Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Lawn Ornament Extermination Corpse


by mychemicalbitchbot 5 reviews

"We're here to claim Gerard."

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: G - Genres: Drama - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2011-12-02 - Updated: 2011-12-02 - 1042 words - Complete

A/N you should know I have been sprayed with spray-cheese before. It's disguisting. NEVER TRY IT! ( I was an unwilling participant)

We're outside of the flamingo base, all of us armed with hair spray and can-spray-able cheese, me with the chain cutters for Gerard, all of us mentally preparing ourselves for this rescue mission.

It's an old, abandoned chicken raising coop- on of the inhumane ones, with blacked out windows, 1 square foot of space per chicken. That kind of deal. But of course, we aren't dealing with chickens. It's much worse. Lawn flamingos.

I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the oncoming slaughter of plastic birds, picturing Gerard back in my arms- not literally, of course.

I signal for the attack to start, thoughts collected. Bob surges forward, knocking into a rickety wood door, slamming it down, revealing a sea of despicable pink plastic.

We all run into the old chicken coop, spraying cheese and hair shit everywhere, the part of plastic that hits the flamingos melts, and soon this old chicken coop is a new flamingo slaughter house.

"Aim for their necks!" I command, yelling over the chaos, the whirl of pink plastic and beady eyes. Stupid flamingos.

Soon there are only a few flamingos left. The leader, judging by how protective the remaining flamingos are of it, and about a dozen flamingo soldiers. Only a few lawns' menace left, and no Gerard in sight.

"Where's Gerard?" I ask the head honcho, speaking with venom.

"You mean your leader?" The head flamingo chuckles, after speaking in a slightly girly, naturally quick slur.

"Yes. Him." Gerard is a leader of the Lawn Ornament Extermination Corpse.

The flamingos all laugh. It's slightly unnerving, and quite annoying. "You'll never get him, he's with the Garden Gnomes! Your stupid organization will die without it's leader!" The general of the flamingo force laughs at us.

"Yo, bitch. He's my co-leader." I smirk as the flamingo figures the show can go on without Gerard, then continue with my job. We exterminate the remaining flamingos in less than a minute, and soon the Flamingo Slaughter House is free of the vermin that is lawn flamingos.

"We need to find the garden gnomes." I sigh.

"We'll get them, don't worry." Mikey says, patting my shoulder in a successful attempt to comfort me.


I put a bowl of sour skittles on the table, a thunk as they land.

"We need to eat these." I announce.

"Erm...Why? Skittles don't go bad." Ray asks, scratching the back of his neck.

"Sour skittles are poison to garden gnomes." I shrug, popping a few of the tart candy treats into my mouth.

"Explain to me why we have to eat them, though." Ray requests.

"Because according to my sources garden gnomes have a habit of biting people. So if it comes to that, at least we'll be protected. They'll die if they bite us, you see." I conclude.

"Oh, so gnomes are allergic to sour skittles?" Mikey asks, pushing up his glasses.

"Yeah. And play-dough. They're also deadly afraid of glow sticks." I clarify.

"Glow sticks?"

"Glow sticks." I confirm.

"I'll go get more of this shit, then." Bob says, getting up to leave.

"Take some sour skittles with you." I through him an unopened packet from my pocket.

Bob catches the skittles, then nods his goodbye as he walks out of the room, out of the house.

"Do you know where the gnome base is?" Ray asks me.

"Yeah. The old lighthouse." I reply. "They'll probably have Gerard at the top."


"Because it's dramatic. Gnomes are into drama. And romantic comedies." I shrug.

Ray sighs. "So we'll have to 'storm the castle', won't we? Or we could starve them out."

"If we starve them out they'll eat Gerard. Vicious little fucks." I frown.

"Right... maybe we could just climb outside of the lighthouse to the top? Not confront the gnomes?" Mikey suggests.

"And miss a perfect opportunity for revenge?" I lift an eyebrow. Mikey shrugs.

"It's our job to kill these evil creatures, Mikey, not avoid them." Ray reminds him.

"I know... I just don't want to lose another member of the team." Mikey sighs. Last month, we lost a member of our group. Her name was Alicia, and she and Mikey were sweet on each other. But she met a sad end, due to a rogue pinwheel of death.

"We exist to search, and destroy." I remind him, using our group motto chosen by yours truly. (me)

Mikey sighs. "I'm tired, it's late, I'm going to bed." Mikey says, making a not-so grand exit.

"How ya doin'?" Ray asks me once Mikey is gone. I think he would've asked me in front of Mikey, but Mikey just left...

I rub my palm just above my eyebrow, pulling my hand through my hair.

I sigh. "I'm fine."

"And I'm a cornished pixie." He says sarcastically.

But before he can press the matter, I hear a semi-nervous knock on the door. I spring our of my chair, grabbing a few skittles and run to the door, eating the skittles on the way there.

I open the door, but I don' see anyone.

"Look down." A sightly irritated voice commands of me.

I look down, only to see one bright green and one dark green hatted gnomes, the light green one holding a white flag with a nervous expression on his face. A white flag. Huh. Must be Italian. (A/N If you didn't get the Italy bit, that's fine. Hetalia reference.)

Well. I feel like this is getting worse. Oh well. I just, right now, got a phone call from my father. I am now very excited. You see, tomorrow there's a black veil brides, Avenged sevenfold and Asking Alexandria. My mum can't take me. So I thought I couldn't go. BUT MY DAD'S GOING TO TAKE ME!!!!!! SQUEEEEEE!1 (dies. My mum wouldn't let me go alone, you see. She though drug using nonexistent hooligas would rape me.) Anyway, I was wondering what grade level you thought my writing was. AND, OMIGOD, SO MANY FUCKING REVIEWS FOR A FIRST CHAPTER! LIKE 5! A RECORD! Woot woot I am so fucking happy right now.

R&R, bitches XP
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