Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Lawn Ornament Extermination Corpse


by mychemicalbitchbot 3 reviews

The gnomes pay a visit. A decision is made.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: G - Genres:  - Published: 2011-12-05 - Updated: 2011-12-14 - 857 words - Complete

    "What are you doing here? Where's Gerard?" I yell at the puny gnomes of evil.

    "We don't have Gerard." The gnome with the dark green pointy hat replies calmly.

    "Then who the fuck does? The bloody wind chimes?!" I spit.

    "The yellow hatted gnomes." (gnome feud)

    "The…yellow hatted gnomes?" I ask, a bit taken aback. Not all the gnomes in the 'hood work together?

    "Yes. Now let us in so we can decide on how we're going to strike a deal."


    "Why would you help us get Gerard back?" Mikey questions, once we've  pulled him from the sanctuary of his room for this little meeting.

    "We've long had a vendetta against the house of yellow. It all started when our two houses decided upon a friendly brawl. Except they replaced some of our house head's gum with playdough, and he died. " The calm, dark hatted gnome answers, perched on a stool at our kitchen table.

    I nod, learning precious gnome history. This could be useful. I gesture for the gnome speaking, named Deren, to continue.

    "Wait, how do you know it was them?" Ray asks.

    "The playdough was yellow." Deren frowns, his fists clenching at his sides. "The yellow gnomes are awful, evil creatures. They need to be exterminated."

    "Ah… and you'd help us even though we are dedicated to wiping out your kind?" I ask, eyebrow raised.

    "We don't have enough gnomes to attack, and we were hoping you'd give us a break, immunity against unfair extermination." Deren shrugs his small, fat booted and buckled body. "Besides, we thought you might want help getting your leader back."

    "Why does everyone think Gerard is our leader?" I ask, exasperated, claiming defeat.

    "He's not?" The gnome with a pale, light green hat asks.

    "We are! We do it together!" I punctuate my words very precisely.

    "You're together?" The light hatted gnome asks, clearly getting the wrong kind of idea.

    "We're co-leaders." I sigh. It's not the first time I've had to clarify because of a misinterpretation. If Mikey, or Ray had said it, it wouldn't need clearing up! FTW.

    "Oh… Well, Gerard just seems ilk e a leader type. Head of the pack, all that." The gnome defends itself and it's gnome kin.

    Ray grins. "Whatever Gerard does, if it's important, they always discuss it. If Frank weren't here, pulling strings, we wouldn't nearly be as successful as we are. Or as alive."

    Deren nods. "Co-leaders. That's smart for situations like this."

    "Blab and you're dead." Mikey tells the gnomes, who nod.

    "Ah…well, you should know that the yellow hats are going to hold Gerard for ransom against the government. You need to get him before they hear of Gerard's cauterization." Deren frowns. "If the government gives you this as an order, it'll be harder for us to form a truce. And then we wouldn't get our revenge."

    It's now, naturally, that a very unknowing and unsuspecting Bob walks into the kitchen, arms full of playdoah, sour skittles and boxed glow sticks.

    He drops the bags of deadly gnome killing devices as he sees the green hatted gnomes, plunging his hand into one of the backs, his hand emerging with a small pack of sour skittles.

    "Why is the lawn ornament equivalent to a bunny sitting at our table talking to us casually?" Bob asks, narrowing his eyes at us and our surprised looks.

    "Um…We're considering a truce to get Gerard back…" Ray says. "And what up with the bunny comparison?"

"Both bunnies and gnomes can be considered cute, both are creepy and scarily evil." Bob shrugs. We'll have to help him with his bunny phobia, tough.

We explain the deal to Bob.

"So we leave the green hats alone for 3 years and they'll help us get Gerard back?" he confirms once I've explained. I nod.

Bob slams his hand on the table, leaning in it to be a menace to the foot tall gnomes.

"If you set us up, I will personally hunt you down." he promises. The way he says this makes me wonder if his parents could see the future-- the meaning of the word bobbery being a disturbance of brawl.

"Yes!" squeaks the obviously timid light hatted green gnome.

"I don't trust them much." Mikey says once the gnomes are gone.

"Ditto." Ray agrees. Bob shakes his head. So none of us trust them much. I sure as hell don't.

"You do know the worst the that can happen is we'll kill mire gnomes than originally intended, right?" I ask.

I don't wait for an answer, just pick the supermarket bags off the floor, escaping the world to downstairs, ready to count our inventory. "I'm going to fill up our skittle guns and make some play dough bombs." Are my departing words.


OMF I wrote the second half on my phone. An excuse for the lame descriptions, they were originally better. Today I realized I'm kinda pathetic. I tried putting my earphones in backwards. D: not good. Anyway, please R&R! BTW, does anyone know any good Frerard killjoy fics that aren't FUCKING ONE SHOTS?!?!?

R n R

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