Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance


by unitedsuck007 11 reviews

Took something perfect, and painted it red. [Pretty pointless Frerard one-shot. Featuring sass and hair dye.]

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: G - Genres: Humor - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way - Published: 2011-11-21 - Updated: 2011-11-21 - 2082 words


One of the one-shots we found. I may be some stupid thirteen-year-old girl but I like giggled through the whole way through this XD

Also, bear in mind this was written in April of this year.


Just doing this because it's five in the morning, I just drank three cans of Red Bull and I just finished the last chapter of First of the Gang to Die, and I decided to actually be uplifting.

*author cocks head* Humor? What is this you speak of?

I dunno, this new thing I'm trying out, let's see how it goes.

I haven't written a one-shot in what seems like years. this is pretty pointless and my writing isn't the best here but hey...

Aaaaaanyway, this is just a really short little skit on how Gerard has red hair now, and I instantly think of the Daniel Merriweather song when I think of it, just like Lindsey gazing at him, wistful for his black hair (cuz, in my opinion, that's the best) and just being like 'why did you do it, you ball of man-sass, why, WHY'

Okay thanks for that Lornaigh

Anyway, this is a Frerard,(set in the current Danger Days era, and let's pretend they're not married and have chillun) just something really cute and weird for Gee's birthday on the ninth (few days before my eighteenth, motherfuckas!) so yeah, happy birthday, you old man. When I'm thirty four I can only hope I look as good as you.

Except, a chick...not like a dude...erm

xo lorna

and wow holy shit my first rated G story! *squeals*

FYI: in this Gerard is 33, Mikey is 30 and Frank is 29

and if you don't like the whole concept of Gerard being sassy then don't read this (and also wat da fuc is wrong wit chu?)

"Are you really sure about this, Gee?" Frank asked as he sat in his boyfriend's lap, munching on the stale pile of Dorito's strewn over their coffee table. "Your hair is so pretty now."

"Mikey got to dye his hair," the singer replied childishly. "Kerrang said he had the best hair in My Chem." He scowled and clicked his fingers. "That is not acceptable, Frank."

"I know, sweetie, but who gives a shit about what some shitty magazine says?" He snuggled against Gerard and felt his lover smile widely when his favourite TV show flashed on screen. "I think you have the best hair in My Chem." He grimaced. "Apart from me."

"Thanks babe-OH MY GOD IT'S STARTING EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN TO THE GODDESS OF FIERCE!" Gerard screeched,and began humming the theme tune to the programme, flicking his hair and jamming with his boyfriend.

"Gerard it's just the two of us-"

"WANNA BE ON TOP, NA NA NA NA NA," Way sang in a high, camp falsetto, closing his eyes and saying his hips. "Oh my Gawd I hope Hannah goes this week she is such a bitch but I hate Sheena too cuz all she can do is hooch I mean close yo goddamn legs girl-"

"Gee." He clapped his hand over the other mouth. "Shut up." He giggled a little. "Honestly, I think sometimes I'm dating Tyra Banks."

"Oh, I wish," Gerard sighed wistfully, putting down his glass of Coke-Diet, of course. "Gawd, she is so gorgeous."

"More gorgeous than me?" Frank asked breathily, giving Way his best puppy dog eyes. "Is she prettier than me?"

"No one's prettier than you, Frankie," Gerard confirmed as one girl proudly proclaimed she would 'soooooooo beat these other byotches'. "All mine."

The two sat in each other's arms for a little while, commenting on the outfits, the photoshoots, the girls themselves. Frank mainly listened to Gerard's catty responces to his least favourite contestants.

"Oh my Gawd Analeigh what the fuck are you wearing-"


"Mister Jay, your shirt is extremely homosexual."


"Girl, you are not America's next top model yet, bitch you haven't even won the goddamn competition."

It was moments like this Frank would really realize how much he loved the man who fronted the band he was in. He had loved Gerard since the very start-the weird, deep artist had interested him ever since he showed up at a Pencey Prep gig-goddamn ten years ago, you believe that?-and asked him to be the guitarist of My Chem. They'd gotten together after recording Revenge; after his failed relationship with Bert McCracken, Gerard and Frank had made out vigorously in front of the Used frontman. They'd been an item ever since; seven years later, stories, drawings and artwork had been presented in honour of them by dedicated fans. They were private; they never gushed about their relationship in interviews or took Myspace pictures with gaudy duck faces. Occasionally they would hold hands in public or maybe a quick peck on the nose-but most of their affection happened whenever they were alone. Which, when you are in such a band as My Chemical Romance, is pretty goddamned hard.

So, they settled for simple things. Like, just spitballing, watching America's Next Top Model together and eating junk food in their tour bus. Mikey, Ray and Pedicone were out doing shit-they didn't know or care what. Gerard struggled to remember their conversation.

"Uh, hey, Gerard? Me and the guys are going to go out and have sex with Norweigian Hindu meerkats tonight, is that okay?"

"Yeah, sure."

"So, uh, we mightn't come back, y'know, so if we don't, you might wanna call the police."

"Oh yeah, awesome."

"And Gee, if I don't make it back-I love you. You're amazing, bro."

"That's good, Mikes."

"Now I just gotta go buy some condoms..."

"Uh huh, you too, bro."

Everything was perfectly peaceful for the next two hours. They watched ANTM in comfortable, soft silence, sleepy and content, Frank purring quietly as he drifted into sleep. Gerard shifted a little and his boyfriend stirred.

"Wha?" He rubbed his eyes and yawned. "Oh. Gee," he cooed, "ooh, so warm."

"You wanna come dye my hair with me?" The artist asked. "Wanna get your hands all over me?"

"Gerard, I'll be washing out your hair, not sucking your dick or something."

"You wanna?"

"Honestly, you are just the strangest motherfucker..."

"The strangest motherfucker who you're dating, mothafucka!" He said in an imitation of the Chinese guy from The Hangover movie. "You fell asleep during ANTM, honey. Samantha won."

"Aw shit," Frank cussed as they reached the bathroom. "Fuck it, I liked the red head."

"Mckey? Jesus, Frank, you pick the weirdest girls."

"Shut up!" He slapped his boyfriend lightly, perching up on the toilet, crossing his legs. "She walked a little weirdly, that's all!"

"Penis got in the way, eh, Frankie?"

"Gerard, you're such a bitch." The older man cackled as he searched through the endless bottles of hair dye aboard the MCR tour bus. "Now take off your clothes."


"Why not?"


"Uh huh." He nudged Gerard with his foot. "C'mon. Off with the clothes."

Gerard stripped of his Iron Maiden t-shirt and skinny jeans, kicking off his Converse into the corner of the room. Then he turned to Frank, one hand on hip.

"Okay-either..." he read the labels carefully. "Burnt Cherry or...When I Cut Out Your Heart And Make You Eat It This Is The Colour Your Blood'll Be." He looked up, disturbed-both men shared the air of unease. "Um... how about I just..." he gingerly placed the bottle on the bath tub ledge, "put this right here and leave it alone-"

"DIE BITCH DIE!" Frank screamed, pulling out a bazooka and blasting the bottle to oblivion. "NEVER COME NEAR ME AND MY BOYFRIEND EVER AGAIN!"

"FRANK!" Gerard yelped, staring at the huge anti-air missile in his lover's small hands. "WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GET THAT?! THAT IS A FUCKING ASSAULT RIFLE USED IN THE RUSSIAN ARMY!"

"Да здравствует Россия федерации!" Frank screeched, and Way could only stare.

"What...what even...I didn't know you speak Russian. Or had a gun licence."

"Uh yeah...sorry about that, man..."

"No's cool, s'all good..."

Gerard stood up from the gaping hole in the bathtub. It was letting out little sparks of fire. He looked to the bazooka on the ground, which Frank touched with a nimble foot.

"If Brian asks, Mikey did it."

"Sure. You wanna talk about it, or...?"

"I think it's best we don't, Gee, I'm under oath."

"Oath?" The younger nodded. " about we just dye my hair, baby?"

"Okay," Frank chirped, ordering the older man to sit below him. He shook the little red bottle and squirted the paste in its entirety into his palm. Gerard pulled both of Frank's legs over his own shoulders and held his ankles, tipping his head back so he could capture the shorter man's mouth with his own. They continued to kiss and cavort, sucking each other's tongues, until a familiar voice wafted through the bus.

"Gee? Frankie?" The door pushed open. "AH! HOMO SEX!"

"Goddammit, Mikey," Gerard snapped at his younger brother. Frank noticed with glee the thirty three year old seized the blonde hair and sneered momentarily at it. "Jesus Christ, I thoguht you were out fucking someone with the guys!"

"I came back," Mikey said, as if to say 'God, chillax already.' "Nice to see I'm so appreciated." He stepped and leaned back. "What are you doing? Why are you naked?"

"Why were you born?"

"Oh, that's just nasty-"

"It's my fucking night off with Frankie, you asshole! Gawd-"


Frank kicked Gerard.

"Ow, fucking hell, Frankie! I kicked it."

"Oh yeah? You kicked it?"


"Since when is your foot made of fucking nuclear battery acid, Gerard?!"

"Hey, fuck off about my bodily fluids-"

"Guys!" Frank interjected as he massaged Gerard's scalp. "Relax, okay? Gee and I had a really good time earlier-"

"He made you watch ANTM, didn't he?" Mikey scowled and sat on the floor-Gerard nearly dived at him, but the youngest pulled him back.

"He didn't make me, I watched it with him." Gerard squeezed his boyfriend's leg as if to pay his thanks. "Okay, Gee, now just wait for twenty five minutes and we wash it out."

"We?" Mikey gasps, disturbed beyond belief. "We will not be doing anything of the sort-"

"He means me and him, cuntface," Gerard snapped back. "Now shut up, bitch, I need my private reflection period. Babe, you gotta book or something?"

"Private reflection period?" Mikey rasped again. Gerard rolled his eyes and took the book from his boyfriend, plugging in earphones. "What the fuck?" He shrugged it off as Frank washed his hands of the sticky clumps of red dye. "Whatta ya reading?"

"The Godfather."

"That's a movie, you dumbass."

"No it ain't, it's a book too, shitface, I got the proof right here." He shoved the cover in his brother's face. "See? Even got a guy called Michael in it."

"Oooh! Is he cool?"

"No. He sucks." Mikey flipped him off. "Pain in the ass."

"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse," Frank quoted softly, and heard Gerard bit his lip and groan slightly. Mikey recoiled in horror.

"I bet you fucking can, baby, oh God..."

"Oh Gee..." he purred, deaf to Mikey's shrieks. He straddled his boyfriend and licked his lips. "I really wanna-" he leaned against him and whispered in his ear:

"Pretend I've said something really sexual. You might wanna say something to add to the effect."

"I wanna fuck your little ass, baby," Gerard said as he bit Frank's ear lobe. Michael was hyperventilating in the corner. "Want you so bad..."

"I want you too, Gee...take me..."

"Aw wanna be my little slut, sugar, be my little slut like you were last night..." he tried not to giggle. "Like you were last night...on Mikey's bunk?"

"AW, NO!" Mikey shrieked, sobbing. "YOU FUCKING PERVERTS-"

"You hear somethin?"

"Mmm...probably just Mikey finding out we did it right next to his stuffed unicorn..."


"And that we used his Coke Zero for lube..."


"And...oh we didn't have a dildo so we used..." Frank smirked-"his inhaler."

And people wonder why Mikey's the quiet one.

well that completely lacked a plotline but hey whatever. R&R if you want; if you don't,I won't kill ya.

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