Categories > TV > WWE > The Misadventures of the Motor City Machine Guns
"...They asked you to bring in ALL THAT? Okay, lemme guess, boyfriend's tag team partner is a junk food junkie?"
"The worst kind," the other woman stated. "Seriously, you have no idea."
"So this is why you recruited me to help, huh?"
The redhead smirked as she looked over the large list compiled by the two professional wrestlers currently bunking at her best friend's house.
"Yeah, I couldn't do this without you," the brunette woman replied. "Seriously, I owe you."
"No problem, that's what best friends are for. If you're gonna do this, I might have to crash at your house too, just for the chocolate!"
Tina grinned and raised an eyebrow. "No, you'd crash at my house for the chocolate AND THE CUDDLY ONE."
"I'm not denying it, and hey, the guy can't help he's puppy dog cute."
"You WOULD think that," her friend laughed.
"I'm just a human woman, I can't help it!" She paused and mused over the list.
"This list is gonna take awhile. Hopefully they can keep themselves occupied without, y'know, totally destroying your house."
Tina groaned.
"Oh God, I'm gonna come back to find my house completely demolished, aren't I? You know how guys are."
"I know how you've described the cuddly one. Hyperactive? I think Shelley can handle him. Besides, you do have plenty of duct tape in the house, right?"
Tina blushed.
"Um, yeah...why?"
"We're probably gonna find him hanging on the wall if that's the case. To keep him from bouncing off of everything," Robin pointed out.
"If he gets in the sugar we're going to come back and find SHELLEY hanging on the wall." Tina warned, her face still red.
"And why are you blushing?" The redhead paused, and then realized the answer to her question.
"Wait, nevermind, I do not need to know the details of your kinky sex lives."
"Oh, shut up." Tina swatted the woman. "You and your dirty mind."
"I've been scarred enough from the slash, I need no more scarring."
"Dude, what's slash?"
Chris Sabin was bouncing. He was smirking and bouncing on the sofa and doing what he loved to do most-annoy his tag team partner.
Today's annoyance was apparently poking, as the fair haired man had taken to randomly doing just that to Alex's arm every few seconds.
"You're a child. Cut it out. And get away from the Mt. Dew, or I'll hang you on the wall with duct tape."
"Make me. Make me. Make me." Chris chanted as he continued bouncing.
"Fine, I'll tell you what slash is. The definition as given to me by my girl and her friend, was that people like to write stories about us. Apparently they like to pair us together, as in, like a couple. Slash is guy on guy."
The older man paused in mid bounce. His mouth dropped open and the box of Gushers that he had been clutching slipped from his hands.
"Dude, what? A couple? You're not serious." He hopped off of the bed and sped across the room.
"I am dead serious." Shelley replied pointedly. "And apparently, we are one of the most popular slash couples."
Chris scrunched his nose as he tried to process the information, his eyes going wide and his skin becoming pale.
"What's wrong with people? Where do they get these ideas?"
"I have no clue, but I'd like to find out. I'm curious as to what kind of things they have us doing." Shelley answered, his curiosity growing.
"I'm not sure I wanna know. I think it's gonna be bad."
"Ah, come on, how bad can it be? Most of the "authors" are fourteen year old girls. Do you really think they could do anything graphic?"
"Point taken." Chris settled in the chair beside his friend. "I mean, what's the most they'll have us do? Kiss each other? Grope?"
"Exactly. Child's play. Now, let's see, what did she say the name of that website was...?" Shelley mused as he ran his hands over the keyboards.
"Oh, yeah, that's it."
"And I bet most of it's riddled with errors, too. There's a reason the feisty one calls it the pit of despair."
The younger man nibbled his lip as he typed in the address and pushed the enter key. A few seconds later, the page appeared and he smiled.
"Ah, here we are. Let's see, let's see...why don't you pick one?"
"Why do I have to pick one?" Sabin asked, wrinkling his nose.
"This was your idea, you pick one!"
"I don't wanna..you pick." Sabin shoved the man, but finally clicked on a link, as he shot a glare at the faux-hawked man.
"There. Happy?"
His eyes scanned the page quickly as he read, his previous look of happiness quickly fading away.
"DUDE! LOOK AT THIS!"
"Oh my GOD." Shelley clapped a hand over his mouth in shock.
"DUDE WE WOULD NEVER-I TOLD YOU THIS WAS GONNA BE BAD!"
Chris slugged Alex in the shoulder repeatedly, resisting the urge to claw out his eyes.
"Ow, stop hitting me!" Alex rubbed his arm. "It was your idea! You asked!"
"My idea? Like hell! This little excursion was YOUR bright idea! I may go BLIND! AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT!"
"Aw, knock the dust off it already, would ya? You're not gonna go blind." Alex shot his tag team partner a dirty look.
"I'm gonna tell Tina and Robin you're scarring me. You know what happens when you try to scar the cuddly one."
Alex rolled his eyes.
"Oh, you're gonna go tell that I was mean to you?"
"Yeah, I am! Because you know Tina will cut you off!" Chris folded his arms over his chest as he spoke.
"And didn't she say her friend had a thing for blowtorches and medieval torture? She likes me; she'd kick your ass!"
"You're not gonna tell either of them anything, because if you do, I'm gonna tell them that you talked me into this," Alex replied.
"I'll tell them I asked what slash was, and you said we needed to check it out!"
"Yeah, but no one MADE you! I didn't put a gun to your head!"
"Shut the fuck up and pick another link already. It's your turn." Sabin settled back in the chair and pushed the mouse over to his tag team partner.
"Yeah, after that last one, I'm not so sure I wanna see any more." Shelley said.
"Oh no, I had to pick one, now YOU have to pick one. If you don't," Chris chose his words carefully, "I'm gonna tell them you hit me."
"I..." Shelley began, but was cut off.
"THAT YOU ASSAULTED ME, AGAIN, FOR NO REASON!"
"SHUT UP! YOU WERE FUCKING POKING ME!" Alex screamed, clearly irritated with his friend's behavior.
"I WAS NOT! I was teasing you over Tina getting you so wound up! It's not MY fault that your gun was ready to explode!"
"WOULD YOU STICK A CORK IN IT ALREADY?" The younger man's voice practically boomed, before he narrowed his eyes and swung at the older man, hitting him in the shoulder.
"NOW you won't be lying if you tell them."
Chris rubbed the spot where Alex had hit and pouted, his expression resembling that of a child's.
"Now you really are gonna be in trouble, dude. I told you. I'm telling the feisty one. She'll kick you in the balls."
"No she won't, Tina won't let her," Alex snarled at his friend.
"You wanna bet? Tina doesn't want you hitting me either. I'm too cute and cuddly."
"Alright, do you HAVE to rub in the fact that my girlfriend finds you charming and adorable?"
"Yes, I do. Because I have not one, but BOTH of them wanting to cuddle me and pet my hair and rub my tummy. I can't help it that I'm puppy dog cute. And it's not my fault that I bring women to the brink of ecstasy without even trying." He smirked at Alex.
"Oh, well, look at this." Alex returned the smirk as he pointed to the screen.
Chris sat up in his chair.
"Dude, if it's one where I'm your bitch, I don't wanna see it."
"Looks like we have stumbled upon an orgy. You, myself, Jerry Lynn and Kevin Nash. With a bit of Austin Aries on the side."
"DUDE! THEY EVEN BROUGHT IN KAZ! I am scarred for life."
Chris moaned in agony as he buried his now red face in his hands.
"And here I thought the only thing that made you turn that red was the feisty one wanting to find out how cuddly you are."
Chris looked up and swatted his partner again.
"Dude, quit it. I don't make fun of you."
"And don't deny it either. By the way, were you the one who asked her on that question page the other night who her girl crushes was?" Shelley asked.
"...Shut up, I can't help I'm curious!"
"Oh, so it WAS YOU."
"And the Nash thing was your fault, you were overly touchy feely with the guy during that storyline." Sabin pointed out reasonably.
"AND THAT LINE ABOUT HIM BREAKING YOUR HEART."
"It was a STORYLINE! NOT REAL! FICTION!" Alex threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.
"Jebus, it's not like I went behind a curtain and let him blow me or anything."
Chris was outright rolling in laughter.
"IT'S NOT FUNNY!"
"Oh yes it is! Dude, the look on your face is priceless!"
Alex scrunched his nose up in disgust.
"Oh, I wouldn't be laughing. You should see the one where you were paired with Sonjay, Jay, and Low Ki."
"WHAT?" Chris was horrified. "Dude, NO!"
"Yeah, not laughing now, are ya?" Shelley snapped back, a sneer on his face.
"At least I wasn't a bitch to AUSTIN ARIES."
"No, you were my bitch." Alex shuddered. "Don't even say it, by the way. I'm still trying to shake THAT discovery off."
"I think I'm gonna hurl..."
Chris's face was now a pale shade of green, and he looked more than a bit queasy.
"Join the club." Alex pulled out a trashcan.
"See what happens when you ask questions?"
"There's got to be something where we're actually paired with women, right?" Chris questioned in a hopeful tone. "Please?"
"If there are," his friend replied, "I haven't seen any. At least not yet."
"Well look for some!" Sabin screeched.
"I wonder if the girls know about this..."
"Oh, here we go, Sabin/OC..." Shelley laughed and stretched his arms.
With a smirk, Alex began to read over the first chapter. Within seconds, he'd nearly fallen out of his chair in laughter.
"Oh my GOD. You are so out of character in this."
"What? What's so funny?" Chris demanded.
"I wanna see!" He scooted closer.
"...WHAT THE? I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT! Has this idiot even graduated high school?"
Alex was practically rolling in laughter, tears streaming down his face.
"You...it..." He could barely speak.
"NOW I know why they call it the Pit of Despair!" Sabin moaned.
"This is HORRIBLE. Where is that review button they're so fond of...?"
"Uh, down at the bottom." Alex scrolled down.
"Hey, be careful when you leave that review, huh? We don't want to, ahem, encourage them."
"I'm going to tell her how god awful this thing is! Net speak, for fuck's sake!"
Three minutes later, with a very satisfied smirk plastered on his face, Chris punched the enter button.
"Let's see how you like being scarred."
"Tina, I get this funny feeling that the boys have gotten into something...uh...frightening."
"Oh come on." Tina shook her head.
"How much trouble could they POSSIBLY get into?"
"Um...well, did you leave your laptop on, by any chance?"
"Yeah, why?" Tina questioned, curiously.
"Should I have turned it off?"
"...My spidey senses are telling me that they might have stumbled upon slash."
The brunette groaned and slapped a hand to her forehead. Her best friend's "spidey senses", as they were affectionately known, were almost never wrong.
"Oh dear Lord..."
"Although I think, at the moment, they might be glancing over some of the OC fics."
"Do you think that might cause more damage than the slash did?"
Tina shrugged.
"Well, with the OC fics, they're probably going to just scream and yell about how out of character they are. With the slash..."
"True..." Robin's voice trailed off.
"You think they might have found the Buckcest yet?"
"Don't even joke about that." Tina held up her hand. "I think it might be what drives them over the edge."'
"Well it's Sabin's fault! He's the one who made the remarks on Destination X about spooning and dry humping and SpongeBob blankets! THAT scarred me!"
"It makes you wonder if he KNEW what he was doing, doesn't it?" The older woman remarked to her friend.
"If he knew what he was doing, I will go onto my fanfiction account and personally force him to take responsibility."
"And the look on his face when he said it!" Tina cringed as she recalled the event.
"He looked a bit turned on. That's going into a fic, somehow, some way."
"Methinks the cuddly one might have a bit of a fetish," the West Virginia native stated with a grin.
"Methinks you might be right."
Meanwhile…
"...WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE A FETISH?" The older of the duo bellowed.
"Dude, YOU are the one who made the dry humping and spooning comments in that interview. THIS FIC IS YOUR FAULT."
"I didn't know people would take it that way! It was just a promo! I got caught up in the moment!"
Alex pointed at the screen, shooting his tag partner a dirty look.
"I don't care what your reasoning is, this is YOUR fault."
Chris narrowed his eyes, before picking up the open can of Mt. Dew and chugging it.
"Oh yeah? Well I say this whole fiasco is YOUR fault."
"Put that Mt. Dew down," Alex ordered. "What do you mean, it's MY FAULT? What did I do?"
"Eat me." Chris retorted, chugging another one before replying,
"YOU ARE THE TOUCHY FEELY ONE OF THIS TEAM! You like to pet hair!"
"Oh, and you're not?" Alex retorted, reaching for the Mountain Dew. "You're the one who likes to grab my chest."
Chris yanked it out of his reach, chugging it once again.
"I'm not as touchy feely as you are-and stop trying to hold my hand, you can't have my Mt. Dew!"
"No, you're worse-and I'm NOT TRYING TO HOLD YOUR HAND!" Alex reached yet again for the can of pop, but his partner maneuvered it out of reach.
"Put the soda DOWN." Alex snarled, his fists balled.
"Make me."
"I don't have to, when the feisty one gets here; she'll be more than happy to tackle you."
Chris turned red, this time his face resembling a tomato.
"SHUT UP!"
"OOOOOH! I hit a nerve! I think you like her!"
"Shelley, I'm warning you now, shut up," Chris growled, as he balled his fists up.
"Hey, it's not my fault you're a big chicken," Alex held his hands up.
"And remember, the no abuse rule works BOTH WAYS. You hit me and they'll scold you."
"No, because you're picking on me for no reason. AGAIN."
"No, I'm busting your chops because you obviously like the girl and won't admit it."
Chris stared at the floor and then back up at his partner.
"Well, I didn't TEASE YOU about Tina!"
"Uh, yeah you did," Alex answered. "Annoyingly."
"You hit me! And you were merciless! Payback is a bitch and so is your mother."
"Aw, shut up." Alex plopped back down and resumed the task at hand.
"What do we have here-oh GOD."
"Oh God, what?" Sabin winced.
Alex, mortified, merely pointed at the screen.
There, in black and white, was the most disturbing piece of slash he'd ever seen. The Hardyz, Generation Me, and The Motor City Machine Guns, in a massive orgy.
Chris took one look at the screen, then at his partner, before they both simultaneously turned and began to heave.
Meanwhile, just outside, Robin and Tina were gathering bags of groceries from the trunk of Tina's car.
"Think this will be enough to do them for the next few days?"
"Yeah, it should work," Tina replied as she adjusted the bags she was carrying. "I swear, they're going to eat me out of house and home."
"Watch your step, hon."
"Hey, Shelley's probably already eaten you out of more than that."
"Oh, look who's funny," Tina retorted. "And haha, wouldn't you like to know?"
"Well, your face is giving you away; it's such a pretty shade of blue. And it was your choice of words; you are the one who opened the door. I just walked through it."
"Oh, shut up," the brunette replied. "Like the thought of Sabin going all red doesn't make YOU blush."
"Actually, the thought of Sabin turning red is adorable."
"I could mention the shower incident, but I won't, because I'm nice," Tina giggled.
"Shut it, I still owe Shelley a kick in the balls for that."
"You're not gonna kick him in the balls," Tina said firmly. "It's not his fault there's obvious sexual tension there."
"No, but it's his fault for turning me blue. I don't like turning blue."
"Oh, you think I like turning blue?" Tina put her hands on her hips. "Do you think I enjoy the fact that, for almost two months, I couldn't talk to him because the two of you had to come up with ways to make me turn black?"
The two had just walked into the kitchen, when they caught sight of both men lying in the floor, and curled into the fetal position.
Tina turned to Robin.
"What's going on here, guys?"
Chris, whose face was still tomato red, managed to grind out two words.
"Slash...scarred..."
"I told you they'd found slash." Robin nodded at her friend.
Tina crossed the room and knelt down below Alex, a worried look on her face.
"Are you okay, hon?" she questioned. "What happened?"
Before she had time to process what was going on, she'd been tackled backwards and hugged tightly.
"Oh, thank God you're home! I like girls, please tell these nuts that I like girls!" Shelley repeated.
The woman giggled. "What are you talking about?"
"Slash! We found it and READ it!"
Tina and Robin both burst into laughter, the redhead almost rolling at the exclamation.
"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! MY SPIDEY SENSES ARE NEVER WRONG!"
"WE TOLD YOU!"
Tina shook her head.
"Robin. Look at them!"
"Hey, we warned them," she replied, before glancing down at Sabin. With a sigh, she knelt down next to him.
"Come on, get up."
"Don't wanna." Chris replied, his voice muffled. "It...scared me..."
"Come on, there's chocolate in the kitchen with your name on it, for a price."
"Chocolate?" At the mention of chocolate, the fair-haired man's eyes lit up. He sat up quickly.
"Where's chocolate? I want some. Can I have some?"
"Depends, can I find out how cuddly you are?"
At this, Chris practically charged toward the redhead, glomping her in a crushing hug.
"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! Alex wouldn't give me chocolate."
"Mmphbreef." Robin mumbled, unable to speak.
"Oh, sorry!" Chris stepped back. "Did I hurt you?"
"Hurt her? Hell no, you made her year!" Tina laughed.
"The worst kind," the other woman stated. "Seriously, you have no idea."
"So this is why you recruited me to help, huh?"
The redhead smirked as she looked over the large list compiled by the two professional wrestlers currently bunking at her best friend's house.
"Yeah, I couldn't do this without you," the brunette woman replied. "Seriously, I owe you."
"No problem, that's what best friends are for. If you're gonna do this, I might have to crash at your house too, just for the chocolate!"
Tina grinned and raised an eyebrow. "No, you'd crash at my house for the chocolate AND THE CUDDLY ONE."
"I'm not denying it, and hey, the guy can't help he's puppy dog cute."
"You WOULD think that," her friend laughed.
"I'm just a human woman, I can't help it!" She paused and mused over the list.
"This list is gonna take awhile. Hopefully they can keep themselves occupied without, y'know, totally destroying your house."
Tina groaned.
"Oh God, I'm gonna come back to find my house completely demolished, aren't I? You know how guys are."
"I know how you've described the cuddly one. Hyperactive? I think Shelley can handle him. Besides, you do have plenty of duct tape in the house, right?"
Tina blushed.
"Um, yeah...why?"
"We're probably gonna find him hanging on the wall if that's the case. To keep him from bouncing off of everything," Robin pointed out.
"If he gets in the sugar we're going to come back and find SHELLEY hanging on the wall." Tina warned, her face still red.
"And why are you blushing?" The redhead paused, and then realized the answer to her question.
"Wait, nevermind, I do not need to know the details of your kinky sex lives."
"Oh, shut up." Tina swatted the woman. "You and your dirty mind."
"I've been scarred enough from the slash, I need no more scarring."
"Dude, what's slash?"
Chris Sabin was bouncing. He was smirking and bouncing on the sofa and doing what he loved to do most-annoy his tag team partner.
Today's annoyance was apparently poking, as the fair haired man had taken to randomly doing just that to Alex's arm every few seconds.
"You're a child. Cut it out. And get away from the Mt. Dew, or I'll hang you on the wall with duct tape."
"Make me. Make me. Make me." Chris chanted as he continued bouncing.
"Fine, I'll tell you what slash is. The definition as given to me by my girl and her friend, was that people like to write stories about us. Apparently they like to pair us together, as in, like a couple. Slash is guy on guy."
The older man paused in mid bounce. His mouth dropped open and the box of Gushers that he had been clutching slipped from his hands.
"Dude, what? A couple? You're not serious." He hopped off of the bed and sped across the room.
"I am dead serious." Shelley replied pointedly. "And apparently, we are one of the most popular slash couples."
Chris scrunched his nose as he tried to process the information, his eyes going wide and his skin becoming pale.
"What's wrong with people? Where do they get these ideas?"
"I have no clue, but I'd like to find out. I'm curious as to what kind of things they have us doing." Shelley answered, his curiosity growing.
"I'm not sure I wanna know. I think it's gonna be bad."
"Ah, come on, how bad can it be? Most of the "authors" are fourteen year old girls. Do you really think they could do anything graphic?"
"Point taken." Chris settled in the chair beside his friend. "I mean, what's the most they'll have us do? Kiss each other? Grope?"
"Exactly. Child's play. Now, let's see, what did she say the name of that website was...?" Shelley mused as he ran his hands over the keyboards.
"Oh, yeah, that's it."
"And I bet most of it's riddled with errors, too. There's a reason the feisty one calls it the pit of despair."
The younger man nibbled his lip as he typed in the address and pushed the enter key. A few seconds later, the page appeared and he smiled.
"Ah, here we are. Let's see, let's see...why don't you pick one?"
"Why do I have to pick one?" Sabin asked, wrinkling his nose.
"This was your idea, you pick one!"
"I don't wanna..you pick." Sabin shoved the man, but finally clicked on a link, as he shot a glare at the faux-hawked man.
"There. Happy?"
His eyes scanned the page quickly as he read, his previous look of happiness quickly fading away.
"DUDE! LOOK AT THIS!"
"Oh my GOD." Shelley clapped a hand over his mouth in shock.
"DUDE WE WOULD NEVER-I TOLD YOU THIS WAS GONNA BE BAD!"
Chris slugged Alex in the shoulder repeatedly, resisting the urge to claw out his eyes.
"Ow, stop hitting me!" Alex rubbed his arm. "It was your idea! You asked!"
"My idea? Like hell! This little excursion was YOUR bright idea! I may go BLIND! AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT!"
"Aw, knock the dust off it already, would ya? You're not gonna go blind." Alex shot his tag team partner a dirty look.
"I'm gonna tell Tina and Robin you're scarring me. You know what happens when you try to scar the cuddly one."
Alex rolled his eyes.
"Oh, you're gonna go tell that I was mean to you?"
"Yeah, I am! Because you know Tina will cut you off!" Chris folded his arms over his chest as he spoke.
"And didn't she say her friend had a thing for blowtorches and medieval torture? She likes me; she'd kick your ass!"
"You're not gonna tell either of them anything, because if you do, I'm gonna tell them that you talked me into this," Alex replied.
"I'll tell them I asked what slash was, and you said we needed to check it out!"
"Yeah, but no one MADE you! I didn't put a gun to your head!"
"Shut the fuck up and pick another link already. It's your turn." Sabin settled back in the chair and pushed the mouse over to his tag team partner.
"Yeah, after that last one, I'm not so sure I wanna see any more." Shelley said.
"Oh no, I had to pick one, now YOU have to pick one. If you don't," Chris chose his words carefully, "I'm gonna tell them you hit me."
"I..." Shelley began, but was cut off.
"THAT YOU ASSAULTED ME, AGAIN, FOR NO REASON!"
"SHUT UP! YOU WERE FUCKING POKING ME!" Alex screamed, clearly irritated with his friend's behavior.
"I WAS NOT! I was teasing you over Tina getting you so wound up! It's not MY fault that your gun was ready to explode!"
"WOULD YOU STICK A CORK IN IT ALREADY?" The younger man's voice practically boomed, before he narrowed his eyes and swung at the older man, hitting him in the shoulder.
"NOW you won't be lying if you tell them."
Chris rubbed the spot where Alex had hit and pouted, his expression resembling that of a child's.
"Now you really are gonna be in trouble, dude. I told you. I'm telling the feisty one. She'll kick you in the balls."
"No she won't, Tina won't let her," Alex snarled at his friend.
"You wanna bet? Tina doesn't want you hitting me either. I'm too cute and cuddly."
"Alright, do you HAVE to rub in the fact that my girlfriend finds you charming and adorable?"
"Yes, I do. Because I have not one, but BOTH of them wanting to cuddle me and pet my hair and rub my tummy. I can't help it that I'm puppy dog cute. And it's not my fault that I bring women to the brink of ecstasy without even trying." He smirked at Alex.
"Oh, well, look at this." Alex returned the smirk as he pointed to the screen.
Chris sat up in his chair.
"Dude, if it's one where I'm your bitch, I don't wanna see it."
"Looks like we have stumbled upon an orgy. You, myself, Jerry Lynn and Kevin Nash. With a bit of Austin Aries on the side."
"DUDE! THEY EVEN BROUGHT IN KAZ! I am scarred for life."
Chris moaned in agony as he buried his now red face in his hands.
"And here I thought the only thing that made you turn that red was the feisty one wanting to find out how cuddly you are."
Chris looked up and swatted his partner again.
"Dude, quit it. I don't make fun of you."
"And don't deny it either. By the way, were you the one who asked her on that question page the other night who her girl crushes was?" Shelley asked.
"...Shut up, I can't help I'm curious!"
"Oh, so it WAS YOU."
"And the Nash thing was your fault, you were overly touchy feely with the guy during that storyline." Sabin pointed out reasonably.
"AND THAT LINE ABOUT HIM BREAKING YOUR HEART."
"It was a STORYLINE! NOT REAL! FICTION!" Alex threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.
"Jebus, it's not like I went behind a curtain and let him blow me or anything."
Chris was outright rolling in laughter.
"IT'S NOT FUNNY!"
"Oh yes it is! Dude, the look on your face is priceless!"
Alex scrunched his nose up in disgust.
"Oh, I wouldn't be laughing. You should see the one where you were paired with Sonjay, Jay, and Low Ki."
"WHAT?" Chris was horrified. "Dude, NO!"
"Yeah, not laughing now, are ya?" Shelley snapped back, a sneer on his face.
"At least I wasn't a bitch to AUSTIN ARIES."
"No, you were my bitch." Alex shuddered. "Don't even say it, by the way. I'm still trying to shake THAT discovery off."
"I think I'm gonna hurl..."
Chris's face was now a pale shade of green, and he looked more than a bit queasy.
"Join the club." Alex pulled out a trashcan.
"See what happens when you ask questions?"
"There's got to be something where we're actually paired with women, right?" Chris questioned in a hopeful tone. "Please?"
"If there are," his friend replied, "I haven't seen any. At least not yet."
"Well look for some!" Sabin screeched.
"I wonder if the girls know about this..."
"Oh, here we go, Sabin/OC..." Shelley laughed and stretched his arms.
With a smirk, Alex began to read over the first chapter. Within seconds, he'd nearly fallen out of his chair in laughter.
"Oh my GOD. You are so out of character in this."
"What? What's so funny?" Chris demanded.
"I wanna see!" He scooted closer.
"...WHAT THE? I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT! Has this idiot even graduated high school?"
Alex was practically rolling in laughter, tears streaming down his face.
"You...it..." He could barely speak.
"NOW I know why they call it the Pit of Despair!" Sabin moaned.
"This is HORRIBLE. Where is that review button they're so fond of...?"
"Uh, down at the bottom." Alex scrolled down.
"Hey, be careful when you leave that review, huh? We don't want to, ahem, encourage them."
"I'm going to tell her how god awful this thing is! Net speak, for fuck's sake!"
Three minutes later, with a very satisfied smirk plastered on his face, Chris punched the enter button.
"Let's see how you like being scarred."
"Tina, I get this funny feeling that the boys have gotten into something...uh...frightening."
"Oh come on." Tina shook her head.
"How much trouble could they POSSIBLY get into?"
"Um...well, did you leave your laptop on, by any chance?"
"Yeah, why?" Tina questioned, curiously.
"Should I have turned it off?"
"...My spidey senses are telling me that they might have stumbled upon slash."
The brunette groaned and slapped a hand to her forehead. Her best friend's "spidey senses", as they were affectionately known, were almost never wrong.
"Oh dear Lord..."
"Although I think, at the moment, they might be glancing over some of the OC fics."
"Do you think that might cause more damage than the slash did?"
Tina shrugged.
"Well, with the OC fics, they're probably going to just scream and yell about how out of character they are. With the slash..."
"True..." Robin's voice trailed off.
"You think they might have found the Buckcest yet?"
"Don't even joke about that." Tina held up her hand. "I think it might be what drives them over the edge."'
"Well it's Sabin's fault! He's the one who made the remarks on Destination X about spooning and dry humping and SpongeBob blankets! THAT scarred me!"
"It makes you wonder if he KNEW what he was doing, doesn't it?" The older woman remarked to her friend.
"If he knew what he was doing, I will go onto my fanfiction account and personally force him to take responsibility."
"And the look on his face when he said it!" Tina cringed as she recalled the event.
"He looked a bit turned on. That's going into a fic, somehow, some way."
"Methinks the cuddly one might have a bit of a fetish," the West Virginia native stated with a grin.
"Methinks you might be right."
Meanwhile…
"...WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE A FETISH?" The older of the duo bellowed.
"Dude, YOU are the one who made the dry humping and spooning comments in that interview. THIS FIC IS YOUR FAULT."
"I didn't know people would take it that way! It was just a promo! I got caught up in the moment!"
Alex pointed at the screen, shooting his tag partner a dirty look.
"I don't care what your reasoning is, this is YOUR fault."
Chris narrowed his eyes, before picking up the open can of Mt. Dew and chugging it.
"Oh yeah? Well I say this whole fiasco is YOUR fault."
"Put that Mt. Dew down," Alex ordered. "What do you mean, it's MY FAULT? What did I do?"
"Eat me." Chris retorted, chugging another one before replying,
"YOU ARE THE TOUCHY FEELY ONE OF THIS TEAM! You like to pet hair!"
"Oh, and you're not?" Alex retorted, reaching for the Mountain Dew. "You're the one who likes to grab my chest."
Chris yanked it out of his reach, chugging it once again.
"I'm not as touchy feely as you are-and stop trying to hold my hand, you can't have my Mt. Dew!"
"No, you're worse-and I'm NOT TRYING TO HOLD YOUR HAND!" Alex reached yet again for the can of pop, but his partner maneuvered it out of reach.
"Put the soda DOWN." Alex snarled, his fists balled.
"Make me."
"I don't have to, when the feisty one gets here; she'll be more than happy to tackle you."
Chris turned red, this time his face resembling a tomato.
"SHUT UP!"
"OOOOOH! I hit a nerve! I think you like her!"
"Shelley, I'm warning you now, shut up," Chris growled, as he balled his fists up.
"Hey, it's not my fault you're a big chicken," Alex held his hands up.
"And remember, the no abuse rule works BOTH WAYS. You hit me and they'll scold you."
"No, because you're picking on me for no reason. AGAIN."
"No, I'm busting your chops because you obviously like the girl and won't admit it."
Chris stared at the floor and then back up at his partner.
"Well, I didn't TEASE YOU about Tina!"
"Uh, yeah you did," Alex answered. "Annoyingly."
"You hit me! And you were merciless! Payback is a bitch and so is your mother."
"Aw, shut up." Alex plopped back down and resumed the task at hand.
"What do we have here-oh GOD."
"Oh God, what?" Sabin winced.
Alex, mortified, merely pointed at the screen.
There, in black and white, was the most disturbing piece of slash he'd ever seen. The Hardyz, Generation Me, and The Motor City Machine Guns, in a massive orgy.
Chris took one look at the screen, then at his partner, before they both simultaneously turned and began to heave.
Meanwhile, just outside, Robin and Tina were gathering bags of groceries from the trunk of Tina's car.
"Think this will be enough to do them for the next few days?"
"Yeah, it should work," Tina replied as she adjusted the bags she was carrying. "I swear, they're going to eat me out of house and home."
"Watch your step, hon."
"Hey, Shelley's probably already eaten you out of more than that."
"Oh, look who's funny," Tina retorted. "And haha, wouldn't you like to know?"
"Well, your face is giving you away; it's such a pretty shade of blue. And it was your choice of words; you are the one who opened the door. I just walked through it."
"Oh, shut up," the brunette replied. "Like the thought of Sabin going all red doesn't make YOU blush."
"Actually, the thought of Sabin turning red is adorable."
"I could mention the shower incident, but I won't, because I'm nice," Tina giggled.
"Shut it, I still owe Shelley a kick in the balls for that."
"You're not gonna kick him in the balls," Tina said firmly. "It's not his fault there's obvious sexual tension there."
"No, but it's his fault for turning me blue. I don't like turning blue."
"Oh, you think I like turning blue?" Tina put her hands on her hips. "Do you think I enjoy the fact that, for almost two months, I couldn't talk to him because the two of you had to come up with ways to make me turn black?"
The two had just walked into the kitchen, when they caught sight of both men lying in the floor, and curled into the fetal position.
Tina turned to Robin.
"What's going on here, guys?"
Chris, whose face was still tomato red, managed to grind out two words.
"Slash...scarred..."
"I told you they'd found slash." Robin nodded at her friend.
Tina crossed the room and knelt down below Alex, a worried look on her face.
"Are you okay, hon?" she questioned. "What happened?"
Before she had time to process what was going on, she'd been tackled backwards and hugged tightly.
"Oh, thank God you're home! I like girls, please tell these nuts that I like girls!" Shelley repeated.
The woman giggled. "What are you talking about?"
"Slash! We found it and READ it!"
Tina and Robin both burst into laughter, the redhead almost rolling at the exclamation.
"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! MY SPIDEY SENSES ARE NEVER WRONG!"
"WE TOLD YOU!"
Tina shook her head.
"Robin. Look at them!"
"Hey, we warned them," she replied, before glancing down at Sabin. With a sigh, she knelt down next to him.
"Come on, get up."
"Don't wanna." Chris replied, his voice muffled. "It...scared me..."
"Come on, there's chocolate in the kitchen with your name on it, for a price."
"Chocolate?" At the mention of chocolate, the fair-haired man's eyes lit up. He sat up quickly.
"Where's chocolate? I want some. Can I have some?"
"Depends, can I find out how cuddly you are?"
At this, Chris practically charged toward the redhead, glomping her in a crushing hug.
"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! Alex wouldn't give me chocolate."
"Mmphbreef." Robin mumbled, unable to speak.
"Oh, sorry!" Chris stepped back. "Did I hurt you?"
"Hurt her? Hell no, you made her year!" Tina laughed.
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