Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > You & I in Unison
Gerard's Perspective
I couldn’t remember falling asleep, not how, where or why but I was suddenly shaking awake and the after-terrors of my nightmare were clawing at my skin, ripping my mind and soul to shreds. My eyes were shrewd tightly; my frail frame shook with fear as I pressed my face into the soft pillow and gripped at the sheets that were thrown across the bed.
I couldn’t feel the unfamiliar softness of the sheets, or the jagged nails that suddenly gripped my skin; scratching and tearing and sinking deeper into the soft flesh. The nails that I soon realised were my own. I couldn’t feel myself thrashing around on the bed, the sheets and pillows discarded to the floor below. I couldn’t feel or make sense of anything but the ice-cold sensation that danced across my body lightly before it wormed under my skin and shattered my dull beating heart.
My mind was hazy with alcohol, the dull pang of a hangover creeping up on my mind and making my skin slick with sweat. My limbs ached, my arms and shoulders grazed with cuts and bruises scattered across the pale white skin. I could feel my heartbeat begin to calm but my stomach still swam with fear as I lay paralyzed on a stranger’s bed.
I pressed my face deeper into the pillow as I hugged my knees tight to my chest, my eyes tight close and damp with tears. My breathing was muffled, hot and stale from my mouth but I didn’t care. I could feel the darkness surround me, the familiar tightness in my chest as the panic began to grow. I didn’t know where I was and I wanted out.
I wanted to run from the room, wanted my weak and tired legs to take me as far away as they could. I couldn’t escape the ache of my body, the memories that were hurtling through my mind so vivid that I felt as though I was watching them on projectors in my mind.
My breathe caught in my throat as a gust of cold air swept over me, my skin burst with goose bumps and my body cringed. I could feel him; he was everywhere. My fingers curled and grasped the sheets tighter and I shot up, coughing and spluttering over the sheets as I caught my breath.
My eyes were wide open but all I could see was darkness.
A small glimmer of moonlight flittered in from the small gap in the closed curtains, basking everything in the stranger’s room with an eerie glow. I moved my heavy body to sit with my back against the wall, my knees tucked up to my chest and under my chin, my hands rubbing my eyes harshly.
My eyes were hooded with lazy eyelids, my chin resting heavily on my right knee. I let my tired eyes wander around the room, soaking up every detail the lousy moonlight lit up. I felt like I knew where I was, like I was supposed to be where I was. I felt calm. Felt safe almost. The panic and fear had melted away and I was left alone with my hazy thoughts in a strange room.
In darkness.
I didn’t feel scared.
For once, I didn’t feel scared in darkness.
This realisation kind of scared me.
Kind of made my heartbeat speed up.
I let out a shaky breath and let my heartbeat calm down as I wondered where I had landed myself and how it happened. My head was still foggy and aching, my mind blank of what had happened in the past twenty four hours. I vaguely remembered the hour long conversation I had had with Mikey prior to getting drunk with him but everything else up until my nightmare was a foggy blur.
Through my jumbled web of incoherent thoughts, I thought of Frank. As Frank tumbled into my mind, my thoughts, and got caught in the mess, I had swept up a pale sheet and wrapped it around my shoulders and I was suddenly breathing him in. His smell clung to the sheets, the bed and in the air that swirled in the room. He was suddenly everywhere, melting into my skin and washing all my demons away.
I scrambled from the bed in a hurry, my back collided with the floor with a sharp bang and I winced at the pain my tired body was suffering. I had somehow managed to sweep everything on the small beside table to the floor and everything came crashing down around me, much louder than usual. A few seconds silence were followed by some thrashing around downstairs, muffled thumps and bangs that sounded strangely like someone falling into a wall.
I listened to the frantic footsteps thudding up the stairs and across the hall, the jostling of the door handle and the crash it made when it collided with the wall as it flew open wildly. I lay there listening to the deep breathing of the person, who I hoped was Frank, standing at the open doorway, a gust of cool air sweeping into the room from the hall.
“Gerard? Are you okay?” a soft voice said, breaking through the silence. I struggled to form words, my body not keeping up with the speed of my thoughts and what was happening around me. “Gerard?” he called again, waiting for my response impatiently.
“Yeah,” I managed, my throat dry and raspy and I started to stand up, using the bed to heave myself up, “yeah, I’m fine, just uh, just fell off the bed.” I said standing now with my head bent low, my long hair falling in front of my face.
“Alright, are you sure? Do you need anything?” he asked, concern lacing his words.
“No thanks. I think I’ll just leave.” I said and started to look for my shoes in the dark. “Do you know where I put my shoes?” I asked and looked up at him for the first time. He was still standing at the door, his eyes wide and mouth hanging ajar. He looked tired, his eyes hollow are dark. His eyes were transfixed right in front of him but I knew he was thinking hard, somewhere far away. He blinked, and then blinked again and I watched as he kind of shook himself out of the trance he was in, I was suddenly thinking how I ended up here and if we had did anything together. “We didn’t do anything, did we?” I blurted, frozen in place beside the window.
“What? Oh! No, of course not. Listen, please stay. Y-You can’t leave now it’s like four in the morning or something, you can’t leave. You have to stay Gerard, please stay?”
He hurried over to the bed, scrambled on top of it and flopped down with his legs crossed. I looked at him with a frown, unsure of what to do. He looked so hopeful, looking up at me with big eyes and ringing his hands together. I looked at the open door and back at him, my chest tightening painfully as we locked eyes. The same beautiful, deep as I remembered. Emptier now than I remembered, hiding still. It was almost as if they went on too long and suddenly they were dead, blank and hiding.
I nodded at Frank without breaking eye contact, just two quick nods that sealed my agreement; I would stay because he apparently wanted me to. He smiled; a genuine one that stretched cross his chapped, dry lips. I grimaced slightly because my chest tightened and my stomach flipped and my skin ached for the goose bumps, the good kind. I struggled to not get my hopes up because a part of me was waiting for him to laugh in my face and kick me out into the cold, dark night.
I grimaced again, my eyes squeezing shut briefly as my hands tightened into fists at my sides as I remember the pain he had caused. I’d go through it again to spend another day with him, I thought. I pulled my hood up over my head, zipping the zip up to my collarbones and shoving my hands deep in my hoodie pockets. I sighed and opened my eyes, looking at Frank who was still smiling, only smaller now, sitting cross legged on the bed through my hair.
“Come sit with me,” he said as he shuffled around to make room. I blinked and moved to sit down next to him, my shoulders slumped and legs crossed. I felt awkward and uncertain, I wanted to crawl out of my skin or scratch my eye balls. “Oh, two secs.” He said as he got up, making his way over to the door and closing it shut with a click before coming back to the side and sitting down. He sat facing me this time, his legs crossed, knees bashing mine softly. I still felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
I decided to move back so I was sitting with my back against the headboard, my knees tucked up to my chest with my chin resting on one knee, my hands still deep inside my hoodie pockets squashed against my stomach. Frank moved at almost the same time so he was on my right side, lying on his side, his head resting on an arm that was bent at the elbow with his legs outstretched and crossed at the ankle while his other hand was tucked into his jean pocket. I could feel him looking at me; feel his eyes lingering on the side of my face. It was so much nicer than the way it felt at school, the way it felt as though people’s glares were going to set me on fire.
I let out a soft sigh and turned my head to look at him, our eyes meeting almost instantly. He smiled and I started to chew on my chapped lip, scared to just let everything go and let things flow the way they normally would. The way they would have before everything got fucked up and we got hurt.
Frank’s face fell, my chest tightened as I watched his face crumple into pain. I sighed deeply, and moved to lie next to him, inching my body closer to his until I wrapped my arm around his shoulder, his face pressed up against the side of my chest. I heard him sigh as he moved closer, resting his head on my chest just slightly and inching closer again. I turned to rest my chin on top of his head and let out a long breath, my heart thrashing inside my rib cage furiously. Frank took the hand out of his pocket and let it rest under my belly button and hitched a leg over mine slightly and my whole body shivered.
It felt awkward and uncertain, my whole body kind of stuck at the limbs like I needed to be oiled to move more fluently but my skin burst was goose bumps and my heart was beating furiously. I wanted to move closer, to crawl inside Frank’s body and just stay like that forever.
I let my eyelids fall shut over my tired eyes and tried to relax as much as I possibly could without much success. I could feel the familiar sensation of sleep begin to creep up on me; it fogged my mind and sent my body limp. I tried to fight it, tried to pry my eyes open but it didn’t work. I was finally happy, kind of, I think, maybe? I don’t know. I felt like I could sleep, that with Frank by my side I could defeat my terrors, defeat him. I felt strong enough to try, and I was too tired to fight sleep any longer.
“I’m so sorry, Gerard.” Frank breathed before sleep dragged me under and the darkness consumed me.
Author's Note:
I don't even know what you just read but feel free to shoot me in the face now okay, yeah. I look forward to reading the lovely reviews I am really not going to get. Why am I still here? Okay, I'm gone, bye.
I couldn’t remember falling asleep, not how, where or why but I was suddenly shaking awake and the after-terrors of my nightmare were clawing at my skin, ripping my mind and soul to shreds. My eyes were shrewd tightly; my frail frame shook with fear as I pressed my face into the soft pillow and gripped at the sheets that were thrown across the bed.
I couldn’t feel the unfamiliar softness of the sheets, or the jagged nails that suddenly gripped my skin; scratching and tearing and sinking deeper into the soft flesh. The nails that I soon realised were my own. I couldn’t feel myself thrashing around on the bed, the sheets and pillows discarded to the floor below. I couldn’t feel or make sense of anything but the ice-cold sensation that danced across my body lightly before it wormed under my skin and shattered my dull beating heart.
My mind was hazy with alcohol, the dull pang of a hangover creeping up on my mind and making my skin slick with sweat. My limbs ached, my arms and shoulders grazed with cuts and bruises scattered across the pale white skin. I could feel my heartbeat begin to calm but my stomach still swam with fear as I lay paralyzed on a stranger’s bed.
I pressed my face deeper into the pillow as I hugged my knees tight to my chest, my eyes tight close and damp with tears. My breathing was muffled, hot and stale from my mouth but I didn’t care. I could feel the darkness surround me, the familiar tightness in my chest as the panic began to grow. I didn’t know where I was and I wanted out.
I wanted to run from the room, wanted my weak and tired legs to take me as far away as they could. I couldn’t escape the ache of my body, the memories that were hurtling through my mind so vivid that I felt as though I was watching them on projectors in my mind.
My breathe caught in my throat as a gust of cold air swept over me, my skin burst with goose bumps and my body cringed. I could feel him; he was everywhere. My fingers curled and grasped the sheets tighter and I shot up, coughing and spluttering over the sheets as I caught my breath.
My eyes were wide open but all I could see was darkness.
A small glimmer of moonlight flittered in from the small gap in the closed curtains, basking everything in the stranger’s room with an eerie glow. I moved my heavy body to sit with my back against the wall, my knees tucked up to my chest and under my chin, my hands rubbing my eyes harshly.
My eyes were hooded with lazy eyelids, my chin resting heavily on my right knee. I let my tired eyes wander around the room, soaking up every detail the lousy moonlight lit up. I felt like I knew where I was, like I was supposed to be where I was. I felt calm. Felt safe almost. The panic and fear had melted away and I was left alone with my hazy thoughts in a strange room.
In darkness.
I didn’t feel scared.
For once, I didn’t feel scared in darkness.
This realisation kind of scared me.
Kind of made my heartbeat speed up.
I let out a shaky breath and let my heartbeat calm down as I wondered where I had landed myself and how it happened. My head was still foggy and aching, my mind blank of what had happened in the past twenty four hours. I vaguely remembered the hour long conversation I had had with Mikey prior to getting drunk with him but everything else up until my nightmare was a foggy blur.
Through my jumbled web of incoherent thoughts, I thought of Frank. As Frank tumbled into my mind, my thoughts, and got caught in the mess, I had swept up a pale sheet and wrapped it around my shoulders and I was suddenly breathing him in. His smell clung to the sheets, the bed and in the air that swirled in the room. He was suddenly everywhere, melting into my skin and washing all my demons away.
I scrambled from the bed in a hurry, my back collided with the floor with a sharp bang and I winced at the pain my tired body was suffering. I had somehow managed to sweep everything on the small beside table to the floor and everything came crashing down around me, much louder than usual. A few seconds silence were followed by some thrashing around downstairs, muffled thumps and bangs that sounded strangely like someone falling into a wall.
I listened to the frantic footsteps thudding up the stairs and across the hall, the jostling of the door handle and the crash it made when it collided with the wall as it flew open wildly. I lay there listening to the deep breathing of the person, who I hoped was Frank, standing at the open doorway, a gust of cool air sweeping into the room from the hall.
“Gerard? Are you okay?” a soft voice said, breaking through the silence. I struggled to form words, my body not keeping up with the speed of my thoughts and what was happening around me. “Gerard?” he called again, waiting for my response impatiently.
“Yeah,” I managed, my throat dry and raspy and I started to stand up, using the bed to heave myself up, “yeah, I’m fine, just uh, just fell off the bed.” I said standing now with my head bent low, my long hair falling in front of my face.
“Alright, are you sure? Do you need anything?” he asked, concern lacing his words.
“No thanks. I think I’ll just leave.” I said and started to look for my shoes in the dark. “Do you know where I put my shoes?” I asked and looked up at him for the first time. He was still standing at the door, his eyes wide and mouth hanging ajar. He looked tired, his eyes hollow are dark. His eyes were transfixed right in front of him but I knew he was thinking hard, somewhere far away. He blinked, and then blinked again and I watched as he kind of shook himself out of the trance he was in, I was suddenly thinking how I ended up here and if we had did anything together. “We didn’t do anything, did we?” I blurted, frozen in place beside the window.
“What? Oh! No, of course not. Listen, please stay. Y-You can’t leave now it’s like four in the morning or something, you can’t leave. You have to stay Gerard, please stay?”
He hurried over to the bed, scrambled on top of it and flopped down with his legs crossed. I looked at him with a frown, unsure of what to do. He looked so hopeful, looking up at me with big eyes and ringing his hands together. I looked at the open door and back at him, my chest tightening painfully as we locked eyes. The same beautiful, deep as I remembered. Emptier now than I remembered, hiding still. It was almost as if they went on too long and suddenly they were dead, blank and hiding.
I nodded at Frank without breaking eye contact, just two quick nods that sealed my agreement; I would stay because he apparently wanted me to. He smiled; a genuine one that stretched cross his chapped, dry lips. I grimaced slightly because my chest tightened and my stomach flipped and my skin ached for the goose bumps, the good kind. I struggled to not get my hopes up because a part of me was waiting for him to laugh in my face and kick me out into the cold, dark night.
I grimaced again, my eyes squeezing shut briefly as my hands tightened into fists at my sides as I remember the pain he had caused. I’d go through it again to spend another day with him, I thought. I pulled my hood up over my head, zipping the zip up to my collarbones and shoving my hands deep in my hoodie pockets. I sighed and opened my eyes, looking at Frank who was still smiling, only smaller now, sitting cross legged on the bed through my hair.
“Come sit with me,” he said as he shuffled around to make room. I blinked and moved to sit down next to him, my shoulders slumped and legs crossed. I felt awkward and uncertain, I wanted to crawl out of my skin or scratch my eye balls. “Oh, two secs.” He said as he got up, making his way over to the door and closing it shut with a click before coming back to the side and sitting down. He sat facing me this time, his legs crossed, knees bashing mine softly. I still felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
I decided to move back so I was sitting with my back against the headboard, my knees tucked up to my chest with my chin resting on one knee, my hands still deep inside my hoodie pockets squashed against my stomach. Frank moved at almost the same time so he was on my right side, lying on his side, his head resting on an arm that was bent at the elbow with his legs outstretched and crossed at the ankle while his other hand was tucked into his jean pocket. I could feel him looking at me; feel his eyes lingering on the side of my face. It was so much nicer than the way it felt at school, the way it felt as though people’s glares were going to set me on fire.
I let out a soft sigh and turned my head to look at him, our eyes meeting almost instantly. He smiled and I started to chew on my chapped lip, scared to just let everything go and let things flow the way they normally would. The way they would have before everything got fucked up and we got hurt.
Frank’s face fell, my chest tightened as I watched his face crumple into pain. I sighed deeply, and moved to lie next to him, inching my body closer to his until I wrapped my arm around his shoulder, his face pressed up against the side of my chest. I heard him sigh as he moved closer, resting his head on my chest just slightly and inching closer again. I turned to rest my chin on top of his head and let out a long breath, my heart thrashing inside my rib cage furiously. Frank took the hand out of his pocket and let it rest under my belly button and hitched a leg over mine slightly and my whole body shivered.
It felt awkward and uncertain, my whole body kind of stuck at the limbs like I needed to be oiled to move more fluently but my skin burst was goose bumps and my heart was beating furiously. I wanted to move closer, to crawl inside Frank’s body and just stay like that forever.
I let my eyelids fall shut over my tired eyes and tried to relax as much as I possibly could without much success. I could feel the familiar sensation of sleep begin to creep up on me; it fogged my mind and sent my body limp. I tried to fight it, tried to pry my eyes open but it didn’t work. I was finally happy, kind of, I think, maybe? I don’t know. I felt like I could sleep, that with Frank by my side I could defeat my terrors, defeat him. I felt strong enough to try, and I was too tired to fight sleep any longer.
“I’m so sorry, Gerard.” Frank breathed before sleep dragged me under and the darkness consumed me.
Author's Note:
I don't even know what you just read but feel free to shoot me in the face now okay, yeah. I look forward to reading the lovely reviews I am really not going to get. Why am I still here? Okay, I'm gone, bye.
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