Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Blinded by Misery
"Please!" I screamed at him to stop. The blows kept coming to my already bruised body right after another fight with momma. "Daddy stop!" One more time and maybe he would finally hear me but he continued to beat me.
"Your the spittin' image of your mother. Stupid and worthless!" He spat as he slammed the door shut that night from my bedroom. I crashed into the wall on the opposite side of the room and sobbed. I just didn't understand what I did wrong, to make him want to hurt me. It wasn't until I heard the door open again and momma come running to my side.
"Oh god. What has he done?" She screamed while she touched the bruise on my face. I flinched and glanced up through my tears when I saw him come back in but with a catch. He held that knife in his hands for the first time in ten years, except the last time it was to slice my skin into gashes after momma threw that damn bottle at his head. I screamed right when the blade was lowered down into my mothers...
"Fuck." I shot up from the bed gasping for air. Another damn dream for the past sixteen years of my life with the exception some felt quite real. I flopped down on the mattress and rolled over to glance at the clock. In less than five hours I would be auditioning for my once in a lifetime chance at a burlesque dancer. With me being nervous as hell already the nightmare did nothing but add to the horror. I figured it being 7:00 am already I would stay up and get as much caffeine as possible in my body.
"Momma?" I asked into the phone as I sat cross legged on the plush rug in front of the window looking over the city.
"Chrysanthemum, why didn't you call me back last night?" She pleaded seeing as it completely slipped my mind.
"I'm sorry, I fell asleep." I apologized but she obviously knew something wasn't right. She always had to wake me up from my nightmares when she heard me screaming down the hall.
"You had another dream last night didn't you?" I sucked in my breath and tried to play it off but it haunts me too much.
"Yes." I put my head in my hands and tried my hardest to keep my emotions underway.
"Honey, you don't know how bad I wish I could take the pain away, but only you can do that. If only I knew the things that son of a bi.."
"Mom stop. I don't want to have this conversation. Look I've got to go. Wish me luck today and goodbye." With that I hung up and slid across the carpet to the T.V. First channel to pop up had to be MTV of course.
"My Chemical Romance will be performing tonight in Times Square. We will show it live and up close. Don't miss it." Its sad when you don't know who these bands are, where I came from we couldn't afford TV except for stupid channels that I couldn't stand to watch. Now being in New York I would hope to hear more from bands I could only listen to through the radio. Sure I heard of the band but don't have a clue what they look like.
I pushed off from the floor and ran down the hall to my room. The most exciting thing to ever happen in my life and I'm not sure what to even wear. I am so hopeless maybe daddy was right.
"No, Chrys! Don't go down that road again." I took a deep breath and rambled through my closet to find my black and red leotard with fishnet tights and black mini. After taking forever to make sure I didn't look like a total country bumpkin, I slipped into my coat and headed towards my dream.
"Hi, is Desiree here?" I asked the man working at the bar. He looked up and smiled.
"In the back, what's your name sweetheart?" He held my hand up to his mouth as he pressed his lips to it lightly.
"Chrysanthemum." I blushed as he held onto my hand as he stared at me.
"Ricky. It's a pleasure." I flushed and looked away once again not only was he embarrassing me but he looked at least ten years older than me.
"Can I speak to Desiree please?" I batted my eyelashes.
"She is busy but if your here to audition your out of luck. The last auditions were last night." My stomach just dropped to my ass.
"They..they were?" I asked tears beginning to well up in my eyes.
"Hey,hey, hey don't cry please. Maybe I can talk to her for you and get you an audition." He jumped over the counter and hugged me against his chest. I let the tears spill over now and he sat me down on the stool. "It's okay. I never knew girls got this upset over something like this." He tried lightening the mood but it didn't work. I then realized I was being a baby. I looked up into his face and wiped my eyes, now that my makeup was shit.
"Let me go talk to Des. Okay?" He got up from beside me and I nodded as he walked through a door. I spun around on the chair and laid my head down on the hard black counter.
"Rough day?" I heard someone say behind me.
"You could say that." I muffled against my arm.
"Anyway I could make it better?" They sat down next to me.
"I doubt it but thanks." I still never lifted my head up as my dark brown curls hung loosely across my face.
"Sugar, your gonna have to sit up because I can't hear that pretty voice of yours. Southern aren't you?" I smiled slightly and slowly raised my head to look into a pair of hazel eyes close to my gray ones.
"There that's better." He wiped away a stray tear from my cheek bone. "What's your name sugar?" He asked with a hint of flirtatiousness in his voice.
"Chry..santhemum." I hiccuped. I felt so embarrassed crying in front of two strangers today.
"Don't cry, is there anyway I can make your day just the slightest bit better?" He asked placing his hand over mine in my lap. I pulled my hand from his gently and looked away, flushing.
"Come on don't be like that." He said touching my chin with his cold artistic fingers to turn my face back towards his.
"Chrysanthemum." I heard my name being called from a door across the room. It was Ricky. "Come here." I looked back to the gentlemen who tried hitting on me and smiled slightly. I slid from the stool and ran to the door. Ricky pushed me by my lower back towards a woman yelling at a dancer, my role model Anna Fabean. I grew up watching her dance in movies and fell in love.
"Des.." Ricky coughed loud enough for her to turn around and notice us.
"What?" She snapped and I couldn't help but shrink back.
"This is Chrysanthemum." He urged me forward.
"Well, what can I help you with if this is so important that you had to leave the bar?" She pointed at Ricky while still staring at me.
"I'm here to audition." I said bluntly and a little petrified.
"We don't have any spots open." She flat out crushed me.
"Please you have got to have one more spot open. Please!" I begged.
"I'm sorry but we don't have any.." She began until the woman behind her spoke up.
"Let her audition. Lexi is out for a while maybe she can replace her." Ann came forward and gave me a encouraging smile.
"I don't thin..wait when did she say she was leaving?" Desiree whipped around to Ann.
"This morning remember? But you were too busy cussing at me so obviously you wouldn't have heard her!" She said raising her voice.
"Fine, you know what be here tonight at eleven. No excuses for being late and if you don't show up there goes your chance. Don't waste my time!" She practically spat at me but hell I was just glad I was getting a chance. I smiled and threw my arms around Ricky behind me.
"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." I chanted in his ear. He squeezed me back and smiled into my shoulder.
"Not a problem but don't disappoint. I will be watching tonight." He pulled away and winked at me before leading back through the bar and out the door. "See you later beautiful." He shut the door before I could say anything.
"Your the spittin' image of your mother. Stupid and worthless!" He spat as he slammed the door shut that night from my bedroom. I crashed into the wall on the opposite side of the room and sobbed. I just didn't understand what I did wrong, to make him want to hurt me. It wasn't until I heard the door open again and momma come running to my side.
"Oh god. What has he done?" She screamed while she touched the bruise on my face. I flinched and glanced up through my tears when I saw him come back in but with a catch. He held that knife in his hands for the first time in ten years, except the last time it was to slice my skin into gashes after momma threw that damn bottle at his head. I screamed right when the blade was lowered down into my mothers...
"Fuck." I shot up from the bed gasping for air. Another damn dream for the past sixteen years of my life with the exception some felt quite real. I flopped down on the mattress and rolled over to glance at the clock. In less than five hours I would be auditioning for my once in a lifetime chance at a burlesque dancer. With me being nervous as hell already the nightmare did nothing but add to the horror. I figured it being 7:00 am already I would stay up and get as much caffeine as possible in my body.
"Momma?" I asked into the phone as I sat cross legged on the plush rug in front of the window looking over the city.
"Chrysanthemum, why didn't you call me back last night?" She pleaded seeing as it completely slipped my mind.
"I'm sorry, I fell asleep." I apologized but she obviously knew something wasn't right. She always had to wake me up from my nightmares when she heard me screaming down the hall.
"You had another dream last night didn't you?" I sucked in my breath and tried to play it off but it haunts me too much.
"Yes." I put my head in my hands and tried my hardest to keep my emotions underway.
"Honey, you don't know how bad I wish I could take the pain away, but only you can do that. If only I knew the things that son of a bi.."
"Mom stop. I don't want to have this conversation. Look I've got to go. Wish me luck today and goodbye." With that I hung up and slid across the carpet to the T.V. First channel to pop up had to be MTV of course.
"My Chemical Romance will be performing tonight in Times Square. We will show it live and up close. Don't miss it." Its sad when you don't know who these bands are, where I came from we couldn't afford TV except for stupid channels that I couldn't stand to watch. Now being in New York I would hope to hear more from bands I could only listen to through the radio. Sure I heard of the band but don't have a clue what they look like.
I pushed off from the floor and ran down the hall to my room. The most exciting thing to ever happen in my life and I'm not sure what to even wear. I am so hopeless maybe daddy was right.
"No, Chrys! Don't go down that road again." I took a deep breath and rambled through my closet to find my black and red leotard with fishnet tights and black mini. After taking forever to make sure I didn't look like a total country bumpkin, I slipped into my coat and headed towards my dream.
"Hi, is Desiree here?" I asked the man working at the bar. He looked up and smiled.
"In the back, what's your name sweetheart?" He held my hand up to his mouth as he pressed his lips to it lightly.
"Chrysanthemum." I blushed as he held onto my hand as he stared at me.
"Ricky. It's a pleasure." I flushed and looked away once again not only was he embarrassing me but he looked at least ten years older than me.
"Can I speak to Desiree please?" I batted my eyelashes.
"She is busy but if your here to audition your out of luck. The last auditions were last night." My stomach just dropped to my ass.
"They..they were?" I asked tears beginning to well up in my eyes.
"Hey,hey, hey don't cry please. Maybe I can talk to her for you and get you an audition." He jumped over the counter and hugged me against his chest. I let the tears spill over now and he sat me down on the stool. "It's okay. I never knew girls got this upset over something like this." He tried lightening the mood but it didn't work. I then realized I was being a baby. I looked up into his face and wiped my eyes, now that my makeup was shit.
"Let me go talk to Des. Okay?" He got up from beside me and I nodded as he walked through a door. I spun around on the chair and laid my head down on the hard black counter.
"Rough day?" I heard someone say behind me.
"You could say that." I muffled against my arm.
"Anyway I could make it better?" They sat down next to me.
"I doubt it but thanks." I still never lifted my head up as my dark brown curls hung loosely across my face.
"Sugar, your gonna have to sit up because I can't hear that pretty voice of yours. Southern aren't you?" I smiled slightly and slowly raised my head to look into a pair of hazel eyes close to my gray ones.
"There that's better." He wiped away a stray tear from my cheek bone. "What's your name sugar?" He asked with a hint of flirtatiousness in his voice.
"Chry..santhemum." I hiccuped. I felt so embarrassed crying in front of two strangers today.
"Don't cry, is there anyway I can make your day just the slightest bit better?" He asked placing his hand over mine in my lap. I pulled my hand from his gently and looked away, flushing.
"Come on don't be like that." He said touching my chin with his cold artistic fingers to turn my face back towards his.
"Chrysanthemum." I heard my name being called from a door across the room. It was Ricky. "Come here." I looked back to the gentlemen who tried hitting on me and smiled slightly. I slid from the stool and ran to the door. Ricky pushed me by my lower back towards a woman yelling at a dancer, my role model Anna Fabean. I grew up watching her dance in movies and fell in love.
"Des.." Ricky coughed loud enough for her to turn around and notice us.
"What?" She snapped and I couldn't help but shrink back.
"This is Chrysanthemum." He urged me forward.
"Well, what can I help you with if this is so important that you had to leave the bar?" She pointed at Ricky while still staring at me.
"I'm here to audition." I said bluntly and a little petrified.
"We don't have any spots open." She flat out crushed me.
"Please you have got to have one more spot open. Please!" I begged.
"I'm sorry but we don't have any.." She began until the woman behind her spoke up.
"Let her audition. Lexi is out for a while maybe she can replace her." Ann came forward and gave me a encouraging smile.
"I don't thin..wait when did she say she was leaving?" Desiree whipped around to Ann.
"This morning remember? But you were too busy cussing at me so obviously you wouldn't have heard her!" She said raising her voice.
"Fine, you know what be here tonight at eleven. No excuses for being late and if you don't show up there goes your chance. Don't waste my time!" She practically spat at me but hell I was just glad I was getting a chance. I smiled and threw my arms around Ricky behind me.
"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." I chanted in his ear. He squeezed me back and smiled into my shoulder.
"Not a problem but don't disappoint. I will be watching tonight." He pulled away and winked at me before leading back through the bar and out the door. "See you later beautiful." He shut the door before I could say anything.
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