(#) scarlett_fitch2027 2012-01-25Well written and moving but I dunno, it kinda felt like it was missing something. Like, an ending. If it's just meant to be a oneshot about Gerard thinking about suicide and feeling pretty sad then okay but if it's supposed to have a more defined plotline then I would expand on this. Sorry if you think I'm being too harsh, I'm just tryna be honest.
Overall I liked it though, it was a nice piece.
Author's responseIt's an entry Gerard submitted to a contest about suicide. It wasn't supposed to have a plot line-- I just wrote everything I was feeling down and halfway through realized it could be a bit of a story. I appreciate honesty, it's nice to hear constructive criticism.
(#) scarlett_fitch2027 2012-01-25Okay, in that case it worked really well. I loved all the emotion you put into it. I guess I'm just a little bit thick but I only got that it was an entry from the summary :/
Author's responseHah, that's 'cause when i started writing it it wasn' even s fan-fiction. Just my feelings at the moment, and yeah, I'm sorry it's confusing.
(#) TheIntrovert 2012-01-27I do quite like this! A few grammatical errors, but hey, I make them all the time. The beginning fell a little flat, though by mid-story I was loving some phrases you came out with.
"And I can't help but feel its so stupid, it's so useless and I don't understand why it happens. Do people really take pleasure in destroying another? Do they feel in control when they use their hate to kill another? Is it a compulsion? A dirty, vile compulsion that people need to be jailed for?
Why are humans so awful? Why are we all filled with hate, with undesirable rage and the capabilities of being so cruel?"
Very nice descriptions of the animalistic desires we all experience.
Author's responseAww thanks! I wrote this on my phone at 3 am, as a rough draft so I'm proud it turned out so well! I do have to agree my openings need work, but eventually I'll get there and be a better writer! (I've been writing since October, but I'm really still a toddler in the writing world, if not an infant)
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