FicWad

School was as dull as ever. Day by day I'd sit and hope that something would make things better for Brendon but I knew it wouldn't be better. I sat in class and looked over to Ryan's seat expecting it to be empty. Surprisingly there he was. My previous thoughts fade and I couldn't help but look at him. Inspecting everything from head to toe to make sure I wasn't imagining it. My attention got pulled away when a loud voice called my name. "SPENCER SMITH!" I looked up. I had realized I had heard my name called several times before she had caught my attention.

"Yes?" I say shaking my head to get myself from my thoughts.

"Here's your paper. Where is your head today, normally your always paying attention."

I shrug and look back over at Ryan, noticing his chair now was empty I turned my attention back to the teacher. It was several minutes before I realized that he was now sitting in front of me. I couldn't believe I didn't notice him move. I usually noticed things more than others usually do. I could notice change quickly and I didn't see him slip into the chair in front of me.

I also realized that everyone now stared at me as if I had done something. "WHAT?" I say. No one answered they turned away quick.

XXXXXXXXXX

I sat alone like usual at lunch and ignored the everyday stares I got. Ryan Sat in front of me his smile was undeniably gorgeous. "Hey Spencer."

I looked at him shocked, "Aren't you worried what you little friends are going to think about if your sitting with the homo?"

He frowned, "Quit that bull shit," he says and than continues, "I don't care what they think. I run this school so everyone will be okay with you after today. I wonder something though.."

I looked at him and knew what he was going to say, "No, I hadn't told anyone, you told me not to so I haven't." I told him the last time I'd seen him I'd keep the scars a secret. I couldn't really judge him because I had secrets of my own I didn't even share with Brendan.

He looked at me and smiled, "Thanks, I just I really don't want to let that get out."

I shrug,"You can leave now, you got your closure."

He looked at me shocked, but got up without another word.

I stood up and rushed out of the lunch room as I felt anxiety rush through me and I ran to the restroom. I sit in one of the stalls breathing heavily as i grabbed the blade and let it run across my flesh. I smile at the release. I never knew why I had random anxiety attacks but the only way I knew to get rid of it was to slice open my wrist. When I was sure no one was in the restroom I rushed to the sink to get rid of all the blood. I heard the door open and Ryan opened it and looked at me his face ghost white.

I rush out ignoring his pleas for me to stop.