FicWad

As soon as I got in my mother came rushing at me, demanding to know where I've been.
'Just out mom, I bumped into some friends from school.' I wasn't exactly lying. I sighed and tried to plaster a big smile on my face. I think it worked.
'Where's dad?' I asked, hoping he was out.
'He's just gone to see a friend. He'll be back in around half an hour. I could have fainted with relief. I had dreaded coming home all the time I was with Gerard and Mikey. I hope they didn't notice. I didn't want to drag them in to my shit, they seemed so nice. I didn't want to say bye to them, especially Gerard... there was just something about him.. mysterious. Anyway, I realised that I really needed to pee, so I ran upstairs to the toilet. Mom looked a bit flustered, I hope she didn't worry too much. After I was done on the toilet, (yes, you has to know that) I went to my room and laid down on on my bed. As I put down my head on the pillow i heard a slight russling sound underneath my head. Probably a sweet paper or something, my room was due for a good clear up. I lifted my head up and grabbed the rubbish from under me. It was a crumpled piece of paper. I slowly opened it, my stomach going into a flurry. It was a letter;

Dear Mom, Dad, and Evie,
I guess that you're reading this cause I've... well... gone to a better place. I'm so sorry for all the trouble I've caused, i know that you didn't deserve it. I need to tell you something. I hear voices in my head. They tell me to do bad thing. They said everyone would be better off without me. I can't take the screaming any more. I'm going crazy, and I know that if I don't do this, I'll get worse. I don't want to be trapped in my own head. Maybe one day you'll understand. But you won't see me again. I'm so sorry.
Nat.


I read this with tears in my eyes. I wrote this a week before Evie died. I was going to kill myself. I'm glad that mom didn't find this. I had felt so bad and written it in case I did something stupid. Funnily enough the voices stopped after that. But I know they'll be back. I always know. They'll come back to taunt me. I haven't told my parents. I mean, who would want a crazy fuck like me as a daughter? No-one. i don't ever plan to tell them. I almost told Evie. Thinking of her brought yet more waterfalls to my eyes. I hated feeling like this. Ugh, why couldn't I be normal? I pulled myself off the bed, crupled the letter back up and hid it in my underwear drawer. I knew that I wouldn't be able to go through with it. I had to make it up to Evie. I had to live for her, no matter how much I hated life. I walked across the hallway to get to the bathroom, my make-up had run and I just needed a shower. At that point I heard the door bang. I froze. Dad was back. I ran to my room as quick as my weary feet could take me. I glanced at the clock on my bedside table. 10:36pm. I was considering climbing out my window. I had to make a decision and fast.
'How's my princess?' I heard my dads deep voice boom up the stairs, and judging by the creaking he was coming up. I couldn't wait any more. I threw my window open, shoved my legs out, pushed myself off the ledge and jumped. I landed with a thud twisting my ankle. I didn't care. I just had to get outta there. I got up and ran off in to the night, not daring to look back.