Categories > Books > Harry Potter > My Immortal: The Great MSTing
(In the main room of the spaceship)
"Alright, girls, we're going to give Will and Jon makeovers, My Immortal style." says Harper while she gets out hair dye, eyeliner, and of course, red contact lenses. Alison turns to the guys, who have been tied down to chairs so she, Norah, and Harper can work their magic on them. "You two are going to look so goffik by the time we're done!" she says, her voice full of excitement.
"Please, anything but this!" Will begs. However, none of the girls pay attention to him.
"Let's get started, shall we?" Norah says with a devilish grin on her face.
Twenty minutes later...
"Alright, are you guys ready to see how you look?" Harper asks. Will and Jon don't respond, but she turns their chairs toward the mirror anyway. Looks of pure horror are on their faces as they see themselves wearing eyeliner, black lipstick, white foundation, and red contact lenses. Will's hair now has blue steaks in it, and Jon's has red.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" they scream in unison.
(In the theater)
Will: I can't believe you did that to us!
Jon: Yeah! What are people going to think when they see me with red streaks in my hair? I look awful with them!
Alison: Oh, calm down. They'll wash out in a few weeks. Anyway, people aren't going to see you. We're in space, remember? And if it makes you feel better, Susie said that if one of us skimmed though chapter nine of My Immortal and then gave a recap, we could skip it.
Will: So, did someone skim through it?
Alison: Yeah. Norah?
Norah: Okay, so in chapter nine, Enoby is still crying in the forest when Voldemort shows up. In My Immortal, he talks in Shakespearean English. Anyway, he gives her a gun and tells her to kill Vampire. If she does not kill Vampire, then he will kill Draco. We are given no reason why Voldemort wants Vampire dead, but it's probably for the same reason given in the books. We also don't know why Voldemort can't just kill Vampire himself, or why he gives her a gun when she could just use her wand instead. When Enoby asks Voldemort how he knew that she and Draco were together, he gets, as Tara puts it, a "dude-ur-so-retarded" look on his face, and says, 'I hath telekinesis.' He then proceeds to fly away, and Draco shows up. He and Enoby apologize to each other and go back to Hogwarts while making out.
Harper: How do they walk back to the school and make out at the same time?
Will: Maybe they took make out breaks, if there is such a thing.
Chapter Eleven
Author's Note: stup it u gay fags
Alison: So, attacking preps is no longer enough, and now Tara feels the need to go after cigarettes and male homosexuals? What a bitch.
if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!
I was really scared about Vlodemort
Will: Who's Vlodemort?
Harper: Voldemort's even more evil twin brother!
all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666.
Jon: Of course she's in a band!
Norah: Bloody Gothic Rose 666. Seems like a random jumble of words and numbers to me.
I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR.
Alison: They sound terrible.
The other people in the band are Bl'oody Mary, Draco, Ron (but we call him Diabolo now.
Will: Why does diabolo sound like something that has to do with one's bowels?
He has black hair with blue streaks.)and Vampire.
Norah: I thought she'd just met Vampire.
and Hagrid.
Harper: Hagrid's in the band? But he's a teacher!
Norah: He must be one of the "cool" teachers. I'll bet he smokes pot with them.
Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed
Jon: I would get depressed if I were in this story.
so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead.
Alison: Let me guess, most of their songs go something like, "I'm so sad, cause hot topic closed today, my heart bleeds with misery. Ohhhh, the pain of my dark soul."
Harper: That seems pretty accurate.
I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists
Will: And yet you do nothing. Wow, you're really a great girlfriend.
(he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that)
Jon: Then why did she write it to describe her band?
or a steak.
Norah: Yummy!
and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride.
Alison: That's not a depressing movie.
I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and a tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt.
Will: Wait, was she not wearing clothes before? I didn't catch that.
You might think I'm a slut but I'm not.
Harper: Well, yeah, you kinda are, Enoby.
We were singing a cover of Helena and at the end of the song I suddenly burst into tears.
"Ebony! Are you OK?" Bl'oody Mary asked in a concerted voice.
"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily.
Norah: Bitch. Goth Hermione was just trying to be nice to you.
And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came
Will: Whoa, TMI there, girlfriend. We don't need to know about Voldemort's orgasms.
and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!"
Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.
Alison: That's so ridiculous, but I don't know what to say about it.
"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted.
Jon: Uh, I'm not sure about this, but Vampire seems like the one who should be pissed off, not Draco.
How could you-you-you fucking muggle poser bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)
Norah: Yes. It's still very out of character. But nice try.
I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive.
Harper: That doesn't make any sense. How does one cry sensitively?
Then he ran out crying. We practiced for another hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily!
Alison: Oh good, another 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS' moment.
His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.
"What have you done!" he started cry wisely.
Will: That's got to be the worst description of them all. One can, in no way, cry wisely. God, Tara is such an idiot.
(c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.
All: YAY!
Jon: Wait, I thought that he was a vampire and that the only way you could kill him was with a cross or a stake.
Norah: I know, right? If I had a dollar for every plot inconsistency in My Immortal, I'd be so filthy rich that Bill Gates would look like a grocery store clerk on welfare in comparison.
"Alright, girls, we're going to give Will and Jon makeovers, My Immortal style." says Harper while she gets out hair dye, eyeliner, and of course, red contact lenses. Alison turns to the guys, who have been tied down to chairs so she, Norah, and Harper can work their magic on them. "You two are going to look so goffik by the time we're done!" she says, her voice full of excitement.
"Please, anything but this!" Will begs. However, none of the girls pay attention to him.
"Let's get started, shall we?" Norah says with a devilish grin on her face.
Twenty minutes later...
"Alright, are you guys ready to see how you look?" Harper asks. Will and Jon don't respond, but she turns their chairs toward the mirror anyway. Looks of pure horror are on their faces as they see themselves wearing eyeliner, black lipstick, white foundation, and red contact lenses. Will's hair now has blue steaks in it, and Jon's has red.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" they scream in unison.
(In the theater)
Will: I can't believe you did that to us!
Jon: Yeah! What are people going to think when they see me with red streaks in my hair? I look awful with them!
Alison: Oh, calm down. They'll wash out in a few weeks. Anyway, people aren't going to see you. We're in space, remember? And if it makes you feel better, Susie said that if one of us skimmed though chapter nine of My Immortal and then gave a recap, we could skip it.
Will: So, did someone skim through it?
Alison: Yeah. Norah?
Norah: Okay, so in chapter nine, Enoby is still crying in the forest when Voldemort shows up. In My Immortal, he talks in Shakespearean English. Anyway, he gives her a gun and tells her to kill Vampire. If she does not kill Vampire, then he will kill Draco. We are given no reason why Voldemort wants Vampire dead, but it's probably for the same reason given in the books. We also don't know why Voldemort can't just kill Vampire himself, or why he gives her a gun when she could just use her wand instead. When Enoby asks Voldemort how he knew that she and Draco were together, he gets, as Tara puts it, a "dude-ur-so-retarded" look on his face, and says, 'I hath telekinesis.' He then proceeds to fly away, and Draco shows up. He and Enoby apologize to each other and go back to Hogwarts while making out.
Harper: How do they walk back to the school and make out at the same time?
Will: Maybe they took make out breaks, if there is such a thing.
Chapter Eleven
Author's Note: stup it u gay fags
Alison: So, attacking preps is no longer enough, and now Tara feels the need to go after cigarettes and male homosexuals? What a bitch.
if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!
I was really scared about Vlodemort
Will: Who's Vlodemort?
Harper: Voldemort's even more evil twin brother!
all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666.
Jon: Of course she's in a band!
Norah: Bloody Gothic Rose 666. Seems like a random jumble of words and numbers to me.
I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR.
Alison: They sound terrible.
The other people in the band are Bl'oody Mary, Draco, Ron (but we call him Diabolo now.
Will: Why does diabolo sound like something that has to do with one's bowels?
He has black hair with blue streaks.)and Vampire.
Norah: I thought she'd just met Vampire.
and Hagrid.
Harper: Hagrid's in the band? But he's a teacher!
Norah: He must be one of the "cool" teachers. I'll bet he smokes pot with them.
Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed
Jon: I would get depressed if I were in this story.
so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead.
Alison: Let me guess, most of their songs go something like, "I'm so sad, cause hot topic closed today, my heart bleeds with misery. Ohhhh, the pain of my dark soul."
Harper: That seems pretty accurate.
I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists
Will: And yet you do nothing. Wow, you're really a great girlfriend.
(he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that)
Jon: Then why did she write it to describe her band?
or a steak.
Norah: Yummy!
and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride.
Alison: That's not a depressing movie.
I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and a tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt.
Will: Wait, was she not wearing clothes before? I didn't catch that.
You might think I'm a slut but I'm not.
Harper: Well, yeah, you kinda are, Enoby.
We were singing a cover of Helena and at the end of the song I suddenly burst into tears.
"Ebony! Are you OK?" Bl'oody Mary asked in a concerted voice.
"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily.
Norah: Bitch. Goth Hermione was just trying to be nice to you.
And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came
Will: Whoa, TMI there, girlfriend. We don't need to know about Voldemort's orgasms.
and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!"
Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.
Alison: That's so ridiculous, but I don't know what to say about it.
"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted.
Jon: Uh, I'm not sure about this, but Vampire seems like the one who should be pissed off, not Draco.
How could you-you-you fucking muggle poser bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)
Norah: Yes. It's still very out of character. But nice try.
I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive.
Harper: That doesn't make any sense. How does one cry sensitively?
Then he ran out crying. We practiced for another hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily!
Alison: Oh good, another 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS' moment.
His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.
"What have you done!" he started cry wisely.
Will: That's got to be the worst description of them all. One can, in no way, cry wisely. God, Tara is such an idiot.
(c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.
All: YAY!
Jon: Wait, I thought that he was a vampire and that the only way you could kill him was with a cross or a stake.
Norah: I know, right? If I had a dollar for every plot inconsistency in My Immortal, I'd be so filthy rich that Bill Gates would look like a grocery store clerk on welfare in comparison.
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