FicWad

Chapter 2

Cause It Feels Like Yesterday

-Saturday-

I awoke around ten the next morning. I sat up and looked over toward Gerard’s bed and found a slept in, unmade bed, but not Gerard. I wonder where he is, I thought to myself.

I got up from the couch, grabbed my clothes, and went toward the bathroom down the hall in the basement. When I got into the bathroom I looked in the mirror to find black makeup smeared all over my face and my hair was sticking up everywhere. I guess I slept really hard last night, “Fucking Christ…I look like hell…” I said to myself and I closed the door to the bathroom. I undressed and got in the shower that had only a cloudy glass door on the pink and light green striped walls. I washed my body and then when I was about the shampoo my hair, I heard the door creep open. What the hell? Who is creeping up on me?

Gerard stuck his head in the bathroom and asked, “Hey…do you want some coffee or breakfast? Mom is gonna go out in a little bit and wanted to know if you wanted breakfast before she left…”

“Um…yes I would and get your head out of the bathroom…I’m naked in here and I’m sure Kat wouldn’t appreciate you doing that,” I growled at him. What was he trying to do?

“Wow did you just growl at me? I didn’t see anything if that is what you are worried about…” He giggled at me as he shrank back out of the door. I knew he was laughing at me now. I was being half serious and half I was amused.

“Yes I did growl at you and no I’m not worried that you might have seen me naked. Just go, I will be out in a minute…” I replied and laughed at myself. I wanted out of there even more now because I wanted to be near him….stop think that, Tristan….you will never get him.

I finished shampooing my hair a couple minutes later and I went to get out of the shower when I noticed I hadn’t grabbed a towel, “Crap…” I said out loud. I knew what I had to do. He’s gonna make fun of me for sure.

“Gerard!” I yelled through the door, daring not to open the door at all.

“What? You wanted me to go away and now you want me back…” Gerard was now at the other side of the door, “What is it that you want your majesty?” He asked trying to act like a smart ass, but it so wasn’t working. He was interested in why I had called for him, I could tell.

“Um…I forgot to get a towel,” I replied trying to act sweetly to get what I needed without any hesitation from him.

“Oh, hold on…” and a minute or so later, “Crack the door, I have a towel,” He said in a really sweet tone.

“Ok…” I said and I cracked the door and I met his beautiful hazel eyes and the biggest grin I had ever seen on his face, “Thank you and just what are you smiling at?” I asked trying to act offended by his face…I wasn’t, but I tried to act that way.

“I’m smiling because you are naked on the other side of that door,” He was still smiling a huge grin and his eyes sparkled with mischief. I had to smile for a second. He had caught me off guard with his flirtation.

“Wow you are such a guy!” I yelled as I snatched the towel from him and slammed the door. I could hear him laughing as he walked away. I laughed a bit to myself. I flushed too. I can’t believe he was flirting with me.

I dried off and got dressed in a band t shirt and a pair of black basketball shorts. I put my hair up in a messy bun and I put on a bit of eyeliner and mascara before I vacated the bathroom and then headed up the stairs to the kitchen. I found Gerard sitting with Mikey and Donna at their kitchen table and all were drinking coffee and eating breakfast of toast and scrambled eggs. I took my normal seat across from Mikey and Donna and next to Gerard.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Donna said as I sat down. She was already made up to go out. Where was she going?

“Good morning…” I replied and I dug into my breakfast. I always ate well when I stayed at her house, because she made me, but I never protested, she was an amazing cook.

“How did you sleep last night?” Donna asked watching me stuff my face. She seemed amused with my appetite; I flushed from my bad manners.

“Oh well she slept hard…” Gerard laughed, “You should have seen her this morning before she woke up…it was like the bride of Frankenstein was sleeping on my couch,” Gerard eyes sparkled from the amusement that memory brought him.

“Hey you don’t look so hot yourself,” I protested and I shoved him. He kept laughing at me. Donna and Mikey couldn’t contain their laughter either. I just smiled at them, “What can I say? That couch is the best bed ever!” I laughed at myself too and went on eating my breakfast.

Donna got up from the table and said, “Well I’m going out for a while. Going to see Grandma Rush and do some shopping. You guys clean up after you finish and don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone. Oh and I almost forgot, Tristan, your brother called a little while ago and you need to call him back. I love you and be nice to each other,” she finished as she walked out of the front door, closing it gently behind her.

“Love you too,” we all yelled in unison as she left.

“I wonder what Frank wants,” I said out loud as I went toward the living room to grab the phone. When I returned to the kitchen I had dialed his number and was waiting for him to pick up. Mikey and Gerard were cleaning up the kitchen and I was watching them from the doorway between the kitchen and the living room.

“Hello,” Frank answered on the other end of the line. How proper of him, I thought.
“Hey, what did you call for, butthead?” I asked being a bratty little sister.

“First of all midget, I’m not a butthead and also what do you say about playing the drums for Pencey Prep tonight at our gig? Tim is um I’m not really sure but he can’t make it and I promised I would ask you first cause I’m an awesome big brother and you worship the ground that I walk upon…” Frank went on. Was he really asking me this? Was this really happening? What’s the catch?

“Are you fucking with me?” I asked sounding excited. Gerard and Mikey were now watching me as I paced around the kitchen table. They both had a smirk on their face.

“Now I am offended by that statement…would I do that to you? Why would I call you to tease you about a grand opportunity to play live on stage with me and then tell you it was all just a big joke?” Frank tried to sound all butt hurt, but he was teasing me and he knew I would be pissed if he kept it up. What was he trying to pull?

“As a matter of fact you would and you know it! I’m just waiting for the I gotcha moment in this conversation…” I stated. Gerard and Mikey looked amused by our conversation, but they were only hearing one side of it.

“Well be prepared to freak the fuck out because I’m being completely serious…we need you…I need you…can you do it?” Frank asked with all seriousness. Are you kidding me?

“Fuck yes I can!! I know all the songs; just tell me when and where…” I answered and I jumped up and down like a little kid being told they could go to an amusement park.

Gerard and Mikey laughed at me as I jumped.

“It’s at the CBGB’s in Trenton at nine. Be there a little before so we can group up…we don’t have a sound check, so we are just gonna have to wing it. Have Mikey and Gerard come with you because you are under eighteen and need an adult with you,” Frank snickered. I scoffed knowing he was right. I still needed adult supervision because of my age.

“Wow you are an ass! I will be there before nine…thank you Frankie,” I replied.

“You’re welcome little sister. You better be good or I will fire your ass!” He laughed through the phone, “I will put you, Gerard, and Mikey on the list for the backdoor,” Frank went on.

“You might as well put Kat on that list too,” I added rolling my eyes and Gerard noticed, frowning at my childish gesture.

“Ok, I will do that,” Frank said.

“Oh hey is Jamia gonna be there?” I asked.

“Not tonight, she has class and that sucks, but she will be next week….oh don’t wear your hair down,” Frank explained.

“Why?” I asked. What a weird request.

“Really? You have to ask…it’s gonna be hot and I want everyone to know you are off limits,” Frank sounded concerned.

“Seriously? Wow I feel like I’m five years old,” I rolled my eyes again.

“I’m just looking out for my little sister…I gotta go,” Frank explained.

“Ok, fine I buy that. I’ll see you later…Bye!” I yelled and hung up the phone. I set the phone down and stared at Gerard and Mikey for a minute and then I started screaming, “I GET TO PLAY DRUMS FOR PENCEY PREP TONIGHT!!”

Mikey and Gerard jumped with me and I was so excited. It was so surreal.

After we finished jumping up and down in glee, I said, “He’s putting us on the back door list to get into the CBGBs in Trenton at nine.”

“I will drive you, but I don’t know if I can stay for the show because of Kat,” Gerard looked sad.
I frowned and then I nodded in agreement. I hate Kat!

At around eight that night Gerard was driving, I was in the passenger seat, and Mikey was in the back seat of Gerard’s car on the highway to Trenton.

We were listening to the Pencey Prep demos so I could remember the drums to all the songs.

I was starting to freak out a bit…I didn’t know what was wrong with me…I wasn’t afraid of the stage, but I really didn’t have much experience in front of crowds that weren’t my family…I felt like I was dying…My stomach was churning, my head was spinning, and my breathing was becoming erratic.

“I think we might need to pull over,” I told Gerard.

Gerard looked at me in bewilderment and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Um….I think…I might be having…a…panic…attack,” I managed to choke out between breaths. Am I dying? What is wrong with me?

Gerard watched me as I tried to calm my breathing, but I wasn’t having any luck, “Tristan, you need to calm down and breathe.”

“What can we do?” Mikey seemed panicked by my issue.

“I need a…paper…bag…” I choked on my words and I tried to suck in more oxygen.

“Just try to breathe…look there’s a liquor store,” Gerard pulled into the liquor store parking lot and Mikey jumped out and ran into it. “Just breathe…calm down…”

“I…am…freaking…out!” I choked on my words and I knew my face was becoming red.

Mikey returned with several paper bags. Gerard took one and unfolded it and gave it to me. I placed the bag over my nose and mouth and began to breathe in slowly.

“That’s right…just breathe…” Gerard was comforting me. He had one hand on my back rubbing it and the other on the steering wheel, driving back down the road. His hand on my back was distracting me.

I felt a little better but I said, “I don’t think I can do this.”

“You will rock the fuck out of all those people!” Mikey told me from the back seat.

“Mikey’s right you know…you will be amazing and I will right in the crowd cheering for you,” Gerard said.

I took the bag off my face for a moment and asked, “You promise you will be there?”

Gerard took his eyes off the road for a second and answered, “I promise.”

We stopped in front of the CBGBs, Mikey and I got out.

“I’ll be back here at nine and I’ll see you guys in there,” Gerard told us. He smiled at me and we waved. He isn’t coming back.

I looked at Mikey and said, “He won’t be here.”

“It won’t be because he doesn’t want to be…and you know that,” Mikey replied and we walked around the building to the back.

“I hate Kat,” I said in a whisper.

“Me too,” Mikey replied and we smiled at each other. We shared a secret now.

A couple minutes later we arrived in the back room of the venue and we were greeted by all the guys and my brother, Frank.

“Hey you made it!” Frank hugged me and then noticed the look on my face, “Panic attack?” God, he can read me so well.

“Yes while we were on the highway,” Mikey answered while hugging Frank.

“I’m fine now,” I smiled and he seemed to believe me, but I was still visibly shaking.

“Where’s Gerard?” Frank asked.

“He had to get Kat…he may not be here tonight…” Mikey answered.

“Oh well that blows,” Frank said while watching me closely.

“I’m gonna go out and find a good spot…Rock the house, Tristan,” Mikey showed me an extra paper bag he stuck in his pocket before he vanished out of the room.

At nine Pencey Prep and I took the stage. I got behind the drum kit and prepared for the show.
I looked out into the crowd and found Mikey. He was giving me a thumb up and grinning from ear to ear. I love that man so much. I scanned the rest of the crowd and there was no sign of Gerard. My heart sank.

We started the show with “Don Quixote,” and we rocked so hard…I was already sweating and I felt every hit of my drum sticks to the drum head. I was in love with the feeling of playing live already.

We did “Yesterday,” next and I loved how the energy felt all the way through my body.

-Meanwhile in the crowd-

“Fuck you scared me!” Mikey yelled over the music at Gerard as he snuck up on him.

“Sorry didn’t mean to do that,” Gerard told him.

“You’re late!” Mikey yelled.

“I’ve been here the whole time…I was in the back,” Gerard yelled back.
“Where’s Kat?” Mikey asked.

“Left…” Gerard said.

“Left? Why?” Mikey asked still paying attention to Tristan playing the drums and playing them the best he’d ever seen.

“Because she didn’t want to be here. I think she expected me to go after her, but I didn’t,” Gerard shrugged.

“Why not?” Mikey asked not the least bit interested in the answer.

“For one, she made an ass out of herself in front of all these people about being here and second I made a promise to Tristan that I wanted to keep,” Gerard sipped on his beer and smiled at Tristan, who was killing it on the stage. “Damn I didn’t know she could play like that!”

“She’s awesome!” Mikey smiled and hugged his brother with one arm. He knew why Gerard stayed, but he didn’t push it.

-Back on stage-

The next few songs went by in a blur, but I felt so energized and high on the feeling of playing live that I could do this all night, I thought to myself.

“I want everyone to cheer for our savior of the night, Tristan back on the drums! My little sister plays some mean ass drums, am I right?! Yea! We’ve got one more for ya! It’s called “PS Don’t Write!”’ Frank yelled and clapped for me.

I searched the crowd and found Mikey who was standing next to Gerard. They both were cheering and yelling! I smiled and started the song. He was here! He kept his promise.

When we finally left the stage, I was dripping in sweat and I had makeup smeared across my face, but I felt like I was flying. I could do this all my life. I want to do this!

“FUCK! TRISTAN YOU ROCKED THE HOUSE!” Frank yelled, picked me up, and spun me around. Is this how it always felt?

Gerard and Mikey were in the room with us and they walked over to us after Frank put me down.

“You were amazing!” Mikey cried and patted me on the shoulder because I was gross with sweat.

“Tristan….I’m speechless…you were…wow,” Gerard said and he hugged me tightly and didn’t say anything about how sweaty I was.

“Thank you guys,” I smiled and let go of Gerard. I was now aware of how close we had been. I moved a little further away.

Tim, Pencey Prep’s drummer, walked in and said, “I think we found our sub.”

I looked confused then my eyes spotted his right arm was in a cast. “What happened to you?” I asked.

“I fell down after drinking too much,” Tim laughed. I laughed nervously and rolled my eyes discreetly. Are you proud of yourself? Oh haha I got drunk and broke my arm. Dumbass.

“Oh yea, Tristan I forgot to tell you, this was your audition…” Frank smiled and lit his cigarette that was hanging from his lips.

“Audition?” I asked, confused as ever.

“We need a sub for the summer and for the record and you are it,” Frank was still smiling while taking a drag off his cigarette.

“You aren’t fucking with me, right?!” I asked still in shock. Oh my god!

“No! You are it!” Frank yelled.

“Oh fuck!” I cried and I couldn’t breathe. This was a good panic attack. Haha like there was such a thing.

Mikey handed me a bag and I said, “Thank you!”

I was breathing into the bag and smiling at the same time. Gerard was next to me with his hand on the small of my back, making sure I wouldn’t fall. Why was he touching me? I wanted him to touch me, but this was all a bit overwhelming.

Frank just laughed at me and continued smoking his cigarette.

Twenty minutes later we were all at a table in the back of CBGBs, including Mikey and Gerard. I was sitting between them on one side, while Frank and the others were on the other side.
We watched the other bands perform while they drank and smoked cigarettes. I was so high on life that I didn’t care about second hand smoke. Stardom was in my future I just know it.
“Look at her,” Gerard smiled.

“She’s high on the stage,” Frank laughed. He knows what I’m feeling. Of course he does.

“Yes I am…so high…” I spoke above the music.

They all laughed at me and I didn’t care about anything else until Gerard reached under the table and held my hand, then I thought about how amazing he was and that he kept his promise.

Two hours later I was sitting on Gerard’s bed with him, after I took a quick shower and he was drawing what he remembered from the night. We were laid against the headboard and I had my head on his shoulder while he drew.

“I thought you were amazing tonight,” Gerard said gently against the top of my head.

“I loved it so much…I wish I could do that all the time…I can’t believe I will be for the whole summer…” I smiled and continued to watch him draw.

“I will try to be at all your shows,” Gerard said.

“It really meant a lot that you made it to this one…thank you for keeping your promise…” I told him and I lifted my head to look into his eyes.

“I promised and I don’t want to ever break a promise I make to you…” He said while looking into my eyes.

We watched each other for a few minutes and our faces began to slowly get closer to each other to where our lips nearly touched.

Gerard placed both his hands on each of my cheeks and asked gently and did not move from where he was. I could feel the warmth of his breath on my lips, “Tristan, what are we doing?” Why did he stop? Does he not want me? Why doesn’t he love me?

I had my eyes closed and I didn’t want to stop this, “I don’t know…I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what to say. I wanted him to want me so badly.

“Don’t be sorry,” Gerard replied sternly and then backed away from my face letting his hands fall down at his sides. The room’s atmosphere changed to cold and awkward. Why did I try to kiss him? Why? I’m so stupid to think he would ever want me. Oh god why am I alive? Kill me now!

I got up quickly and went over to the couch, “I’m going to sleep…goodnight.” I got on the couch and closed my eyes…why did I try to kiss him?

“Goodnight…” Gerard replied and turned off the light.

We both lay in silence and didn’t talk about what might have just happened.

-Sunday-

I awoke and it was still dark in the basement. I looked over to see Gerard was still asleep. I then looked over at his clock and found that it was only six in the morning.

I groaned to myself. I can’t sleep now, I thought to myself...it’s gonna be so awkward when Gerard wakes up.

I sat up and thought for a moment about what I would do. I got up, quickly and quietly got dressed, put on my converse, basketball shorts, and a tee shirt, I put up my long hair, and I grabbed my over the shoulder bag and I walked toward the door. I then thought that I should leave a note, so I went to Gerard’s desk and scribbled a quick note saying that I was going out and I’d be back later. I then quietly went out the door into the darkness.

About two hours later, I was finally at the local park. The sun was up and beautifully shining in the cloudy blue sky.

I found a tree to sit under and I took out a notebook and pen and I began free writing a story. Writing was soothing and I continued this way for the next four hours till it was noon and I was bored of writing. Well not actually bored, but I had hit a brick wall. Fucking writer’s block…and I was pissed. I had been flowing for hours and now I had nothing.

I put my stuff back into the bag and I walked over to the swings and I sat on for a while. I was watching the scene around me unfold, then I noticed Gerard’s car in the parking lot, but no one was in it. How the hell did he know where I was? Where is he?

I frowned and wondered why his car was here and how he had found me.

“How long have you been out here?” Gerard whispered in my ear gently. I turned slightly to see his concerned smiling face.

“How did you sneak up on me?” I asked trying to act causally.

Gerard sat in the swing next to me and replied, “I asked first,” he smiled sideways.

“I have been out since six this morning,” I answered looking away from his face.

“Doing what?” Gerard frowned.

“Writing…” I replied.

“I’ve been watching you for half an hour, that’s how I snuck up on you,” Gerard smiled again. Why would he watch me for so long?

“Why? And how did you find me?” I asked.

“It’s pretty, so I assumed the park would be where you were and I waited because you looked like you didn’t want to be disturbed,” Gerard answered grinning slightly. “Why did you leave?” Gerard asked.

“I couldn’t sleep and…” I started, but was cut off.

“You thought things would be awkward between us after what almost happened last night,” Gerard finished. We were thinking the same thing.

“You’re right…I don’t know what that was, but it won’t happen again,” I replied, knowing I wouldn’t be the one to try anything.

“Don’t be like that, Tristan. Both of us made a move, but nothing happened, so don’t act any differently around me…I’m gonna be the same to you, I promise,” Gerard explained. I wonder how he really feels.

“I guess this situation shows my age…” I sighed.

“What? What that you’re young? Tristan, you are mature for your age and beyond your years. You have always been that way. Having strange feelings at your age is normal and is not immature and acting on those feelings is defiantly not immature,” Gerard smiled trying to explain, but I knew I was being stupid.

“I’m sorry,” I smiled back at him.

“Don’t be…I’m not,” Gerard replied. I felt relieved, but a tad pathetic.

“I’m hungry!” I changed the subject and hopped up off the swing and Gerard got up too.

“I thought you might be… Mom is making your favorite…alfredo fettuccine…” Gerard laughed at me. He didn’t say anything about last night.

“Yay I’m super excited!” I hugged him in happiness that we were ok and that Donna was making my favorite.

Gerard hugged me tightly. Would my feelings for him ever go away?