Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance
All My Fault
10 reviewsYou left. Why did you go? It was all my fault, wasn't it? Short FRIKEY one-shot. Read, review, rate and feel my love! :P
5Moving
All My Fault
Why did you do it, little brother? Why did you leave me alone in a world too cold without the glow of your blinding smile? It was my fault, wasn’t it? I ignored you when you needed me the most, I let too many bad things happen to you, I failed you as a big brother and best friend, didn’t I? It’s all my fault. I should have listened to you all of those times you sneaked into my room at night, I just put it down to teenage angst or whatever, fuck knows I’m no stranger to that, but it wasn’t really, was it? It was you trying to ask for help. And I fucking ignored it. It’s all my fault. I should have listened.
“Gee?”
“Hm?”
“Gerard, are you awake? Please be awake.”
“Whatcha want, Mikey? It’s four in the fucking morning.”
“I… Sorry. I’ll go back to bed.”
“Mikes? Kiddo, are you alright?”
“Y-yeah. Fine.”
“Good. Now go back to sleep. Contrary to popular belief, I am not a vampire and I do need to rest. Same with you.”
“Gee?”
“What?”
“Love you.”
“Goodnight, Mikey.”
I can’t believe that you’re gone, Mikey-Mouse. You were my best friend, still are. Just because you’re not here it doesn’t mean that you can’t be my friend, right? Because you’re the only one I’ve got. I know that you probably did it because you got sick of me, because I wasn’t a good enough best friend, but I don’t want to let you go. I still talk to you, even though I don’t talk to anyone else. The bullies have left me alone now, though. Said that they have enough blood on their hands already with you. Did you bleed? Is that how you did it? Gerard won’t tell me. Won’t tell me anything. I don’t think he likes me anymore, I think he blames me for you. It is my fault though, isn’t it? I saw what you were doing and I did nothing. I didn’t want to lose you by making you mad at me for telling, but I still lost you in the end anyway. And it’s all my fault. I should have said something to Gerard, he would’ve saved you from yourself.
”Mikey, what the fuck is that?”
“What’s what, Frankie?”
“Your wrist, Mikes.”
“Oh. I-I… I slipped whilst playing bass and it-“
“Bullshit.”
“I… I…”
“Don’t lie to me, Mikey. I’m your friend. You can trust me.”
“Oh, Frankie, I don’t know what to do!”
“Shush, Mikey-Mouse, it’s alright. I’ve got you.”
“Please don’t hate me.”
“Never. We’ll tell your parents and get you help, okay?”
“No! Please, please don’t tell! I can’t deal with hurting them too.”
“Oh, Mikes. Okay, if that’s what you want. But you’ve gotta stop hurting yourself.”
“What if I can’t?”
When did you stop being the baby brother that I can’t even remember you as anymore? When did you let the world eat you alive? Why did you let it? I thought that you were happy. No, not happy. Normal. Well, a normal teenager anyway. Yeah, you didn’t have heaps of friends but at least you had me and Frank. Frank, that poor kid’s all alone again now. Without you he’s nothing, Mikes. I’ve been trying to keep my distance from him, I don’t want him to realise that it was my fault and then hate me for it nor do I want him coming to me for comfort. I’ll just make it worse if I try to help him. Just like with you. I did try to help you, but in the end I was just too late. You were already broken beyond repair and I don’t know why. But it was all my fault. It must have been; I’m your big brother.
”Mikey, bro, what is it? What’s wrong?”
“Leave me alone, Gerard.”
“No way.”
“Why not?”
“Mikes, your crying.”
“No shit, Sherlock. Why’d you care, anyway?”
“Mikes, you… You’re not being serious are you? Of course I fucking care!”
“I’m sorry, Gee. I didn’t mean to snap at you. Please, just leave me alone.”
“Mikey, you’re scaring me. This isn’t you.”
“Who the hell is it then?”
“Jesus, I was only trying to help!”
“Nobody can help me now…”
“Look, just know that I’m here whenever you need me, yeah?”
“I want to be alone, please. I don’t like crying in front of people.”
“I, um, I… Okay. You know where I am.”
I miss you so much, Mikey-Mouse. Did you know that you were my first kiss? It’s pathetic, I know. It wasn’t even a proper kiss, I just tripped into you and our lips kind of accidentally-on-purpose brushed. On purpose because I felt magnetized towards your lips, had been staring at them when I tripped and well, it wasn’t even a kiss was it? I don’t think that you liked it, you didn’t say anything about it but your eyes went all misty and you went all quiet. Well, even quieter than normal. I liked it. Your lips were all soft and ice-cold; I wanted to make them warm for you. I didn’t though, because I don’t think you liked the accidentally-on-purpose brush. It made you uncomfortable, even more so than normal. Like your own skin was six sizes too small for you. You thought that you were a freak, that you were bad because of what they told you. I tried to make you feel better. It worked to begin with, but after a while you just gave up on happiness. It was all my fault; I’m your friend and you trusted me to make you happy.
”Shush, Mikes, it’s alright, okay?”
“Everyone hates me!”
“No, they don’t. Gerard doesn’t hate you. I don’t hate you, Mikey-Mouse.”
“Two people.”
“It’s more than I’ve got. And that’s okay. Because you’re the only friend I need.”
“Frankie, don’t say that. Don’t ever say that again.”
“Mikey, what is it? Say what? Mikes, you’re shaking. What’s up, what did I say?”
“You need someone else to rely on, Frankie. Someone who won’t let you down.”
“Aw, Mikey-Mouse, you could never let me down! You know that.”
“Frankie… Please. Stop it. I should probably go…”
“Mikes, you’re not alright, are you? Something’s wrong.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Let me see your wrists.”
“I, er, I’ve gotta go get to class…”
“Show me, Michael James Way or I will tell your big brother.”
“Okay.”
“Holy fucking shit, Mikes. How could you? I thought you’d stopped. Please, please stop doing this to yourself. Please.”
“Don’t cry for me, Frankie. I’m not worth it.”
Why didn’t you tell me that things got this bad, brother? That you thought the only way to end the pain was to end you? I pushed you away, I can see that now. I didn’t mean to and don’t know how I did, but in the end it doesn’t matter what I meant nor how it happened; I still found you dead on the bathroom floor. And it really is my fault. That poor Frankie kid couldn’t hold it together at the funeral, just started screaming and yelling about how it’s not fair that he has to be alone again. His parents had to take him out in the end, but I could still hear him crying outside the church. He sounded so destroyed, like he was the one who had basically just killed his own little brother through emotional neglect. You used to tell me about Frank; it was the only time you ever smiled, when you spoke about him. I think you were in love with him. I know you were, you told me. Or rather, you cried to me about it. Me, being the straight and socially awkward eighteen-year-old that I am, didn’t know the right things to say or what advice to give you. It’s all my fault. I let you down.
“Who’s Frankie?”
“Where’d you hear that name?”
“You were moaning it in your sleep.”
“Oh.”
“So, who’s the lucky guy?”
“Nobody. Doesn’t matter. He doesn’t like me like that anyway.”
“Bet he does.”
“He doesn’t. He’s my best friend.”
“Aw, my little bro’s got his first sweetheart!”
“Piss off, Gerard.”
“Yep, you definitely like him.”
“Don’t you think I fucking know that?”
“Woah, cool it, bro. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shout.”
“Hey, Kiddo, it doesn’t matter.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“Mikey, don’t worry about it, I did kinda deserve it. C’mon, chin up.”
“I really like him, Gerard. And I don’t know what to do.”
“Hey, look at me. Whoever this Frankie guy is, he’d be stupid not to love you.”
“But, Gee, he’s my best friend!”
“Look, bro, the only advice I can give you is to ‘stay safe’, if you know what I mean.”
“Fuck you, Gerard. I’m going to my room.”
“Mikes, I’m sorry! Mikey, please!”
“Leave me alone, Gerard.”
I wonder if you knew just how much I loved you, still love you. Maybe that’s why you did it, couldn’t face another day hanging around with the freaky little punk-midget who just so happened to be extremely infatuated with you. You must have known after the accidentally-on-purpose kiss, even if I did just laugh it off and neither of us ever mentioned it again. I really do miss you, Mikey-Mouse. More than I’d miss my sense of hearing should I suddenly go deaf, more than the moon would miss the stars were they to go out like they did the night that you died. They really did go out, you know. There were no stars in the sky that night your mom phoned mine to tell her what happened. They only told me because you mentioned me in your note. A note that Gerard and I practically brawled over for ownership of; him being your big brother he, of course, got the original copy and I just got a photocopy. I still want the original, the one that you touched, the one that’s stained with your tears, but Gerard wanted it more and so did your parents. So I just got the copy. I read it every night, cry over it every night, scream at it every night. Because it’s all my fault.
To Gerard and Frankie,
Don’t blame yourselves. This is all my fault.
Mikey xxxx
A/N: Thank you very much for reading, I know that it’s crappy and confusing but I hoped that you liked it! Thanks for reading and please review! :)
Why did you do it, little brother? Why did you leave me alone in a world too cold without the glow of your blinding smile? It was my fault, wasn’t it? I ignored you when you needed me the most, I let too many bad things happen to you, I failed you as a big brother and best friend, didn’t I? It’s all my fault. I should have listened to you all of those times you sneaked into my room at night, I just put it down to teenage angst or whatever, fuck knows I’m no stranger to that, but it wasn’t really, was it? It was you trying to ask for help. And I fucking ignored it. It’s all my fault. I should have listened.
“Gee?”
“Hm?”
“Gerard, are you awake? Please be awake.”
“Whatcha want, Mikey? It’s four in the fucking morning.”
“I… Sorry. I’ll go back to bed.”
“Mikes? Kiddo, are you alright?”
“Y-yeah. Fine.”
“Good. Now go back to sleep. Contrary to popular belief, I am not a vampire and I do need to rest. Same with you.”
“Gee?”
“What?”
“Love you.”
“Goodnight, Mikey.”
I can’t believe that you’re gone, Mikey-Mouse. You were my best friend, still are. Just because you’re not here it doesn’t mean that you can’t be my friend, right? Because you’re the only one I’ve got. I know that you probably did it because you got sick of me, because I wasn’t a good enough best friend, but I don’t want to let you go. I still talk to you, even though I don’t talk to anyone else. The bullies have left me alone now, though. Said that they have enough blood on their hands already with you. Did you bleed? Is that how you did it? Gerard won’t tell me. Won’t tell me anything. I don’t think he likes me anymore, I think he blames me for you. It is my fault though, isn’t it? I saw what you were doing and I did nothing. I didn’t want to lose you by making you mad at me for telling, but I still lost you in the end anyway. And it’s all my fault. I should have said something to Gerard, he would’ve saved you from yourself.
”Mikey, what the fuck is that?”
“What’s what, Frankie?”
“Your wrist, Mikes.”
“Oh. I-I… I slipped whilst playing bass and it-“
“Bullshit.”
“I… I…”
“Don’t lie to me, Mikey. I’m your friend. You can trust me.”
“Oh, Frankie, I don’t know what to do!”
“Shush, Mikey-Mouse, it’s alright. I’ve got you.”
“Please don’t hate me.”
“Never. We’ll tell your parents and get you help, okay?”
“No! Please, please don’t tell! I can’t deal with hurting them too.”
“Oh, Mikes. Okay, if that’s what you want. But you’ve gotta stop hurting yourself.”
“What if I can’t?”
When did you stop being the baby brother that I can’t even remember you as anymore? When did you let the world eat you alive? Why did you let it? I thought that you were happy. No, not happy. Normal. Well, a normal teenager anyway. Yeah, you didn’t have heaps of friends but at least you had me and Frank. Frank, that poor kid’s all alone again now. Without you he’s nothing, Mikes. I’ve been trying to keep my distance from him, I don’t want him to realise that it was my fault and then hate me for it nor do I want him coming to me for comfort. I’ll just make it worse if I try to help him. Just like with you. I did try to help you, but in the end I was just too late. You were already broken beyond repair and I don’t know why. But it was all my fault. It must have been; I’m your big brother.
”Mikey, bro, what is it? What’s wrong?”
“Leave me alone, Gerard.”
“No way.”
“Why not?”
“Mikes, your crying.”
“No shit, Sherlock. Why’d you care, anyway?”
“Mikes, you… You’re not being serious are you? Of course I fucking care!”
“I’m sorry, Gee. I didn’t mean to snap at you. Please, just leave me alone.”
“Mikey, you’re scaring me. This isn’t you.”
“Who the hell is it then?”
“Jesus, I was only trying to help!”
“Nobody can help me now…”
“Look, just know that I’m here whenever you need me, yeah?”
“I want to be alone, please. I don’t like crying in front of people.”
“I, um, I… Okay. You know where I am.”
I miss you so much, Mikey-Mouse. Did you know that you were my first kiss? It’s pathetic, I know. It wasn’t even a proper kiss, I just tripped into you and our lips kind of accidentally-on-purpose brushed. On purpose because I felt magnetized towards your lips, had been staring at them when I tripped and well, it wasn’t even a kiss was it? I don’t think that you liked it, you didn’t say anything about it but your eyes went all misty and you went all quiet. Well, even quieter than normal. I liked it. Your lips were all soft and ice-cold; I wanted to make them warm for you. I didn’t though, because I don’t think you liked the accidentally-on-purpose brush. It made you uncomfortable, even more so than normal. Like your own skin was six sizes too small for you. You thought that you were a freak, that you were bad because of what they told you. I tried to make you feel better. It worked to begin with, but after a while you just gave up on happiness. It was all my fault; I’m your friend and you trusted me to make you happy.
”Shush, Mikes, it’s alright, okay?”
“Everyone hates me!”
“No, they don’t. Gerard doesn’t hate you. I don’t hate you, Mikey-Mouse.”
“Two people.”
“It’s more than I’ve got. And that’s okay. Because you’re the only friend I need.”
“Frankie, don’t say that. Don’t ever say that again.”
“Mikey, what is it? Say what? Mikes, you’re shaking. What’s up, what did I say?”
“You need someone else to rely on, Frankie. Someone who won’t let you down.”
“Aw, Mikey-Mouse, you could never let me down! You know that.”
“Frankie… Please. Stop it. I should probably go…”
“Mikes, you’re not alright, are you? Something’s wrong.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Let me see your wrists.”
“I, er, I’ve gotta go get to class…”
“Show me, Michael James Way or I will tell your big brother.”
“Okay.”
“Holy fucking shit, Mikes. How could you? I thought you’d stopped. Please, please stop doing this to yourself. Please.”
“Don’t cry for me, Frankie. I’m not worth it.”
Why didn’t you tell me that things got this bad, brother? That you thought the only way to end the pain was to end you? I pushed you away, I can see that now. I didn’t mean to and don’t know how I did, but in the end it doesn’t matter what I meant nor how it happened; I still found you dead on the bathroom floor. And it really is my fault. That poor Frankie kid couldn’t hold it together at the funeral, just started screaming and yelling about how it’s not fair that he has to be alone again. His parents had to take him out in the end, but I could still hear him crying outside the church. He sounded so destroyed, like he was the one who had basically just killed his own little brother through emotional neglect. You used to tell me about Frank; it was the only time you ever smiled, when you spoke about him. I think you were in love with him. I know you were, you told me. Or rather, you cried to me about it. Me, being the straight and socially awkward eighteen-year-old that I am, didn’t know the right things to say or what advice to give you. It’s all my fault. I let you down.
“Who’s Frankie?”
“Where’d you hear that name?”
“You were moaning it in your sleep.”
“Oh.”
“So, who’s the lucky guy?”
“Nobody. Doesn’t matter. He doesn’t like me like that anyway.”
“Bet he does.”
“He doesn’t. He’s my best friend.”
“Aw, my little bro’s got his first sweetheart!”
“Piss off, Gerard.”
“Yep, you definitely like him.”
“Don’t you think I fucking know that?”
“Woah, cool it, bro. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shout.”
“Hey, Kiddo, it doesn’t matter.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“Mikey, don’t worry about it, I did kinda deserve it. C’mon, chin up.”
“I really like him, Gerard. And I don’t know what to do.”
“Hey, look at me. Whoever this Frankie guy is, he’d be stupid not to love you.”
“But, Gee, he’s my best friend!”
“Look, bro, the only advice I can give you is to ‘stay safe’, if you know what I mean.”
“Fuck you, Gerard. I’m going to my room.”
“Mikes, I’m sorry! Mikey, please!”
“Leave me alone, Gerard.”
I wonder if you knew just how much I loved you, still love you. Maybe that’s why you did it, couldn’t face another day hanging around with the freaky little punk-midget who just so happened to be extremely infatuated with you. You must have known after the accidentally-on-purpose kiss, even if I did just laugh it off and neither of us ever mentioned it again. I really do miss you, Mikey-Mouse. More than I’d miss my sense of hearing should I suddenly go deaf, more than the moon would miss the stars were they to go out like they did the night that you died. They really did go out, you know. There were no stars in the sky that night your mom phoned mine to tell her what happened. They only told me because you mentioned me in your note. A note that Gerard and I practically brawled over for ownership of; him being your big brother he, of course, got the original copy and I just got a photocopy. I still want the original, the one that you touched, the one that’s stained with your tears, but Gerard wanted it more and so did your parents. So I just got the copy. I read it every night, cry over it every night, scream at it every night. Because it’s all my fault.
To Gerard and Frankie,
Don’t blame yourselves. This is all my fault.
Mikey xxxx
A/N: Thank you very much for reading, I know that it’s crappy and confusing but I hoped that you liked it! Thanks for reading and please review! :)
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