FicWad

You know what?
I'm just gonna go and join Kurt, wherever he may be.
I'm sure that life there, wherever there is, is pretty darn awesome.
Fuck this shit, I can't be bothered with this bollocks called "life".
All it does is fuck me up,
Change my brain, and make me go insane.
The ones I call "friends" hate me, but they're the only thing I've got.
It hurts when all you've got is people who treat you like their verbal punching bag, 
Making me believe all that shit they say about me.
It's decided then, as soon as I get up the courage-
Oh look, another sign of weakness, let's tell everyone so they can use it against you.
"Hey guys, I don't have any courage!"
I hear you laugh and take the piss,
And I'm stupid enough to still trust you.
There's nowhere else to turn,
I'm fucking trapped inside my head,
And I'm trying to escape,
But nothing fucking works,
I'm just stuck here while the rest of me slowly ruins my life,
Turning my friends against me,
Kicking, punching, screaming, swearing,
Disobeying, not caring,
Yet still listening and believing what they say,
I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it,
I'm so stupid, so weak, so messed up,
How could anyone even want to talk to me?
So you know what?
Soon, I'm going to take a knife to my wrists, or even my throat,
Or maybe just get a rope and dangle from a tree,
I've been driven to insanity,
And the only way to escape is death.
My mum's always mad at me,
I'm a total good-for-nothing waste of space,
So let me become the messed up freak Ill end up being, if you "just can't be bothered" anymore,
That way, you won't have to feel any guilt when I die,
Because you had nothing to do with it,
Or, you could have everything to do with it,
If you look at it the other way.
Whatever way you look at it, I'm a horrible person,
I don't deserve these things you give me,
Love, a home, presents for my birthday and Christmas,
I shouldn't get any of these because I've treated you so bad.
I don't know what parts of me are still "me" and which ones are "Beth",
She's the one that other people see,
The one that seems to have something seriously wrong with her,
That girl you see over there, standing with the group of boys that are laughing and "joking around", lashing out at them if they piss her off the tiniest little bit?
Yeah, that's probably me.
I'm not sure who's got the problems,
Those guys, who continue to wind me up,
Or me, who keeps on going back to them, even though all they do is hurt me.
Definitely me, I'm the problematic one,
I'm the one that needs to get anger management,
I'm the asshole, the shitty faggot, the one that wants to argue with people.
I'm the new face of failure,
The one with nothing to live for,
So I'll just go to my school,
Write "Fuck You" in gasoline on the tarmac,
Set it alight, then wrap a rope around the tree next to the gate,
Slip the noose over my neck,
Then it'll just be a short drop and a quick stop.
Some people will be hurt by this, and I'm truly sorry,
And I want you to know that you did your best,
But you just couldn't stop the others,
They are the ones who should rot in hell,
Admittedly, they probably didn't know what they were pushing me towards,
And there are some I can forgive for that, 
But there are certain people I could quite happily pull the trigger on.
If it is possible, I swear, I will make your lives a living hell from beyond the grave,
The nicknames you call me are actually really hurtful,
"The Whale", "Man", etc...
All you do is insult me, and I know that being called a man isn't too bad,
But when you're trying to be yourself, 
It's quite hard to take yourself seriously,
When all you hear is a contradiction of yourself.
I'm considering just going the whole way,
And just being a homophobe, a bully, being everything I despise,
All because of you making me feel inhuman.
So long, goodbye, love to those who deserve it, and the largest of "FUCK YOU!"s to those who have been absolute cunts to me.