Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Professors Make The Best Machmakers!
You Want Us To Do WHAT NOW! Part 1
0 reviewsThe Hogwarts Professors have HAD IT! This is Lily's and James' finnal year at school, and the teachers are Hell bent on getting them together if it is the last thing they do, and Albus has even sta...
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Chapter 4: You Want Us To Do WHAT NOW! Part 1
Orlanda Hyphianne steepled her fingers, and leaned back in her chair.
"Eeeexcellent" she drawled to herself.
Orlanda surveyed her student as they chatted with their neighbors, and a sly smile crept onto her face. Oh, yes, she thought triumphantly. The little ankle-biters wouldn't suspect a thing. Clearing her throat for her student's attention, she smiled as she received it.
"Hello, and welcome to your first Muggle Studies lesson," Orlanda said, getting to her feet. "I'm Professor Hyphianne, and I have a very... special lesson for you today. Lessons that will scar you for life- I mean- provide you with valuable insight unto the world outside of Hogwarts." She smiled again, catching sight of her student's startled looks at her slip-up. "Now before we begin questions?"
Naomi McConney raised her hand nervously, and Hyphianne pointed at the girl to speak. "Well," she began. "I was just wondering if you could tell us why you and the other Professors, minus Professor Silvers, did that -erm- thing in the Great Hall this morning-?"
"What thing?" asked Orlanda, innocently.
"You know... With the 'Quest Possible' music?" Naomi reminder her, completely missing the title.
"I have no idea what you are talking about," Orlanda insisted, mentally cackling.
"Yah-/huh!/"
"Nu-/uh!/"
"Yah-/huh!/"
"I'm the Professor," Orlanda whined, stamping her foot childishly. "I'll say 'the moon is cheese' if I want! And if I say so, then you lot should say, 'Gee, Professor! You sure are smart!' And I'll say, 'yes, I am, peasant!' And you then say, 'what kind of cheese?' Then I'll go, 'Ahhh! You dare question me? Throw him/her into the brig!" The Muggle Studies Professor began to cackle evilly, completely ignoring her class' startled stares.
"Erm... Professor?" Lily interrupted the now-rambling Orlanda, who looked up in annoyance.
"What?" Orlanda demanded. She was, after all, in the middle of describing how she could teach them that Voldemort wore bunny slippers to bed if she so felt the urge to.
"... The lesson...?"
"Oh..." Orlanda said, if a bit blankly. After a moment of continued non-comprehension, Lily coughed. Then it clicked with the Muggle Studies teacher. "Ohhhh/... right." She then plucked up the top hat that had been sitting on her desk with a flourish. "Now!" she said dramatically. "/This half of the room," she indicated the students seated on the left side of the center isle, "will pick one slip of parchment from this hat!" For emphasis she shook said hat, which was filled to the brim with little slips of paper, in Peter Pettigrew's face. Said boy gave a surprised start, and promptly slipped off his chair and onto the floor.
Orlanda took no notice, and continued as though one of her student had not just fallen off his stool due to his own unalertness. "You shall then wait /-WAIT/, I say- for further instruction." She then proceeded to move around the left side of the room, offering the top hat to her students.
When his turn came Sirius looked in the ordinary black hat, shrugged, and made to pull out the only little red paper in the hat, instead of a white one like his classmates.
"Don't take the red one, Black!" Professor Hyphianne all but shrieked in his ear.
Wincing, he glared at her reproachfully before demanding, "Why is it in there if we can't pick it?"
"Because I said so!" Orlanda cried.
Sirius huffed, but took a different paper. As his Professor turned away, he decided revenge was in order. Ignoring her previous orders of waiting before opening, Sirius began to unfold the paper. Before he could fully do so, however, he received a sound 'wack' on the back of the head.
Uttering a yelp of pain and surprise, Sirius spun around to meet the source of his discomfort.
"Can you not follow instruction, Sirius Black?" Hyphianne howled in his ear, causing him to cover his rather abused head in aggravation. "When I say 'wait', I damn strait mean WAIT! For the love of all that is decent!"
With that, she stormed off to thrust the hat under James Potter's noise, still grumbling about idiots scheming to make The Plan fail. Idly wondering what the Professor was on about, but without the courage (or stupidity) to ask, James looked into the hat, and carefully avoided the red paper that had caused the trouble. He pulled out a little white paper, and waited for the Muggle Studies Professor to move on. How sadly mistaken he was.
"I swear by all that is reasonable- Potter! What are you /doing/!" Professor Hyphianne demanded.
James started in surprise. For once in his life, he really hadn't done anything! He told the Professor as much, and she gave a snort of impatience.
"Pick the red one, Potter! Come on! Let's go!"
"But you said-" James protested, confused. The Muggle Studies Professor cut him off.
"I told Mr. Black not to. I am telling you now to do it."
"Why-?"
"The moon is cheese, James Potter!" Hyphianne cried suddenly to a now seriously alarmed James. "Do not question me!"
Not bothering to argue with the baffling Professor, James hurriedly snatched up the red parchment, and willed Hyphianne to go away. The Fates seemed to take pity on his dilemma, and Professor Hyphianne walked away. When she reached the front, she had regained her composure.
"Well now, dears," she began after glaring at Sirius and James a final time. "I suppose you are wondering what is in that parchment you have selected." There was a murmur of assent. "Well! What are you waiting for! Open the stupid thing!" She allowed a moment for them to do so. "Now sit, go get that person, and spread out... Not necessarily in that order."
There were a few moments of chairs scraping the floor, and people talking and jostling each other, but it was done quick enough. Orlanda noted with glee that Lily and James were seated next to one another (not that they had had a choice), and eyeing each other uncertainly.
"Now that you have your partners," instructed Orlanda, unable to restrain her smile of triumph. "You may know this class' theme for the next term!" Waving her wand in an unnecessary flourish, she directed the spell at the blackboard in the front of the room. The class watched warily as the chalk began forming one word and three numbers on the blackboard of its own accord. However, these were no ordinary combination of numbers and words. It was a phrase. A phrase that would cause an almightily uproar among most of the students, if not all of them.
The students watched as the words were written out, as though by an unseen hand, the phrase:
MARRAGE... 1...0...1...
Orlanda Hyphianne steepled her fingers, and leaned back in her chair once more. Closing her eyes to the satisfyingly loud and outraged voices of protest from her students, she whispered once more to herself a carefully drawn-out word. "Eeeexcellent." And then she cackled. Cackling quietly in her corner, she leaned back in her chair the exact way she had always warned Ashleigh not to do.
This was going to be a fun term.
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Ohhhh! Bet'chall didn't see that one comin'! From here on out, there will be a little more Romance added in, but it's still mainly Humor.
Chapter 4: You Want Us To Do WHAT NOW! Part 1
Orlanda Hyphianne steepled her fingers, and leaned back in her chair.
"Eeeexcellent" she drawled to herself.
Orlanda surveyed her student as they chatted with their neighbors, and a sly smile crept onto her face. Oh, yes, she thought triumphantly. The little ankle-biters wouldn't suspect a thing. Clearing her throat for her student's attention, she smiled as she received it.
"Hello, and welcome to your first Muggle Studies lesson," Orlanda said, getting to her feet. "I'm Professor Hyphianne, and I have a very... special lesson for you today. Lessons that will scar you for life- I mean- provide you with valuable insight unto the world outside of Hogwarts." She smiled again, catching sight of her student's startled looks at her slip-up. "Now before we begin questions?"
Naomi McConney raised her hand nervously, and Hyphianne pointed at the girl to speak. "Well," she began. "I was just wondering if you could tell us why you and the other Professors, minus Professor Silvers, did that -erm- thing in the Great Hall this morning-?"
"What thing?" asked Orlanda, innocently.
"You know... With the 'Quest Possible' music?" Naomi reminder her, completely missing the title.
"I have no idea what you are talking about," Orlanda insisted, mentally cackling.
"Yah-/huh!/"
"Nu-/uh!/"
"Yah-/huh!/"
"I'm the Professor," Orlanda whined, stamping her foot childishly. "I'll say 'the moon is cheese' if I want! And if I say so, then you lot should say, 'Gee, Professor! You sure are smart!' And I'll say, 'yes, I am, peasant!' And you then say, 'what kind of cheese?' Then I'll go, 'Ahhh! You dare question me? Throw him/her into the brig!" The Muggle Studies Professor began to cackle evilly, completely ignoring her class' startled stares.
"Erm... Professor?" Lily interrupted the now-rambling Orlanda, who looked up in annoyance.
"What?" Orlanda demanded. She was, after all, in the middle of describing how she could teach them that Voldemort wore bunny slippers to bed if she so felt the urge to.
"... The lesson...?"
"Oh..." Orlanda said, if a bit blankly. After a moment of continued non-comprehension, Lily coughed. Then it clicked with the Muggle Studies teacher. "Ohhhh/... right." She then plucked up the top hat that had been sitting on her desk with a flourish. "Now!" she said dramatically. "/This half of the room," she indicated the students seated on the left side of the center isle, "will pick one slip of parchment from this hat!" For emphasis she shook said hat, which was filled to the brim with little slips of paper, in Peter Pettigrew's face. Said boy gave a surprised start, and promptly slipped off his chair and onto the floor.
Orlanda took no notice, and continued as though one of her student had not just fallen off his stool due to his own unalertness. "You shall then wait /-WAIT/, I say- for further instruction." She then proceeded to move around the left side of the room, offering the top hat to her students.
When his turn came Sirius looked in the ordinary black hat, shrugged, and made to pull out the only little red paper in the hat, instead of a white one like his classmates.
"Don't take the red one, Black!" Professor Hyphianne all but shrieked in his ear.
Wincing, he glared at her reproachfully before demanding, "Why is it in there if we can't pick it?"
"Because I said so!" Orlanda cried.
Sirius huffed, but took a different paper. As his Professor turned away, he decided revenge was in order. Ignoring her previous orders of waiting before opening, Sirius began to unfold the paper. Before he could fully do so, however, he received a sound 'wack' on the back of the head.
Uttering a yelp of pain and surprise, Sirius spun around to meet the source of his discomfort.
"Can you not follow instruction, Sirius Black?" Hyphianne howled in his ear, causing him to cover his rather abused head in aggravation. "When I say 'wait', I damn strait mean WAIT! For the love of all that is decent!"
With that, she stormed off to thrust the hat under James Potter's noise, still grumbling about idiots scheming to make The Plan fail. Idly wondering what the Professor was on about, but without the courage (or stupidity) to ask, James looked into the hat, and carefully avoided the red paper that had caused the trouble. He pulled out a little white paper, and waited for the Muggle Studies Professor to move on. How sadly mistaken he was.
"I swear by all that is reasonable- Potter! What are you /doing/!" Professor Hyphianne demanded.
James started in surprise. For once in his life, he really hadn't done anything! He told the Professor as much, and she gave a snort of impatience.
"Pick the red one, Potter! Come on! Let's go!"
"But you said-" James protested, confused. The Muggle Studies Professor cut him off.
"I told Mr. Black not to. I am telling you now to do it."
"Why-?"
"The moon is cheese, James Potter!" Hyphianne cried suddenly to a now seriously alarmed James. "Do not question me!"
Not bothering to argue with the baffling Professor, James hurriedly snatched up the red parchment, and willed Hyphianne to go away. The Fates seemed to take pity on his dilemma, and Professor Hyphianne walked away. When she reached the front, she had regained her composure.
"Well now, dears," she began after glaring at Sirius and James a final time. "I suppose you are wondering what is in that parchment you have selected." There was a murmur of assent. "Well! What are you waiting for! Open the stupid thing!" She allowed a moment for them to do so. "Now sit, go get that person, and spread out... Not necessarily in that order."
There were a few moments of chairs scraping the floor, and people talking and jostling each other, but it was done quick enough. Orlanda noted with glee that Lily and James were seated next to one another (not that they had had a choice), and eyeing each other uncertainly.
"Now that you have your partners," instructed Orlanda, unable to restrain her smile of triumph. "You may know this class' theme for the next term!" Waving her wand in an unnecessary flourish, she directed the spell at the blackboard in the front of the room. The class watched warily as the chalk began forming one word and three numbers on the blackboard of its own accord. However, these were no ordinary combination of numbers and words. It was a phrase. A phrase that would cause an almightily uproar among most of the students, if not all of them.
The students watched as the words were written out, as though by an unseen hand, the phrase:
MARRAGE... 1...0...1...
Orlanda Hyphianne steepled her fingers, and leaned back in her chair once more. Closing her eyes to the satisfyingly loud and outraged voices of protest from her students, she whispered once more to herself a carefully drawn-out word. "Eeeexcellent." And then she cackled. Cackling quietly in her corner, she leaned back in her chair the exact way she had always warned Ashleigh not to do.
This was going to be a fun term.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ohhhh! Bet'chall didn't see that one comin'! From here on out, there will be a little more Romance added in, but it's still mainly Humor.
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