Hey, Maxie! Let's play a game. You think of a name, and I'll try and guess who it is. Uh, man or woman?
Max:
(disgusted) Oh, man!
Zacky:
Man, huh? Hmmmm. That's a toughie! Let's see. Walt Disney!
Max:
(showing no interest) Right.
Zacky:
I'm good at this! Now, I'll think of one.
Max turns on the radio which plays acid rock. Max starts doing air guitar.
Zacky:
Oh, you want to sing a song, huh? Me and my dad used to sing this one all the time!
Zacky puts in an 8-track tape which interrupts the rock music and starts playing "Bat Country". Zacky sings along. Max changes back to rock music. Zacky changes back to High Hopes. It goes back and forth until they break the radio.
Max:
Oh, great, Dad! Now we don't have any music!
Zacky:
Oh, Maxie, it's not so bad. We'll just have to entertain ourselves!
The beat is established by the car keys. The car backfiring joins in. Zacky starts to whistle the tune.
Zacky: (singing)
Do you need a break from modern living?
Do you long to shed your weary load?
If your nerves are raw and your brain is fried,
Just grab a friend and take a ride
Together upon the open road!
(speaking) C'mon, Maxie!
Max: (singing)
All in all I'd rather have detention!
All in all I'd rather eat a toad!
An old man drives that's such a klutz
That I'm about to hurl my guts
Directly upon the open road!
Zacky: (singing)
There's nothing can upset me 'cause now we're on our way!
Our trusty map will guide us straight and true!
Max: (singing)
Roxanne please don't forget me! I will return some day!
Though I may be in traction when I do!
Zacky: (singing)
Me and Max relaxing like the old days!
Max: (singing over Zacky)
It's far worse than dragon breath and acne!
Zacky: (singing)
In a buddy-buddy kind of mode!
Max: (singing over Zacky)
I'm so mad I think I may explode!
Zacky: (singing)
When I see that highway I could cry!
Max: (singing)
You know, that's funny, so could I!
Both: (singing)
Just being out on the open road!
CW Girls in pickup: (singing)
Howdy boys! Is this the way to Nashville?
Tow Truck Driver: (singing)
Watch it, Mack! or you'll be getting towed!
Con in paddy wagon: (singing)
I'm in no hurry to arrive
'Cause I'll be turning sixty-five
The next time I sees the open road!
Zacky looks at the con, then at depressed Max, imagining Max in a striped prison uniform. He drives away quickly.
Small Driver: (singing)
Just a week of rest and relaxation,
Large Wife: (spoken)
Yeah!
Small Driver:
(singing) And the odd romantic episode!
Max:
(spoken) Very odd!
Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck are hitchhiking.
Mickey: (singing)
And it's Californ-eye-ay or bust!
Little Old Lady From Pasadena: (singing)
Look out you dirtbags! Eat my dust! From now on I'm on the open road!
Zacky: (singing)
It's me and little Maxie, my pip-squeak pioneer!
Nuns: (singing)
Their car edges forever "Westward Ho!" (spoken) Ye Haw!
Max: (singing)
Could someone call a taxi and get me out of here To Beverly Hills 90210?
All: (singing)
Oh, every day another new adventure!
Every mile another new zip code!
And the cares we had are gone for good!
Max: (singing)
And I'd go with them if I could!
All: (singing)
I got no strings on me!
I'm feeling fancy free!
How wonderful to be on the open road!
Zacky[with video camera]:
Day One: Well, here we are, out on the open road! Retracing the steps of my boyhood. And here's Maxie! Say, "Hi", Max!
Max is totally depressed. And pays no attention.
Zacky:
Well, how about a wave?
Max puts his hand in front of the lens.
Max:
Not now, dad.
Zacky:
What a kidder!
Zacky puts the camera down, then notices that Max look really depressed. He gets an idea and takes out a list from one of his pockets.
Zacky:
(to himself) Fun games I used to play with my dad. Road Bingo. Twenty... (to Max) Hey, Maxie! Let's play a game. You think of a name, and I'll try and guess who it is. Uh, man or woman?
Max:
(disgusted) Oh, man!
Zacky:
Man, huh? Hmmmm. That's a toughie! Let's see. Walt Disney!
Max:
(showing no interest) Right.
Zacky:
I'm good at this! Now, I'll think of one.
Max turns on the radio which plays acid rock. Max starts doing air guitar.
Zacky:
Oh, you want to sing a song, huh? Me and my dad used to sing this one all the time!
Zacky puts in an 8-track tape which interrupts the rock music and starts playing "Bat Country". Zacky sings along. Max changes back to rock music. Zacky changes back to High Hopes. It goes back and forth until they break the radio.
Max:
Oh, great, Dad! Now we don't have any music!
Zacky:
Oh, Maxie, it's not so bad. We'll just have to entertain ourselves!
The beat is established by the car keys. The car backfiring joins in. Zacky starts to whistle the tune.
Zacky: (singing)
Do you need a break from modern living?
Do you long to shed your weary load?
If your nerves are raw and your brain is fried,
Just grab a friend and take a ride
Together upon the open road!
(speaking) C'mon, Maxie!
Max: (singing)
All in all I'd rather have detention!
All in all I'd rather eat a toad!
An old man drives that's such a klutz
That I'm about to hurl my guts
Directly upon the open road!
Zacky: (singing)
There's nothing can upset me 'cause now we're on our way!
Our trusty map will guide us straight and true!
Max: (singing)
Roxanne please don't forget me! I will return some day!
Though I may be in traction when I do!
Zacky: (singing)
Me and Max relaxing like the old days!
Max: (singing over Zacky)
It's far worse than dragon breath and acne!
Zacky: (singing)
In a buddy-buddy kind of mode!
Max: (singing over Zacky)
I'm so mad I think I may explode!
Zacky: (singing)
When I see that highway I could cry!
Max: (singing)
You know, that's funny, so could I!
Both: (singing)
Just being out on the open road!
CW Girls in pickup: (singing)
Howdy boys! Is this the way to Nashville?
Tow Truck Driver: (singing)
Watch it, Mack! or you'll be getting towed!
Con in paddy wagon: (singing)
I'm in no hurry to arrive
'Cause I'll be turning sixty-five
The next time I sees the open road!
Zacky looks at the con, then at depressed Max, imagining Max in a striped prison uniform. He drives away quickly.
Small Driver: (singing)
Just a week of rest and relaxation,
Large Wife: (spoken)
Yeah!
Small Driver:
(singing) And the odd romantic episode!
Max:
(spoken) Very odd!
Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck are hitchhiking.
Mickey: (singing)
And it's Californ-eye-ay or bust!
Little Old Lady From Pasadena: (singing)
Look out you dirtbags! Eat my dust! From now on I'm on the open road!
Zacky: (singing)
It's me and little Maxie, my pip-squeak pioneer!
Nuns: (singing)
Their car edges forever "Westward Ho!" (spoken) Ye Haw!
Max: (singing)
Could someone call a taxi and get me out of here To Beverly Hills 90210?
All: (singing)
Oh, every day another new adventure!
Every mile another new zip code!
And the cares we had are gone for good!
Max: (singing)
And I'd go with them if I could!
All: (singing)
I got no strings on me!
I'm feeling fancy free!
How wonderful to be on the open road!
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