FicWad

"You know the worst part about drinking?" I looked over at Alex, who was watching Jack bring a bottle of beer to his lips. Rian sat next to Jack, laughing at the punch line of a joke that had yet to be said. Alex was smiling, a somewhat beautiful smile that I had grown to love. The four of us were situated around a board game, a joint being passed around the group as bottles of beer some empty, some full, stayed strewn around us.
"What?" I mumbled as I brought the joint to my lips, taking a long drag and holding the smoke in as Alex continued to talk.
"Jack is one helluva horny drunk." I smirked, looking over to Jack who had a 'yeah, can't argue with that' expression playing on his lips.
The last two months happened like a blur, but they still seemed to be the happiest I had ever experienced. I got close to Alex, and everyone he spent time with. He would come over after school, and we would stay in my room talking about anything and everything, and when the words started to grow more dramatic and focused on the ghosts of the past, he would hold me, sing me to sleep. And I would wake up in his arms like a completely new person, every time. I would go to his house, and he would knock breakable objects onto the floor, and he would go and dig out a few beers from the fridge, because his father would rather ignore him than confront him on some broken items missing booze and loss of money. More often than not we would end up on the roof chain smoking, staring out at the warm night sky, and he would tell me that I was beautiful, and it would only make me move closer, my mind screaming that he was too good for me.
It was odd, letting myself get to know people. But I did, and though I would never let any of them know as much as Alex, I would let them in on little things. Spencer and Jon seemed to be the two I talked to the most out of the group. Not that it was that surprising; I owe them both so much. I picked up on little things that they said, not about them and their lives and what they do, because I had already known all of that. But about Ryan. How his dad is constantly putting himself in the hospital, how he leaves his son black and blue just for being alive. Every little thing that he goes through, I strain my ears to hear about, because he's one of the more intriguing people out of the large group that Alex knows.
I made it a habit to visit Comet at least once a week, most the time it was more than that. I brought the kids along now and then, and we all played games with the sorry fathers and mothers of children who just didn't care, and they would all praise me, leaving me to wonder why they thought I was special. They thought I was nice, and kind, and I was always willing to play chess, or checkers, or bingo, or poker. And wasn't I just the greatest for spending time with the forgotten? The orderlies didn't like me. I caused too much of a stir every time I walked in the door. Everyone that still had their memory wanted to play a game with me, talk about the outside world and everything that had happened that they weren't allowed to know about.
They liked me. All of these people that would normally never look my way, actually liked me. Alex's friends thought I was funny and optimistic and energetic, the exact opposite of what I truly was, without Alex that is. He's been helping to give the energy I need to make it through. And the folk at the retirement home think I'm amusing and kind and such a good kid. They think so highly of me that their willing to tell stories from when they were teens, or young adults, and everyone was trying everything, and music was developing more than it ever had. It was kind of funny really, all of the orderlies pretended they didn't hear a single word when they talked about all of the illegal things they had done when they were my age.
And it was weird. Having these people like me when I'm such a boring person. I can't hold a meal down, no matter how hard I try. Maybe a few bites every now and then, but never enough to keep meat on my bones. When Alex isn't around I'm curled up in a ball, thinking about all of the things he made me promise to try to forget. I end up crying, and waiting for it to stop. Waiting for that moment when the sun will finally implode and all of this, will be nothing.
And it's the oddest feeling, needing someone to help keep me sane. Because before him, there was no sanity, and because of that, I could always think of myself as fine. But now, after him, I've got a taste for this sanity, and I get a strong feeling of need for it whenever I'm not wrapped up in his arms.
He's probably the single most important thing that's ever happened to me.
"Awh, is Alex afraid that I'm gonna fuck him when he passes out?" Jack gave Alex a puppy dog grin, and Alex stared at him in mock horror.
"Like I would dare threaten my love!" He pulled me close, and I grinned up at him, kissing his jaw. There wasn't anywhere in the world I would rather be than with these people sitting around a board game I had never played, smoking and drinking, and laughing and joking, because this moment is where I found a place I belonged. And in Alex's arms, I found a faux home.
The next two months happened like a blur, but they still seemed to be the happiest I had ever experienced.
"I still can't believe you've never played monopoly before." Rian says as he looks over at me. I shrug.
"Just never got a chance. No one wanted to play when I was a kid." Alex wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me on his lap.
"Mm, but it's okay, because now we can make up for all that lost time, and you can be in better company than you ever were." I grinned, putting one hand over his, the other going to his cheek so I could give him a kiss.
"Definitely worth the wait." Alex grinned at me, and I smiled back. Jack whispered something in Rian's ear before getting up and wandering off into Alex's house. Rian coughed, obviously itching to go after him without a word.
"I'm uh…We're gonna go to bed." We smiled at him, because I couldn't care less, and I knew Alex was going to make a joke.
"Sure you are. Just don't muddle the sheets. It's a waste of time to clean up after you two animals." Rian gave a small laugh before standing and hurrying off after Jack. "We're alone. What do you suppose we should do?" I smile, turning on his lap so I can wrap my legs around his waist, resting my arms on his shoulder's. I pressed my nose into his neck, taking in his sent.
"I know a lot of things I would love to do." My bodies close enough that I can feel his heartbeat quicken, hear the slight hitch in his breathing at my words. I take a dare a glance at the clock and give a sad sigh. "But I can't. There's a place I have to be." I move so that I can look at him, and I see the disappointment crossing his face, making me feel guilty. I steal a quick kiss, leaning my forehead against his. "Don't worry, I'll be back as soon as I can." I feel him nod and I smile, kissing him once more before standing.
"I'll see you later then?" I smile and nod, saying a quick goodbye before slipping out the door, because I'm later than usual, and today I promised to be on time.
Walking down the street still slightly high and drunk is an odd feeling as I make my way to the nursing home. It takes a while, but I make it, and ask around for Comet, because she said that she was going into surgery tomorrow, and I want to wish her luck. But she's not there, and one of the men who's normally around us when we play games tells me that she was rushed to the hospital next door. A sense of panic overwhelmed me, and I rushed to go see her. It was a weird feeling; she was as close as family, and I knew nothing good could come of this. I made it to the hospital, asking for her room so I could see her, and Alex was far from my mind as I made my way to where she was supposed to be.
Sure enough, she was there, lying in the hospital bed with wires weaved in and out of her as she talked to one of the nurses who obviously wanted to leave to get other things done. I gave a small sigh of relief, knowing that she was still alive and awake and breathing. She saw me, and beamed, giving the nurse a chance to run for it and take care of other patients.
"Hey Brenny-boy, what are you doing here?" I pulled up a chair, sitting next to her with a small smile.
"They said you were critical condition. You're the closest thing to family I have right now, and you think I would just ignore it?" She shook her head no. I smiled. "I'm just glad you're not as bad as they said you were." She shook her head.
"Brendon, I am so much worse than you would think." She gave me a small and sad smile. "I've only got a few hours left before my old heart will give up on me, I've really only have this evening." I stared at her, looking at the little details I had failed to notice before. Bruises covered half of her face and neck, and I knew she had fallen out of bed again. She was thinner than I could ever be, big purple bags hiding under her bright and childlike eyes. Maybe she was doing bad.
"But, you're supposed to live." I chocked back a sob, and her smile faltered.
"I know, that's what we all want. But Brendon, I'm past time for me to go. And I want you to know that I've put you in my will. You're the best faux grandson I've ever had." I stare at her, biting my bottom lip to keep from crying as my eyes fill with tears. "I'm giving you my violin and acoustic, and I want you to have my record collection and player." I stare at her in astonishment.
"No. No, no, no, no. You can't. You just…You can't." She gave a small sigh.
"It's not like I can debate the matter. It's going to happen no matter what." I nod, and fight back the tears once more. I stayed with her till the end, talking about this and that until her heart gave up and her breathing stopped. And I swore, that that would be the last time I would watch someone I love die when there was still so much life left to live.
I didn't cry as I walked back to Alex's house. I thought, I thought a lot, and I knew I was close to crying more than once. I thought about my mum, and my dad, and my sister, and my fake grandmother, who all decided that they wanted to die in front of my eyes. And my aunt and uncle and cousin, and their love for making me feel shitty before trying to kill me. I thought about my new foster family, the oblivious mother, and abusive father, and the two innocent kids, and the two who thought that they were all that mattered. And it killed me, all of these people, and all of their lives, and everything that made life miserable.
When I made it to Alex's house, I was hardly able to stand, my legs and arms feeling weak as I struggled to breathe. He answered the door, took one look at me and hugged me, holding me as I collapsed and cried into his shoulder. Because at the moment, he was the only solid thing I could honestly hold onto. The only thing that felt real, and nice, and kind. And I loved being in his arms, smelling candy, and cigarettes, and vodka, and a taste that was purely him. He pulled me into his room and we ended up on his bed where I cried in his arms, uncontrollable sobs that had every ounce of everything I had felt for the past months and hasn't let out.
He held me silently, telling me that everything would be fine. And in his arms, it was. Nothing else seemed to matter. Just him, and me. And the rest of the world didn't matter because it didn't have to. Not when there was someone so easy to be close to. So easy to like.
"What happened?" Alex waited until I calmed down to ask, and I had to smile into his neck because of it. He was so nice. Always thinking of what's best.
"She died." We were silent. I focused on the feel of him mindlessly tracing shapes with his finger on my him, his other hand holding me close. To the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, mixed with the sound of my desperate breathing. And he was so calm, that I loved being around him. "You know, her last words were amazing." He looked at me and I smiled, snuggling my head under his chin. ""I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human.""
He gave a soft laugh. "She quoted Bowie?" I nodded, giving a laugh of my own.
"Yeah, she was like that." I laughed, and he held me, and we were silent for another three heartbeats before I spoke again, my voice softer than it had been before. "Sing me to sleep?" He smiled, kissing the top of my head.
"I'll see you in my dreams."
He was there in my sleep, just like always. Those honey eyes and amber hair that's styled in a exclusive way. The smell of honey and vanilla cigarettes, mixed with what can only be him. And I can't help but wonder how he fits into everything. Because I know he does, I'm just missing a few pieces of the puzzle, and that's why the boy who's arms are always around me is never in my dreams. Because I've got him figured out.
But not Ryan.
Never Ryan.


~~~~~

So excited for the next chapter. It'll totally be freakishly sad and happy at the same time. Anyway, hope you like it as always.

ERGoddess: Glad you like it, hope to update again as soon as I can.

TheAnonymous: Don't worry, things have to lead up to it, but it'll get there.

xxPanicFanxx: I know it took a while, sorry for that.

CypherDetonation: Glad you love it, I do try.

AnotherKnifeInMyHand: Always.

SyraStrange: Maybe he's upset. Maybe not. And Brendon is happy. For now.

Party_x_Poison: So enthusiastic. Happy you like it.

PartyPoison: You know me, I'm always full of surprises. The only question being, who will get hurt first?

-xoxo Pansy.