FicWad

"Gerard, I love you, I still love you even though you've hurt me so much." I whispered stroking the motionless body in my arms, what had I done?

I didn't mean to scare him, I just didn't want him to leave, his dark messy hair was greasy in my fingers but it didn't matter to me as it once would have.

Did I make the right choice?

flashback

"No you're not sorry. But you will be."I said holding up the knife in front of his face. "...If...if you leave I won't be able to take it. Gerard I love you too much, I can't survive without you. I need you, if you go...i'll...i'll stab myself right now."
/]
[/Of course I had no death wish but this is how I'll know, if he truly loves me or not. If he really doesn't like he says then he'll leave without a care won't he? But... if he's just confused and does love me deeply then he'll stay with me. Forever.
/]
[/"NO! Frank please! Don't!" He shouted in anguish. "You're right! You were always right! I do love you, I always have and I always will, I mean it. I was just scared before, I wasn't thinking straight, I see that now! Please put the knife down!"
/]
[/I smiled slowly as the knife clattered to the floor. "I knew it! I knew, don't worry baby you don't need to be scared, I'm here for you, always."
/]
[/I walked over to him, lying on the floor and lifted his face so his eyes were level to mine. "Now Gee, I know this will be hard but you gotta tell everyone that you were off on one okay, you were getting drunk and got lost. Otherwise they won't let us be together and if anything stops me from being with you then I'll have to..." I motioned to the knife a few paces behind me.
/]
[/He nodded once before looking down.
/]
[/"One more thing, we'll have to live by ourselves, I don't want you to keep in contact with Mikey or Ray or anybody, I can't risk them taking you from me." I stated. "Okay?"
He looked up in shock, his face was stricken with horror.
/]
[/"No, Frank I can't do that, you know I can't. Mikey needs me." He said tears now streaming down his face, from happiness I presume.
/]
[/"No he doesn't. He's been fine without you the last week and anyways, you know what'll happen if anything happens to you. I won't. Survive. It." I said through clenched teeth.
He started at me for a second, I felt weird as if he were searching for something, someone that wasn't there anymore, I didn't like it.
/]
[/"Okay." He said, emotionless, it frightened me, but everything I did, I did it for us.
"Come here." I said sitting next to him and pulling him onto my lap. "Just sleep now baby, I know you must be tired after all that struggling in the cupboard."
/]
[/He lay his head on my lap, after half an hour he stopped flinching at my touch and after an hour I felt him calm down and drift off, he really was exhausted.
[//]
End Flashback

"Come on, Wake Up Gee" I said, carefully pulling him up off me. "Ray's gonna be back soon and you need to be ready for your big home coming."

He eventually got his surroundings back and stumbled through the window, dropping down outside, with clumsiness into Mikey's flowerbeds, after not walking for a week.
I watched him stumble through the oak trees at the back of our garden, and through the door in the fence to the road outside. It was getting dark outside, perfect timing, he always usually came back in the dark.

I let my breath go, now all I can do is wait.

From now it's up to him if he would follow my plan or not....He knew what would happen if he didn't.