FicWad

Chapter 5-It’s been three bitter months…

(Frank’s pov)

My leg was shaking violently under the table, my hands felt clammy and my face and hair slick with sweat. My lips felt dry despite the fact I was constantly wetting them with my tongue. I kept on fidgeting; tapping my worn out converse foot on the wooden floor, biting my nails so they bled, nibbling my lip ring, tapping the table and fiddling around with my hair.
Why am I doing this? Why am I torturing myself? This is all gonna end badly, I can feel it. Whether because I’ll say something wrong or he’ll just give me the silent treatment and that look. Being friends with this guy since the age of twelve, I know pretty well when he’s pissed off; he gives you that look that would make your heart melt and wish you were buried six feet under at the same time.
Despite feeling nervous about all this, I know deep down that I have to do this. Otherwise, the pain I have like a permanent void in my heart will continue to eat away at me until there’s nothing left and I’ll be like an empty shell. No emotion, no feelings, just…dead inside. It’s been eating away at me like slow acting venom that’s been given to me by a sadistic asshole to give me the most slowly and painful death possible.
And I just called myself a sadistic asshole. Lovely.
I have no idea whether doing this will make the pain worse. It can’t get anymore painful then trying to forget him.
Ha, funny. That was what I thought when I decided to forget him in the first place.

I thought us not being friends would be no problem, happens to everyone at some point. But for some weird, messed up, not to mention severely fucked up reason, not talking to him felt like the worst mistake of my life.
I missed him. His laugh, his shyness, the small shy smiles, his voice, his company. I held on to the memories; messing around in class, watching horror movies where he would laugh but would hold me tightly when I screamed like a girl and clung on to him for dear life, the sleepovers though we would just stay up and talk about almost every possible thing. I missed his personality; quiet but can get so hyper it would put me and Mikey to shame-and in tears of laughter, shy, but confident when it came to it, how creative he was with his drawing and lyrics but modest enough not to boast, how much of a geek he was when it came to movies, music and comic books, and how intelligent and almost philosophical he was.
Not to mention how caring and protective he was of Mikey, how funny and witty he could be and how much of an ass he would make of himself just to make us laugh when we felt like crying. How he would give us pep talks whenever we felt down about ourselves after a day of getting shoved, beaten and laughed at in school.
I even missed the small but noticeable habits he had; speaking from the corner of his mouth, twisting his hair around his fingers when he was speaking carefully about something, his eyes glazing over whenever he day dreamed, the amount of coffee he would put away after staying up all night drawing or writing. The way he would scratch his nose distractedly when he felt awkward, biting his lower lip to stop himself from laughing or hiding his eyes behind his hair when he was embarrassed, I noticed all this, and I missed it.
Maybe I need psychiatric help, this is messed up.

I tapped my fingers distractedly, not even noticing the annoyed look I was getting from an old man who was reading the paper in the next booth. I was too nervous and lost in my own thoughts to care anyway. Maybe I should talk to Mikey. No that would be too awkward. I don’t think he would want to know I feel empty and lifeless without his brother in my life. Might leave him scarred.
I could talk to Ray, he’s always willing to listen to our problems and give good advice. Then again, he was the one who advised me not to fall out with him in the first place and that I was stupid for letting what people say get to me and falling out with him anyway. Probably turn around with a smug smirk on his face and say ‘I told you so!’ like he did when I told him I realised I wasn’t in love with Jamia. Maybe that’s not what I need right now.
I could maybe ask Bob for advice; he always has something to say. But then again, he isn’t exactly the person to go to with emotional problems. Probably just make him feel embarrassed.
How about Matt? He knows him well enough. They were friends from third grade onwards-before I came on to the scene. Ah, not a good idea considering we have a ‘we’ll be friends because Gee is our best friend but I don’t really trust you’ kind of friendship. No, bad idea.

I hit my head off the table and groaned loudly, making a few nearby customers look at me strangely.
“Fuck. My. Life.” I grumbled, burying my head into my arms, “Honestly. Fuck it.”
I sighed heavily and rubbed my eyes tiredly having had stayed up all night thinking about today. How I was gonna cope with being in close range of him again and wonder whether we could ever talk to each other without ripping out one another’s intestines.

Gerard Arthur Way you have severely fucked up my mental, emotional and physical state of mind. And I love you for it.

Suddenly I blinked in realisation. Could that be it? Am I really in love with my former best friend who, for the past three months I’ve been a complete dick head to because of one drunken night and a fear of being rejected from my family?

It fits right? The hollow, empty feeling, the guilt eating me up inside, the endless nights of not sleeping and barely eating enough to keep me running. How shy I got around him then how easily pissed off I got whenever we started arguing.
Could it be, because I love him? Gerard Way, best friend of five years, brother of my other best friend, the vampire lookalike misfit who drives me up the wall and makes me want to blow my brains against the ceiling whenever he comes to close contact with me? Am I, possibly, seriously in love with him?

Yes.
No.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
No.
Maybe.

“Fuck!” I shouted abruptly then hit my head off the table again, ignoring the mutters and strange looks I was gaining, “This cannot be happening to me, cannot be happening to me, at all!” I whined.

“What can’t be happening to you?”

Fucking, cannibal, moosi eating, homicidal, hamster crap


Gerard’s pov.

“Yeah can I get um one black coffee and one white please?” I asked the till girl at the counter.
“Sure hun, just give me a minute.” She smiled way to sweetly at me and twirled her long blonde hair, “HEY DERRICK! GET ME A BLACK COFFEE AND ONE WHITE!” she barked over her shoulder.
I blinked while she turned round, smiling sweetly, “Anything else you like sweetie?” she asked, gazing at me.
Now, I maybe a little tiny bit paranoid, but uh, I got the feeling she ain’t meaning anything else on the menu above her. Thank fuck I’m gay….
“Uh, no thanks, that’s all.” I said, smiling sheepishly and hiding my eyes behind my hair.
“Okay, DERRICK BRING ME THOSE COFFEES NOW!” she barked over her shoulder again making me jump.
A scrawny, spotty guy probably not much older than me, scurried up to the counter, holding two containers, “Here Becky.” He said quickly.
“About fucking time.” Becky growled at him; Derrick, I guess it was, went red then looked at me and gave me a shy smile, his face heating up. You gotta be fucking kidding me here…
“You sure that’s all hun?” Becky asked turning back to me while Derrick scurried off again.
“Yeah I’m pretty sure.” I said, my voice breaking in embarrassment at this situation.
“Yeah okay.” She smiled sweetly, writing something down on her orders pad, ripping it off and sticking it on top of a coffee lid, “That’ll be $4.50 babes.”
I took out my wallet, and then handed over the cash then I scratched the top of my nose distractedly while waiting on my change.
“Okay, enjoy it honey.” Becky winked at me.
“Yeah, sure, I’ll enjoy it.” I smiled, “Getting as far away from you as possible that is.” I muttered to myself as I walked away.
Okay, I seriously gotta find a new coffee joint, as good as Starbucks are at making coffee, their staff are fucking scary.
I shook my head, hoping to forget that incident as I made my way over to my and Frankie’s table at the window. What I saw there was enough to drive that embarrassing moment out of my mind completely.
Frank was sitting with his head buried in his arms on the table, acting as if the world had just came crashing down on him. Curious and concerned, I made my way over.
“This cannot be happening to me, cannot be happening to me, at all!” he whined.
What the bloody meese crapping bleeding hell is he mumbling about?
“What can’t be happening to you?” I asked curiously.
Frank shot up, eyes wide so he resembled a deer caught in headlights, his face a delicate light shade of red.
“Um…I uh just remembered I forgot to finish my English essay earlier.” He spluttered.
I raised an eyebrow at him, “What?” he yelped indignantly.
“I helped you finish it in fifth period, remember?” I asked him, sliding into the seat across him and placing his coffee in front of him.
“Oh.” He blushed scarlet, “Um…then I…left my guitar at school!” he said suddenly.
I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing, “You didn’t bring your guitar in the first place, you’re not allowed to remember?”
“Fuck.” He hissed then bit his lip ring, “Um…I forgot my bag?” he said hopefully, making it sound more like a question.
“It’s sitting right next to you.” I pointed out bluntly.
Frankie blinked and an unconvincing look of surprise crossed his face, “Oh yeah! So it is!” he exclaimed brightly.
I chuckled in amusement, “Now quit it with the excuses what’s up?” I asked, “Seriously. And honestly” I added in sharply.
“It’s. It’s nothing doesn’t matter.” He muttered going a deeper shade of red, “Thanks for this, by the way” he said gratefully nodding towards his coffee, a shy smile on his lips, “Even though I should be the one paying considering I asked you.”
“It’s nothing, don’t start that up again, we argued about that on the way here. I paid for it so shut up and drink it.” I grinned at him before taking a long sip of coffee-only to burn my tongue, “Ah fuck! Fuckety fuck!” I yelped thickly, waving a hand to my tongue.
Frankie laughed, slumping in his chair, and I mean he was laughing. His eyes were watering and his skin was now red with laughter rather than embarrassment.
“Nice, I cheered you up with my stupidity, lovely.” I said pouting though I couldn’t keep the amusement out of my voice.
“Well you always seemed to have a talent for that.” He smirked while hiccupping.
I flipped him off before blowing on my coffee and taking a slower sip. Frank started to giggle like crazy before taking a sip of his own, “Hey what’s this?” he asked suddenly.
I looked up, confused to see him holding up a slip of paper curiously.
“No idea, maybe if you read it you’ll find out.” I smirked earning a half hearted glare.
“Don’t act like a smart ass Romeo.” Frankie smirked holding up the piece of paper, “Or should I call you sweetie?”
“Give me that!” I snapped tartly grabbing the piece of paper out of his hands as he burst out laughing, “You gotta be fucking shitting me here.” I exclaimed exasperated, reading the slip that had Becky’s number and the words ‘call me if you want anything more sweetie’, “Honestly! How fucking straightforward can you get!” I yelped indignantly, “Do I look interested in a third rate blonde that resembles a character out of the chocolate factory movie!”
Frankie shrugged, laughing, “Must do, maybe tanned bimbos have a thing for vampire looking nerds.” He hiccupped.
“Oh bloody piss off.” I flipped him off as he laughed even harder, “Oh be quiet it ain’t that funny!”
“Maybe not- if it happened to anybody else. But considering it’s you…” Frankie trailed off smirking before promptly laughing his head off again.
“I swear I hope you choke on a mix of coffee and your own fucking laughter you dickhead.” I said, folding my arms and slouching in my chair.
“Oh, aren’t you kind? That sounds painless considering to the near death experience you just had.”
“Oh fuck off! You’re never gonna let me live this down are you?” I asked resigned.
“Nope, not as long as am still living and breathing.” Frankie said laughing still.
“Which won’t be much longer, if you keep on laughing like a homicidal maniac that just inhaled a litre of laughing gas.” I stated flatly.
Frankie just laughed even harder, burying his head in his arms on the table. I grinned slightly, “You, uh, you okay? Or am I gonna have to call up the local asylum to take you and lock you up?” I asked innocently.
“Piss off vamp boy.” Was the muffled reply as he gave me the v-sign.
“What a snappy retort, that’s what I get for being concerned about your mental state? Charming.” I replied tartly, rolling my eyes, “Remind me never to enquire about it again.”
“You’re one to question another’s mental state; you’re almost as sane as I am.” Frankie grinned, looking up and sweeping his hair out of face.
“Oh thanks, that makes me feel so much better now, really appreciate it.” I said dryly before drinking some more coffee.
“It should do actually.” Frank smirked.
“Yeah totally, so.” I said abruptly making Frank look up, “What cha wanna talk about?”
Frank bit down on his lip ring, “I don’t really know, it was a spur of the moment decision to be honest.” He admitted.
I sighed heavily, looking out the window absent minded as I drank some more coffee.
Frank, I noticed, was looking at me, his coffee cup to his lips. I felt my face heating up slightly and I cleared my throat and drank some more coffee. Frank went scarlet and stared down at the table, sipping his coffee quietly.

Well, this is awkward.

I gazed out the window, hand tucked under my chin thinking.

“So uh…how are things going between your parents? Ain’t their tenth wedding anniversary coming up?” I spoke up finally, unable to take the silence.
“My parents are divorced.” Frank stated flatly.
Smooth Gee, smooth.
“Ah, sorry, forget I asked that.” I said, scratching my nose and looking around me.
“It’s cool, you didn’t know.” Frank said quietly shrugging, looking out the window as he drank his coffee, “How bout your parents?”
I shrugged, “Still as corny, lovey dovey and embarrassing as always.” I said in a long suffering voice.
Frank snorted in laughter, shaking his head. I saw a small smile on his lips before he drank more coffee.
“Heard from your Grandmother recently?” he asked raising an eyebrow.
“Um…she’s in hospital with cancer.” I mumbled.
Frank went pink, “Oh shit, sorry, uh didn’t know.” He muttered going back to staring at the window, “Sorry to hear that, she’s a nice woman.”
“Yeah she is.” I said quietly, scratching my nose again, “Doctors say she’ll pull through though.” I added in brightly.
“Oh well, that’s good, hopefully she will.” Frank smiled at me.
“Yeah, I’ll let you know if she does, she was always rather fond of you.” I smiled back.
“Yeah thanks, that’d be great.” Frankie smiled shyly at me.
I let out a small laugh and we both stared at each other-until we noticed what we were doing then promptly turned back to the window, faces scarlet.
Again it was silent, though a bit less awkward than before. Just a bit. Like an inch.

Frank tapped his fingers distractedly against the table and I continued to scratch my nose now and then, as the awkwardness began to build up again. I mean can you blame us? We’ve been friends for five years, then after a drunken incident, stopped talking unless it was to rip each others throats out for three months. Then, thanks to our bitch of a headmistress, we’ve been practically forced into one another’s company. I mean what do you say to each other after three months of solid dislike?
“So um.” I spoke up, clearing my throat, “Mikey was talking about going to see a movie tomorrow.”
“Really?” Frank asked curious.
“Yeah, that Robocop movie.” I said, looking over to see he was looking at me, “We all ready saw the original but there’s a remake of it.”
“Heh, remakes are never as good as the originals.” Frank shrugged before drinking his coffee.
“Yeah but some are good.”
“Oh yeah? Name one.”
…………….
“Exactly.” Frankie smirked.
I laughed, “So uh…wanna come with us? Ray and Bob are gonna come.” I said.
Frank bit his lip ring thoughtfully, “Hm, yeah sure, should be fun.” He shrugged.
“Great.” I grinned.
Frank grinned back at me before drinking more coffee. I copied him and again it was silent. Except the awkwardness was definitely not as thick as it was before. I made a private reminder to thank Mikey for being into action movies.
“So um…my birthday’s coming up in two weeks.” Frank spoke up eventually.
“Oh yeah, Halloween right?” I said perking up.
Frank nodded, “Yeah, I’m gonna throw a party, not a big house party or anything, I’m not that popular.” He grinned; I laughed, feeling the tension fading away now thanks to his ice breaker, “Just like, a small get together between a few friends you know?”
“What, like movies, videogames, a few drinks, music…” I trailed off.
“Yeah, like that.” Frank grinned, “I was gonna invite Ray, Bob and Mikey.”
“Cool.” I said shrugging before drinking my coffee.
“You wanna come?”
I almost choked on my drink. After what happened last time we both had a drink in us?!
I decided not to mention that though. Things were going okay right now, don’t want to spoil it by bringing up the past. Though I had a feeling it wasn’t through with us yet…
“Uh yeah sure why not.” I shrugged again.
“Awesome.” Frank grinned.
I grinned back and we both finished our coffees in silence.
“So, ready to go?” I asked standing up and grabbing my leather jacket.
Frank nodded, standing up also and putting on his soldier jacket, “Yeah whenever you are.”
I smiled slightly, zipping up my jacket and shrugging my Misfits bag over my shoulders while Frank shrugged on his Iron Maiden bag over his shoulder.
“C’mon then.” I grinned at him, discarding both our cups in the rubbish bin.
Frank followed me and we both left the store, the New Jersey October breeze greeting us rather pleasantly.
“Oh, hold on a second.” I held up my index finger to emphasize my point and Frank waited patiently.
I took out my pack of cigarettes and lighter and lit up, inhaling deeply then exhaling. Frank just laughed; I grinned and held one out and he took it gratefully. I held my lighter underneath it and lit it up.
“Thanks Gee.” He grinned exhaling.
“No prob.” I replied, pocketing my lighter and cigarettes.
“Oh hey, I got the new Misfits album on my I-pod.” Frank said suddenly, “Wanna listen?”
“Is the charts full of pop trash?” I asked raising an eyebrow as I exhaled, making Frank laugh, “Course I wanna listen!”
“Okay, stupid question.” Frank laughed, taking out his ear buds and switching on his I-pod, “Here you take the left.”
I took the left bud and inserted it while Frank plugged in the right. Almost instantly, my ear was attacked by the throbbing, enjoyable sound of music. Due to the height difference though, I had to stoop a little and we must have looked like a right pair of morons.
Frank, realising this, laughed and I chuckled. We walked down the street singing ‘Astro Zombies’ while laughing, my arm wrapped round his shoulders, his around my waist, attracting weird looks.
We soon got to Frank’s place and he switched off his I-pod, “So what time will I come round at?” he asked, pocketing his ear buds.
“Um… not sure, I don’t think Mikey’s picked a time yet.” I said thoughtfully.
“Can I see your cell for a minute?”
“Sure.” I shrugged, taking out my black slim line and passing it over. Frank took out his own slim line and narrowed his eyes in concentration as he typed something in both cells.
“Here you go, text or call me once you know what time and I’ll call you when I’m leaving.” He said brightly.
“Sweet.” I grinned, pocketing my cell.
“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow then yeah?” Frank asked.
“Definitely.” I said firmly.
“Cool, bye then.” Frank smiled at me then ran up to his door and opened it, waving before closing the door.
“Cya Frankie.” I muttered smiling to myself as I took out my own headphones and switched on I-pod, lit up a cigarette and walked a few streets down to my place, listening to Queen.

As corny as it sounds, I felt really happy and practically skipped up to my door whistling happily. I think I just got my best friend back.