Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > We'll wake the Thought Police
Gerard's P.O.V.
It's almost my birthday, my bruises are gone, the purple and blue marks of pain and hate faded away. It still hurts.
I don't wince when I stand up, or lean over, as much as I want to. The only thing keeping me from crying at night is Frank- he's always there with me, making me forget all the pain. But every time we're together, which is often, actually, only during doctor visits are we apart, and those moments are agony. I just want to...touch him. Push his hair out of his face, grab his hand, hug him. Anything, as long as we can be close. I want most to crush my lips against his, like they do in fairy tales Nan used to tell me.But it would no doubt ruin everything. And I just can't bear to have him leave my life.
"Frank? What do you think the inspector's going to do to me?" I ask. We're laying next to each other on the bottom bunk, on our backs, staring at the white plastic that separates the two white beds.
"I...I don't know." He says, biting his lip. He's lying. He has an idea. I know Frank, so I just ask him a semi-relevant question. I haven't asked him yet, I didn't know what his reaction would be.
"Don't you?" I pretend ponder. He stiffens a bit. "What do the words 'fuck' and 'get it on' actually mean?"
"Where'd you hear those?" He asks quickly, looking over at me like a fear has come true.
"Well...Nan used to say 'fuck' when she was upset..." I try. He raises his eyebrows. I sigh. I din't want him to be angry with me. "Well, I um, the man who 'tested' my reactions, the one who beat the shit out of me, he said the inspector man 'wanted' me. That he wanted to 'get it on' with me. And a lady said that the inspector woulld 'fuck' anything he could fit into." I explain. He does not look happy. Angry, even. I cringe. "I'm sorry, Frank. I din't mean-" He pulls me into a hug, and I almost sigh because of the brain spasms it causes.
"It's not you I'm angry at." He whispers into my ear.
I'm relieved. I'd hate to have him mad at me. I'd really, really hate it. "Can you tell me what it means?" I ask quietly.
"Sex." He says.
"Pardon?"
"Sex. He wants sex." Frank explains further, practically steaming.
"I don't want to have sex with him." I squeak, appalled. The only person I want to 'fuck' is Frank. Not the inspector, not him, only Frank.
"Yes. Thus the angry Frank." He says, lightly pushing me out of the hug. I try not to look too disappointed. He grabs my hand, and squeezes it. I almost melt with relief. He's not allergic to me. He's holding my hand. Wait. He's holding my hand!!!!
My brains 'splat' against the inside of my head, an implosion of happiness, all because he's touching me again. I shouldn't feel like this. But I do. So I'll just have to live with it.
"Frank, I don't want my first time to be with someone I don't like." I whine. I want it to be with you.
He sighs. "Can't always help it."
"I know...I just wish-never mind." I say, blushing at what I was about to say.
"Just wish what?" Frank asks.
"Nothing." I say quickly. A little too quickly to get away with.
"You were going to say something." He pouts, his face unbelievably cute, cuter than normal. I just want to lean over and...What am I thinking? I almost said I wished my first time could be with him! What would Frank think? There has to be something wrong with me.
"Yes...But I decided against it." I tease.
"That's not fair! Tell me!" Frank begs, flipping on his side so his fave is very close to mine.
I shakily take a breath. I need to learn to ignore the aching of my heart everytime he's so close, it can't be good for my health. I need to stop loving Frank, it's distracting. In a good way- no, in a bad way. He makes me want to be creative, be myself. In a world like mine, that isn't a good thing.
"It's not really any of your business." I say, but it so is.
"Of course it is! We are friends, aren't we?" He asks, exasperated. Friends. Yes, we're friends. And that's all we'll ever be, all he wants us to be. I should be happy I have that, besides, he probably has a prettier boyfriend back in his side of the world. A pretty, perfect boyfriend. Frank deserves it.
I sigh. "I wish things were different, that's all. I wish I hadn't started falling."
"Falling? Oh, you mean! You need to tell me who you're falling for." He demands, poking my shoulder.
"It would ruin things." I say, unhappily.
He chuckles. "Gerard? Ruin something? I can hardly imagine."
"Laugh all you want, it's still true." I say stubbornly. He sighs.
"Fine, fine. You win this round." He says, swinging his legs off the bed., getting up.
"Stay with me." I whisper, grabbing his arm. "Don't leave me, not tonight."
+++++++++++++++++++++
Not exactly my favorite chapter, but whatevs. I was going to write the next chapter, but at 11 fucking 30 my dad came and told me I needed to go to bed, WTF? It was Saturday fucking night. I hardly got to rite yesterday, cuz I was at work. I learned my 'wife' goes to the same French class as one of my friends. I poked my friend until she promised to send my love. Then we watched Harry Potter, I got bored and showed everyone the 'Frank and I have babies.' clip online. Then we watched Frerard clips, and I realized I'm a fangirl. I've been living in denial. Haha you should R&R, they really are the highlights of my day, especially when they have random awesome in them. Ending this like the bitch I am, R&R or die, mutherfucker.
It's almost my birthday, my bruises are gone, the purple and blue marks of pain and hate faded away. It still hurts.
I don't wince when I stand up, or lean over, as much as I want to. The only thing keeping me from crying at night is Frank- he's always there with me, making me forget all the pain. But every time we're together, which is often, actually, only during doctor visits are we apart, and those moments are agony. I just want to...touch him. Push his hair out of his face, grab his hand, hug him. Anything, as long as we can be close. I want most to crush my lips against his, like they do in fairy tales Nan used to tell me.But it would no doubt ruin everything. And I just can't bear to have him leave my life.
"Frank? What do you think the inspector's going to do to me?" I ask. We're laying next to each other on the bottom bunk, on our backs, staring at the white plastic that separates the two white beds.
"I...I don't know." He says, biting his lip. He's lying. He has an idea. I know Frank, so I just ask him a semi-relevant question. I haven't asked him yet, I didn't know what his reaction would be.
"Don't you?" I pretend ponder. He stiffens a bit. "What do the words 'fuck' and 'get it on' actually mean?"
"Where'd you hear those?" He asks quickly, looking over at me like a fear has come true.
"Well...Nan used to say 'fuck' when she was upset..." I try. He raises his eyebrows. I sigh. I din't want him to be angry with me. "Well, I um, the man who 'tested' my reactions, the one who beat the shit out of me, he said the inspector man 'wanted' me. That he wanted to 'get it on' with me. And a lady said that the inspector woulld 'fuck' anything he could fit into." I explain. He does not look happy. Angry, even. I cringe. "I'm sorry, Frank. I din't mean-" He pulls me into a hug, and I almost sigh because of the brain spasms it causes.
"It's not you I'm angry at." He whispers into my ear.
I'm relieved. I'd hate to have him mad at me. I'd really, really hate it. "Can you tell me what it means?" I ask quietly.
"Sex." He says.
"Pardon?"
"Sex. He wants sex." Frank explains further, practically steaming.
"I don't want to have sex with him." I squeak, appalled. The only person I want to 'fuck' is Frank. Not the inspector, not him, only Frank.
"Yes. Thus the angry Frank." He says, lightly pushing me out of the hug. I try not to look too disappointed. He grabs my hand, and squeezes it. I almost melt with relief. He's not allergic to me. He's holding my hand. Wait. He's holding my hand!!!!
My brains 'splat' against the inside of my head, an implosion of happiness, all because he's touching me again. I shouldn't feel like this. But I do. So I'll just have to live with it.
"Frank, I don't want my first time to be with someone I don't like." I whine. I want it to be with you.
He sighs. "Can't always help it."
"I know...I just wish-never mind." I say, blushing at what I was about to say.
"Just wish what?" Frank asks.
"Nothing." I say quickly. A little too quickly to get away with.
"You were going to say something." He pouts, his face unbelievably cute, cuter than normal. I just want to lean over and...What am I thinking? I almost said I wished my first time could be with him! What would Frank think? There has to be something wrong with me.
"Yes...But I decided against it." I tease.
"That's not fair! Tell me!" Frank begs, flipping on his side so his fave is very close to mine.
I shakily take a breath. I need to learn to ignore the aching of my heart everytime he's so close, it can't be good for my health. I need to stop loving Frank, it's distracting. In a good way- no, in a bad way. He makes me want to be creative, be myself. In a world like mine, that isn't a good thing.
"It's not really any of your business." I say, but it so is.
"Of course it is! We are friends, aren't we?" He asks, exasperated. Friends. Yes, we're friends. And that's all we'll ever be, all he wants us to be. I should be happy I have that, besides, he probably has a prettier boyfriend back in his side of the world. A pretty, perfect boyfriend. Frank deserves it.
I sigh. "I wish things were different, that's all. I wish I hadn't started falling."
"Falling? Oh, you mean! You need to tell me who you're falling for." He demands, poking my shoulder.
"It would ruin things." I say, unhappily.
He chuckles. "Gerard? Ruin something? I can hardly imagine."
"Laugh all you want, it's still true." I say stubbornly. He sighs.
"Fine, fine. You win this round." He says, swinging his legs off the bed., getting up.
"Stay with me." I whisper, grabbing his arm. "Don't leave me, not tonight."
+++++++++++++++++++++
Not exactly my favorite chapter, but whatevs. I was going to write the next chapter, but at 11 fucking 30 my dad came and told me I needed to go to bed, WTF? It was Saturday fucking night. I hardly got to rite yesterday, cuz I was at work. I learned my 'wife' goes to the same French class as one of my friends. I poked my friend until she promised to send my love. Then we watched Harry Potter, I got bored and showed everyone the 'Frank and I have babies.' clip online. Then we watched Frerard clips, and I realized I'm a fangirl. I've been living in denial. Haha you should R&R, they really are the highlights of my day, especially when they have random awesome in them. Ending this like the bitch I am, R&R or die, mutherfucker.
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