FicWad

I was backstage preparing to go on. Gerard wouldn't be here tonight though, which I felt disappointed over. I do understand the band is his main priority but I just hope I wasn't just a fling that he would dump in about a week or two. It was 8:00 and I was in the first group of four to go on. I looked thru the blinding lights into the audience and saw Ricky on the opposite side of the bar serving drinks. He looked up when he noticed me staring at him. He jumped over the counter and started walking to me, smiling and winking at me. He stopped when some random guy came up to me with a package. I gave him an apologetic look and turned to go. As I sat at my dresser, the package was in my reflection and on top was an envelope with a red kiss on the seal. I turned on the stool and started peeling the wrapping from the box and stopped long enough to read the note.

I know your disappointed I couldn't make it tonight. But I promise to make it up to you. Inside this box is..well you'll find out but I won't be seeing you tomorrow, band meeting all day.
XOXO Gee.

I giggled at his signature along with the hugs and kisses. I laid the note down on the table and lifted the lid to the box. Inside was a gorgeous little black dress. I picked it up and placed it over top of my costume in the mirror. I admired the strapless sequin upper half then the flare, poof at the bottom which reached right at 3 inches above the knee. There was another note attached to the hem of the dress.

There will be a car waiting for you at 6:00 tomorrow night outside your apartment. Wear this dress and the car will take you to your destination.
p.s. Do not wear any makeup beautiful.
XOXO Gee.

I smiled as I folded it neatly and placed it back in the box. I quickly changed and made my way back through the club to leave.
"Chrysanthemum, you want to grab a bite to eat?" I heard Ann call from behind me. I turned around and smiled.
"Sure." I walked over to her and she linked arms with me.
"You get off early tonight?" I asked her as we went around back to catch a taxi.
"Yeah, shocker I know. Des was in a really good mood tonight. Her and Tom must have plans for some hot lovin'." I burst out laughing and made a gag sound.
"What are you eight?" She asked laughing at my immaturity.
"Nope, 22 going on 30." I giggled even though I knew she was joking. She smirked as we climbed in the back of the cab. She told him to drop us off around the block from where bunches restaurants were.
"What are you in the mood for?" She asked as we slid from the taxi and she insisted she pay.
"Nothing too expensive and no breakfast." I smiled as she nodded her head.
"Well I am paying for both of us and I say we eat Italian." She said as we approached the corner of an Italian restaurant. We were seated upstairs overlooking the streets down below with our menus placed in front of us.
"This is too much. Really, I'll just order something cheap." I said not even opening the menu yet.
"Seriously, order whatever you want. Its my treat." She insisted. I just hesitantly nodded and smiled. She is just like Gerard; pushy. After our drinks were delivered and our food ordered, we just chatted about anything and everything.
"So, you and Gerard are pretty close, huh?" She said sipping her margarita.
"You could say that." I blushed.
"Are you two official yet?" She asked. I giggled and shook my head.
"We just met four days ago, and he hasn't asked me yet. So I don't know what we are besides fuck buddies." I said realizing how much of a whore I sounded like.
"You already had sex with him?" She asked not surprised.
"Yes. I really was planning on waiting but something about him just draws me to him. I can't stay away. I feel like I've known him my whole life, you know what I mean?" I said blab mouthing to her. She laughed.
"Honey, its not a big deal. Hell, I met a guy at a bar one night and fucked him in the same night in a hotel room. I just learn to push it out of my mind." She said running her finger along the rim of the glass. I could tell from the lack of eye contact during that speech something wasn't right. She looked up and waited on me to say something.
"I wish I could but he was my first." I said realizing the mistake I've made.
"Do you regret it?" She asked understanding why I was making such a big deal about it.
"I don't regret sleeping with him or meeting him, I just regret doing it so soon." I stated as I sipped my wine nonchalantly.
"Sweetie, its normal to feel this way after giving away your purity. I had been dating Jake for three years before I slept with him and even after I lost my virginity to him, I still felt regretful that I wasn't pure anymore." She said reaching across the table and squeezing my hand reassuringly. "Besides, Gerard probably regrets taking it from you." She said leaning back in her seat as our food was placed in front of us. She once again when she mentioned Gee, avoided eye contact. I just decided to ignore it.
"Truthfully, Gerard wanted to wait. He kept pushing me away and avoiding everything I did to seduce him. So, if he regrets it then I don't know what I'll do. Its my fault." I said understanding why Gee was edgy on making love to me before.
"Maybe you should just ask him and see where things go." She bit into her pasta dish as she kept looking towards the corner of the restaurant. She was still staring before straightening her posture and nodding her head towards the center of the room.
There he was with another woman draped all over him at a table with the rest of the band and their women. I quickly turned back around to Ann and had tears form in my eyes. She reached over and took my hand when she saw a stray tear slide down my face.
"Chrys, are you alright?" She asked clutching my hand with concern. I just sniffled, nodded and stood up as I pulled my bag over my shoulder.
"Thanks for dinner. I'm sorry but I've got to go." I said running down the stairs as fast as possible, probably knocking down a few people on my way out. As I started down the street, it began pouring down rain. I was without an umbrella and it was freezing cold. As I approached the lobby to the apartments, I stared at the swarming people walking around the Christmas tree set up inside. There were happy families of mothers, fathers, babies, and teenagers but I couldn't force myself to go inside so I sat on a bench as the rain pelted down on me. I pulled my knees up to my chest and cried into them, just letting the stress get free from myself. I guess everyone was right, Gerard really is a whore and a cheater. I'm so stupid because I believed him and trusted him. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw I had a new text from Gerard.
"I'm coming over, meeting let out a bit earlier and dinner didn't last long." He said as I sobbed louder into my arms. I didn't even bother to text him back as I shoved my phone back in my pocket. I continued sitting in the sleet coming down in soaking wet clothes in 20 degree weather. Yeah I was definitely going to catch pneumonia, maybe that was what I wanted.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I heard Gerard screaming as he ran towards me. I never lifted my head from my lap until I saw his feet from underneath my arms in front of me. He picked me up like a baby and I started kicking and pounding on his chest.
"Put me down asshole!" I shouted. Unfortunately there was no one out or on the street, so if I were to be murdered no one would have helped me.
"Stop Chrysanthemum. Stop!" He said struggling to keep me secured in his arms.
"I don't want you to touch me! Just leave me out here, go! Just go!" I sobbed as my blows to his chest got weaker and weaker.
"Why the fuck are you talking like this?" He whispered when he realized I gave up fighting him. He pulled the door open with his foot and carried me to the elevator with me still curled up in his chest. There were quite a few gasps of shock from bystanders and the concierge asked if we needed to call an ambulance. Once we got to my door, he unlocked it with the key from my bag. He carried me straight to the bathroom and laid me down on the counter top. He started the bathwater as he came over to undress me.
"Don't touch me." I said as my hair muffled my voice from the position I was laying in.
"You could fucking die from pneumonia if you don't get out of these damn clothes and in the fucking water." He practically screamed at me. I started crying harder when he finished yelling and undressing me. He lifted me up as I sobbed and sat me in the hot water that enveloped me in its warmth. He left me to get a towel from the linen closet outside the bathroom and slammed the door shut as he left. I dipped my hands in the water and rubbed it across my face and tried wiping the running makeup off. I sank down in the tub as much as I could handle and put my head under for a few seconds to clear my mind. I came back up for air as soon as he walked back in.
"Tell me what the hell is wrong with you?" He demanded as he leaned against the counter staring at me for an answer.
"Get out." I murmured.
"No! Not until you talk to me damn it. Chrysanthemum, stop acting like a stupid child." He said running his hand over his face. I absolutely snapped, all of the flashbacks came flooding back in my mind he realized it. I stood from the water, grabbed the towel and wrapped it around my body tightly. I walked to him slowly and slapped him as hard as I could across the cheek.
"Don't ever call me stupid. Do you understand me?" I said glaring at him. He looked a little taken back from the blow but stood up straight.
"Understand you? It is absolutely impossible to understand a woman, trust me it doesn't work, you can't." He snarled and kicked the cabinet closed before continuing. "So either talk or get over whatever the fuck is wrong with you! Problems don't just go away by themselves. Grow up." He said shoving past me to the bedroom as he slammed the door behind him. I broke down again and sank to the floor, sobbing and begging. He was right, no matter how much you push the thoughts away or the problems, they are still there and they will always be there. Momma was right too when she said I needed to talk to some therapist to relieve some of the anxiety. I just don't know how much of this I can bare. I have tried and tried for years to handle it on top of my emotions but it doesn't work. I pushed myself from the floor and drug my feet through the bedroom, down the hall and into the living room where I found Gerard with his head in his hands. I sauntered over to him and got on my knees in front of him. He never looked up or acknowledged me.

"Who is she?" I said not touching him. "Is she better than me? She is obviously prettier, older, maybe more your type." I said barely above a whisper. He actually looked into my eyes when he knew I saw him tonight.
"You saw me at the restaurant didn't you?" He said understanding now.
"Yeah, I did." I stood from my knees and hugged the towel around my petite, shivering body as I paced to the window.
"Her name is Eliza. She is my ex-fiance." He sighed not moving from the couch.
"We left the meeting and she was outside talking to someone when I bumped into her. I hated her when we dated, she treated me like shit and pushed me around. She was Mikey's' close friend and hair-stylist. I guess I was drawn to her because she made me so damn mad to the point I wanted her." He sighed and I kept my back turned from him.
"We dated for three years and I eventually got up the courage to propose. We were engaged for about two months before she broke it off. She told the tabloids I cheated on her with another woman which was never true." He sounded like he started crying and when I slowly turned around I saw I was right.
"I was an alcoholic and pill popper. The band couldn't stand the sight of me and I was scared to break it off with her because I knew what kind of power she had." He tried to stay strong telling me this but I couldn't force myself to make him stop. I wanted him to understand the pain I felt seeing her draped all over him.
"She cheated on me with a woman, some shit right." He chuckled low in his throat with emotion.
"She told me the truth but when the world wanted to know what happened, she told them I cheated. I couldn't believe that bitch, but I went with it anyways." I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"Ever since then I've been living up to the title I had been given that wasn't even me." He stood up and walked over to me. I stood motionless gripping the towel for dear life with tears filling the rim of my eyes.
"Then I met you." He stepped closer and pulled me to him. Hell if I was crying before, now I was full on balling. "I couldn't even think to treat you the way I was supposed to be seen treating women." He rested his forehead against mine as he held my face between his hands.
"When I looked at you, I felt like I fell in love all over again. I never loved anyone like I loved her and I was heartbroken when she did that to me." He began crying again and I still couldn't will myself to touch him.
"I swear she means nothing to me anymore. She was draped over me like she was for the publicity but I would never be seen with her as a couple again even if I was paid a million dollars." He sighed and stroked my cheeks. "Babe, your priceless." He said sniffling as he dropped his hands to my waist as he hugged me to him.
"Please, just please don't do this to me." He begged as he slowly drug his head down the front of my body leaving light butterfly kisses thru the towel.
"Gee, you really hurt me." I said still gripping the towel as he sat on his knees with his head on my stomach. "I trusted you, I gave myself to you, and pushed the words everyone said about you hurting me out of my head." I took my right hand and ran it through his silky hair as I tried controlling my emotions.
"Please?" He begged crying again as he held onto my hips with force. "You've got to believe me. I would never hurt you." He sobbed louder into my towel.
Part of me wanted to forgive him and believe him. The other half wanted to tell him to get out and leave me to rid myself of all the pain. I chose my angelic side and sank down to my knees in front of him. I lifted his chin so he could see me. When he saw my face inches from his he focused on my eyes.
"I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I swear it was nothing." He pleaded to me as I reached up and grabbed both sides of his face. I pulled him to me until our chests were touching.
"Shut the fuck up and kiss me." I breathed into his lips. He was more than happy to oblige. He pried my lips apart with his tongue and coaxed my open mouth with his. His kisses were raw emotion, passionate and erotic. I moaned as he lifted my ass and secured my legs around his waist as he stood. Never breaking our heated kiss, never loosening his grip on me. Like he was scared he would slip back into reality just like I was. When we made it to the bedroom he gently lay me down across the comforter and followed my body down with his own.
"I'm so sorry." He whispered through kisses he pampered across my collarbones. I rubbed his shoulder blades as he sat up and opened my towel exposing my body to him. He bent down and licked over my neck and down to take my nipple in his mouth. I ran my fingers through his hair and gripped it urging him on. I guess Gee really does need me as much as I need him. We both needed someone to love that wouldn't betray us. I was betrayed and abused emotionally and physically by my father. Gerard was abused and betrayed through his heart and his soul. I could practically feel his pain throbbing through his chest, and it was like he was trying to find that missing piece to fix it. I just hope he will understand I'm not what he wants. I pulled his head up from my breast and he kissed me passionately.
"Hold me." I said wrapping my arms around his neck and locking my legs around his hips. "Just lay with me." I pleaded as he pulled me closer and stood while he threw the sheets back to place me on the cool texture. He shed his clothes and got situated beside me as he put his arm under my head. I sucked on his neck and kissed up his chin to his lips.
"This is crazy." I mumbled into his delicate pink lips.
"I know." He whispered brushing his with mine.