FicWad

Chapter 2

Frank's P.O.V

I sit there, rocking Gerard back and forth, when I hear something. 
Someone climb out a bunk, zip up a bag, walk towards the door, unlock the door.
'Gee,' I say, 'Gee!' He looks up at me.
'Yeah F-Frankie?' I'm melting.
'I-I think Mikey's umm.. leaving.'
Hisneyes widen, filled with shock and sadness as he jumps up from my lap and runs towards the front of the bus. He jumps outside and the door slams behind him. 

Silence.

Except for Ray's steady snores, he'd fucking sleep through World War Three.

Gerard's P.O.V

'Mikey?' I ask timidly, heart fluttering like a startled butterfly. He stops but doesn't turn around. After a moment of excrusiatingly awkward silence, I ask 'W-where are you go-going?' I can feel the tears prickling the back of my eyes like a thousand knives as a lump begins to form in my throat. He sighs, 'Away from you.' His words sting. Really, really sting. I can feel the tears beginning to form.
'B-but you can't j-just leave. W-what about the b-band,' I choke out.
'They'll cope without me.' 
'But th-they wont Mikes,' I state.
'Mikey. l-look at m-me.' he slowly and reluctantly turns round, a look of a look of sadness and slight anger in his beautiful, brown eyes. 
'Please dont l-leave Mikey.' I start sobbing uncontrollably and he clearly doesn't know what to do because he doesnt move to comfort me. I've lost my only brother, pushed him away. I'm sick. I feel overwhelmed by sorrow and anger, like knifes ripping my insides to shreds, devouring my very being.

Mikey's P.O.V

As I watched Gerard cry I really wanted to comfort him, to help. But he's sick. He's disgusting and I dont think I can ever look at him in the same way again. He looks up at me, tears streaming down his face. Before I can regret my action, I jump at him and hug him tight. He eases into my touch and the sobs start to die down. 'I'm sorry Gee.' Isay. I am. I really am. He's my brother, no matter what. I'll just...get him help. Fix him. Yeah, thats it, i'll fix him. There must be someone you can talk to about this? psychiatrists or..or consellours?
'M-M-Mikey..?' asks Gerard, so quiet its almost a whisper.
'Yes Gerard?' I ask, leaning back slightly to look down at his face. He looks up and for a second I'm emmersed in his eyes, hazel with flicks of green and hints of gold, glazed and soggy from the crying, looking up at me full if hope and apprehension, glistening in the late night moon.
Hold on, did I just lose myself in my BROTHERS eyes?
No, he just has nice eyes, that's all..
'I'm s-sorry,' he whispers.
'It's okay Gee,' I say, 'It's all okay.'
He smiles weakly.
'Come on, lets go back in inside,' I say, letting go of him and leading the way. He takes hold of my hand and I look down at our intwined fingers, but dont resist. 
When we get back onto the bus, we're greeted by Ray's snores and a crying Frank. 
'Frankie..?' Gerard asks hesitantly, 'Are you okay?' Frank slowly looks up, his face tear streaked, eyes puffy and bloodshot. 
'Oh, Frankie.' Gerard lets go of my hand and sits down next to Frank and pulls him into a tight embrace. Frank just cries harder. I go and sit on the other side of him. I can hear Gee uttering whispered words of comfort, 'Sssshh....Frankie, its okay sweetie.' 
He's still wiping away his own tears.
'Frank,' I say, 'What's the matter?' he looks up and turns slightly to look at me, still in Gerards arms. 
'I-I thought you two h-had fallen out a-and would n-never talk to each other a-again.'
'Oh, Frankie, that'd never happen. R-right Mikey...?' Gerard asked to last bit nervously, but I know my reply.
'That's right,' I say, 'never.'
Gerard flashes me and huge smile and I give him a fairly feeble one back. I mean it. I'll stand by him, help him through this. It's only a phase afterall. But, as much as I try to convince myself that, the thrashing monster of doubt is biting my insides and I become more uncertain by the second.
My brother. My big brother. Gerard. He loves me. he LOVES me. I can't do this. 
Before I can even think, I jump up from the sofa and lunge at the door, pulling it open and ignoring the calls of 'Mikey? Mikey!' coming from behind me. I jump down the steps and run round the bus and across the car park, my feet pounding out of time with my rapid heart and creating a unsteady rhythm of rushing blood and Doc Martens. 

I don't think about where i'm running, I don't think at all. I just feel.

Feel the biting wind, whipping my cheeks and exposed arms. Feel the hard ground, unchanging beneath my feet. Feel the mild, summer's night air that still gnaws away at my bones, at my very soul. Feel the confusion and nervousness that creeps into the pit of my stomach.

Gerard's sick, not me. I don't love him like that, do I? For the first time, I let my mind think that maybe, just maybe, I do.

I don't know how long I've running for when I come to an abrupt stop and take in my surroundings, gasping for breath. I'm stood on the edge of a field, all alone. That's fine by me. I feel anger bubble up inside my chest for ever even thinking I could like Gerard like that. I punch a nearby wall and feel pain stab at my hand, but I ignore it, not even acknowledging the crack I heard. 

all of a sudden, I can't breathe. I collapse onto the ground, gasping for air, tears beginning to fall. when I get my breathe back, they become howling sobs. Self hatred begins to writhe in my stomach and sting my insides. 
I don't know anything anymore. 
I don't know how I feel, I don't know what to do, where to go, whether to stay. I just don't know. and I can't stand it.

Gerard's P.O.V

Regret and fear are plauging my mind as I run to find Mikey. Why am I so stupid? Why did I have to tell him? And to actually think for a second he'd be okay with it or even feel the same. I am such an idiot. A useless, pathetic, sick, disgusting idiot. 

I take no notice of where i'm running, barely even feeling my shoes crash onto the hard ground with every step. I'm just sreaming Mikey's name. Mikey. my little brother, my best friend, and now I've gone and lost him forever. I'm just about to give up and head back when I see him. curled up on the ground, sobbing. my heart cracks and I stay frozen to the spot, watching my brother, the man I love, cry until he can't breathe. 
And I do nothing.