Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Take the pain away from me
Someone out there knows what it’s like - part two
2 reviewsWell. there isn't so much to say. This is the second part of chapter three. It's really short but I hope you'll survive..
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Hey guys, I've been a 'lil bit busy the latest week. I've been totally down and depressed and I have had issues with my sleep. So if this part is bad you know why. Anyway, enjoy!
We sat on each chair, out on the balcony of Gerard’s apartment. The door behind us was closed, so the noise from the TV in the living room where Mikey was muted and we didn’t hear a thing, and Mikey couldn’t hear the two of us either. The view from up there was amazing. I could see the park underneath us, the grey streets, the green grass, the high trees and the wind made red leaves, at the street, blow away. It was a little cold, I was only wearing my t-shirt again. I had given Gerard’s hoodie back to him. But I didn’t mind that much actually, all the feelings inside of me kept my body warm. I looked over at Gerard, beside me, he sat and looked down at the grey street. After a few minutes of silence he turned to me and smiled kindly. And I almost drowned in his beautiful hazel eyes before he spoke the next words.
“So, what exactly happened? Tell me everything about it. Spread your soul out.”
“Well, where should I even start?” I asked him insecure.
“Start wherever you’d like to. What happened when you got home yesterday?” he continued with another question. I told Gerard the whole story, I told him about how my mom tried to call the school, I told him about how I couldn’t sleep at night, about all the memories coming back to me, about what had happened between my mother and I, about how she had found out about my scars, about how I had ran away from the house, about how she blamed herself for everything. And when I was finished there was an awkward silence between the two of us for a little while. Then Gerard sighed and looked me right in the eyes. He put a hand on my shoulder, to make me feel safe, or something like that.
“You know, it’s not her fault, and it’s neither your fault, it’s no ones fault. Depression is never somebody’s fault. Everybody gets depressed, in one way or another, some gets deeper depressed than others, of course. Other people can make your depression worse by their actions, but there’s never anyone’s fault. You need to tell your mom that, so that neither of you blames yourselves.” I felt my eyes get wet, as I thought about my depression. I had felt like this for so long now, I needed to feel a little happy, But how? “Hey,” Gerard said, as he saw my eyes get wet. He moved his hand, from my shoulder, to my skinny bare arm. In the same second as he touched my arm, he started rubbing it. I looked at him, with a strange, kinda surprised, look in my eyes. “Frank, you’re cold!” He suddenly exclaimed. “Are you freezing?” I shook my head slowly. “Well, you can’t…” he began but went quiet immediately. He took off his black hoodie off himself again and put it around my shoulders. “Here,” he continued rapidly. I looked at him, wondering. He looked back at me, and I could see in his look that if I didn’t put the hoodie on me, he would. So, I easily put it on me and glanced at him. “You can’t freeze like that, you need to know what’s best for you.”
“But, what about you? Now you’ll be freezing instead.”
“Yeah, but I’m not depressed, for the moment. And besides, I’ve learned how to stand this cold weather.” I sighed and he carefully placed one of his hands on my wrist and I snatched it away, without even noticing it myself. My wrist still hurt as hell. “Oh, God, I’m sorry.” I shook my head.
“Don’t be.”
“But I knew about your wrists… I should’ve thought what I did before I made my actions.” I shook my head again.
“No, seriously, I’m fine. It was just my reflexes. You know like…” I glanced at him and stopped my explanations when I saw the look in his eyes. I realized that there was no point of fighting about this with him, he wasn’t going to give up anyway. He knew exactly what he was talking about. He placed his arm around my shoulder blades and let the hand rest on my shoulder. I rested my head against his shoulder. I closed my eyes and I felt him drag me a little closer to him. I heard some birds twitter and the wind blew through the sky, it felt good there, so peaceful in some way. I opened my eyes and released myself from Gerard’s grip, to look into his eyes. I didn’t say a word, just looked him in the eyes, but it felt like he understood what I wanted anyway. I didn’t even have to speak.
“Come on, let’s go back inside,” he suggested, which was exactly what I was thinking, so we did.
We walked in to the living room again and Gerard closed the door to the balcony behind him. The tv was still on, but surprisingly Mikey wasn’t. He was gone. There wasn’t any trace of him either. Then I suddenly heard a sound from the bathroom. I sighed in relieve. I always worried way too much all the time, I was so damn paranoid. Gerard turned to me and looked me in the eyes.
“Hey, you look kinda exhausted. Why don’t you sit on the sofa and watch some tv while I’ll make some food with Mikey?” he suggested. I nodded slowly and began to walk to the sofa to sit down. “Oh, and I think you should call your mother,” Gerard said the second I sat down in the sofa. I looked up at him, with a serious look in my eyes.
“You serious?” I asked him seriously. I didn’t wanna call my mum, I couldn’t, not after I’d left like that. I noticed that Gerard looked at me, right into my eyes, and nodded. He had a serious look on his face.
“Yeah of course,” he replied slightly. I stared at him for a while before I replied him.
“Do I really, really have to?” I asked him quietly, almost whispering. Gerard just nodded as his reply. “But why?” I continued. He sighed deeply
“Because you have to talk to her,” he began to explain but stopped himself for a sec when I sighed deeply, “sooner or later,” he continued. I sighed once again and shook my head.
“I really don’t wanna talk to her, my voice is gonna break and I’m gonna burst out into tears and I…” My voice already started to break as I tried to explain that it was to sensitive for me, but Gerard suddenly stopped me.
“Then text her,” he just said, cold. I stared at him.
“My phone’s home…”
“Luckily, I have a phone,” he told me and raised an eyebrow. I sighed.
“I just don’t want to, okay?”
“No. That’s not okay,” he said really cold. I just looked at him, shocked and surprised. My first impression of Gerard had been that he’s a kind guy, not some twat. “But, you know, it’s your choice.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“Yeah, I heard you. You said that it’s my choice.”
“Exactly. Either you call your mum and tell her where you are and you stay here, or you don’t call her and you can get your ass out of here.”
“But I don’t get it. First you tell me that I have to call my mum and then…”
“No. I said that I think you should call your mother, not that you have to. I don’t fucking command people to do things,” he said totally serious. I sighed.
“Fine,” I said with no emotion at all in my voice. I stood up from sitting in the sofa and started to walk out of the living room and out to the hall.
“What are you doing?” he asked me like I was totally random or something. I looked at him from where I stood by the doorway.
“What does it look like? I’m leaving.” I looked away from him and started to tie my converse. I opened the door to the apartment and walked out. I was just about to go downstairs but then it hit me that I was still wearing Gerard’s hoodie. So I quickly took it off me and dropped it behind me by the stairs and I started to walk downstairs. But as I started to walk down the stairs I felt a hand grab my hand, it made me shiver. I turned to get away from the grip, but it was useless. So instead I turned around and saw Gerard’s worried look in his eyes. “Let go off me.” He just shook his head and concentrated on looking into my eyes.
“Come on, lets go back inside,” he said quietly. I shook my head.
“You don’t want me in there.”
“Come on.” I just shook my head once again. “If I let you walk away from here, where the fuck are you going to sleep?” I looked down at my feet.
“I don’t know. I can go to my friend’s house and sleep there. And if her parents don’t want me there, which they probably won’t, then I’ll just have to sleep on the street. Its not that cold.”
“You fucking kidding me? It’s November. It’s cold. Lets get in to my apartment again, I bet you’re hungry.” I knew he was right. It was cold outside and I was only wearing a t-shirt. And I was fucking starving. I sighed deeply.
“Fine.” We walked upstairs to his apartment again and closed the door behind us. I untied my converse and took them off me. When I looked up at Gerard again he put the hoodie on my shoulders again, I sighed and looked into his eyes. “Do I really have to text her?” Gerard nodded slightly.
“No, you’ll call her. No arguing about it. She deserves to know where her son is, and especially when he’s not coming home for the night.”
“But…”
“No buts,” he interrupted me. “Do you know what it feels like not knowing where someone you love is? Do you know how the panic is getting bigger and bigger as you don’t hear anything from the person for hours? Do you know how sad you get?” I just shook my head, cuz I didn’t know what that felt like. I could only imagine what it was like. The only people I loved and cared about was my mum and my bets friend, Trudy. And they have never been gone. Not for real. “Once, Mikey just disappeared. No one knew where he was, he was just totally gone for 26 hours. I was so worried, I thought he was dead…” Suddenly I heard the door open and I saw Mikey coming out from the bathroom.
“Ger… Is that true?” Mikey asked his older brother with a little insecurity in his voice. Gerard nodded.
“Yeah, Mikes… It’s true. I cried most part of that day. I thought you’d never come back.” I sighed deeply and looked into Gerard’s hazel eyes.
“Just give me that phone.” I said quickly, I barely believed what I said myself, but actually I kinda understood now what it must feel like. Gerard looked surprisingly at me, like as if he heard wrong and that he wanted me to repeat myself. But instead of saying anything else he just handed his black phone to me.
Was that ok? I hope so. I hope I'll feel better this week so I can update faster. And I think there's gonna be one last part of this chapter... Anyway, was this good? Bad? Whatever you thought of it, please R&R, that's what keeps me going. Love you all my dear readers.
We sat on each chair, out on the balcony of Gerard’s apartment. The door behind us was closed, so the noise from the TV in the living room where Mikey was muted and we didn’t hear a thing, and Mikey couldn’t hear the two of us either. The view from up there was amazing. I could see the park underneath us, the grey streets, the green grass, the high trees and the wind made red leaves, at the street, blow away. It was a little cold, I was only wearing my t-shirt again. I had given Gerard’s hoodie back to him. But I didn’t mind that much actually, all the feelings inside of me kept my body warm. I looked over at Gerard, beside me, he sat and looked down at the grey street. After a few minutes of silence he turned to me and smiled kindly. And I almost drowned in his beautiful hazel eyes before he spoke the next words.
“So, what exactly happened? Tell me everything about it. Spread your soul out.”
“Well, where should I even start?” I asked him insecure.
“Start wherever you’d like to. What happened when you got home yesterday?” he continued with another question. I told Gerard the whole story, I told him about how my mom tried to call the school, I told him about how I couldn’t sleep at night, about all the memories coming back to me, about what had happened between my mother and I, about how she had found out about my scars, about how I had ran away from the house, about how she blamed herself for everything. And when I was finished there was an awkward silence between the two of us for a little while. Then Gerard sighed and looked me right in the eyes. He put a hand on my shoulder, to make me feel safe, or something like that.
“You know, it’s not her fault, and it’s neither your fault, it’s no ones fault. Depression is never somebody’s fault. Everybody gets depressed, in one way or another, some gets deeper depressed than others, of course. Other people can make your depression worse by their actions, but there’s never anyone’s fault. You need to tell your mom that, so that neither of you blames yourselves.” I felt my eyes get wet, as I thought about my depression. I had felt like this for so long now, I needed to feel a little happy, But how? “Hey,” Gerard said, as he saw my eyes get wet. He moved his hand, from my shoulder, to my skinny bare arm. In the same second as he touched my arm, he started rubbing it. I looked at him, with a strange, kinda surprised, look in my eyes. “Frank, you’re cold!” He suddenly exclaimed. “Are you freezing?” I shook my head slowly. “Well, you can’t…” he began but went quiet immediately. He took off his black hoodie off himself again and put it around my shoulders. “Here,” he continued rapidly. I looked at him, wondering. He looked back at me, and I could see in his look that if I didn’t put the hoodie on me, he would. So, I easily put it on me and glanced at him. “You can’t freeze like that, you need to know what’s best for you.”
“But, what about you? Now you’ll be freezing instead.”
“Yeah, but I’m not depressed, for the moment. And besides, I’ve learned how to stand this cold weather.” I sighed and he carefully placed one of his hands on my wrist and I snatched it away, without even noticing it myself. My wrist still hurt as hell. “Oh, God, I’m sorry.” I shook my head.
“Don’t be.”
“But I knew about your wrists… I should’ve thought what I did before I made my actions.” I shook my head again.
“No, seriously, I’m fine. It was just my reflexes. You know like…” I glanced at him and stopped my explanations when I saw the look in his eyes. I realized that there was no point of fighting about this with him, he wasn’t going to give up anyway. He knew exactly what he was talking about. He placed his arm around my shoulder blades and let the hand rest on my shoulder. I rested my head against his shoulder. I closed my eyes and I felt him drag me a little closer to him. I heard some birds twitter and the wind blew through the sky, it felt good there, so peaceful in some way. I opened my eyes and released myself from Gerard’s grip, to look into his eyes. I didn’t say a word, just looked him in the eyes, but it felt like he understood what I wanted anyway. I didn’t even have to speak.
“Come on, let’s go back inside,” he suggested, which was exactly what I was thinking, so we did.
We walked in to the living room again and Gerard closed the door to the balcony behind him. The tv was still on, but surprisingly Mikey wasn’t. He was gone. There wasn’t any trace of him either. Then I suddenly heard a sound from the bathroom. I sighed in relieve. I always worried way too much all the time, I was so damn paranoid. Gerard turned to me and looked me in the eyes.
“Hey, you look kinda exhausted. Why don’t you sit on the sofa and watch some tv while I’ll make some food with Mikey?” he suggested. I nodded slowly and began to walk to the sofa to sit down. “Oh, and I think you should call your mother,” Gerard said the second I sat down in the sofa. I looked up at him, with a serious look in my eyes.
“You serious?” I asked him seriously. I didn’t wanna call my mum, I couldn’t, not after I’d left like that. I noticed that Gerard looked at me, right into my eyes, and nodded. He had a serious look on his face.
“Yeah of course,” he replied slightly. I stared at him for a while before I replied him.
“Do I really, really have to?” I asked him quietly, almost whispering. Gerard just nodded as his reply. “But why?” I continued. He sighed deeply
“Because you have to talk to her,” he began to explain but stopped himself for a sec when I sighed deeply, “sooner or later,” he continued. I sighed once again and shook my head.
“I really don’t wanna talk to her, my voice is gonna break and I’m gonna burst out into tears and I…” My voice already started to break as I tried to explain that it was to sensitive for me, but Gerard suddenly stopped me.
“Then text her,” he just said, cold. I stared at him.
“My phone’s home…”
“Luckily, I have a phone,” he told me and raised an eyebrow. I sighed.
“I just don’t want to, okay?”
“No. That’s not okay,” he said really cold. I just looked at him, shocked and surprised. My first impression of Gerard had been that he’s a kind guy, not some twat. “But, you know, it’s your choice.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“Yeah, I heard you. You said that it’s my choice.”
“Exactly. Either you call your mum and tell her where you are and you stay here, or you don’t call her and you can get your ass out of here.”
“But I don’t get it. First you tell me that I have to call my mum and then…”
“No. I said that I think you should call your mother, not that you have to. I don’t fucking command people to do things,” he said totally serious. I sighed.
“Fine,” I said with no emotion at all in my voice. I stood up from sitting in the sofa and started to walk out of the living room and out to the hall.
“What are you doing?” he asked me like I was totally random or something. I looked at him from where I stood by the doorway.
“What does it look like? I’m leaving.” I looked away from him and started to tie my converse. I opened the door to the apartment and walked out. I was just about to go downstairs but then it hit me that I was still wearing Gerard’s hoodie. So I quickly took it off me and dropped it behind me by the stairs and I started to walk downstairs. But as I started to walk down the stairs I felt a hand grab my hand, it made me shiver. I turned to get away from the grip, but it was useless. So instead I turned around and saw Gerard’s worried look in his eyes. “Let go off me.” He just shook his head and concentrated on looking into my eyes.
“Come on, lets go back inside,” he said quietly. I shook my head.
“You don’t want me in there.”
“Come on.” I just shook my head once again. “If I let you walk away from here, where the fuck are you going to sleep?” I looked down at my feet.
“I don’t know. I can go to my friend’s house and sleep there. And if her parents don’t want me there, which they probably won’t, then I’ll just have to sleep on the street. Its not that cold.”
“You fucking kidding me? It’s November. It’s cold. Lets get in to my apartment again, I bet you’re hungry.” I knew he was right. It was cold outside and I was only wearing a t-shirt. And I was fucking starving. I sighed deeply.
“Fine.” We walked upstairs to his apartment again and closed the door behind us. I untied my converse and took them off me. When I looked up at Gerard again he put the hoodie on my shoulders again, I sighed and looked into his eyes. “Do I really have to text her?” Gerard nodded slightly.
“No, you’ll call her. No arguing about it. She deserves to know where her son is, and especially when he’s not coming home for the night.”
“But…”
“No buts,” he interrupted me. “Do you know what it feels like not knowing where someone you love is? Do you know how the panic is getting bigger and bigger as you don’t hear anything from the person for hours? Do you know how sad you get?” I just shook my head, cuz I didn’t know what that felt like. I could only imagine what it was like. The only people I loved and cared about was my mum and my bets friend, Trudy. And they have never been gone. Not for real. “Once, Mikey just disappeared. No one knew where he was, he was just totally gone for 26 hours. I was so worried, I thought he was dead…” Suddenly I heard the door open and I saw Mikey coming out from the bathroom.
“Ger… Is that true?” Mikey asked his older brother with a little insecurity in his voice. Gerard nodded.
“Yeah, Mikes… It’s true. I cried most part of that day. I thought you’d never come back.” I sighed deeply and looked into Gerard’s hazel eyes.
“Just give me that phone.” I said quickly, I barely believed what I said myself, but actually I kinda understood now what it must feel like. Gerard looked surprisingly at me, like as if he heard wrong and that he wanted me to repeat myself. But instead of saying anything else he just handed his black phone to me.
Was that ok? I hope so. I hope I'll feel better this week so I can update faster. And I think there's gonna be one last part of this chapter... Anyway, was this good? Bad? Whatever you thought of it, please R&R, that's what keeps me going. Love you all my dear readers.
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