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Chapter 1

"Hey, Frank. Toss me my makeup bag, yeah?"

I turned onto my side to grab Gerard's bag that was lying next to me on our hotel bed. I swiped it off the bed to Gerard, who was sitting cross-legged on the ground, unpacking.

"Thank you, babe," he smiled at me, showing the tips of his teeth. I returned his smile and leaned back. I still could hardly believe that this beautiful man was mine. Sure, it had been acouple of months now, but it was still surreal. As I watched Gerard unpack, Ilet my mind slip away, thinking of how he and I had come to be....



I had been walking home from acorner market in San Francisco, after picking up coffee for Gerard and me. Iremember the excitement I had felt, knowing that this was our first real headlining tour, and knowing that I was sharing my hotel room with Gerard for the first time. At this point he had no idea of my feelings for him. And Iwasn't planning on letting him know any time soon (or ever).

I hadn't been gone more than an hour, if that. I couldn't wait to get home to spend more time with Gerard. But as I walked down the narrow hallway to our room, an odd feeling of dread came over me. It was indefinable, but I felt the sudden need to get inside. Ifumbled with the key card and shoved my way inside.

There was an overwhelming smell of alcohol that hit me as I stepped through the doorway. Coughing, I shut the door and flipped on the light.

"Gerard?" He was nowhere to be seen. I peered around the dimly lit room. "Gee?"

I then noticed one of his combat boots poking out from behind the bed, completely still. I was stunned, and could barely move. I took a deep breath and forced myself to step toward Gerard. In time, his whole body came into view.

Gerard had presumably passed out(obviously from the amount of alcohol he had consumed), and was now lying in aheap on the ground near the bed. His stringy black hair was in tangles, his eyes closed, and his mouth was slightly agape. The black eyeliner he always had on was smudged down almost to his cheekbones. In his left hand, and empty bottle rested. I took a little comfort in the fact that his chest rose and fell with normal precision. I bent down and gently plucked the bottle from his grip. Setting it on a nearby table, I took in the other sights of the room and felt my heart drop. Lying askew around the room were many other various bottles of alcohol, all empty or with a few mouthfuls left. I felt tears pricking the back of my eyes. I had no idea that Gerard obviously had such an addiction. I felt awful, imagining him getting drunk off his ass every night he had a chance. But he had known that I would be returning, so he must have wanted me to find him, right? Did he...

This was all too much for my brain. My head was beginning to ache. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. But I needed to keep myself together.

I wandered back to Gerard and quietly slid down the bedside to sit beside him. After a moment's hesitation, I carefully pulled his top half into my lap and cradled his head in the crook of my elbow. I stroked the raven black hair off his face and ran my thumb underneath his eyes to wipe away the eyeliner. As I looked at him, my heart filled with even more love for him. Seeing him at his weakest seemed to trigger my emotions even more.

"Gerard Way, what are you doing to yourself? Do you have any idea how much it hurts me to see you like this? Do you have any idea how much I love you?" I whispered to him. Gerard murmured unconsciously and rolled into my chest, snoring softly. I sighed and shut my eyes. I was going to have to talk to him about this tomorrow.

Sunlight poured into the hotel room and I blinked sleepily. All of the events of the night before came rushing back. I looked down in horror to see that Gerard was no longer lying there. Shit. That means he had woken up to me holding him in my arms. I scrambled to my feet and saw Gerard sitting with his back to me at the kitchen table, smoking acigarette. Hearing the sound of me standing up, he turned around and smiled weakly.

"Frankie," he said softly. "I want to talk to you."

I gulped and stepped towards the table where he sat and collapsed into a chair nearby. "So talk," I choked.

"Okay. I'm going to get straight to the point. I know you found me last night, that much is obvious." He paused to take a drag on his cigarette. "I knew you would. That was my plan, I suppose. See, I've been doing this shit for a while. I was getting to the point where Ididn't know what to do with myself. I knew I needed help, but I didn't know what to do. I knew that you were the only person I could trust fully. And Iknew that you wouldn't judge me for my problems. And Frankie, I um..." He raised the hazel orbs that he had for eyes to mine. "Truth is, Frankie... I love you. I've always loved you, and I can't picture myself loving anyone else. I just pray that you feel anywhere close to the same."

I couldn't believe my ears. I had to be dreaming. This Gerard was so different from the one I was used to: that Gerard was always so strong, so completely in control. This just made me love him even more.

Instead of responding, I simply leaned forward and pressed my lips down onto his. I felt him smile into the kiss. He still tasted faintly of alcohol, but at this point I didn't give atoss. All I cared about was the fact that I was finally kissing Gerard. Everything else that before had seemed important now slipped away.

After a minute, Gerard placed his hand on my chest and gently drew away.

"Frankie," he breathed, his face still inches away from mine. "Do you love me too? I mean, if you don't, I'll just go..."

It almost looked as if he was prepared to get up, unsure of my answer. I placed my hands on either side of his face.

"Gerard Arthur Way. I want you to listen, and listen close. I love you very much. I cannot even believe that you feel the same. I can't believe this isn't a dream." Throughout my mini speech, Gerard's eyes had filled with tears that made their hazel color shine even brighter. He bent his head forward and collapsed into my arms. Even though he was bigger than me, I pulled him in closer. We sat in this embrace for what seemed like forever. It was pure bliss...