FicWad

5
CC trembled. This girl, Anna, was going to come to their show.. and that would be one of her last living experiences. Jesus. What was she going to do? Why? What hope could this girl have.. she has no friends, no support from her family, and she's blocked the part of herself out which enables her to find anything in herself to give her strength. 
CC banged his fist onto the table, and ran a hand through his hair. Groaning, he threw all the pieces of paper into a corner. As if he didn't have enough on his mind.
Maybe the girl was just.. scaring them? The thought made him feel somewhat better, but slightly maddened at the thought some one would make this up. All of them, all the band members, knew how it was to be an outcast. It was nothing to joke about, just to get a band members attention. They all had their attention. All the fans. They know that. They don't need a plot to acquire it. No. He needed to believe this girl was not mocking what it was to be truly alone.. but not fully giving up. Was there a line? 
Shit, he muttered, what the FUCK have you done? He would have been better off never reading the damn thing. Never knowing.
Ashley was the last thing on his mind, until his phone lit up. The message did not draw his attention, the numbers glaring at him that it was 58 minutes until rehearsals, did.
"Fuck Ashley." He wasn't sure if that meant either "Fuck, Ashley" in an exasperated yet worried way, or "Fuck Ashley," as in, fuck Ashley. A combination.
"ANDY." CC didn't really want to talk to him, but he had good leadership qualities and you could always depend on him. CC secretly respected that.
Andy stood in the doorway, wiping sleep from his eye. "Mmm?"
"Time. Ashley."
"I have no idea what you're taking about."
"Yes, you do."
"I know I do. I just wanted to pretend I didn't for a bit."
CC wrinkled his nose, "Did it work well for ya'?"
"Mmm. No. Not really." Andy gave a blantly forced smile. "I heard you and Jinxx."
"Oh. Andy, look, I'd never.. How much?"
"How you think people care about me more. Jinxx is right, man. The people that matter, they see us as equals in this band. I'm sorry for giving you a hard time.. just the dependency you guys have on me to always be on top, y' know? I started this band. I should be able to control it." He grinned weakly.
CC wavered. "You do."
"Not very well. I have no idea what to do about Ashley."
"Have you called him?"
"Of course."
"Oh. Stupid question. Sorry. Duh."
Andy grinned. "No problemo. And, hey, listen. I'm glad we're okay. But don't think I don't want to listen.. I don't want to be thought of as "high and mighty".. We're a band. We need to stick together. If we can't do that.. There isn't much hope for anything else."
CC smiled, "I will apologise to Ashley."
"That's a given."
"Hey!"
"Sorry."
"Me too. I don't really think you're high and mighty. Just.. the heat of the moment. Y' know?"
"Yes. I guess I do." Andy stared thoughtfully into nothingness. "We'll work it out. We have to. We mean to much to people to give up. I'm not giving up."
People we mean a lot to.. CC had almost forgotten the letter. He wished he could, and in that moment, after laughing with Andy, he had to swallow the guilt. How could he forget?!
"Um. Andy." CC gulped. Not out of fear, he just... it was a hard thing to say. Or show. He wondered if he should bother Andy with it. Maybe not.
"Yeah?"
No. He needed guidance on this. Andy would know what to do. 
"Have you seen, um, the fanmail recently?" 
"I read a few, why?" Andy frowned.
"Have you read, um, one in a white envelope? Kinda large. Foreign stamp."
Andy's eyebrows raised. "Oh that one that's like a thousand pages long?"
"Uh. That's the one. Did you actually read it?" CC narrowed his eyes.
"No. I was tired and put it aside for another time. Why, CC, what's wrong?"
"Maybe you should judge for yourself." said CC, and he reached for the envelope to pass to Andy.
"We can't, man."
"Huh?"
"Rehersal? Ashley. Look. Just tell me on the way. We'll call Jon or something. Figure this out." 
"Hm. I'd really rather you read it for yourself, later."
"Okay." Andy bit his lip. "Where's Jinxx and Jake?"
*
Three hours later, and the Rehersal done, the five of them were in the car, after finding Ashley, rather predictably, in a bar. He wasn't exactly drunk, but he wasn't pleased to see them, and he didn't exactly welcome them with open arms. In fact, the whole journey he spent with his arms folded across his chest. Sholders slouched, face turned away, but what glimpses they did get of his face made him seem foul. His eyebrows were crossed as he glared at everything that passed him by. He hadn't said a word since hurling curse words at them as they pulled him to the car. 
When they returned to their "Stations," Ashley stormed off like a hormonal teenager. 
Jinxx and Jake, who must have sensed CC wanted to talk to Andy, or maybe still thought CC and Andy were mad at one another and needed to be alone to resolve it, also left. 
"Tell me now."
"Huh?" CC yawned.
"Something about a letter?"
"Shit. Um. Yes. Read it."
"Okay.. Anything I should know before I do so?"
"Just.. Read it."
Andy's eyebrows furrowed, and he smiled. Obviously not past the first paragraph. CC had an urge to rip the paper off of him. He didn't need to know. What good would it do? Only worry him, too.
As the reading went along, CC saw in Andy reactions that he himself had felt just a few hours ago. The stiffness. The clenched jaw. The tightened fist. The grip on the paper. The rapid blink of his eyes. He shouldn't have done this.
What seemed like a lifetime later, Andy sighed shakily. 
"Fuck."
"Mm."
"This is.. this is beyond any mail we've ever received."
"Mm."
"We've always had kids telling us their stories,"
"Mmm."
"But never someone telling us that they're planning to.. to come see us live!.. and then.. giving up.."
"What do we do, Andy? Tell me, please! Because I've battled this in my mind a million times and all I could think of was to tell someone.. because my mind, it can't.. It just doesnt stretch that far!" 
Andy growled. And after the brooding look left his face, and a grave, dark shadow clouded his features, he responded.
"We're going to find that girl at our show tomorrow."
CC nodded. "Wait.. what? And say what? What have we got to say? And how will we find her?"
"I have no idea," said Andy regretfully. "But what else can we do?"
"How the hell are we going to find her? There will be an entire audience that will claim they're this girl."
"CC, just.. I don't know. Do you want to leave it?"
"Um. I have NO idea. I think we should tell the rest, though."
Andy considered. "Maybe. I don't want to stress them out. Especially Ash."
"But we may be able to form some sort of plan with all our brains working."
"I think.. I don't know. Send someone in asking people if they've written to us."
"This is getting worse by the second. We're not even therapists. We're not trained to handle this."
"But could you handle the guilt?"
"No."
"Well. Maybe we just talk to her."
"I don't think that'll help. You saw how messed up she is."
"It maybe isn't as bad as all that."
"And if you're  wrong?"
Andy shook his head. "Don't CC. I need to sleep tonight. Fuck. I can't. I hate this."
CC tightened his eyelids. "Mmm."
They sat in complete silence, panting heavily as if they had just run a marathon, as opposed to just being sat down.
"Okay. Well we'll tell them. They should know."
"Sure," CC muttered. "Hey, Andy?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think we're just.. making a big deal out of nothing? I don't mean this to sound bad, but.. we don't know this girl."
"No. This is someone's life. Whether she's a fan or not, she's taken the time to tell us."
"What happens if we can't do anything?"
"We will try. And we must move on, knowing we tried."
"I'm sorry, Andy. I didn't want to bring you into this."
Andy's eyes flickered. "It's okay."