Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > I Never Told You What I Do For A Living
Okay, so I ended up being stuck in today, still ill -yay!- so I decided what the heck, might as well upload a new chapter! Hope you all enjoy :)! xo
Gerard had never killed for the sake of killing. He never let his emotions get the better of him. He thought it was unnecessary; he would only hurt those people who had offended him three times. This was the way he had always operated- the path he had always followed. There had been no other way. But something had thrown him off balance. Something had changed the way Gerard thought, had thrown him into complete disarray and fucked his head up totally.
That's just life, I suppsose, Gerard thought bitterly to himself. You wander along your own twisted little path, the only one you could see; and then suddenly someone turns up who changes everything completely. Suddenly, there's a million different paths all the colours of the rainbow, like an explosion, leading different ways and all at once you're alone and its frightening. Gerard was frightened.
He paced slowly down the dark, cold streets, watching his breath curl in front of his face as he exhaled. For the first time in his life, Gerard wished there had been another way. He had always looked on what he did as being some glorious task- a movement for the greater good, that he was doing everyone a favour. Now, his eyes had been opened and the light he had seen was so bright that it blinded him, burning his retinas and searing his eyeballs until they shrunk and seemed to rattle painfully around his head. For once in his life, Gerard wished he was normal. Normal and boring. Working 9-5, coming home for dinner, chatting with his partner, watching terrible television and then heading to bed. Frank had made him want this. Those hazel eyes had ruined him. He was sure of it.
It was the early hours of the morning and the doors of the clubs surrounding Gerard were opening, spewing people from the doors and onto the streets like the people spewing brightly coloured drinks onto the ground outside. Gerard wrinkled his nose automatically. People were disgusting. He took a sharp left turn, but before he got very far he realised his path was blocked by two drunken men attempting to light a cigarette.
Not wanting to be held up, Gerard attempted to edge past but was stopped by one mans arm pushing into him. 'You look familiar,' the man slurred, his eyes rhumey and swivelling. 'Do I know you from somewhere?'
'No, I doubt you do,' Gerard replied curtly, 'please let me past.'
The man and his friend snickered stupidly. 'Now, just a minute...'
The man was given no time to finish his diatribe before a first connected strongly with his nose, spurting crimson over the pavement. As soon as his blood was spilled, Gerard went into automatic pilot- he felt his foot lift from the ground and connect with the mans chest, resulting in a crack sounding into the cold air. His face was a mask of grim determenation as he slipped his hand into the familiar pocket in his leather jacket. Through his haze of red, Gerard had forgotten about the man's companion. 'What gives man?' he shouted as the man on the ground groaned, 'he didn't mean 'nythin'!' Hauling the injured man, who appeared to be in deep shock, up from the ground, he exited the street as quickly as his friends girth would allow. Gerard decided it would be best to follow suit, before someone came down this way. Taking off in the opposite direction as quietly as possible, he ran until he felt a burn in his chest.
***
Approaching his appartment, Gerard stopped to catch his breath. One more slip up like that and it could end badly. Very badly. Leaning against to cold wall of his flat, he felt each breath sear through his chest like fire. The beginnings of a sob began to stir in his chest, and Gerard let it blossom until it dragged itself out of his mouth, ugly and ragged in the cold air. Darting towards the door and thundering up the stairs into the safe confinements of his flat, he broke down in earnest, shrieking and sobbing as he swept his belongings onto the floor with his gloved hands.
Throwing himself onto his couch, he dug his fingernails into his face as he drew sharp breaths, his mind spinning and his body still convulsing with choked-back sobs. This is what happens when you get close to someone, Gerard. You know that, a voice in the back of his head mocked him.
'I'm not close to anyone yet,' he replied to himself as he took another steadying breath.
Yet. But if you leave this alone, it will fester Gerard. It will fester and destroy you. You know what to do.
'No.' Gerard said firmly. Whether he had spoken aloud to himself or was still talking in his head, he was unsure. 'No. I'm not doing that. Not this time.' Dragging himself up from the couch he trudged through the carnage of his living room and into his bed, where he threw himself fully clothed. He pushed his face into his pillow in an attempt to drown the voice out.
Maybe not just now, Gerard, the voice mocked him somewhere inside of his head. But you know I'm right. It'll happen eventually. He has to go.
Gerard had never killed for the sake of killing. He never let his emotions get the better of him. He thought it was unnecessary; he would only hurt those people who had offended him three times. This was the way he had always operated- the path he had always followed. There had been no other way. But something had thrown him off balance. Something had changed the way Gerard thought, had thrown him into complete disarray and fucked his head up totally.
That's just life, I suppsose, Gerard thought bitterly to himself. You wander along your own twisted little path, the only one you could see; and then suddenly someone turns up who changes everything completely. Suddenly, there's a million different paths all the colours of the rainbow, like an explosion, leading different ways and all at once you're alone and its frightening. Gerard was frightened.
He paced slowly down the dark, cold streets, watching his breath curl in front of his face as he exhaled. For the first time in his life, Gerard wished there had been another way. He had always looked on what he did as being some glorious task- a movement for the greater good, that he was doing everyone a favour. Now, his eyes had been opened and the light he had seen was so bright that it blinded him, burning his retinas and searing his eyeballs until they shrunk and seemed to rattle painfully around his head. For once in his life, Gerard wished he was normal. Normal and boring. Working 9-5, coming home for dinner, chatting with his partner, watching terrible television and then heading to bed. Frank had made him want this. Those hazel eyes had ruined him. He was sure of it.
It was the early hours of the morning and the doors of the clubs surrounding Gerard were opening, spewing people from the doors and onto the streets like the people spewing brightly coloured drinks onto the ground outside. Gerard wrinkled his nose automatically. People were disgusting. He took a sharp left turn, but before he got very far he realised his path was blocked by two drunken men attempting to light a cigarette.
Not wanting to be held up, Gerard attempted to edge past but was stopped by one mans arm pushing into him. 'You look familiar,' the man slurred, his eyes rhumey and swivelling. 'Do I know you from somewhere?'
'No, I doubt you do,' Gerard replied curtly, 'please let me past.'
The man and his friend snickered stupidly. 'Now, just a minute...'
The man was given no time to finish his diatribe before a first connected strongly with his nose, spurting crimson over the pavement. As soon as his blood was spilled, Gerard went into automatic pilot- he felt his foot lift from the ground and connect with the mans chest, resulting in a crack sounding into the cold air. His face was a mask of grim determenation as he slipped his hand into the familiar pocket in his leather jacket. Through his haze of red, Gerard had forgotten about the man's companion. 'What gives man?' he shouted as the man on the ground groaned, 'he didn't mean 'nythin'!' Hauling the injured man, who appeared to be in deep shock, up from the ground, he exited the street as quickly as his friends girth would allow. Gerard decided it would be best to follow suit, before someone came down this way. Taking off in the opposite direction as quietly as possible, he ran until he felt a burn in his chest.
***
Approaching his appartment, Gerard stopped to catch his breath. One more slip up like that and it could end badly. Very badly. Leaning against to cold wall of his flat, he felt each breath sear through his chest like fire. The beginnings of a sob began to stir in his chest, and Gerard let it blossom until it dragged itself out of his mouth, ugly and ragged in the cold air. Darting towards the door and thundering up the stairs into the safe confinements of his flat, he broke down in earnest, shrieking and sobbing as he swept his belongings onto the floor with his gloved hands.
Throwing himself onto his couch, he dug his fingernails into his face as he drew sharp breaths, his mind spinning and his body still convulsing with choked-back sobs. This is what happens when you get close to someone, Gerard. You know that, a voice in the back of his head mocked him.
'I'm not close to anyone yet,' he replied to himself as he took another steadying breath.
Yet. But if you leave this alone, it will fester Gerard. It will fester and destroy you. You know what to do.
'No.' Gerard said firmly. Whether he had spoken aloud to himself or was still talking in his head, he was unsure. 'No. I'm not doing that. Not this time.' Dragging himself up from the couch he trudged through the carnage of his living room and into his bed, where he threw himself fully clothed. He pushed his face into his pillow in an attempt to drown the voice out.
Maybe not just now, Gerard, the voice mocked him somewhere inside of his head. But you know I'm right. It'll happen eventually. He has to go.
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