FicWad

I do, in fact, clearly remember stating that I refused to write a sequel to Dear Agony. But it just wouldn't leave me alone. So here's an introduction, that leaves us around the part where I left it. I had quite a few things I wanted to add to the original story, but I couldn't. A lot was left unexplained, so now, here it is, after months of my own insanity.




Where was it? Where was her journal? Her mom didn't mention it when they went through her belongings, and Monty doesn't have it. It wasn't taken in for evidence either. Did someone take it out of her cabin?

Gerard's thoughts seemed to race as he continued brooding over the possibilities. He had only seen Cadence's journal a few times, but he knew just how important it was to her.

It had only been a week since she committed suicide, and only three days since her funeral. And she was still the only thing on his mind. She seemed too full of life for her to just suddenly be gone. Gerard could hear her laugh if he thought back to the last time he saw her. She was standing with him outside of the dining hall at camp, her face lit up as she agreed to meet him out on the lake.

He convinced his parents to let him go home for the funeral, even though he would miss the rest of summer camp. Mikey came with him, and surprisingly, so did Frank. Gerard had noticed that Frank refused to say a single word to anyone since Cadence killed herself, but it didn't seem like a big deal. It affected them all, no matter what their relationship was to her.

It seemed shocking to some people at camp, but the rest just thought it was a joke. One last cry for attention. Gerard knew differently, but it was hard do completely ignore the gossip.

God, we're better off without a downer hanging around. I'm glad she did it quick.

Did you hear? Her mom hated her, so she came here. She was writing a really long suicide note, that's why she had that journal. I noticed that she made it to the last page. I guess that was her cue to go...

Jesus Christ, what's with all this shit? Was she part of a cult or something?

Seriously, what good does it do you to kill yourself for attention? Sure, we'll know she did it. And we wont stop talking about it. But she sure as hell isn't here anymore to be noticed, is she?

Wrong. Every single one of them had it wrong. They didn't understand her! She was sweet and innocent, and she couldn't help but love almost everyone around her. She didn't deserve to be talked about by those goddamn fools. Gerard tried to stop thinking about what they said, but he just couldn't. None of it was right. He cared so much about her. He refused to let people think about her that way.

If I had the journal, I could prove it. I know I could. So where is it?

Gerard sat up in his bed, grabbing his guitar from its nearby stand. He strummed a few times, checking to make sure it was completely tuned before quietly picking some notes. “I’ve always wanted to have someone write a song just for me. Something special, that nothing else could ever compare to.” He had wanted to write her something since she confessed that to him the first time they formally met. He still would, she just wouldn't be able to hear it. Even if she could hear it from wherever she was, he wouldn't be able to see the goofy grin that would take over her sweet face.

He began coming up with a consistent tune, but he couldn't think of words to put with it. It hurt to bad to rack his brain and think about everything that they'd said to each other, or even just how she looked. He was already starting to forget.


*


Frank sat on his floor, leaning against the wall as he flipped through the journal for the third time that night. There were so many things that he didn't understand, so many things that she didn't explain. She didn't have to when she was writing it, of course. She wouldn't have expected anyone to read it unless it was Gerard, and even then those chances were slim.

It wasn't just something anyone could pick up and read. Frank didn't even know half of the things that he'd discovered about her, and really, most of it took a lot of thinking to comprehend. He couldn't read it for too long, considering it was just too hard to piece together. But those feelings... he caused her to hate him. He knew it, but he never thought she would just be gone. He couldn't even apologize.

Gerard immediately stood when he saw her fall, almost knocking his own chair over in the process. He didn't even know who she was yet, and he was already playing hero? What the hell?

He knelt down next to her and held out his hand, saying something to her quietly. Damnit, if I couldn't hear him, God only knows what he was saying. She slowly put her hand in his and he pulled her up, and I saw it.

That look. It seemed like it held everything I'd never seen from her, especially not when her eyes were directed towards me.

Gratitude. Relief. Admiration. Straight up fucking attraction.

He just grinned at her, and she melted. "Cadence, you didn't tell me..."

I cut in. I had to. "Gee, come on! Give up the sentiment! It's disgusting!" And as soon as she heard my voice, that softened look in her eyes shattered. And I realized that she would never, ever, see me the way she saw him...

Frank just chewed on his lip at the thought, wishing he could break the skin. At least it would take his mind off of things. He tilted his head back, staring at the white ceiling above him. "I'm sorry. I'm so fuckin' sorry", he said quietly, biting his lip even harder until finally the taste of copper touched his tongue.

He gritted his teeth and clenched his eyes shut, trying to control himself. His finger clenched around the journal as he suddenly threw it across the room. "Damnit, Cadie!" he cried, banging his head back against the wall with a loud thud. His breathing was heavy as he slumped forward again. "Damnit..."