Categories > Anime/Manga > Neon Genesis Evangelion > Forgotten: Sorrow of a Pilot
The Vision
1 reviewAsuka, after discovering a something about Shinji, tries to discover the secrets of Shinji's dark and painfull past. In the process she grows closer to the boy and strives to help him bury his past
4Original
Authors Notes: Authors Notes:
My portrayal of Asuka may seem OOC, but I'm going with the idea that the Asuka that we see (or saw) in the Series was just a front that she put up, a façade to hide her real feelings.
"I don't like seeing him look so sad." Asuka whispered as she thought back to the look on Shinji's face
earlier that day, after the two pilots had been informed of the cross-synch test that had been scheduled for
them. "What did I say to hurt him so badly?"
Asuka could remember throwing a temper tantrum when she learned she had to synch with Unit-01 while Shinji had to synch with her Unit-02, she could also remember the look of pain and self-loathing that crossed Shinji's face and the way his once bright, deep blue eyes had seemed to grow dull and hollow.
'Why do I keep hurting him when I hate to see him in pain?'
"Asuka!" Doctor Ritsuko Akagi barked. "Focus! Your synch-ratio is falling!"
"Yes ma'am." Asuka replied, not feeling like acting outraged as she usually would if corrected or chastised in public, and closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on synchronizing her mind with the Biomechanical war machine she was currently inside.
'This feels different than Unit-02' She thought as she let her mind join with the Eva.
'It feels more... alive, like there's someone in here with me. It feels warm, like momma before.' Asuka shook her head breaking of that train of thought before she brought back painful memories.
"You are very observant, little Soryu. You are the only one to sense my presence so acutely."
"W-what?" Asuka gasped as her eyes shot open, and she found herself in a pitch-black void. "Where am I?"
"You are in the mindscape of the Eva." Replied a warm female voice.
Suddenly a circle of bright white light appeared around Asuka, and a second one appeared several yards away.
Centered in the second spotlight was a fairly young woman (younger than Misato but older than Lieutenant Ibuki), dressed in an adult-sized woman's plugsuit, identical in design and color scheme to Shinji's.
As she studied the older woman Asuka came to a sudden, startling realization. "You look like Rei!"
"You're very perceptive, little Soryu." The woman said with a warm smile. "Though I can not tell you why. I am here before for a different reason."
"What reason is that ma'am?" Asuka asked, instinctively using the term of respect.
"I am here to help you heal the one whose heart you truly seek."
"What healing does Kaji need?" The younger woman asked, putting up the façade that she showed the rest of the world.
"You may fool most people, little Soryu." The woman said softly, using 'Little Soryu' as a term of endearment as opposed to an insult. "But you and I both know that you do not care for Kaji in that way, and that you truly seek the heart of Shinji Ikari."
Asuka felt a slight blush cross her cheeks. "Okay, so you know I want Shinji. What can I do to help him? How can I heal him?"
"Do you truly wish to help him and heal him, heart mind and soul? Do you truly wish to stop the pain that he feels each and every day, and not abandon him?"
"Yes! I do" Asuka cried. "I want to see him happy! I want to stop his pain! Please tell me how I can help Shinji!"
"I can show you what I have seen of his life. But be warned, the knowledge that you will gain will come at a price, it will change you." The woman said as she slowly walked closer to Asuka. "Are you willing to lose a part of yourself to help Shinji?"
"Yes! I'd risk anything to help him!" Asuka said desperately.
"Very well, little Soryu." The woman said and pulled Asuka into a motherly hug.
Asuka instinctively wrapped her arms around the older woman, letting herself get lost in the feelings of warmth and safety. She barely heard the older woman whisper. "I wish you luck in saving my son."
Scene Break Scene Break Scene Break
"What is a child doing here?" Snapped an angry man's voice. "We are not running a day care!"
Asuka found herself standing in a large room, filled with banks of beeping computers and bustling, white-coated adults, and one wall of broad, high windows. Asuka pressed her face and hands against one of the windows and looked into the next room, which held a large purple robot chest deep in a vat of reddish-purple fluid.
"I'm sorry, Fyutski, I just wanted to show Shinji the future of mankind." Said a warm female voice, a motherly voice.
Asuka looked over her shoulder, to where the woman's voice emanated, and giggled happily then pressed her face to the glass again and smiled broadly
Suddenly a sharp, grating alarm began to blare, and the bustling adults grew more agitated and started yelling back and forth.
Asuka couldn't understand what they were yelling, but could sense the panicked, desperate air that the adults gave of and grew fearful her self. "What's happening to mommy? I want mommy! Where's mommy?"
A tall man, clean-shaven and wearing glasses; who Asuka immediately labeled 'Daddy' strode forward and shouted. "Yui!"
"Daddy, where's mommy?" Asuka asked fearfully.
Scene Break Scene Break Scene Break
"Okay Asuka, your test is over." Doctor Akagi's voice jarred Asuka from her vision. "It'll take at least a day to sort through the data we've collected, so no debriefing today. Feel free to head home after you get changed.
Asuka heard herself mumble something to the doctor as she climbed out of the entry plug, though was to distracted to hear what she had said.
'He saw his mother die? He saw her go into the Eva and never come out? Is that why he hates piloting so much?'
The German pilot soon found herself in the woman's locker room showers, standing naked inside of one of the many shower cubicles. She sighed softly as she turned on the water and briefly luxuriated in the feeling of caked-on LCL washing away in the hot spray.
As steam from the shower billowed around her, Asuka suddenly found herself lounging in pleasantly warm water, with a cool washcloth resting on her forehead.
'Misato was right, these springs are relaxing.' Asuka thought, letting her eyes slide closed in pleasure.
"Shinji, can you hear me" Misato's voice rang from behind the tall bamboo divide fence of the Mt. Ashima hot spring resort./
Asuka bolted upright, dislodging the washcloth. "Yes ma'am!"
"Would you throw me the body shampoo?" Misato asked.
"We ran out of ours." Asuka heard her own voice add.
"Sure." She stood up and wadded over to the fence, shampoo bottle in hand. "Here it comes."
"Roger." Replied the other Asuka.
Asuka lobbed the bottle, underhanded, over the fence to the two women.
"Ouch! Once again she heard the other Asuka's voice carry through the fence. "You idiot! Watch where you're throwing! You suck!"
Asuka felt a stab of shame lance through her at hurting her fellow pilot. "Sorry!"
"Don't hit me in some weird spot!"
"Wow, your skin is so soft and smooth Asuka." Misato's voice floated through the air.
"Don't! You're tickling me!"
"How about right here?"
"Don't touch that!"
"Come on, it doesn't wear out." Misato said with a laugh.
Asuka felt her body reacting to the images that started running through her mind that were fueled by the conversation she overheard.
'Asuka's right,' She thought as she immersed herself in the water, nearly drowning in the flood of shame and self-hatred. 'I'm nothing but a perverted idiot. I'm disgusting.'
The hot spring faded away and was replaced by the shower cubicle walls. 'He wasn't supposed to feel bad. It was just a joke, Misato said he'd get a kick out of it.' Asuka felt a wave of regret at ever going along with the joke that Misato had come up with following the defeat of the eight Angel.
'Does he always feel that way when he gets teased about sex? Did I make him feel that way about himself?'
Asuka was so caught up in her thoughts about Shinji that she didn't notice the tears that slid down her cheeks.
Authors Notes: I want to make a note right now; this is not a mind meld fic between Shinji and Asuka. Asuka will not be hearing Shinji's current thoughts. It is a 'memory transfer' story. Yui took all of the memories of Shinji's that she has gleaned over his time piloting, and place them in Asuka's mind. As the story progresses, Asuka will see more and more of Shinji's earlier life. I don't know if the hotsprings were the Mt. Ashima hotsprings or not, but in this story they are.
My portrayal of Asuka may seem OOC, but I'm going with the idea that the Asuka that we see (or saw) in the Series was just a front that she put up, a façade to hide her real feelings.
"I don't like seeing him look so sad." Asuka whispered as she thought back to the look on Shinji's face
earlier that day, after the two pilots had been informed of the cross-synch test that had been scheduled for
them. "What did I say to hurt him so badly?"
Asuka could remember throwing a temper tantrum when she learned she had to synch with Unit-01 while Shinji had to synch with her Unit-02, she could also remember the look of pain and self-loathing that crossed Shinji's face and the way his once bright, deep blue eyes had seemed to grow dull and hollow.
'Why do I keep hurting him when I hate to see him in pain?'
"Asuka!" Doctor Ritsuko Akagi barked. "Focus! Your synch-ratio is falling!"
"Yes ma'am." Asuka replied, not feeling like acting outraged as she usually would if corrected or chastised in public, and closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on synchronizing her mind with the Biomechanical war machine she was currently inside.
'This feels different than Unit-02' She thought as she let her mind join with the Eva.
'It feels more... alive, like there's someone in here with me. It feels warm, like momma before.' Asuka shook her head breaking of that train of thought before she brought back painful memories.
"You are very observant, little Soryu. You are the only one to sense my presence so acutely."
"W-what?" Asuka gasped as her eyes shot open, and she found herself in a pitch-black void. "Where am I?"
"You are in the mindscape of the Eva." Replied a warm female voice.
Suddenly a circle of bright white light appeared around Asuka, and a second one appeared several yards away.
Centered in the second spotlight was a fairly young woman (younger than Misato but older than Lieutenant Ibuki), dressed in an adult-sized woman's plugsuit, identical in design and color scheme to Shinji's.
As she studied the older woman Asuka came to a sudden, startling realization. "You look like Rei!"
"You're very perceptive, little Soryu." The woman said with a warm smile. "Though I can not tell you why. I am here before for a different reason."
"What reason is that ma'am?" Asuka asked, instinctively using the term of respect.
"I am here to help you heal the one whose heart you truly seek."
"What healing does Kaji need?" The younger woman asked, putting up the façade that she showed the rest of the world.
"You may fool most people, little Soryu." The woman said softly, using 'Little Soryu' as a term of endearment as opposed to an insult. "But you and I both know that you do not care for Kaji in that way, and that you truly seek the heart of Shinji Ikari."
Asuka felt a slight blush cross her cheeks. "Okay, so you know I want Shinji. What can I do to help him? How can I heal him?"
"Do you truly wish to help him and heal him, heart mind and soul? Do you truly wish to stop the pain that he feels each and every day, and not abandon him?"
"Yes! I do" Asuka cried. "I want to see him happy! I want to stop his pain! Please tell me how I can help Shinji!"
"I can show you what I have seen of his life. But be warned, the knowledge that you will gain will come at a price, it will change you." The woman said as she slowly walked closer to Asuka. "Are you willing to lose a part of yourself to help Shinji?"
"Yes! I'd risk anything to help him!" Asuka said desperately.
"Very well, little Soryu." The woman said and pulled Asuka into a motherly hug.
Asuka instinctively wrapped her arms around the older woman, letting herself get lost in the feelings of warmth and safety. She barely heard the older woman whisper. "I wish you luck in saving my son."
Scene Break Scene Break Scene Break
"What is a child doing here?" Snapped an angry man's voice. "We are not running a day care!"
Asuka found herself standing in a large room, filled with banks of beeping computers and bustling, white-coated adults, and one wall of broad, high windows. Asuka pressed her face and hands against one of the windows and looked into the next room, which held a large purple robot chest deep in a vat of reddish-purple fluid.
"I'm sorry, Fyutski, I just wanted to show Shinji the future of mankind." Said a warm female voice, a motherly voice.
Asuka looked over her shoulder, to where the woman's voice emanated, and giggled happily then pressed her face to the glass again and smiled broadly
Suddenly a sharp, grating alarm began to blare, and the bustling adults grew more agitated and started yelling back and forth.
Asuka couldn't understand what they were yelling, but could sense the panicked, desperate air that the adults gave of and grew fearful her self. "What's happening to mommy? I want mommy! Where's mommy?"
A tall man, clean-shaven and wearing glasses; who Asuka immediately labeled 'Daddy' strode forward and shouted. "Yui!"
"Daddy, where's mommy?" Asuka asked fearfully.
Scene Break Scene Break Scene Break
"Okay Asuka, your test is over." Doctor Akagi's voice jarred Asuka from her vision. "It'll take at least a day to sort through the data we've collected, so no debriefing today. Feel free to head home after you get changed.
Asuka heard herself mumble something to the doctor as she climbed out of the entry plug, though was to distracted to hear what she had said.
'He saw his mother die? He saw her go into the Eva and never come out? Is that why he hates piloting so much?'
The German pilot soon found herself in the woman's locker room showers, standing naked inside of one of the many shower cubicles. She sighed softly as she turned on the water and briefly luxuriated in the feeling of caked-on LCL washing away in the hot spray.
As steam from the shower billowed around her, Asuka suddenly found herself lounging in pleasantly warm water, with a cool washcloth resting on her forehead.
'Misato was right, these springs are relaxing.' Asuka thought, letting her eyes slide closed in pleasure.
"Shinji, can you hear me" Misato's voice rang from behind the tall bamboo divide fence of the Mt. Ashima hot spring resort./
Asuka bolted upright, dislodging the washcloth. "Yes ma'am!"
"Would you throw me the body shampoo?" Misato asked.
"We ran out of ours." Asuka heard her own voice add.
"Sure." She stood up and wadded over to the fence, shampoo bottle in hand. "Here it comes."
"Roger." Replied the other Asuka.
Asuka lobbed the bottle, underhanded, over the fence to the two women.
"Ouch! Once again she heard the other Asuka's voice carry through the fence. "You idiot! Watch where you're throwing! You suck!"
Asuka felt a stab of shame lance through her at hurting her fellow pilot. "Sorry!"
"Don't hit me in some weird spot!"
"Wow, your skin is so soft and smooth Asuka." Misato's voice floated through the air.
"Don't! You're tickling me!"
"How about right here?"
"Don't touch that!"
"Come on, it doesn't wear out." Misato said with a laugh.
Asuka felt her body reacting to the images that started running through her mind that were fueled by the conversation she overheard.
'Asuka's right,' She thought as she immersed herself in the water, nearly drowning in the flood of shame and self-hatred. 'I'm nothing but a perverted idiot. I'm disgusting.'
The hot spring faded away and was replaced by the shower cubicle walls. 'He wasn't supposed to feel bad. It was just a joke, Misato said he'd get a kick out of it.' Asuka felt a wave of regret at ever going along with the joke that Misato had come up with following the defeat of the eight Angel.
'Does he always feel that way when he gets teased about sex? Did I make him feel that way about himself?'
Asuka was so caught up in her thoughts about Shinji that she didn't notice the tears that slid down her cheeks.
Authors Notes: I want to make a note right now; this is not a mind meld fic between Shinji and Asuka. Asuka will not be hearing Shinji's current thoughts. It is a 'memory transfer' story. Yui took all of the memories of Shinji's that she has gleaned over his time piloting, and place them in Asuka's mind. As the story progresses, Asuka will see more and more of Shinji's earlier life. I don't know if the hotsprings were the Mt. Ashima hotsprings or not, but in this story they are.
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