FicWad

I liked this feeling. Finally I was properly numb, I couldn't see anything, or move, I could still hear though. I didn't like what I heard, I heard crying, and I could hear mum on the phone downstairs to someone. But I had stopped shaking violently now, I was just lying on the floor, froth coming out of my mouth and down my cheek, into my long-ish black hair. I wanted to wipe it off, but I couldn't move - One downside I suppose. I don't know how long I was there for, I felt someone wipe my cheek, I was grateful for that...I wish I could thank them...Some more time passed, and I felt my stomach turn, bile rising up my throat, I was going to throw up, but I couldn't move, now what...Do I choke to death on my own puke? Do a Jimmi Hendrix? Out like a rocker. Oh fuck! I thought, I really was choking, and I couldn't move, so I couldn't stop choking...So now not only could I not move but I also couldn't breath...Death isn't meant to be this painful!! I screamed inside my head, but then I heard someone gasp and turn me on my side "ThankyouThankyouThankyou... I thought...I may want to die, but not like that. I felt myself throw up, but I wasn't aware of it at all really...It was just there. How disgusting of me I thought again, Lying on the bathroom floor, covered in my own puke and froth, and stinking of alcohol. I'm such a failure. I felt someone rub my back, it felt good in a weird way, I usually didn't like people touching me, but this was different, this didn't hurt...It felt nice. I threw up again. Fuck my life. I heard someone come upstairs, and open the bathroom door, "What's gonna happen?" I heard the younger voice say "They told us to watch him and put him in the recovery position. The ambulance will be here in under 7 minutes" This voice sounded uncaring, as if she didn't care if I lived or died...It must be my mother. Then I realised what she'd said ...Ambulance... An ambulance meant they'd make you better, make you live again...But I'd rather drown in my own disgusting vomit than live another day on this shitty planet. I'm not going to live... I thought to myself. They'll try to make me survive, but it's my body not theirs. If I want to die I will fucking well die. I wondered if I could do that now, if I could just go ahead and die, if someone tried hard enough, could they just make everything stop? Could they just make themselves shut down...End of. Finished. I tried, not that it worked, for one I couldn't move, and two it was just hurting my head to think so hard, Fucking Jesus shit Christ!! My head hurt so much, like my brain was on fire...Is this death? I thought, hopefully.
I would say I passed out, but that wouldn't be right, considering I was already passed out to begin with...Maybe there are varying levels of unconsciousness...And I had gone from bad to worse...If that were the case I was probably back to just bad now, since I could think again. I could hear everything around me, an engine, more people - men, there was something on my hand and an annoying beeping sound, although whatever it was didn't beep too often, so that was alright. I could hear questions being asked, and people answering... "What's his name?" ... "Dylan." .... "Surname?" ... "I, I don't know...His mum, she stayed at home, I just met him yesterday and he's a friend of mine is all" I thought about that last bit, "He's a friend of mine" ...I had a friend? Someone who cared enough to come to my house, phone an ambulance... Still, I thought, one friend wasn't worth living for. Not in a world of anger and hate.