Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Saving Grace
CHAPTER 3
Mikey's P.O.V
I stay there, curled up and weeping for what feels like forever. When I finally manage to stop crying, I lift my head up and I see Gerard.
He's just stood there. When he see's me look at him, he looks slightly like a rabbit in headlights; it makes my stomach do flips.
Neither of us say anything, we just stare at each other. That is until he takes a step forward.
'Mikey...?' he asks, so quietly I can only just hear it. I don't reply but he egdes closer.
'Gerard,' I say, almost as a sigh. He rushes forwards and tries to hug me but I, rather violently, push him away. I didn't mean to and I feel guilt tearing my insides as I see the look of sadness and slight fear in his eyes.
'Oh Gerard, I'm so sorry.'
'It's okay. I'm dirty and disgusting and I won't be suprised if no-one ever touches me again.' He stares down at his lap and my insides rip in half.
'Gerard, that's not true. You're beautiful and you'll find someone perfect for you one day.' He looks up at me, right in the eyes.
'I think I already have,' he says, edging slightly closer to me.
'Gerard, please. Don't.' He looks down again and recoils evern further away from me, hiding behind his dishevelled, slightly greasy, black hair.
'Sorry Mikey,' he whispers.
'Hey, It's okay,' I say, moving to sit next to him and nudge his shoulder with mine. He looks at me through his hairand offers me a weak, clearly forced, smile. I reach up and tuck his hair behind his ear, letting my hand cup his face for a few seconds, feeling his cheeks flush hot under my touch.
When I finally realise what I'm doing, I recoil my hand quickly and he looks down again. An incredibly awkward silence lingers between us. I stare intently down at my navy blue Doc Martens, not daring to look at Gerard.
After a while, I summon up the courage to look at MY OWN BIG BROTHER. My god, I'm pathetic.
'I-I think we should just..f-forget this, yeah?' I ask, mentally cursing myself for stuttering. Gerard sighs 'Yeah' and once again, we just sit there in an uncomfortable silence.
Gerard's P.O.V
This silence is killing me. But not as much as those words, 'just forget this.' I'm supposed to just forget years of pent up, sick, strong, illegal feelings for my baby brother. My Mikey. Except he's not mine. He never was. And i've just made sure that he never will be. I've ruined everything, he can't even touch me anymore.
'Frank's probably wondering where we are...' Mikey says, breaking the icy silence. Shit. Frank. He followed me out of the bus to look for Mikey.
'H-he followed me out the bus...but then I-I don't know where he went.' Mikey looked at me, concern lacing his delicate brown orbs.
'Ring him.' he states simply. I nod and hide behind my hair while I take my phone out and dial Frank's number. I'm greeted by that annoying ringing noise until-
'Gee?'
'H-hey Frank.'
'Oh thank god. Are you okay? Did you find him?'
'I'm fine. And yeah, I found him.'
'Yaay!' exclaimed Frank, clearly not noticing the defeated and upset tone in my voice.
'Where are you?' I ask him.
'Back at the bus,' he replies, 'I would have called you but I've got no credit.'
'We're on our way back,' was all I said before I hung up. I just wanted the awkwardness between me and Mikey to end. I wish I'd never opened my stupid fucking mouth. He stood up and I did the same. I started to walk first, leading the way, not daring to even glance in Mikey's direction.
The walk was painful. No, it was excruciating. Neither of us said a word. I couldn't quite tell whether Mikey was silent out of anger, sadness or shock. Or maybe he was just ashamed of having a brother as pathetic as me. He didn't even look at me once the whole way. My god. He must hate me so much. I don't blame him but it still hurts, like knives slicing up my insides. I am such a fucking idiot.
When we got back to the bus, Frank practically jumped on us.
'Guys! I was so fucking worried! Where have you been? Actually, how have you been? What happened?!'
'Nothing,' was all Mikey said before he left for his bunk. I sink to the ground, mainly because of complete exhaustion. I'm too tired to even cry.
Mikey's P.O.V
I felt bad for ignoring Gerard. He didn't do anything wrong but...I just, Jesus Christ! I don't know anymore! I feel sick. I storm from my bunk and into the toilet, slamming the door shut behind me and shoving my fingers down my throat. I lean over the toilet as I spill out the contents of my stomach. I continue to dig down my throat until I'm left with dry wretches. I slump onto the floor, feeling more empty than before, in different ways, and sobbing silently. What have I become?
Mikey's P.O.V
I stay there, curled up and weeping for what feels like forever. When I finally manage to stop crying, I lift my head up and I see Gerard.
He's just stood there. When he see's me look at him, he looks slightly like a rabbit in headlights; it makes my stomach do flips.
Neither of us say anything, we just stare at each other. That is until he takes a step forward.
'Mikey...?' he asks, so quietly I can only just hear it. I don't reply but he egdes closer.
'Gerard,' I say, almost as a sigh. He rushes forwards and tries to hug me but I, rather violently, push him away. I didn't mean to and I feel guilt tearing my insides as I see the look of sadness and slight fear in his eyes.
'Oh Gerard, I'm so sorry.'
'It's okay. I'm dirty and disgusting and I won't be suprised if no-one ever touches me again.' He stares down at his lap and my insides rip in half.
'Gerard, that's not true. You're beautiful and you'll find someone perfect for you one day.' He looks up at me, right in the eyes.
'I think I already have,' he says, edging slightly closer to me.
'Gerard, please. Don't.' He looks down again and recoils evern further away from me, hiding behind his dishevelled, slightly greasy, black hair.
'Sorry Mikey,' he whispers.
'Hey, It's okay,' I say, moving to sit next to him and nudge his shoulder with mine. He looks at me through his hairand offers me a weak, clearly forced, smile. I reach up and tuck his hair behind his ear, letting my hand cup his face for a few seconds, feeling his cheeks flush hot under my touch.
When I finally realise what I'm doing, I recoil my hand quickly and he looks down again. An incredibly awkward silence lingers between us. I stare intently down at my navy blue Doc Martens, not daring to look at Gerard.
After a while, I summon up the courage to look at MY OWN BIG BROTHER. My god, I'm pathetic.
'I-I think we should just..f-forget this, yeah?' I ask, mentally cursing myself for stuttering. Gerard sighs 'Yeah' and once again, we just sit there in an uncomfortable silence.
Gerard's P.O.V
This silence is killing me. But not as much as those words, 'just forget this.' I'm supposed to just forget years of pent up, sick, strong, illegal feelings for my baby brother. My Mikey. Except he's not mine. He never was. And i've just made sure that he never will be. I've ruined everything, he can't even touch me anymore.
'Frank's probably wondering where we are...' Mikey says, breaking the icy silence. Shit. Frank. He followed me out of the bus to look for Mikey.
'H-he followed me out the bus...but then I-I don't know where he went.' Mikey looked at me, concern lacing his delicate brown orbs.
'Ring him.' he states simply. I nod and hide behind my hair while I take my phone out and dial Frank's number. I'm greeted by that annoying ringing noise until-
'Gee?'
'H-hey Frank.'
'Oh thank god. Are you okay? Did you find him?'
'I'm fine. And yeah, I found him.'
'Yaay!' exclaimed Frank, clearly not noticing the defeated and upset tone in my voice.
'Where are you?' I ask him.
'Back at the bus,' he replies, 'I would have called you but I've got no credit.'
'We're on our way back,' was all I said before I hung up. I just wanted the awkwardness between me and Mikey to end. I wish I'd never opened my stupid fucking mouth. He stood up and I did the same. I started to walk first, leading the way, not daring to even glance in Mikey's direction.
The walk was painful. No, it was excruciating. Neither of us said a word. I couldn't quite tell whether Mikey was silent out of anger, sadness or shock. Or maybe he was just ashamed of having a brother as pathetic as me. He didn't even look at me once the whole way. My god. He must hate me so much. I don't blame him but it still hurts, like knives slicing up my insides. I am such a fucking idiot.
When we got back to the bus, Frank practically jumped on us.
'Guys! I was so fucking worried! Where have you been? Actually, how have you been? What happened?!'
'Nothing,' was all Mikey said before he left for his bunk. I sink to the ground, mainly because of complete exhaustion. I'm too tired to even cry.
Mikey's P.O.V
I felt bad for ignoring Gerard. He didn't do anything wrong but...I just, Jesus Christ! I don't know anymore! I feel sick. I storm from my bunk and into the toilet, slamming the door shut behind me and shoving my fingers down my throat. I lean over the toilet as I spill out the contents of my stomach. I continue to dig down my throat until I'm left with dry wretches. I slump onto the floor, feeling more empty than before, in different ways, and sobbing silently. What have I become?
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